I tried to sit up and then gave up on that. Not yet. “I do sometimes pass out from the exertion of zapping. I’ve never done what I did earlier. How long was I unconscious?”
Anders walked over, sitting down next to us. “About an hour. No big deal. You’re on Artemis. And that thing you did? That’s why Evander wants you. It’s not about the zapping. It’s about the potential.”
Groaning, I forced myself to sit up, but the room spun. Fuck. Yep, cursing again. I hated this. Trenton gently put my head on his shoulder. “Just rest. There’s no rush.”
We were back on Artemis. And if I’d heard correctly, then Devil was with us, which I liked, but was going to be challenging. Trenton smelled like cherries. I hadn’t scented them in years. I closed my eyes, not to sleep, just to be. “Where are we headed?”
“At the moment?” He sighed. “Nowhere. We’re just in space, drifting while we regain our composure.”
The truth of my life returned to me. I had no one and nowhere to go. Tears I wished I wasn’t going to shed came to my eyes. I didn’t try to stop them when they streamed down my face. Why bother? I had no wherewithal at the moment to do anything about them.
“Hey now.” Trenton kissed the top of my head. It was a lot of affection from him, but right then, it didn’t feel wrong or too much. I liked it, wanted more. He was very soothing. “What are these tears?”
“I have nothing. I thought… I don’t know what I thought. Maybe if I went home, there would be something. Someone. But there wasn’t. An old woman I know a little who wants me to fix her and nothing else. I have no people, no home.” I repeated myself, but some things bore repeating. “I’m sick. And…I don’t know what to do. I guess I have to go back to Mars Station and just wait to be caught.”
Trenton kissed me again. “You have people. All of us, even Devil, who we don’t like, are your people. You’re not alone. And as for Mars Station, let’s talk about it. Tomorrow. We’ll head in that direction, but maybe it makes sense to go somewhere else.”
Anders took my hands in his. “None of us have people. Well…Wade has people, but he’s scared of them because he’s already let them down. How about we be each other’s people?”
“You were getting rid of me.”
The door to the med bay opened, and Kellan strode in, heading straight for me. “No, I’m sorry you thought that. I’m sure Blaze didn’t mean that either after the first second he said it. You’re one of us. Trust me, when we realized we lost you…it was bad.”
“Understatement,” Trenton whispered.
The door opened again, and this time it was Corbin coming in. He took the seat on the other side of Trenton while Kellan sat on the floor next to Anders.
I had to say something. I just had no idea what. “I wanted to go home. I didn’t mean to be trouble.”
Kellan rolled his eyes, which surprised me. But then he spoke fast. “Devil, who has been told to stay in his room, would like you to know that you’re not trouble.”
Trenton snorted. “You know he’s only in there because he’s choosing to be. We can’t really restrain him.”
The door opened, and it was Wade who came in. “Blaze is taking a shower, and then I think he’s coming here.” He stopped talking. “Sienna, are you crying?”
I wiped at my eyes. “Apparently.”
That was when I caught sight of the number. It had jumped to three. My heart stuttered. “I think in addition to everything else, I’m getting sicker.”
“Wade?” Trenton shifted but held me on his shoulder. “Do something.”
The doctor approached fast, looking down at the number. “Still a low number. Let’s see what happens after you get some real rest.”
“She’ll come with me.” Blaze spoke as he answered, his hair wet. His eye was swollen, but he obviously didn’t care or Wade could have fixed that. He put out his hand. “You’re going to get a good rest. We’ll figure out tomorrow, tomorrow.”
“I’m coming,” Kellan announced, rising. “Two is reasonable.”
Blaze nodded, once. “Fine, but, Corbin, make a schedule. Everyone, even Devil, is on it. I’m not going to have a pissing match and upset Sienna anymore. He’ll show himself for his true colors soon enough. Give me a minute, Kellan. I want to speak to her in my room. Alone. And I mean it. I want you all to behave yourselves and stop listening. Sterling insists they all make efforts to behave. We need to start doing that. Five minutes.” He put out his hand. “Come with me?”
I put my hand in his. It was warm, and he squeezed my fingers. That had to mean he wasn’t going to yell at me, didn’t it? I wasn’t sure I could take any more today. I needed time to get strong again. It wasn’t a natural occurrence for me. Or at least, it didn’t feel that way lately.
We walked in silence until we got to his room. I’d never been in it before, but it looked just like mine. The door closed behind us when he stopped me and pressed me against the wall.
“Two things. I’ve never been so scared in my life as when I realized he had you and had taken you from the station. That’s first. Second, I’m not good at listening. I think he’s better at it now. The Chens did that for him. I’ve had no…reprograming, no Chen Empire and how they teach people to do things. I didn’t hear you. That’s what he told me. I didn’t listen. Next time, I will, but you have to make yourself explicit if I’m not getting it. There will never be a time that you have to run off with anyone else to get what you need. We’ll always—all of us—be there for you.”
My tears flowed again. “Blaze, you were leaving me. That’s what you said—”
“I changed my mind fast. Should have told you that, too. I apologize.” And then he kissed me. With tears running down my face, making me a snotty mess, Blaze kissed me like he couldn’t exist another second without having done so.
I had no idea how much I needed it until he did it, but then my knees gave out. I’d have fallen if he wasn’t already holding me against the wall. He sighed and deepened the embrace. He cupped the back of my head, the other holding me up by the waist. A second later, he adjusted how he held me, tilting my head up so he could kiss me even deeper. I didn’t know what to think, had no idea what he would do next, if anything. I was as novice at this as he was. He pulled back, just long enough to swipe his tongue over my bottom lip.
My whole body decided to wake up and heat up at the same time. His body was hard against my curves, and if I wasn’t mistaken, getting harder by the second. Finally, he pulled back. “You will know to trust me soon. I’m even going to put up with him because I can see that you have bonded with him. But I’m never stepping aside for him. You were mine from the second I rescued you from Earth. I’ll share you, but I won’t lose you.”
“I…I didn’t know you all wanted me this way. I’m sick. I’m lost in space. I’m…not a great catch right now.”
He smoothed his thumb over my lower lip. “Starting tomorrow night, we’re all getting alone time with you. They’ll be no doubt in your mind what we want then. You have people. And you’ll never, ever be alone.” He nodded with his chin. “Go climb in the bed. You can wear my shirt.” He went to a drawer just as a knock sounded. “It’s safe, Kellan.”
The other man walked in. He nodded to both of us. “Work some things out?”
“Did you actually not listen?” Blaze didn’t look up as he grabbed his shirt and handed it to me.
“Nope. I’m working on manners.”
Blaze snorted. “We’ll see how long that lasts.”
I expected them to leave the room so I could get changed, but they didn’t. Blaze threw his shirt aside and leaned against the wall. “If it would work for you, Sienna, the guys can figure out some suggestions of places we can go with you and let you pick in the morning.”
With his shirt in my hand, I rocked back on my feet. “Sure. That’ll be fine. I’m going to change in the bathroom.”
Was I talking really fast, or was that just in my mind? I rushed toward the bathroom. That kiss had been…w
ow. But then again, the one with Kellan had been pretty mind blowing, too.
I quickly changed into Blaze’s shirt and came out into the room. Both the guys were shirtless—and beautiful. I sucked in a long breath. They were stunning.
Kellan patted the bed next to him in the center from where he sat. I walked toward him, their gazes tracking my every movement. I wasn’t their prey, but I could have been by the way they watched my movements. Shivers traveled up my spine. I climbed into the bed, covering myself up quickly with the blanket. The room looked just the same as mine, only these sheets smelled like Blaze. Clean, but with the distinct scent that made him Blaze. Minty almost, but with a dash of something inherently male. He climbed in the other side.
With a wink, Kellan turned off the light on the tablet next to the bed, bathing the three of us in darkness.
“I have a question, if that’s okay?” I cleared my throat. “What made you decide to let him stay?”
Blaze tugged me toward him while Kellan rolled closer to be pressed up against me on the other side. It was the former who answered me. “I think he would die for you. It’s hard to explain. I don’t like him or trust him with myself, but it was very clear to me as soon as you fainted that he would die for you. I want anyone around who would be loyal to you like that. As far as I’m concerned, we can’t have enough people who want to protect you in our corner right now. He’s fine. Not any more injured than I am, and we’ll all be better after a good night’s sleep.”
Kellan kissed the back of my neck gently. I froze, the pleasure of it rendering me temporarily without the ability to think.
“Do you snore, Sienna?” His voice held amusement in it.
“I…I don’t know, actually.” I’d never been told one way or the other.
Blaze readjusted until he faced me completely. “No, she doesn’t. I think you’ll find what we’ve all found, that it’s very easy to sleep with her. We all missed the sound of your heartbeat last night, Sienna. Wade and Trenton can’t hear it, but it was like they felt the absence, too. No one on this ship slept last night.”
Kellan put his arm around my waist. “You do have a home. It’s with us. Close your eyes. You need to rest.”
I didn’t think I’d get any sleep, but then my eyes closed.
15 What’s Next
I ran toward the temple, being chased. I looked over my shoulder, but couldn’t see who chased me. It was a faceless, nameless person. All I knew was that they wanted to kill me. I cried out for help, but the people lined up in front of the temple were turned away, and no one even turned to look at me as I yelled. My father was up ahead, but then I blinked and he was gone.
Tripping, I hit the ground, unable to catch myself. Blood gushed out of my chin, and it was almost impossible to roll myself over. Somehow, I managed, and as I stared up at the person who wanted to kill me, I…
“Sienna,” a voice reached me in the darkness, calling me from that moment, and I jerked awake. Two sets of strong arms embraced me, but it was Kellan’s voice who had brought me from the darkness.
He kissed the back of my neck. “Just a dream.”
Blaze smoothed the hair off my forehead. “Bad dreams are such a pain in the ass. They take what is supposed to be revitalizing and turn it to scary, disturbing.”
I laughed, some of the fog moving from my mind. “Well put.”
“Thanks.” He kissed the end of my nose. “You’re okay.”
“I woke you guys up. I’m sorry. I can go calm down in the bathroom.”
Kellan kissed the back of my neck again. “Or you can stay right where you are and let us try to comfort you. Although, it’s fair to say you’re lying in bed with two people so far from being able to do that, we might as well be speaking a different language.”
I turned slightly until they let me lie on my back. “That’s not true. You’re all very comforting.”
He stroked a finger down the side of my face. “Well, we want to be. We’re all completely here for you. Could probably get five other people in here to help you, too. We could make a whole thing about it.”
His words made me almost as warm as lying between Blaze and Kellan did.
Blaze cuddled down, his nose in my hair. He sighed before he spoke. “What were you dreaming of?”
“Is it a good idea to talk about it or a bad idea?” Kellan yawned. “I can’t remember. I’ve never gotten to talk about my dreams at all.”
“I was going to the temple, being chased, couldn’t see who was doing it, and there was no one to help me.” I thought that summarized it pretty well.
Blaze continued to stroke my hair off my forehead. “We chased you across the galaxy in record time because we care what happens to you. I’m sorry you’re still feeling alone. I get it. I think most of us feel alone most of the time, even when we have people. Or maybe that’s just true for anyone who has ever really felt lost. I was born that way. Alone. Lost. Kellan, too. I don’t know if Trenton or Wade would feel that way about their beginnings, but they certainly get it now. The good news? You have choice. You can go where you want, and you don’t have to go anywhere you don’t. The only stipulation is you have to let us keep you safe from Evander.”
I’d never heard Blaze talk like this before. Maybe it was the darkness and the way that made everything always feel sacred. Maybe this would feel different in the light, less like he was saying something monumental. But I liked it like this.
“Tell me what you want, Sienna.”
That was such a big question. “I don’t even know what I can have. I just can’t…I mean, I’m sure I’d get used to Mars Station. I’m sure I could get used to anything and anywhere. I’m not saying I’m not adaptable.”
Kellan kissed my neck again. “It’s okay. Tell us what you don’t like about it. You don’t have to make excuses or justifications before you say what you want. There’s no right or wrong answers.”
What did I want? I’d never had a choice until Dev had taken me back home. Other than that, since the moment I was born and my abilities started showing, I’d had a destiny. Not a choice.
“I need sunlight. I don’t think I can live on a station with fake light and no real movement of time again. Not for any length of it. I think that might make me nuts.”
Blaze nodded slowly, but Kellan let go of me. “I’m going to go work with the guys and make a list of places that work like that. Get some more sleep. I’m up now, and my mind is spinning. When it’s morning, we’ll have some examples of things you can have.”
I turned toward Kellan. “Are you sure? You don’t have to run off in the middle of the night.”
“I need almost no sleep. Blaze is still tired. Besides, I think this is technically going to be his night on that list he has Anders making. I’ll get my own, eventually.”
As Kellan threw on his shirt, remaining shoeless, he rushed from the room. Next to me, Blaze laughed, a low sound. “He loves a project. Always did. I used to…”
His voice drifted off. “You used to?”
“When we weren’t in cryogenic sleep—where most of us had our worst nightmares—I used to give him busy work on the ship. The thing was, it never was busy work for him. I’d ask him to get something working better, even if I didn’t need it to, and he would get it done. Inevitably, I’d be grateful I’d asked. We’d have a reason everything went better, because Kellan fixed it. This will be that. In the morning, there will be the best choices there could be for you.”
I ran my finger down his nose. “I don’t remember my dreams from cryo.”
“You should feel grateful for that.”
I supposed that I did. “Thanks for talking me through this.”
He was quiet for a long moment. “Be one of mine. Belong to me. Different than the rest of them do. And I don’t mean solo. I think they’d all kill me if I suggested it. I mean…just be mine. Let me take care of you like I do them.”
I pressed my mouth to his. “Does that mean you won’t leave me? Won’t dump me off and
make me someone else’s problem?”
His mouth moved under mine into a grimace. “I won’t ever leave you. And if you leave me, I’ll chase you. We both know that now. If I don’t hear you…when you need something…bang me over the head until I do. I’ll get there. I haven’t had training in the Chen Empire on how to be human. I don’t know that Wade or Trenton have been the best examples. They might need some training, too. Maybe you can teach all of us.”
I shook my head. “I think I might need some training. I don’t really fit in doing normal things. I had no idea what to do with the nice women who took me out on Mars Station. Waverly. Amber. Diana. Paloma. I didn’t fit in.”
He kissed my nose. “Well, you fit in with me. With us. We can be a ship of misfits. How’s that? Say yes. Let me keep you safe from Evander and tucked against my heart.”
I wanted to be Blaze’s. I wanted to be part of this group. They hated Dev, and yet they’d let him on for me. They were going to fit him in somehow. They wanted me. This was the most judgment-free zone I’d ever been in.
“Yes, keep me, Blaze. Let me be one of yours. Part of this family you made.”
His smile was broad against my lips. “I’d never thought of it like that. But yes, we’re family. I think you might very well be our center, Sienna. I love that idea.”
I kissed him, harder this time. I wanted the connection, needed it, in a way I couldn’t remember feeling before. Was it possible to make sentiment mean even more if the physical connected it? I only felt people’s pain, never these moments.
He breathed hard against me. “If we do this… I’m as new to it as you are. I’ve only ever experienced it in a machine that they’d put us in to restrain our sexual urges. I’d see images, feel things, but they weren’t real. I don’t want to disappoint you.”
I shook my head. “I think I might be more apt to disappoint you. I’ve never had any experience. Not even a machine. What kinds of things…did you like?”
His smile was fast. “I can’t even remember right now. I guess we’ll both stumble through, and, sweetheart, I can guarantee you won’t be disappointing in any possible way.”
Lost Star Page 17
