by Radclyffe
Bri’s eyes stung and she blinked back tears. It wasn’t that she was ashamed to cry in front of Reese. Hell, Reese had seen her when she was messed up and pissed off at everybody. Crying wasn’t so bad, although she’d rather only Carre knew that she did it sometimes. Just now, though, she wanted to be as together as Reese was when things got tough. She wanted to be the one everyone believed in. She raised her head and grinned a little crookedly. “I forgot my training.”
“Understandable,” Reese said gruffly. She loosened her hold and let Bri ease away. “That’s the reason there’s a chain of command, Bri. It takes practice. Your time will come.”
“I want to be ready.”
Reese skimmed her knuckles along the edge of Bri’s jaw. “You will be.”
*
From across the room, Tory recognized Bri’s look of hero worship and was both warmed and worried by it. She knew that Bri could have no better role model than Reese, but she was just coming to understand what a burden that must be for Reese. Not just with Bri, but with the other officers in the department and the young marines she had commanded. What was it like living up to that kind of faith while you were trying to keep death away?
Thinking of the tremendous responsibility of making life and death decisions while faced with the imminent possibility of annihilation, she was reminded of KT and the swaggering self-confidence she always displayed in the trauma unit. When they’d been together, she had allowed herself to forget that KT was not invulnerable or invincible, but rather a woman who suffered every death that she could not prevent and agonized over every decision that might have been made differently.
Tory knew some of that soul-shattering responsibility herself when she made decisions, as she had earlier that day regarding Nelson’s treatment. Usually, though, she had a moment or two to collect her thoughts and weigh pros and cons, unlike a soldier in battle or a surgeon faced with exsanguinating hemorrhage. KT had relieved the inexorable stress by reaffirming her prowess in the arms of other women. Reese would never devastate her that way, but Tory did not intend to let her destroy herself, either.
“Sweetheart,” Tory said quietly to Reese. “I’m going to stay here for a few more hours. Do you need to get back?”
Reese waited until Bri rejoined Caroline. “I should check in at the station. I need to rearrange the shifts and get some idea of what Nelson had pending.” She looked over at Bri. “One of us should be here in case there’s a problem, don’t you think?”
“I don’t want her to be alone if anything should happen,” Tory agreed.
“Then I’ll come back up tonight in the Jeep and you can take it home. I’ll get an officer to take me back in the morning.”
“I may stay the night. Call me later and I’ll let you know if you should come back out tonight.”
Reese frowned and stroked Tory’s arm. “You sure you’ll be okay? You look beat.”
Tory covered Reese’s hand with hers. “I’m all right. Tell Reggie I said hi when you see her.”
“I will. I’ll be back soon.” Reese kissed her quickly. “I love you.”
“I love you. Be careful.”
As soon as Reese disappeared, Tory immediately felt uneasy. It wasn’t just that she missed her, which she did, but whenever Reese was out of sight, she was plagued by a pervasive expectation of danger. At moments like this she was forced to admit that Reese’s tour of duty in Iraq had made casualties of them both.
*
“So what do you think of the Doc?”
Deo’s eyes narrowed as she regarded her cousin over her beer. “Looks like she did a good job on your hand.”
The Squealing Pig was packed as it was every night, but they’d managed to snag a table in the corner near the wide front windows. People brushed against the glass as they passed by on Commercial Street and sounds of the melee outside added to the general din of people crowded around the bar and jostling at tables inside. Considering it was a holiday, Deo had told her crews to knock off early, and she and Joey had come into town for a burger.
“I’m not talking about her medical skills,” Joey scoffed, waving to a local who came through the door. “I was thinking of asking her out.”
“Come on,” Deo said dismissively, hoping to hide her concern. “She’s got to have at least ten years on you.”
Joey grinned. “You know what they say about older women. I ought to have the stuff to keep up with her.”
Deo wanted to smack him and he wasn’t even out of line. It’s not like they hadn’t talked about girls before. She tried to keep it decent, not only because he was her cousin, but because she didn’t want him to think that women meant nothing to her. Joey, for his part, was a lot more respectful than most of the guys. Still, hearing him talk about Nita as if she were a potential sex partner made her crazy. She leaned across the table into his face. “She’s a lesbian, you nitwit. Forget it.”
“So? Maybe she likes tuna on Friday and steak on Saturday.”
Deo swatted him in the head. “Asshole.”
“Still, you don’t know right?” Joey persisted teasingly. “Unless maybe you’ve already been there?”
“No,” Deo grated.
“How come? Did she turn you down?”
Deo clenched her jaws.
“Ho ho!” Joey crowed. “You mean there’s finally one woman in town who can resist you?” He punched her arm. “You must be slipping, babe.”
“Knock it off,” Deo snapped.
Joey’s face fell. “Hey. I didn’t mean anything by it.”
Deo let her breath out slowly and tried to rein in her temper. Jesus, what the hell was the matter with her. Joey was a good kid, and he hadn’t said or done anything he hadn’t said or done a hundred times before. So Nita obviously thought she was callous and shallow and only interested in a quick lay. So what. Nita wasn’t the first person to think she was a fuck-off. Her own parents thought the same thing and worse, and she’d learned to live with that. Yeah, it still hurt, but she kept that to herself.
“Forget it.” Deo sipped her beer and feigned interest in the activity outside.
Joey stretched his legs out beside the table and smiled with satisfaction. “So you don’t mind if I find out for myself if she’s interested in some prime salam—”
“Joey,” Deo growled.
Laughing, Joey tilted back in his chair. “She’s got you bugged, doesn’t she?”
“I never said that,” Deo said, but she knew she didn’t have to. She was bugged. Nita was a beautiful, intelligent, sexy woman who thought Deo wasn’t worth the time of day. And for the first time in longer than she could remember, Deo was unhappy with that perception. Sure, it was hard to disappoint anyone or be hurt by them when she asked for nothing and nothing was expected of her. It was also lonely.
“Well, good luck, Cuz,” Joey said good-naturedly.
It would take more than luck, Deo knew, and she wasn’t certain that she wanted to take the risk. Still, something about Nita almost made her want to try.
Chapter Eight
“Hey,” Deo said, working her way through the crowd up to Allie, who stood at the juncture of Standish and Commercial Streets, the busiest intersection in town. “What are you still doing at work? You had the day shift.”
“Pulling a double,” Allie said, watching an SUV edge its way through the pedestrian-filled street that more resembled a wide sidewalk at nine-thirty at night. She diverted her attention long enough to give Deo an appreciative once over. “You’re looking good.”
Grinning, Deo returned the look. “I think I might like you in the silky stuff a little better than the leather, but it works.”
“You’d be surprised how many girls want me because of the uniform.”
“Oh, I’m sure it’s not just the uniform,” Deo said with a laugh. “Was everything okay this morning? With you being late, I mean?”
Allie grimaced, remembering the chaos that just half a day later seemed a little bit unreal. Bri trembling in her arms was
no fantasy, however. Signaling a line of cars to wait, she waved a group of shirtless men in skin-tight trunks that looked suspiciously like underwear across the intersection. “Right after I got in this morning, Chief Parker collapsed—heart attack. He’s in the hospital up at Hyannis.”
“Oh, man. That’s terrible. Is he going to be okay?”
“Nobody’s saying very much.” Allie sighed and gestured for the cars to move on. “Reese is there now. I’m going up after my shift.”
“Tonight? Jesus, you didn’t sleep at all last night. You must be beat.”
“And whose fault is that?” Allie teased. “I’m okay, plus we’re shorthanded. I don’t know when else I’ll have time. I’m due on shift again tomorrow at ten.”
“Well, since I’m the one who kept you awake, the least I can do is drive you up there and back tonight. That way you can sleep while I drive.”
Surprised, Allie briefly clasped Deo’s hand. “That’s sweet. Really. But you don’t need to. Last night was totally worth being wiped out today.”
“Look, I’d like to. I’m just going to be hanging around at home anyhow.”
“No company tonight?” Allie’s tone made it clear she wasn’t being critical.
“Let’s just say I don’t have the need.” Deo dropped her voice. “Last night took care of that for quite a while.”
Allie gave Deo a heated look. “God, you’re good.”
“I think you mentioned that.” When Allie laughed, some of Deo’s earlier melancholy evaporated. With Allie, she knew that what she offered was enough, and even if they never slept together again, what they’d shared was still special. “I’ll drive you up and wait for you. You take as long as you want. I’ll feel better, and the roads will probably be safer if you’re not driving half asleep.”
“You sure?”
“Yeah. Really.”
“Pick me up at the station at eleven, then.”
“I’ll be there.”
“And Deo,” Allie said, causing Deo to halt as she started to turn away. “We’re cool if it’s just a ride ride, right?”
“Yeah, totally.” Deo winked. “For tonight at least.”
Then Deo slipped off into the crowd to the sound of Allie’s laughter. As she walked the mile and a half toward her condo at the far west end of Bradford, she reflected on her night with Allie and smiled. Now and then she hooked up with a woman for a few weeks, but more often than not, one or two nights was the norm. She had a feeling with Allie there could be more. Allie seemed to be up for a friendly relationship that involved good sex, and they for sure had the good sex part down. But for some reason, she was okay if the only thing she and Allie ever shared again was friendship. She liked sex, sure, and the connection she felt for those few brief hours when she made love to a woman quieted some dark, angry place inside her. For a little while, she didn’t feel alone. But Allie wasn’t one of the strangers in town for a week who she could fuck and forget. Allie was a woman she liked, who she was going to run into regularly. Most importantly, she might be a friend. Joey and Pia were about her only friends, and they were family. Maybe sleeping with Allie again would screw up a chance for anything else.
“Jesus,” Deo muttered, her hands in her pockets as she strode more quickly along the less congested streets in the West End. “Since when did you worry about whether you’re going to sleep with a woman or not?”
And just that fast, she was back in the hallway outside Nita Burgoyne’s office feeling angry and baffled as to why Nita wouldn’t even accept an invitation to dinner when the look in her eyes said she was interested. In fact, for a few seconds Nita’s expression had said she was much more than interested. Just remembering the fiery gaze made Deo flush with heat and shiver with the familiar churning in the pit of her stomach.
Nita had said no—not once, but twice—and that ought to be enough. If Deo needed a few hours with a woman to settle her inner unrest, Allie was most likely willing and if not her, someone else. So why did she want the one who didn’t want her?
“Because,” Deo whispered, “because I know she’s lying.”
Nita Burgoyne had said no, but her eyes had betrayed her. No matter what else was going on, Nita was interested. Deo didn’t know why Nita refused to acknowledge that, but it was a challenge she couldn’t let go of.
*
When Deo and Allie walked into the crowded intensive care waiting room just after midnight, Bri’s face lit up at the sight of Allie. With Caroline in tow, she hurried to meet them. “What are you doing here?”
“Just wanted to see how you were doing.” Allie gave Bri a quick hug and smiled almost shyly at Caroline “Hi.”
Caroline returned the smile, resting her hand in the center of Bri’s back. “I’m glad you came.”
“Hey, Deo,” Bri said.
“Sorry about your dad.” Deo noticed that Bri’s eyes were red-rimmed but clear. “How’s he doing?”
“The nurses say everything looks good tonight,” Bri replied.
When several officers who Deo recognized as members of the Sheriff’s Department approached, Deo stepped back while Allie talked to them. Scanning the faces of the others gathered around, she saw Reese and Tory, Reese’s mother and her partner, and a couple of other law enforcement officers. With a jolt, her eyes met Nita’s. When she nodded, Nita tipped her head briefly in acknowledgment before looking away. Clearly having been dismissed, Deo leaned against the wall and watched Nita. As she had at the party, Nita appeared apart from the others. Not awkwardly or uncomfortably alone, Deo realized, but alone by choice. The circumstance was so different than Deo’s own isolation that she couldn’t help but be filled with questions. Questions and curiosity and an involuntary surge of sympathy. Alone was alone, and even if by choice, sometimes it spelled loneliness.
Driven by an appreciation for their shared discomfort, Deo sidled through the people who stood talking quietly in pairs or small groups until she reached Nita.
“Long day,” Deo said.
“I was just leaving.” Nita picked up a leather bag and slung it over her shoulder.
“Stay for a minute.”
Nita blinked. “Why?”
“I like your company.”
“How much have you had to drink?” Nita asked sharply.
“Two beers, six hours ago.”
“Then you have me confused with someone else.” Nita stepped sideways and Deo lightly grasped her arm. “What?”
“I don’t want to have to chase you down the hall again. It’s bad for my ego.”
“I don’t imagine anything puts a dent in your ego.”
Nita’s voice held an edge, but the barest glimmer of a smile showed for an instant and then disappeared. It was the first crack in her façade that Deo had seen, and encouraged, she leaned closer and lowered her voice. “Having you turn me down two days in a row hasn’t been so good for it.”
“It’s in very poor taste to make overtures to a woman with your girlfriend standing a few feet away.”
“My girlfriend?” Deo said, honestly confused. She followed Nita’s gaze to where Allie huddled with Reese and Bri and the other officers. “She’s a friend.”
Nita sighed. “There’s no need to explain, although considering you disappeared with her last night after the party, I’d say your definition of friend and mine are slightly different.”
“The way I see it, we’re just talking.”
“Really? You weren’t going to renew your invitation for dinner? My mistake again, then.”
Deo did some fast thinking. She had been about to try again, and because she didn’t think of her relationship with Allie as anything that would prevent her from doing so, she hadn’t considered how it might look to Nita. Hell, when had she ever considered how anything might look to a woman she was interested in? “Jesus, you’re confusing as all hell.”
“Look,” Nita began in a reasonable voice, determined to control a potentially uncomfortable situation that showed no signs of going away. Admitted
ly, she’d had a visceral response the instant she’d seen Deo enter the waiting area. Before she could contain herself, she had been both happy and excited to see her. That Deo had been with the pretty young brunette from the night before had helped her gain some perspective. There wasn’t much doubt in her mind where the bite on Deo’s neck had come from. Like a dash of cold water, the sight of the two of them was a blunt wakeup call and a stark reminder of just why Deo was dangerous. “This is a small town and we have a lot of acquaintances in common. We’re going to be running into one another all the time. Why don’t we just decide right now that the best thing we can do is have a nice casual friendly association.”
“I wasn’t proposing marriage.”
“I know what you are proposing. I’m not in the market.”
“And if you were, it wouldn’t be with me, right?”
Nita shrugged. “No. It wouldn’t be.”
“Because I’m not your type.” Deo made it a statement, not a question.
“I think I already mentioned that.”
“How about a contractor? Are you in the market for a general contractor?”
“Excuse me?” Nita said, thoroughly perplexed by not only the abrupt change in topic but by the fact that Deo seemed to have capitulated with no argument. And that bothered her. Lord, she must be sending out mixed signals because she certainly felt mixed up. She didn’t want the woman’s attention but it upset her when Deo simply gave up pursuing her as if it were of no further consequence. She hadn’t realized how vulnerable she was to any kind of attention from a woman. It had been a long time. Obviously, she needed a date—with someone non-threatening and low-key and normal. Someone whose attention would be pleasant but not distracting, someone with whom she could share something enjoyable but not consuming. Not someone like Deo whose mere presence stirred her up. Not someone like Deo—like Sylvia—who would occupy her mind twenty-four hours a day and keep her body in a state of constant arousal.
