by Annie Murray
Anatoli was laying a tray on her lap, on which were a plate of scrambled eggs on toast and a big mug of tea.
‘Sugar in your tea?’ He offered her a delicate china sugar bowl.
‘Oh – yes please,’ she said, stirring in two lumps. ‘What time is it? I fell asleep.’
‘It’s after nine,’ Edie said gently. ‘You’ve been asleep for an hour but we thought we’d better wake you.’
‘Now – tuck in, and bon appétit,’ Anatoli said, retreating with a little bow.
The eggs seemed to have tiny green bits in which she realized were spring onion, and they were the most delicious thing she had ever tasted. She wolfed the plateful down while Edie and Anatoli looked amused at her hunger and left her in peace. Once she’d downed the sweet tea as well, she felt much better.
‘That was lovely,’ she said shyly. ‘I’m ever so sorry . . .’
Edie moved over and sat beside her on the sofa, while Anatoli tactfully took the tray away and stayed out of the room.
‘You were in quite a state when you arrived,’ Edie said. ‘What’s going on, love?’
Seeing her kind face, a huge aching lump came up in Greta’s throat, and her tears flowed as the whole sad story came tumbling out. As she explained about Trevor and Marleen, and then about her baby, she saw Edie’s expression turn to one of shocked sympathy.
‘Oh, you poor, poor girl . . . How terrible . . . And you’ve been wandering about all afternoon?’
Greta nodded, sobbing. ‘I didn’t know what else to do . . .’
Edie was trying to piece it all together. ‘But have you told Trevor about the babby, love? Surely he’d have to think again? . . . And Marleen . . . And what about your Mom – what’ve you said to her?’
‘Marleen just said, “Oh, well I’m moving in with your husband, so you can go and live back with Mom . . .”’ She mimicked Marleen’s pert tones and saw Edie grimace. ‘I mean who the hell does she think she is, marching in, taking my husband and telling me what to do! And I don’t want to go and live with Mom again . . . I know it’s the only place I’ve got to go, but I just can’t stand it – even now he’s not there any more . . .’ She knew Edie had not taken to Herbert Smail either.
Edie’s eyes searched her face. Without her saying anything Greta knew Edie understood. Edie and Janet had both watched Marleen and Greta’s patchy childhood with Ruby, the lost fathers, the men coming and going, the disastrous stay in America. They were very fond of Ruby but they knew she had not been a reliable mother, or given her girls much guidance.
After a moment Edie said, ‘Look – it’s Sunday tomorrow. We’ll all have time to talk. But in the meantime you’re all in, aren’t you? I’m going to put you to bed in the room next to Peter’s. We’ve got plenty of space here. You get a good rest, and don’t worry, all right pet?’
She led Greta up to a pretty spare bedroom where the bed had a cheerful flowery coverlet and there were bookshelves along the walls and a chair for her clothes. There was even a washbasin in the corner.
‘This house was a guest house for a while so we’ve got lots of washbasins!’ Edie said.
‘It’s lovely.’ Greta was tearful again with gratitude.
‘I’ll lend you a nightie,’ Edie said. ‘And here’s a towel and flannel. I expect we can find a toothbrush . . . Then you can tuck up and get some sleep.’
Greta got ready for bed, wearing a white nightdress of Edie’s. It was a warm night and she pushed the window open, feeling the balmy night air drifting in. She couldn’t think about the future any more, not tonight. Once she was washed and in bed, she lay feeling like a child, an all-embracing sense of being more cared for and snug than she ever had in years.
She was woken by Edie bringing her a cup of tea, girlish-looking with her hair down, wrapped in a pale blue dressing gown. As she came and perched on the edge of the bed she looked much younger than her forty-six years.
‘How’re you, love?’
Greta grimaced. ‘Bit groggy. I’ll feel better when I’ve got some tea down me.’
‘Two sugars.’ Edie passed her the mug and the comforting aroma met Greta’s nostrils.
‘Anatoli’s giving Peter his breakfast.’ There was a pause, then, her face serious, she went on, ‘We’ve been talking – Anatoli and me . . . Look, I don’t want to tread on your Mom’s toes – I can have a word with her for you. But what we wanted to say was, you can lodge with us, if you like – for as long as you need. Till you get back on your feet, sort of thing.’
‘What – stay here?’ Greta gasped. ‘But I can’t . . . I mean, I’m having a baby and everything . . . I mean, I’d be a nuisance . . .’
Even while she was protesting, she was full of hope. Could they really mean it? It truly hadn’t occurred to her that she might be able to stay here, but now it felt like a dream come true!
‘Yes – that’s all right, love,’ Edie said gently. ‘Look, I know what it’s like to be expecting and left on your own. All I’m saying is, you’re welcome here if that’s what would suit you. You can pay us a bit of rent – maybe look after Peter now and then if we go out . . .’
‘Course I will,’ Greta said eagerly. Suddenly there was nothing she wanted more. She was full of joy. ‘Oh, I’ll help you all I can. You’re so kind – I was at my wits’ end, not knowing what to do!’
Edie patted her hand. ‘You’re almost like one of my own,’ she said. ‘Course we’ll help you. But you will have to go home and get your things, if everything’s as you say. And Greta – you must talk to Ruby – and tell Trevor about the baby. Whatever else he is, he is the father.’
Chapter Thirty-Three
She couldn’t face seeing Trevor straight away, but she did manage to get into the house the next day while he and Marleen were still at work and hurriedly bundle up some of her things. Anatoli came and fetched her in the car.
‘That boy is a fool,’ Anatoli said as they drove away, and Greta could hear that he was really angry on her behalf.
‘It’s not just his fault,’ she said wearily. ‘Takes two, doesn’t it?’
‘Well, you have a generous spirit,’ Anatoli said. ‘But I still say he’s a fool.’
Greta sighed as they drove away from her marital home. She knew she had plenty to reproach herself with for not paying Trevor enough of the attention he wanted, for not giving him a child, for not really wanting him in the first place. She had to face the fact that she had married him under the law, but never in her heart. And as well as sadness and worry, the humiliation of what had happened, there was also a sense of relief, of excitement, like a cheer getting louder and louder inside her head. However angry she felt with Marleen, she was free of Trevor! The corners of her lips twitched into a smile.
She saw Anatoli’s glance settle on her for a moment, then he looked back out through the windscreen. She wondered if he was thinking she was terrible to look happy.
‘Soon,’ he said distractedly, ‘I shall have to bite the bullet and get myself a proper English car.’
She didn’t go to work for the next few days. She was in shock, licking her wounds. And she felt sick a lot of the time and had to rest at the Gruschovs’, who were kindness itself. It was a few days before she could face Trevor, but she knew it would have to be done. That weekend she braced herself and just marched over to Glover Road. When she walked in, Trevor, Marleen and the kids were all there. Mary Lou was grizzling loudly, and Marleen was shouting at her. They all looked very startled to see Greta.
‘Sorry to barge in on your domestic bliss.’
Greta was glad to see that Trevor was looking pale and rather irritable.
‘What’re you doing here?’ Marleen said nastily. ‘You’ve already been in and taken everything that’s yours, haven’t you?’
‘Actually, if you’ve forgotten, this is my house and I’ve come to see Trevor, deary. So what you can do is piss off out of here with your screaming brats while I talk to my husband – all right?’
She stood with
her hands on her hips. No arguments, her stance said. Get out and leave us alone.
‘Trev?’ Marleen said plaintively. ‘You gunna let her talk to me like that?’
‘You’d better go for a bit, Marl,’ Trevor said. ‘Just take ’em out round the block, eh – or to your Mom’s or summat?’
‘I can’t go to Mom’s,’ Marleen said in a low voice.
Greta laughed. ‘Why’s that then, Marl? She not too impressed with you? Running off with your sister’s husband'} Maybe even our Mom thinks it’d take one hell of a bitch to do that?’
‘Aren’t you gunna stand up for me, Trev?’ Marleen whined. ‘Letting her talk to me like that!’
But Trevor was silent.
Greta stood waiting while Marleen huffily gathered up the kids and went out, slamming the door.
Trevor stood there helplessly, by the kitchen table.
‘D’you wanna sit down, Gret?’ he said eventually.
She stared at him. She had begun already to feel quite sorry for him. At the same time she felt triumphant. ‘God, you are a stupid prat, Trevor.’
‘What d’you mean?’ he said defiantly.
‘Going off with her! You won’t last five minutes with her, no one ever does, ’cause she’s a selfish cow who never thinks about anyone but herself.’
‘She’s selfish is she?’ Trevor came to life suddenly, full of emotion. ‘What about you, Greta, calling everyone else selfish. What d’you call this then?’
He strode over to the pantry and came back with something in his hand that she recognized with horror. It was the little box with the sprig of lavender on the top. He opened it and shook the card of contraceptive pills in her face. The word ENOVID swam in front of her.
‘How long’ve you been taking these?’
Greta felt an ugly blush spreading through her cheeks.
‘I never realized what a prize clown you’d taken me for!’ He was shouting now, truly upset. ‘Go on – how long’ve you been on them?’
‘Quite a while,’ she admitted, unable to look him in the eye.
‘You deceiving bitch!’
‘Trev!’ she looked up, in appeal. She certainly didn’t feel superior any more. ‘I’m sorry – only I just didn’t want all that – not yet. I didn’t want to settle down like Mom and Marleen and just be tied down by a whole load of kids all the time. Not when I was so young. I wanted to do other things!’
‘Well what about what I wanted? You never seemed to give me a thought, did you, when you were off with your mates, doing your French lessons and all that . . .’ He finished with bitter mockery. ‘If there’s anyone who only thinks about themselves, I’d say it was you, Greta. You’re a selfish cow and that’s all there is to it.’
‘The thing is, Trev . . .’ As his words hit home, she felt herself turn hard and angry. She wanted to hurt him, the way he was hurting her. ‘I’ve got something to tell you. I was going to tell you the day I found you with Marleen, only it was too late. It wasn’t like you thought. I hadn’t always been taking the pills . . .’ A little white lie suited her purposes just now. ‘I’d stopped. And I’m expecting, you see.’ She left a little pause to let her words sink in. ‘Your baby, Trev. I’m pregnant. Only now you’ve thrown me out, taken up with another woman. So what was the use in telling you? I wonder what our babby will think of his Dad when he grows up? He’ll be like all the other bloody useless fathers in this family!’
‘What?’ Trevor came towards her, his face taut and serious. ‘What’re you saying to me, you scheming cow? You’re making up stories now, aren’t you – just to get your own back. Well it won’t get you anywhere!’
‘No – it’s true, I swear to you! The doctor said . . .’
‘You’re just full of bloody lies!’ he pushed her away. ‘Coming here, mixing me up! Go on – get out!’ Face twisted, he came at her, ready to push her out of the door.
‘All right, all right I’m going!’ There was no use in talking to him now. ‘But it’s true, Trevor. I’m carrying your baby. I’m living with Edie and Anatoli. So when you see me about with a big belly on me, you’ll know whose it is.’
She marched out and stormed round to Charlotte Road. While she was in fighting mood, she might as well see her Mom and get it over with.
‘Oh – so you’ve turned up at last, have yer?’ Ruby said. ‘You’d better come in.’
She waited for Greta to get through the door then shut it with a slam.
‘Well I don’t know what you’re talking to me like that for,’ Greta retorted. ‘I’m not the one who’s run off with someone else’s husband.’
Ruby went ahead of her into the back kitchen and filled the kettle.
‘You needn’t think I’m happy about that either.’ She slammed the kettle down. ‘But you are the one who disappears off the face of the bloody earth without bothering to tell anyone. And I have to hear it from Edie of all people . . . No one else bothered to tell me what’s going on!’
Ruby turned, hands on hips, a thunderous frown on her face. Although they were friends, she was always touchy about Edie. It was as if she thought Edie had got above herself just by being happy.
‘Mom,’ Greta got in before her Mom could start. ‘I’ve not been well. I’m having a babby.’
Ruby’s arms dropped to her sides, her expression changing from anger into shock.
‘What? Whose is it?’
‘Mom! What d’you mean whose is it? Trevor’s of course!’
‘Well, does he know?’
‘He does now – I’ve just been round and told him.’
Ruby gaped at her. ‘What did he say?’
‘Not much. You know what Trevor’s like.’ She sank on to a chair.
Ruby made tea, digesting this information, and sat down with the pot and cups between them. Greta saw that her face looked pasty and unhealthy.
‘He doesn’t want you back then?’
Greta shook her head, tears coming then. She realized she wanted to enlist her mother’s sympathy.
‘No – he’s playing happy families with Marleen.’
‘Huh,’ Ruby rolled her eyes. ‘Good luck to him, with that little bitch. Brazen as anything. I’m sorry for yer, bab. You didn’t deserve that. Marleen thinks of no one but herself – always has, and now she’s done one of the worst things a sister could do.’ Then she looked hurt. ‘But why didn’t you come to me, instead of going to them? You could’ve come and talked to me – I’m your Mom! I’ve just lost my husband – then I lose both my daughters in one week . . .’
Impatient with her self-pity, Greta said, ‘You haven’t lost us Mom – either of us. Try seeing it from my point of view, just for once. I just wanted a bit of time to come to terms with it, that’s all.’
‘But you’ll be coming to move in with me? I’d like you to, bab – now Marleen’s gone. I’m all on my own.’
Greta swallowed. ‘Edie and Anatoli have said I could stay there for as long as I want. They’ve been ever so kind . . .’
‘Oh, I bet they have,’ Ruby said bitterly.
‘I said I’d stay on for a bit.’
‘But what about when the babby comes? I’m its Nan, not Edie!’
‘Course you are, Mom. You always will be. But I’ve left home. They said I could stay on then too, if I wanted.’
‘Well. . .’ Ruby said, with a mixture of wonder and bitterness. ‘You’ve all got it worked out, haven’t you?’
Greta felt guilty now, but she’d had to say it. Her Mom was looking tired and sad and sorry for herself, but she couldn’t move back in there. Somehow in Edie and Anatoli she knew she had found people who could help lead her into something different. And that was what she hungered for more than anything.
Chapter Thirty-Four
The first day she went back to work, she caught up with Pat in Linden Road.
‘Hey!’ She tapped Pat’s shoulder.
‘Greta!’ Pat pulled her urgently aside. ‘Where the hell’ve you been? They said you were off sick but n
o one seemed to know anything: I’ve been worried half to death about you! I went round to your Mom’s and she said she didn’t know where you were either, and neither did Trev. There’s not much I haven’t been imagining!’
‘I’m all right . . . It’s not what you think . . .’ Greta felt bad, seeing the worry in Pat’s face. She should have let her know what had happened. After all, Pat was having a miserable time of it too, getting used to living in her bedsit all alone and creeping home to see her Mom and Josie when Mr Floyd was out.
‘But are you . . .?’
Greta nodded, finding her eyes suddenly full of tears. She kept finding herself crying these days.
‘Yes. And Trevor’s gone off with Marleen. I’m not living with him any more . . .’
Pat’s mouth opened in shock. ‘God, Gret – he never told me that.’
‘No, I don’t s’pose he did.’
They walked slowly downhill, towards the Friends’ Meeting House on the Green.
‘Oh, Greta – that’s awful. What’re you going to do?’
‘I’m living with Edie and Anatoli. And I’m having the baby. I couldn’t go through what you did . . .’
Pat turned to her, wide-eyed. ‘Well, you are married . . . Sort of, anyhow . . .’ She lowered her voice even more. ‘D’you want it, Gret?’
‘No.’ Greta walked on, thinking about it. ‘Yes. I don’t know. At first I was horrified, but then, when I’d thought about it, I started to feel different. I’ve never wanted children, not really. But I started to think about it inside me and . . . Well, it’s just him, or her, and me now against the world . . .’
She smiled sadly, and hearing her words, Pat burst into tears. ‘Oh, Gret!’
Greta pulled her in close to the entrance to the Meeting House, away from other Cadbury workers who were passing, and put her arm round her. Words spilled out, full of raw emotion, that Pat had obviously needed to say for a long time.
