Jazelle walked over to the cook and, circling an arm around her shoulders, planted a kiss on the woman’s cheek. “I wish you hadn’t lost the love of your life, Reeva. It isn’t fair.”
“Oh, honey, you know what they say, the only kind of fair in life is the kind with livestock and Ferris wheels. It just wasn’t meant for me and Dale to have a long life together.” She tossed the peeled egg into a plastic bowl. “Still, I can’t help thinking that Liz might have turned out better if her daddy had lived. But what-ifs and maybes don’t change a thing.”
That’s why it was best not to take chances, Jazelle thought. That’s why she couldn’t allow herself to make another regretful mistake. Not with Connor or any man.
Even as the warning darted through her head, her gaze fell longingly on the flowers. The beautiful bouquet symbolized everything she’d dreamed of having in her life. A man to love her. A solid marriage. A family that would never break apart.
Regret formed a painful lump in her throat and she hurried on to the laundry room before Reeva could suspect just how much Connor’s bouquet had affected her.
* * *
Much later that night, sitting at a booth in the Broken Spur, Joseph’s voice interrupted Connor’s wandering thoughts.
“What’s the matter with you, Connor? We haven’t had a bite to eat in seven hours and now that you have food in front of you, you’re staring into space. Are you having stomach problems?”
Pulling his gaze away from the plate-glass window that stretched across the front of the old café, Connor looked down at the platter of chili-smothered burritos and a mound of rice. Mexican food was normally his favorite, but this evening it felt like someone had tied his stomach into a row of flaming knots.
Grimacing, he whacked off a bite of the burrito with his fork. “My stomach is fine,” he lied.
“Could’ve fooled me,” Joseph replied sarcastically.
Connor forced the bite of food down his tight throat and glanced around at the late-night diners. The interior of the Broken Spur was a bit ratty with its worn flooring, scarred tabletops and ripped vinyl padding on the seats, but the food was melt-in-your-mouth delicious.
Are we gonna eat at the Broken Spur? I like it there, ’cause they have ice cream with brown speckles in it.
Raine’s eager request slowly traipsed through Connor’s mind, causing what little appetite he had to take a nosedive. Yesterday morning, before he’d picked up Jazelle and Raine, he’d been his normal self, Connor thought ruefully. But by the time he’d finally gotten home last night, he’d looked in the mirror and found himself staring back at a man he hardly recognized.
“My stomach is okay,” he repeated, then added glumly, “It’s my brain that’s giving me fits.”
Joseph’s expression changed to one of mild concern. “What’s wrong? A little too much beer on your day off yesterday?”
Connor hadn’t told Joseph about the date with Jazelle. Mainly because he and the rest of the Hollisters were so protective of her. He figured Joseph would’ve made a big deal out of handing him a long list of do’s and don’ts, along with a lecture of how Jazelle had already endured enough heartache from a man without Connor adding to them.
“I didn’t have one beer,” he admitted.
Joseph frowned. “You clearly are sick. You should’ve called in this morning and stayed home.”
Cursing inwardly, Connor forced himself to swallow a few bites of burrito. The chili burned all the way down until it finally hit the pit of his hollow stomach.
“It’s not that kind of sick, Joe. To be honest, I’m a little confused. Uh, that’s not right, either. I’m a whole heck of a lot confused.” Just making that much of a confession to Joseph left him drained and he wiped a weary hand over his face before he continued. “I should’ve never spent the day with them. It was a mistake. A huge mistake. And now I can’t take any of it back.”
Joseph picked up his coffee cup and took a long sip. “Them? Don’t tell me you’ve started dating two women at a time. If that’s the case, then you deserve to have a whopper of a headache and worse.”
“Damn it, Joe, what do you think I am, a creep?”
“No. But you did say them. And them is plural. What am I supposed to think?”
Letting out a long breath, Connor leaned back in the seat. “I wasn’t going to mention any of this, but now that I’ve started, I might as well finish. I figure you’ll probably find out about it through Tessa anyway.”
At the mention of his wife’s name, Joseph leaned earnestly forward. “Tessa? What does she have to do with your brain being in a fog?”
“Nothing. But she might hear about it from Jazelle. I know the two women are friends.”
Joseph was scowling now, which hardly surprised Connor. Where women were concerned, his longtime friend and partner was like a knight in shining armor, just ready and waiting to charge in and save a damsel from a villain like Connor. “Jazelle,” he repeated thoughtfully. “Now I think we’re getting somewhere. What have you done?”
“I haven’t done anything. Except take her and Raine to the lake yesterday for a picnic. They both seemed to have a great time. There were no mishaps or problems.”
Except that Connor had kept getting this soft gooey feeling in the middle of his chest throughout the day.
Joseph slanted him a guarded look. “And this has caused your brain to come unwound? I don’t believe you. Something happened. And if it was bad enough to shake you up, then I hate to think how Jazelle is faring right now.”
Closing his eyes, Connor massaged his burning eyelids. “Nothing earth-shattering happened,” he said while mentally crossing his fingers to make up for the little white lie. No way in hell he would ever mention the kiss that he and Jazelle had shared last night in her kitchen. The whole encounter had left him feeling exposed and vulnerable and, like a coward, he’d run from her and the feelings she’d evoked in him.
“Then what’s the problem?” Joseph asked.
“I can’t explain, Joe. I think I’ve made a mistake and now I don’t know what to do about it.”
Joseph leaned so far over his plate, Connor expected to see the man’s uniform smash into a pile of ketchup-smothered fries.
“First of all, I want to know what in heck you were thinking? You don’t date women like Jazelle. She has a child. She’s a mother. A responsible one at that. She doesn’t date philanderers like you. At least, I never heard of it. Until now,” he added, his voice full of disapproval.
Connor blew out a heavy breath. “Everything you just said is exactly right. She’s not my kind of woman. I knew that even before I asked her out. But I couldn’t resist. She’s just so pretty and sweet and—”
“You thought it would be fun to spend some time with her,” Joseph finished with a roll of his eyes. “And now you’ve realized that you don’t want to see her anymore and you hate telling her—because she’s so nice and sweet and pretty.”
Connor groaned. “You’re wrong this time, Joe. I’m not worried about telling her anything like that. Frankly, she doesn’t expect me to ask her for another date. She believes I only wanted a fun day with her and Raine. And she says that’s the only reason she went out with me. Nothing more or less.”
Joseph made a palms-up gesture. “I don’t see you have a problem. If she knows it was just a casual, one-time thing then it’s all over and done with. You’ve learned your lesson to stick with your own kind—hopefully.”
The more Joseph talked, the more Connor wanted to curse. Finally, he blurted, “I sent flowers to her—out to Three Rivers. I figured that was the best place for the florist to catch up with her.”
Joseph slumped back against the booth seat and looked at him with disbelief. “Flowers? You? No. This can’t be right. Your brain is in a muddle.”
Using his fork, Connor absently poked a series of holes in the burrito. “Li
sten, Joe, I might be a little coarse, but I can be a gentleman when I try. And I wanted Jazelle to know I enjoyed her company.”
“Clearly.”
“Okay, so I’ve been stupid. I can admit that. I realize I set my sights too high. I’d never have a chance in hell with Jazelle. Not for the long haul, anyways.”
A mixture of amazement and confusion skipped across Joseph’s face. “You’re not interested in the long haul, are you?”
Connor turned his gaze to the dusty window at the front of the café. “Where the hell do you think I’d find enough guts to do something like that? No. I’m not looking for the long haul with Jazelle, or anybody. It’s just that... I really like her. I only wish...uh—” he turned a rueful look on Joseph “—that she could’ve been just a regular girl. You know what I’m trying to say?”
Joseph studied Connor carefully before he finally said, “Sure I do. You wish Jazelle was a girl who’d be easy to forget.”
Before Joseph had married Tessa a few years ago, the man had dated only a handful of women, and that had been on an infrequent basis. Connor hadn’t expected the guy to understand what was going on in his jumbled head. But somehow he’d hit the mark on the cause of Connor’s mental anguish.
“Yeah. That’s what I mean. After a few dates, I could move on and never look back. But I’m afraid that won’t work with Jazelle.”
“It won’t,” Joseph said bluntly. “Don’t even think about trying it.”
No. Connor had already decided to chalk up the day he’d spent with Jazelle and Raine as a learning experience. It was going to be damned hard to put the woman and her son out of his mind, but for their sake and his own, he’d force himself to forget them and move on.
Long moments of silence ensued as the two men focused on eating and then Joseph picked up his coffee mug and leaned back in the booth seat.
“Connor, I need to apologize to you.”
Jerking his head up, Connor stared at his partner. “What?”
“You heard me,” he said in a contrite voice. “I’m sorry. I’ve been a jerk to you. And, frankly, you should’ve called me out on it. Why haven’t you?”
“Hell, Joe, I don’t know what you’re talking about. You haven’t been a jerk about anything. We’ve been buddies since we were—what?—maybe seven or eight years old. We’ve always said whatever we’ve wanted to say to each other and never worried about it. So we’re not about to start watching our words now,” he said flatly.
Joseph grimaced, “That’s true. But the way I’ve been talking, I was making it sound like you’re a sorry lout or worse. I—”
“Damn it, that’s stupid,” Connor interjected. “I never thought for one minute that you were cutting me down.”
Joseph held up his hand. “Just listen and let me explain in different terms. I’ve been making it sound like you’re not good enough for Jazelle. And that’s not true, Connor. You’re a good man. If you’d change your mindset and have a little confidence in yourself, you’d be perfect for Jazelle.”
Connor snorted. “What do you mean—confidence? I’ve never suffered from low self-esteem. Just ask a few of my old girl friends. They think ‘arrogant’ is my middle name.”
Joseph shook his head. “You’re the one who needs to be asking yourself why you’re afraid to have a relationship with Jazelle. If you answer it honestly, you’ll figure out what I mean.”
Connor put down his fork and slumped wearily back in the seat.
Afraid of Jazelle? He wasn’t afraid of her—he was downright terrified. She symbolized everything that he was not. She represented a life he’d never experienced or dreamed of having for himself.
After Connor made no attempt to reply, Joseph asked, “What are you going to do?”
It wasn’t like Connor to feel lost or helpless, but this all-consuming attraction he felt for Jazelle had left him floundering.
He looked at his friend. “I wish I knew. I—”
Connor’s words came to an abrupt halt as the horn on their truck sounded from outside the café and alerted the men to an urgent radio call.
“Tell me later,” Joseph said as both men quickly stood.
Pausing only long enough to throw a couple of ample bills on the checkout counter, they hurried from the café and climbed into the truck.
But even as Joseph put the truck into motion and Connor reached for the radio on the dashboard, he was thinking in the back of his mind that he couldn’t give Joseph an answer as to what he was going to do about Jazelle. He couldn’t even give himself an answer.
Chapter Eight
Early the next morning, Jazelle had just finished dressing for work and was about to wake Raine for breakfast when her telephone rang.
Expecting it to be Reeva, asking her to pick up something from town before she drove to the ranch, she was more than surprised when she snatched the phone off the cabinet counter and spotted Connor’s name illuminated on the screen.
Her heart suddenly pounding, she leaned a hip against the cabinet just in case her legs grew too weak to support her.
“Hello, Connor.”
“I apologize for calling so early, Jazelle, but I took a chance you’d be up.”
“Actually, this is late for me. We had a long day yesterday and Maureen told me not to hurry in this morning. I’m still at home.”
“I’m glad that I, uh, caught you before you started work.”
Jazelle’s mind darted in all directions as she waited for him to explain the reason for his call. When he didn’t, she said, “Did you get my text message thanking you for the flowers?”
“I did. That wasn’t necessary. But it was nice.”
The soft tone of his voice caused something in her stomach to flip one way and then the other. “The flowers weren’t necessary, either. But they were nice.”
Another stretch of silence passed and then he said, “I needed to do something to make up for the way I behaved the other night—running off the way I did.”
“I’ve already forgotten that,” she assured him. She’d been too busy reliving their kiss to dwell on his abrupt departure. Besides, if he’d let that kiss of theirs go for a moment longer, she would’ve probably ended up in bed with the man.
He cleared his throat. “Well, I’m calling to see...if you’d like to go out again. To dinner. Just the two of us. Um...not that I don’t enjoy Raine’s company. But his mother deserves some grown-up time of her own, I think.”
Ever since he’d hightailed it out of her house, Jazelle had wondered if he’d ever bother to ask her out again. The flowers had suggested he would, but she’d still had her doubts. Especially when it was common knowledge that he had girlfriends all over Yavapai County and beyond. Now that he’d actually extended the invitation, common sense was screaming at her to give him a firm no. But common sense couldn’t extinguish the excitement and joy bubbling inside her.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” she asked.
She heard him release a long breath and then he answered, “I’m sure that I want you to say yes.”
Beyond the open doorway of the kitchen, she heard Raine’s bare feet patter into the bathroom. Her son was the most important thing in her life. If she thought going on a date with Connor would jeopardize his happiness, she wouldn’t hesitate to end this thing with Connor here and now. But she couldn’t see how eating a meal with the man could harm Raine. It wasn’t like Connor was going to become a permanent fixture in their lives.
“Okay, I’ll say yes. That is, if I can find a babysitter for Raine. What evening were you planning on?”
“I realize most people go out on the Friday night or the weekend,” he said. “But right now my schedule has me on duty those nights. What about Thursday?”
“So far I don’t think Maureen has anything major planned for that evening. Thursday should be good.”
“
Great. I’ll pick you up about six.”
“That sounds okay with me. If anything changes and I’m needed at the ranch, I’ll send you a message.”
“Same here,” he said, adding, “Thanks, Jazelle. For saying yes.”
She smiled. “Maybe you should wait to see how the evening goes before you start thanking me.”
His low chuckle was like a teasing caress.
“I’ll see you Thursday,” he promised, then ended the connection.
* * *
“I really shouldn’t do this,” Jazelle said as she stood in the middle of Tessa and Joseph’s living room on the Bar X. “You have your hands full with Little Joe and Spring. You don’t need to take on Raine for the evening. But I’m very grateful that you offered. I don’t have to tell you that asking Mom would be a last resort. And I didn’t want him to have to stay late at Kiddy Korner.”
From her seat on the edge of an armchair, Tessa said, “Raine isn’t just spending the evening with us. He’s staying the night. Did you bring everything he needed?”
Jazelle walked over and placed a backpack on a table. At the far end of the room, near the fireplace hearth, Raine and Little Joe were pushing a toy tractor back and forth between the two of them. Off to the left of the boys, Spring was attempting to comb a doll’s long red hair.
“I brought extra clothing, pajamas and his toothbrush. But I honestly think I should have Connor end the evening early, so that I can come pick him up before you and Joe go to bed.”
Tessa looked outraged. “Absolutely not! He’ll have a wonderful time with Little Joe and Spring. You go on, enjoy a long, leisurely dinner with Connor and forget about Raine. He’ll be in good hands.”
Jazelle groaned. “You don’t have to tell me that. But I feel like I’m taking advantage of you.”
Tessa laughed. “Are you kidding? I couldn’t count the times you’ve corralled my two little ones when we’ve visited Three Rivers—not to mention, Blake’s twins and Chandler’s two babies. You deserve a medal, Jazelle. Besides, I’d keep Raine every night of the week if I thought it would help you to have a man in your life again.”
Her Man Behind the Badge Page 11
