“I’m not sure.” An impish smile tilted the corners of her lips. “Probably somewhere between the salad and the ravioli.”
She was right, he decided. From the moment he’d met this woman, he’d done more contemplating and overanalyzing than he’d done in his entire life. And frankly, it was making him crazy.
“I guess I have been weighing things an awful lot,” he admitted.
Her hand found his and gently squeezed. “Come on, Deputy Murphy. Let’s go in. I’m not going to hurt you.”
Even though she was teasing, Connor was imagining tiny pieces of his heart scattered through the rooms of Jazelle’s house. And the notion brought him up short. His heart? What the heck was wrong with him? That was the last part of his body he should be worried about right now.
Grinning back at her, he said, “Okay. You don’t have to twist my arm any harder.”
She laughed and in that moment Connor realized Jazelle was swiftly and surely changing his life. And even worse, he couldn’t find the will to stop her.
Chapter Nine
Once they entered the house, Jazelle didn’t bother to switch on a lamp in the living room. Instead, she looped her arm around his and guided him on to the kitchen where a night-light illuminated a portion of the cabinets and the cookstove.
Dropping her hold, she left him standing in the middle of the room and walked over to the stove to turn on the light beneath the vent.
“The only other time Raine spent the night away from me was when I had a bad case of the flu. Reeva kept him at her place for a couple of nights,” she said. “I felt too awful then to notice how quiet the house was without him, but I’m noticing now.”
Connor stood where he was and fought the urge to go to her, to put his arms around her and to tell her to forget the coffee, forget everything but the two of them being together.
He breathed deeply then said, “I imagine right about now he and Little Joe have played themselves to sleep.”
She glanced at a wall clock hanging near the kitchen table. “Probably,” she agreed. “Tessa is a stickler about putting the kids to bed at the same time every night.”
“You’re not worried about Raine, are you?”
“No.” She opened a cabinet door and pulled down a can of coffee. “I try not to be one of those mothers who constantly frets and obsesses over her child. But sometimes it’s hard not to worry.”
“That’s understandable.” The dim lighting was just enough to illuminate her golden hair and the alluring shape of her body beneath the blue dress. She was the most feminine woman he’d ever met and the sweet softness of her pulled on him like nothing ever had before.
“Whenever I have to work late at night, I take him to the ranch with me. There’s always someone there to help keep an eye on him. I’ve never left him with a sitter to go on a date.” She paused from spooning coffee into a filtered basket to glance over her shoulder at him. “But like I told you, since Spence, you’re the only man I’ve gone out with.”
The night Connor had dinner with the Hollisters at Three Rivers, Jazelle had told him that she didn’t date. And even before then, Joseph had admitted he’d not known of her having a boyfriend. Still, Connor hadn’t taken the information literally. Frankly, he’d not been able to believe a woman who looked like Jazelle could live such a solitary life for that length of time. But now that he’d come to know Jazelle, he did believe it. And the fact that he was the first man she’d trusted enough to go out with since Raine’s father, left him feeling very humbled.
His gaze locked with hers and he closed the short distance between them to place his hands upon her shoulders. “Why did you choose me, Jazelle? Because you think I’m not serious and that makes you feel safe?”
Her lips parted as though the questions surprised her and then she shook her head. “If you want to know the truth, Connor, I’ve never felt safe around you. I don’t feel safe at this very moment. But that hasn’t stopped me from wanting you.”
Her last words were like a punch in the gut and, before he realized what he was doing, he pulled her into his arms and pressed his cheek against the top of her head. She felt incredibly warm against him and the scent of flowers drifted up from her hair. Just having her this close played havoc with his senses.
“I’ve wanted you from the time I first laid eyes on you,” he admitted. “And ever since then I’ve been trying to convince myself that I’m not the right man for you. That for both our sakes, I need to walk away.”
Tilting her head back, her eyes delved into his. “And now?”
He gently touched her cheek and marveled at the softness beneath his fingertips. “I think we need to forget the coffee. Don’t you?”
Her answer was to rise up on the tips of her toes and angle her mouth over his.
The instant their lips meshed, Connor’s arms tightened around her then lifted her, until her feet were completely off the floor and her hands were gripping his shoulders.
He kissed her that way until his arms began to ache from the effort. After he set her back on the floor, she turned away from him long enough to fasten the lid on the coffee can. Then, without a single word passing between them, she gathered his hand in hers and led him out of the kitchen and down the short hall until they reached the open doorway of her bedroom.
There was no night-light to show a path, but there was enough moonlight filtering through the windows to illuminate a standard-size four-poster. A patchwork quilt served as a spread, while the pillows were covered with ruffle-edged shams. The simple sight reminded him of everything his home wasn’t and, for one split second, the thought of turning and running for a second time dashed through his head.
But then her warm hand tugged him further into the room and suddenly it didn’t matter if he was all wrong for her, or if she was going to tear his heart into a thousand pieces. All that mattered was that she wanted him and he wanted her. The rest he’d deal with later. Much later.
* * *
Once Jazelle had him standing beside the bed, she immediately reached for the buttons on his shirt and very nearly laughed at her boldness and the way her hands shook as she tried to part the fabric away from his chest.
“You’ll have to forgive me, Connor. I’m pretty rusty at all of this,” she told him.
He caught her hands between his and lifted them to his lips. Kissing the knuckles of her fingers, he said, “You’re doing everything right.”
She searched his handsome face for a sign that he was impatient, or even amused by her clumsy efforts, but there was nothing like that to be found in his expression. Rather, she saw a gentle desire that pierced the very core of her heart.
“I was a teenager the last time this happened,” she admitted, her voice straining to get past the lump of emotion in her throat. “Since then I’ve not learned anything about making love. Will you show me?”
An anguished look crossed his face and then his head was close to hers, his lips nuzzling her ear. “Oh, Jazelle, just kiss me, touch me—any way you want. The rest will take care of itself.” Sliding his forefinger beneath her chin, he lifted her face toward his. “Okay?”
Smiling, she pushed her hands up his chest and then linked them at the back of his neck. “Very okay,” she whispered.
Groaning, he closed the gap between their faces and captured her lips with his. Jazelle gave herself up to the magical taste of his kiss and, for the next few moments, let her mind drift as his hands roamed up and down her back, down to her buttocks, then up to where the zipper of her dress fastened between her shoulder blades.
With his lips still feasting on hers, he slowly lowered the zipper until the bodice of her dress loosened and fell down around her hips. Instantly, his hands were on her lace covered breasts, kneading and cupping their fullness until the nipples turned to throbbing buds.
Moaning deep in her throat, she desperately pushed her tongu
e against his teeth, while at the same time arching the lower part of her body into his. With no hesitation, he allowed her passage into the intimate cave of his mouth and Jazelle’s senses spun wildly as she explored the ribbed roof and sharp edges of his teeth. The faint taste of espresso lingered on his tongue, along with some other delicious flavor that belonged uniquely to him.
In the back of her mind, she realized if she kissed him for the rest of her life it wouldn’t be enough. If he held her this tightly for days on end, she would still long to be wrapped in his arms.
By the time he lifted his head and dropped his lips to the cleavage spilling over the cups of her bra, Jazelle was lost in a firestorm of sensations. Streaks of hot pleasure raced through her as the tip of his tongue made lazy circles upon the plump flesh.
Eventually, he pulled back just long enough to undo the clasp of her bra. As soon as the pink lacy garment fell to the floor, his mouth returned to her breasts and for long, long moments, he tormented each nipple with sweet kisses and taunting little nibbles.
The ache between her thighs intensified with each passing second, until desire was gripping her body, begging her to draw closer to the cause of her agony. He must have recognized her desperation because he finally pulled back and removed the last of her clothing.
After he lifted her onto the bed, he rapidly stripped down to his boxers and then stretched out next to her on the smooth quilt.
A sigh slipped past her lips as he gathered her into his arms and rested his forehead against hers.
“I hadn’t planned on this happening tonight,” he whispered, using his fingers to comb fallen strands of hair from her face. “To be honest, I wasn’t expecting it to ever happen, but subconsciously I suppose I was hoping it would. That’s why I’ve been carrying protection around in my wallet.”
With the front of her body pressed against his, the heat of his flesh was spreading through her like the blistering afternoon sun. It melted her very bones and caused drops of perspiration to emerge above her upper lip.
“Hoping. I’ve been doing a bit of that, too,” she admitted. “I wasn’t sure you wanted me this much. And I’ve been telling myself I shouldn’t get this close to you.”
Touching a finger to her swollen lips, his eyes roamed her face. “And now? Are you sure about this—us?”
Her throat aching with unbidden emotion, she cupped a hand against the side of his face. “I’m sure that I want you next to me. Inside me. And just to ease your mind, Connor, I don’t have any strings hidden in this bed. I threw them all away.”
“Damn it, Jazelle,” he whispered against her cheek. “I’m not worried about strings. I only want to make you happy.”
Happy? Yes, she thought. He’d already done that just by walking into her life and reminding her that she was a desirable woman, a woman who deserved to feel the joy of having a man make love to her.
“Having you here—next to me—is making me happy, Connor.”
He looked at her for long moments and then with a needy groan, his lips came down on hers.
The kiss started out softly but swiftly developed into a wild, reckless connection that left Jazelle panting and Connor sitting up on the side of the bed and reaching for his jeans.
Through a foggy haze of desire, she recognized he was searching through his wallet for a condom. She started to tell him that she was protected by the Pill and that for the past few years she’d taken the medication to keep her cycles regular. But just as quickly she decided to keep the information to herself. If by some wild chance she got pregnant, she didn’t want him thinking it was because her birth control had failed.
When he returned to the middle of the mattress, he wasted no time in positioning himself over her. Relieved that he wasn’t going to make her wait any longer, Jazelle wrapped her arms around him. With their gazes locked, he lowered his hips and slowly entered her until they were totally and completely one.
Sparks of pleasure showered through her body, momentarily stunning her senses. Then he gently whispered her name and the sound of his voice pulled her focus to his face. Through a haze of desire, she saw tenderness in his eyes and it flooded her heart with emotions she’d never felt before.
“Connor. Oh, Connor.”
Groaning, he bent his head to hers and pressed his lips against her damp forehead.
“Yes, my sweet,” he whispered. “We’re together—finally.”
The emotion in his voice shook her and she closed her eyes and tried not to wonder what it meant, or to let herself believe his words were coming from his heart. No. All she wanted was to feel the pleasure of his body and hope that she could give him the same in return.
With her hands gripping his back, she arched her hips upward and somehow managed to draw him even deeper into her.
He growled with pleasure and began to move, slowly at first then faster and faster. Jazelle matched her movements to his until his hard, driving thrusts carried her to a place where there was only him and her, the silver moonlight bathing their bodies, their heartbeats merging, pounding out a rhythm that felt so very much like love.
Beneath her hands, his flesh was hard and hot. Under her lips, his skin tasted rich and salty, and so very masculine. She wanted to cover him in kisses, touch him anywhere and everywhere, until each hard contour of his body was imprinted in her brain.
Beyond the boundless pleasures he was bestowing upon her body, her mind registered that she was on a journey that was taking every thought, every hope and dream she’d ever possessed, and sending it down a totally different path. And the shocking reality was that she didn’t want to change course. Not tonight.
The only thing that mattered was having Connor inside her and finding some sort of relief for the pressure that threatened to split her right down the middle.
She was desperately twisting and turning beneath him, whimpering with unbearable need, when his lips suddenly found hers. The hungry kiss caused a wall inside her to collapse and suddenly she felt her whole being tumbling end-over-end, free falling into a velvety night sky.
* * *
When Connor finally became aware of his surroundings, he realized the side of his face was pressed into Jazelle’s shoulder and a portion of her hair rested across his closed eyes. Beneath his chest, he could feel her breasts rising and falling as she struggled to regain her breath.
Slowly, he rolled his weight off her and, with his back flat against the mattress, he stared at the dark ceiling and attempted to gather what was left of his rattled senses.
Something had to be physically wrong with him, Connor decided. His head was still spinning and he wasn’t sure if his lungs would ever work at full capacity again. And if those maladies weren’t enough to trouble him, there was something strange going on in the middle of his chest, like a sweet ache that wouldn’t go away.
This wasn’t the way a man was supposed to feel after he’d had sex with a woman, Connor mentally argued. Instead of reaching for his clothes, he wanted to reach for her. Again. Damn it, was age catching up with him already? Or was Jazelle too much woman for him?
Moaning softly, she rolled toward him and rested her hand on his arm. Thankfully the touch of her fingers was all it took to calm the upheaval in his head, and he smiled at her as he lifted the palm of her hand to his lips.
“You look very beautiful right now,” he murmured.
She smiled back at him. “I’m sweaty, my hair is all tangled, and I’m sure you’ve kissed away every last bit of my lipstick.”
She didn’t need makeup and smooth hair to make her beautiful, he thought. Her beauty came from deep inside her. It glowed in her brown eyes and filled her smiles. Each time she touched him, he felt the loveliness radiating within her. Maybe that’s why a part of him had always been scared to get close to her. Maybe that’s why now, at this very moment, he wanted to pull her into his arms and swear that he would never let her
go.
“And it tasted mighty good, too,” he said, doing his best to keep his voice light.
She scooted closer and as she wrapped her arm around his waist, the tips of her breasts pressed into his chest. Desire flickered in his loins and he wondered if a second round of lovemaking with her might actually kill him.
Lovemaking. No. That wasn’t what the two of them had been doing, he mentally argued. What they’d just shared was good, hot sex. Nothing more. Nothing less. After a second time, he’d realize there was nothing special about the way she made him feel. It was all chemistry and nothing about love.
“Are you sorry you let me drag you into the house?” she asked.
Amusement arched his brows. “Drag? It was more like I willingly let you lead me.”
She chuckled. “Okay. So you did.”
Planting a hand against the small of her back, he snugged her body closer to his. “For a second or two, I considered running. But I’m glad I didn’t.”
The teasing expression on her face instantly sobered. “Really, Connor? You don’t regret this?” she asked.
The soft, achy feeling in his chest suddenly worsened, but he was determined to ignore it. “How could I? Right here is where I want to be.”
She didn’t look a bit convinced. “You, uh...” She closed her eyes as her forefinger drew an abstract design upon his shoulder. “Well, let’s be honest, Connor, you don’t need me for sex.”
She was right, he didn’t. He needed her for a thousand reasons other than physical gratification. But to tell her such a thing would make it sound like he was falling in love with her. And that would be misleading. Because he wasn’t falling for her. He was simply enjoying her.
“You don’t need me for sex, either,” he said pointedly. “I think we’re here in your bed because we honestly like each other. And that’s even a better reason, isn’t it?”
She opened her eyes and he was relieved to see the brown orbs were soft and warm and totally inviting.
Her Man Behind the Badge Page 13
