by Alex Rosa
I stare at it, and my eyes are quick to well with tears when the screen clears itself and the ringing stops. I just know I’m not ready for that. I need some time away from his consuming stare and inviting tone. I need my space.
My phone rings again, but it’s brief, signaling a text message. I reach for my phone once more. I grab it and unlock the screen, and the text message is from Blake.
Please pick up your phone. I need to explain.
The tears fall, and my mind replays all of Blake’s words, trying to find hidden meaning, a hint of a girl, or any truth in his sweet nothings.
My chest is tight, and my heart struggles with each rapid beat.
My phone rings again, and I’m about ready to throw it across the room, but I notice it’s my brother. I worry it has to do with Blake, but if I don’t answer, he’ll only assume that something is wrong anyway.
I sit up straight, trying to make myself as normal sounding as possible, letting out a few dry coughs.
“Hey, Josh!” I worry my chipper tone is too much, but he skips over it.
“Hi, Sprout, too early for you?”
“Kind of. Tucker and I, uh, had a long night, and ended it with a bottle of wine.”
His comforting chuckle is music to my ears.
“Well, I have to go into a meeting this morning, but in lieu of another one I had yesterday, I want you to meet me for a night on the town at that club we went to. I have a big announcement I want to share.”
I huff. “What is it with this town and celebrating?”
It’s silent for a moment, and I regret my childish outburst, feeling like an idiot.
“Sprout, are you okay?”
I fake a chuckle. “Yeah, of course. I mean, I don’t think I’ve partied so much since moving in with you. I knew you were Hollywood, but c’mon, Josh.”
His laugh is a sound of relief. “Sorry about that. What’s there to life if you can’t party a bit?” I roll my eyes. Maybe he needs to grow up. “Regardless, I have some big news. Shocking news, really. However, things are looking up. At first I wasn’t sure it was a good idea, but I think I want to release this news to my best friends and family.”
“You didn’t knock up Vanessa or anything, did you?”
“Good God, Skyler, no! That would be irresponsible. I’m not ready for that. This is work-related, and it’s a proud announcement and partnership. You guys will get a kick out of it.”
“I don’t know, Josh. Can’t you tell me now? And you can enjoy your party without me?”
“Skyler, don’t be difficult. I want you there. It’ll be fun.”
His tone is laughable, only because his nights out have done nothing but make my life even crazier, but I know he won’t take no for an answer.
There’s a beep in my ear, and I pull the phone away to see my call waiting. Blake is calling again. My breath catches in my throat.
“Skyler? Are you going or not?”
“Will Blake be there?”
When the pause comes in response, I know I’ve said an incriminating thing.
“What would it matter? Is everything okay?”
Another gulp. “Of course it is. It doesn’t matter. I was thinking I could get a ride, but I’ll meet you there.”
“Hmm.” What does that mean? “Okay, well, be there at nine.”
He didn’t answer my question and I need to know, but the fact is, I absolutely can’t ask again.
“Sure, see you then. Can’t wait to hear the news.”
“Perfect, see you tonight. Thanks for taking time away from your studies for me.” His laughter is mocking, but I roll with it, my teeth chattering with insincere laughter.
“Of course, bye.”
I hang up, letting out a long exhale, not realizing I was holding my breath the entire time. I don’t want to go, and I know that not showing up isn’t an option due to my brother’s suspicious tone. I don’t know if I have it in me to face Blake if he’s there. Maybe I can make an appearance and then bail.
I peer down at my phone, realizing I received another text:
Please hear me out.
I clutch my phone to my chest, scrunching my eyes shut, trying the if-I-hold-my-breath-maybe-I-won’t-cry thing again.
Chapter 37
I arrive to the club ten minutes later than planned. My phone still remains off, and I pray plans haven’t changed. I feel terrible, thinking Tucker might have been trying to call me, too, but explaining to him why will be easy.
Shopping was a terrible experience. Every dress I saw made me wish for a sweatshirt and jeans, but I feel like, if anything, those clothes would give my heartbreak away, especially if I matched them with a pint of ice cream. I ended up buying a simple maroon dress, with short sleeves and a lace bodice. The shortness of the dress is what convinced me, and I bought high, pointed black heels to put my legs on display, feeling they’re my only weapon. The silly part about today was my stubborn refusal to enter my own home. I had to buy new clothes, and due to my ridiculous behavior, I even paid some silly girl to do my makeup and hair, thinking I didn’t have it in me to put in the effort to do it myself, let alone scurry back to Tucker’s to do it.
I feel pampered and prepped as I smooth out my groomed midnight curls, but I’m nowhere near ready for what awaits me. I eye my face in the rearview mirror, finding I enjoy the grays and purples around my eyes. The dark charcoal eyeliner suits me, and I wish that I were this good at makeup.
The valet smiles as he takes my car keys. “Evening, ma’am”
I nod my greeting and make my way inside. I don’t have a game plan. I’ve spent most of my day trying not to think about what I’m about to face, and I forgot to form some sort of plan. My knees wobble, and I consider turning around and going back to Tucker’s couch.
My feet contradict my knees as they continue to move.
The club has a sense of familiarity to it. Over there is where Blake and I first danced and he dazzled me with his unsuspecting wit, and over there, near the smokers, is where Blake came running after me, and there’s that table, equipped with all my friends—well, Josh’s friends really.
Vanessa sees me from afar, waving, and I’m relieved to see Jennifer next to her. I’m thankful for Josh’s relationship with Vanessa, because it means Vanessa and Jennifer will most likely always be around.
I want to tell them of my despair and the heartbreak that ensued, and my gut clenches, thinking I didn’t even get the time to tell them when things went well. The urge to run overtakes me as I approach the table.
“Skyler!” Vanessa squeals, and it’s obvious she’s already had a few drinks. “You look hot, like, babe status hot!”
I wrinkle my nose, feeling uncomfortable, but flattered by her outburst. “Thanks.” I slip into the booth next to Jennifer as I nod a greeting to a slew of my brother’s friends across the table, recognizing a few.
Jennifer nudges me with her elbow. “Looking hot for someone, are we?”
I purse my lips into a smile as I lean into Jennifer, and Vanessa joins in to listen. “It’s not what you think. Things are not okay—”
My brother rises from the table, but his stumble has me eyeing him. He must have started celebrating earlier with Vanessa.
“Sprout! Stunning as usual!” He turns to his friends. “Ain’t my sister a looker? I keep trying to set her up with someone, but she’s stubborn as hell.”
I shake my head in embarrassment. He grins in response and shoots me a wink. “Sprout, thanks for coming. Now we’re just waiting on—”
Vanessa laughs as she watches my bumbling brother. “Sweetie, I think you should sit down.”
Jennifer quips from beside me. “He calls you Sprout. Why?”
The giggle that wants to escape finally emerges, and it feels good.
“It’s a long story.”
Jennifer nods. “What were you saying before? What’s not okay?”
I open my mouth to speak, but my brother erupts from his standing position again.
My stomach plummets, and my face pales. If I could wish for anything right now, it would be a hole to form beneath me.
Jennifer, now distracted with my brother, asks, “Guest of honor? I thought you were the reason we’re here on a school night.”
“I am. That’s why this guy is the guest of honor, but it’s sort of a double celebration.”
I squirm in my seat; this is when I should run. The anticipation of seeing him is enough to realize I will not be able to handle it.
There he is, and his eyes are locked on me as he approaches in what feels like slow motion. Stoically, he rolls up the sleeves of his white dress shirt, revealing his toned, masculine forearms. His shirt is open at the collar and is stretched tight against his body, rippling with every movement, showing off his lean form as he stalks forward. His hair is slicked back, and he has old Hollywood written all over him. I don’t know why it pisses me off.
His eyes are swallowing me, and I notice they don’t glitter, but are instead dark and ominous in color. His lips are set in a hard line.
I thought I would be mad when I saw him, and I am, but more than anything, I yearn for his arms, for his touch, for him to make me feel better. That is why I need to leave. What he did was wrong. My blood begins that angry boil, but now isn’t the time.
Josh sips his whiskey before speaking. “Late as usual, but finally you’re here!”
Blake is forced to tear his stare away from me, and I close my eyes. “Of course. Big news for a big night.”
My eyes fly open. What does that mean?
Blake’s eyes are already back on me, and he looks angry. I knit my brows at the sight, glaring right back.
“Everyone knows what I do,” Josh continues, “representing the best of the best of Hollywood’s talent, and I . . .”
I don’t know what irrational emotion comes over me, but looking away, I stand from the booth and all eyes jump to me. I can’t handle it. Blake’s presence is overwhelming, and his constant stare isn’t helping. We haven’t exchanged a single word and it’s already too much.
I look at Jennifer and Vanessa, whose sincere look of concern is even more heart-wrenching, and all I can sputter to them is, “I just can’t be near him.”
I pray that no one else hears me. Josh begins to speak again, though his drunken, quizzical brow is raised at me as he tries for a friendly joke to accompany his oncoming announcement.
I scurry out of the booth and nearly trip over my feet, realizing who I have to scoot past.
Blake’s angry look widens as he reaches out to catch me if I fall.
“Don’t touch me,” I say in a crisp tone. I’m shocked at my confidence and even proud of my broken heart.
Blake freezes and eyes me like you would a ticking time bomb.
“Skyler, please,” he whispers, and I can barely hear him.
I clench my jaw and shake my head. I find his musk wafting into my space, and my legs want to turn into jelly. I want to fall into his arms, but I can’t do that.
With my last bit of effort, I speed walk away.
I’m sure I hear my brother say, “Where’s she going?”
I ignore it as I sprint, needing fresh air. Hell, I want to go back to my car, but I become dizzy and disorientated as I let my frantic steps lead the way, realizing I don’t know what direction I’m heading.
My chest is so tight that I find it hard to breathe. I eye the nightclub for an exit but I can’t find one. I see the bathrooms, thinking they’re my only escape, and the amount of people thin out as I shoot down a hallway.
“Skyler! Stop!”
I don’t have to turn around to see who’s chasing me. I’m terrified, and I run to the women’s restroom.
“Skyler!”
As I round a corner, my ankle buckles. I stumble toward the floor.
Before I make contact with the dirty worn carpet, strong hands come around my waist, catching me.
“Skyler, are you all right?”
I hate that I want to curl into his arms, and when he sets me back on my feet, I push him away.
“Please, leave me alone!”
“What’s wrong with you?”
The question is preposterous. “Excuse me?”
He shakes his head, knowing he’s an idiot. “Of course I know why. I mean, why won’t you let me explain? You won’t answer your phone, and then you turn it off. I’ve been running around this city looking for you. I went to the coffee shop and everything. Tucker won’t even talk to me!”
I stumble back to put distance between us, and I meet a wall.
“Blake, stop. I’m not ready to have this conversation.”
“You need to let me tell you what happened.”
“I don’t want to know. You brought your ex-girlfriend into our house; she treated me like shit.”
He takes a step forward, and I know I’m in for it. “It’s not what you think.”
I take in a deep breath. If we’re going to have this conversation, I might as well buck up.
“Have you been seeing her all along? All those nights you weren’t home? Even when we first met.”
He clenches his stubbly jaw. “Not when we had the fight. I stayed at Kyle’s. But all those other times . . .” He huffs. “Yes. But let me—”
“There isn’t much more I need to know, Blake. It’s fine that you chose her. She’s your ex-girlfriend. You two obviously have a history.”
“No! Stop it! I don’t know what she said to you, but—”
I’ve heard enough. Tears stream over my cheeks as I look at the face that could make or break me.
“It’s fine. Consider us over, even if was for thirty seconds. I wish you two the best.”
I try to walk away. I don’t know why I want to run, but the fact that he has the power to affect me, to break my heart, terrifies me.
I turn my back to him, but he’s too quick. The firm grip on my shoulder has me letting out a gasp. His touch feels familiar and foreign at the same time. Shocking me further, he flings me back, pushes me against the wall, and places his hands on both sides of my face, trapping me. His body surrounds me without even touching me. His musky cologne, combined with soap and the delectable Blake smell, has my knees going weak again, but his voice brings me back to reality.
“Skyler, goddammit! Would you please just listen to me?”
His angry tone ignites my blood, and that slow sizzle begins in my core. I clench my jaw, and my eyes search his tense features.
“What’s there to know, Blake? Even if you had some logical explanation, it doesn’t change that she was there, and you didn’t tell me! It doesn’t change the words she used when talking to me! It doesn’t change that she implied you two have something!”
“Stop it! Let me explain! You’re wrong! Marguerite is a bitch, and I regret ever bringing her home, okay! She’s a coldhearted bitch, and always has been! She’s delusional! Are you happy now?”
My eyes go wide as a crazed look takes over his face, and I have lost the ability to speak.
“Do you think I would really risk losing you like that? I’m crazy about you. How many times do I have to say it for you to believe me?”
My lips quiver, along with my knees. He moves his left hand to my face, and I have to shut my eyes at his touch as he rubs his thumb over my bottom lip.
My anger, frustration, and need collide like an atom bomb within me as my eyes open. “Why, Blake? Why was she there?”
“Remember when I mentioned I had friend who was going through the same thing you went through? Well, Marguerite’s boyfriend beats her to a pulp when he feels like it. That night I went to tell her I couldn’t see her any longer. Looking back now, I feel like an idiot. She went into a panic and told me she couldn’t go home. She was too scared. She said John threatened her again. I didn’t want to, but I didn’t know what else to do, so I offered her our couch. It was stupid. I thought at the time, if anyon
e would understand, it would be you. Dealing with Marguerite is draining, and I tried staying awake. But she got to you before I could.”
My eyes go wide in shock. “All this time you were helping her end an abusive relationship?”
“Yes, but it started getting out of hand. She wanted to see me. I would be lying to you, Skyler, if I told you she doesn’t affect me, but you have to know she is poison to me. I know that now. I didn’t see the signs. That morning she said she saw you and that you left. She confessed she wanted to get back together with me, but she knew how I felt about you. I was honest about it. I sent her packing. I told her I couldn’t help her anymore. I’ve been freaking out over what she might have said to you to have you running.”
“Did you ever kiss her or sleep with her when you and I were seeing each other?”
He clenches his jaw and my frown is quick to appear.
“We didn’t sleep with each other, but she kissed me. This was when I was trying to fight my feelings for you. At the time, I didn’t think you felt the same. It didn’t work, though. It was awful.”
I worry that all of this is too complicated.
“Blake, I don’t know. I’m not at all relieved by any of your confessions. Why didn’t you call me to tell me about her?”
“I didn’t want to ruin your day. I knew if I told you, it would ruin your mood.”
I want to reject his words, but he’s right. “Blake, I . . .”
Reading my tone, he becomes frantic. “Skyler, please. Know that she means nothing to me. I want you.”
“But it’s all so much. What about my brother? It’s one hurdle after another. Maybe we should take a break from each other. I’m a mess over this, and it’s made me realize I don’t know who I am.”
Blake gets even closer to my face. “No!”
His force shocks me.
“No?” I question.
“I won’t let you get away. I’ve worked too hard sorting through my feelings for weeks, trying to figure out how I feel about you, and what you mean to me. I can’t tell you how happy I was in the shower that morning. Skyler, I didn’t know who I was or who I wanted to be until you stumbled into my life. I refuse to let you go.”
