“It’s fun to be a kid, too,” Connor told him as they stepped onto the porch. “You get to play all the time. I have to work.”
“I want to work. I want to be a deputy like you and Uncle Joe,” he said and then looked sheepishly up at Connor. “But sometimes I want to be like Uncle Holt and ride horses. He’s a real cowboy. Did you know that?”
Smiling, Connor patted his shoulder. “Yes, I do know that Holt’s a real cowboy. Can you ride a horse?”
Raine gave him an emphatic nod. “Don’t tell Mommy, but I can hold the reins all by myself. She thinks I’m too little to do that, but Nick says I’m plenty old enough. And Victor is nice. He doesn’t act wild.”
“Who is Victor?” Connor wanted to know, while thinking if anyone had told him before that he would like having a conversation with a five-year-old, he would’ve laughed. But damn, if he didn’t enjoy listening to every word that came out of the boy’s mouth.
“That’s Hannah’s pony—when she was a little kid like me. Victor is getting old, but Nick says he has plenty of years left. That’s good, ’cause I want to keep riding him.”
Even though Connor didn’t know all the Hollister children personally, he’d heard enough about them from Joseph to know which kids belong to each sibling. Nick was Blake’s teenage son and Hannah was Vivian’s daughter. From the way Raine talked about everyone on Three Rivers, Connor could tell the boy considered them family. That was a good thing, since Jazelle was the only real family who had a part in the child’s life.
Raine opened the door and Connor followed him into the living room. Presently, the television was on, but the volume was turned too low to pick up the sound of running horses and firing guns of the old Western playing out on the screen. In the direction of the kitchen, he could hear a clank of metal along with the buzzing of a timer.
“Mommy! Mommy! Connor is here!” the boy yelled.
A few seconds passed before Jazelle stepped into the living room, carrying a dish towel and a wide smile on her face.
“Hello,” she said. “I see that Raine let you in. Has he already been talking your ear off?”
“Well, we’ve been having a fine conversation, if I say so myself.”
“That’s good,” she said then gestured toward the couch and chairs grouped in a U shape in the middle of the room. “Have a seat and I’ll bring you something to drink.”
“Thanks, I’ll have a seat, but I’ll wait for dinner to have the drink,” he told her, giving her a conspiring wink. “I have a little gift for Raine that I want to give him before we eat.”
The child’s wide eyes flew back and forth between Connor and his mother. “I’m gonna get a gift?”
“Sounds like it,” Jazelle said, walking further into the room.
“Let’s go over here and sit on the couch,” Connor told the boy.
Raine raced over to the couch and flopped onto the middle cushion, wiggling with anticipation as Connor eased onto the adjacent cushion.
He said, “Okay, Raine, before I give this to you, I want you to promise that you’ll take care of it. Is that a deal?”
“Yeah! I’ll take real good care of it. Like my arrowhead. See, I keep it down in my pants, like this, all the time.” He dug into the front pocket of his jeans and pulled out the piece of flint he’d found at Lake Pleasant.
It was shiny from being handled so much and the fact that Raine considered the arrowhead such an important item touched Connor in a way he didn’t understand. Moreover, it scared him to even try to analyze the feelings this child evoked in him.
“That’s a safe place to carry it,” Connor told him. Then, clearing his throat, he pulled a flat white box from the back pocket of his jeans and placed it on Raine’s knees. “This is yours to keep from now on.”
Raine promptly jerked off the lid, then stared in openmouthed wonder at the shiny badge nestled on a piece of black felt.
Finally, he blew out a loud breath and squealed with delight. “A badge! Oh, wow! A real badge! Mommy, look!”
Moving closer, she peered down at the gift Connor had given her son. “Yes, I see.” She turned a questioning look on him. “It looks like an actual badge.”
“It is. I thought...well, that Raine might like having it. And don’t get the idea that I’m doing early recruiting,” he told her jokingly.
She laughed and the soft light in her eyes was like a kiss on his lips. The connection was like nothing he’d felt before.
“That never entered my mind,” she said gently. “I’m thinking that you’re a pretty good kind of guy.”
Raine continued to stare down at the badge as if he’d been handed the most precious thing on earth. “Can I pick it up and hold it?” he asked.
“Sure. You can even pin it to your shirt. But you should only wear it here at home,” Connor told him. “We don’t want people getting mixed up and thinking you’re a real deputy. Is that okay?”
“Yeah!”
Raine lifted the badge and held it up to his T-shirt. Instead of trying to pin it on himself, he handed it to Connor.
“You put it on me,” he said. “So it’ll be in the right spot.”
Connor was taking in Raine’s huge smile when that strange feeling—the one that felt like everything had gone soft and mushy—suddenly returned to his chest. Damn it all, he was going to have to see a doctor, he decided. His heart was giving out on him.
Hell, Connor, you’ve never had a heart. Not since your father died. Not since you realized that it was meant for you to be all alone in this world.
Shaking away the miserable voice in his head, he finished the task of pinning on the badge and then ruffled the top of Raine’s hair.
“Now you’re my honorary deputy sheriff,” he told the boy. “What do you think?”
Expecting Raine to let out a loud whoop, or leap up and race around the room, Connor was totally caught off guard when the boy jumped straight into his lap. Without a word, he wrapped his arms tightly around Connor’s neck and buried his face against his shoulder.
The fierce hug went on for so long that Connor started to wonder if the boy was fighting back tears. Over the top of Raine’s head, he looked helplessly at Jazelle.
She answered softly, “I think he’s just a little overwhelmed.”
He wasn’t by himself, Connor realized. Raine was clinging to him in a way that was causing him to remember years back to when he’d clung to his own father for comfort and love. Losing him, and that solid anchor he’d provided, had torn everything out of Connor. He’d never gotten that part of himself back. Not until this very moment.
Choking back the hot lump of emotion in his throat, Connor gently patted Raine’s back. “Everything is okay, Raine. We’re buddies now. We’ll always be buddies.”
Thankfully, his words appeared to do the trick. Raine lifted his head and planted a big kiss on Connor’s cheek.
“Yeah, buddies forever!” He climbed down off Connor’s lap and began to strut around the room. “I’m honor-ee-ary, Mommy! See?”
Laughing now, Jazelle caught her son by the shoulders and, using her head, motioned for Connor to follow. “Come on, Mr. Honorary Deputy,” she said to Raine, “it’s time to eat.”
* * *
For dinner, Jazelle served barbecued short ribs, baked beans and potato salad. For anyone who didn’t want ribs, there was also grilled chicken seasoned with garlic and rosemary.
“Blake entertained a few cattle buyers today,” Jazelle explained as she passed a basket of yeast rolls to Connor. “And Reeva always cooks a ton of food when cattle or horse buyers come to the ranch. She has this theory that a full stomach opens a man’s wallet.”
“I don’t think the cook need worry about Three Rivers cattle or horses selling. But I’m glad she went overboard,” Connor told her. “This is delicious.”
“Mommy can cook delicious, too,�
�� Raine said. “Grandma Reeva taught her. Didn’t she, Mommy?”
Just as Connor was wondering about the child calling Reeva his grandmother, Jazelle said, “Actually, Reeva is Raine’s godmother, but he calls her “grandma”. And as far as her teaching me how to cook, she’s still in the process of teaching me, but I’ll never be able to make things taste like hers.”
“Mommy makes yummy pancakes,” Raine told Connor, “but she says I can’t eat them all the time. She makes me eat oatmeal ’cause it’s good for me. Yuk. I bet your mommy never made you eat oatmeal.”
Before Connor could decide how to answer that question, Raine shot another one at him.
“Do you have a Mommy?”
“No,” Connor admitted. “I’m not as lucky as you, little partner.”
Gnawing on a rib, Raine continued to regard him with typical childlike curiosity. “How come you don’t have a mommy? Did she die?”
“Raine!” Jazelle scolded. “It’s not polite to ask a guest personal questions. Especially with food in your mouth.”
Connor frowned at her. “I’d like to think I’m more than a guest. And it’s perfectly fine for Raine to ask me anything. He wants to learn.”
Her expression rueful, she reached over and clasped her hand around Connor’s forearm. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean the word ‘guest’ literally. And I...well, I don’t want Raine to make you uncomfortable. That’s all.”
“He’s not. It’s okay,” he assured her, then looked across the table at Raine. “My mother didn’t die. When I was a tiny baby, she had to go somewhere far away to live.”
“Oh.” He nodded as though Connor’s explanation made perfect sense to him. “That’s what Mommy says about my daddy. He had to go far away and we won’t ever see him again.”
Connor felt sick. Not for himself, but for the pain Jazelle and her son had gone through because of a selfish man.
Like you, Connor? How many women have you used and discarded?
The taunting voice going off in his head angered Connor. He’d never made promises to a woman. He’d never so much as said the word “love” to any of them. The women he’d known had been like him—users. None of them had expected, or even wanted, wedding rings and vows of forever.
But Jazelle was different. She wasn’t a user. She was a giver. And he could only wonder how much he could take from her until she started demanding something in return.
“Someday Mommy is gonna find me a real daddy. And he won’t ever have to go away. Then I’ll be like Little Joe and Nick.”
Jazelle didn’t comment on her son’s prediction, but Connor could feel her gaze sliding over his face. What was she thinking? That he could be the daddy that would never go away?
Oh, Lord, she’d told him there were no hidden strings in her bed. So why did Connor already feel heavy ropes wrapping around him and growing tighter with each passing minute?
“That would be nice, Raine,” Connor told him.
Jazelle suddenly cleared her throat and scraped back her chair. “Well, I don’t know about you two, but I’m almost ready for dessert. I’ll make coffee to go with it.”
“Ignoring his mother, Raine looked at him and asked, “Do you think I’ll like coffee when I get big?”
Connor couldn’t help but laugh. “Raine, I think when you get big, you’re going to like a whole lot of things.”
* * *
After they finished the meal, the three of them went to the living room where Raine pulled out a set of miniature ranch figures, along with a toy barn and sections of plastic fence.
Connor watched the boy attempt to put the pieces together until he felt compelled to join the child on the floor and help him complete the task. They’d finished making the corrals and were placing the horses inside the barn, when Jazelle sank down next to Connor.
“I want to play, too,” she said. “That painted pony is the one I want to ride way over here to gather cattle.”
“Do you know how to ride a horse?” Connor asked her.
“I sure do,” she told him. “You don’t think I’ve worked on Three Rivers for seven years without learning something about being a cowgirl. But if you really want to see an expert horsewoman, you need to see Maureen or Holt’s wife, Isabelle, in action. They’re the real deal.”
She picked up the brown-and-white plastic horse and pretended to trot it away from the make-believe ranch yard.
Raine hollered, “Whoa, Mommy! That’s horse stealin’ and since I’m the honor-ee-ary deputy now, I got to arrest you.”
Chuckling, Jazelle glanced at Connor. “I think that badge has gone to his head.”
Connor grinned. “It happens sometimes.”
She turned a pleading look on her son. “Oh, no, Mr. Deputy! Please don’t put me in jail. I’ll put the horse right back in the barn where he belongs.”
“Well, I guess it’ll be okay this time,” Raine told her. “But next time you want a horse, you have to ask permission first.”
“Ah, permission. Now why didn’t I think of that?” she asked playfully.
“Because grown-ups don’t think they have to ask permission,” Raine answered. “They only think kids have to.”
Connor laughed out loud. “He’s on his way to making a good lawman.”
She pulled a face at both of them. “Oh, you two are too smart for your own britches.”
The ranch play went on for a few more minutes until Jazelle eventually rose from the floor and announced she was going to go clean the kitchen.
“I’ll come help you,” Connor offered.
She quickly shook her head. “No. You’ll be a big help if you stay here and keep Raine occupied.”
“Mommy, can me and Connor watch the dog show?”
“Dog show?” Connor asked curiously.
“Old reruns of the famous collie,” Jazelle explained. “Raine loves them.”
“Lassie?” Connor asked with surprised.
“Yeah! Lassie!” Raine exclaimed. “She’s really smart. She barks and gets Timmy out of trouble!”
Jazelle glanced at her watch. “Okay. Hurry and get these toys put away and go put on your pajamas. It’s almost time for the show to start.”
Twenty minutes later, with Raine snuggled close to his side, Connor watched the television screen as the really smart collie spotted the beginning of a forest fire and was racing back home to alert his master.
Surprised that the child wasn’t cheering the dog on, Connor glanced down to see Raine had fallen sound asleep right in the middle of the exciting climax.
Thinking Jazelle might show up from her kitchen duty, he decided to watch the last five minutes of the program. But as soon as the credits began to roll, he squared around on the cushion and lifted the sleeping child up and into his arms.
Since he’d been in Raine’s bedroom before, he knew where to go. Once he stepped through the door, he used his shoulder to push up the light switch on the wall. It caused a small lamp near the bed to flicker on and he was grateful to see that Jazelle had already turned down the cover on the twin bed.
Once he placed Raine on the mattress and adjusted the pillow beneath his head, he pulled the thin cover up to his waist, then reached to unpin the badge from the pocket of his striped pajamas. Throughout it all, the child never stirred and Connor found himself gazing down at the long lashes resting upon his cheeks, the freckles dusting his nose and the thick blond hair covering one eyebrow.
Right now Jazelle was managing to keep the boy on the right track. But how would it be when he grew into those challenging years? From his own rowdy behavior as a teenager, Connor knew Raine would need the firm hand of a father to guide him into manhood and to make sure he understood the rules of right and wrong.
If not for having a solid friend like Joseph during those years, Connor would’ve probably wound up in juvenile detention. But t
hankfully he’d wanted to emulate Joseph’s good morals and somehow he’d managed to soak up part of his friend’s strong character. Not enough to be a father, though. Oh, no. Raine deserved the best. Not just an imitation.
Breathing deeply, Connor turned away from Raine’s bed and placed the badge right next to the arrowhead that was lying on top of the chest of drawers.
Can we go hunt for arrowheads again, Connor? That was fun. Really fun.
Raine had put the question to Connor during dinner and he’d not been able to refuse the child. Rather, he’d promised to take him as soon as he had a free day from work.
Connor’s answer to the boy had promptly landed Jazelle’s thoughtful gaze on the side of his face. What had she been thinking? That things with the three of them were getting out of hand? Or had she been surprised that Connor had even bothered to consider Raine’s wants and wishes?
Not wanting to think any further than tonight, Connor walked over to the doorway and turned off the light. Through the semidarkness of the room, he glanced one last time at the sleeping child, then turned and headed to the kitchen to find Jazelle.
* * *
Jazelle was standing at the sink, drying the last of the dishes, when she felt Connor’s arms slip around her waist and the front of his body press against the back of hers.
“Mmm. You taste better than the custard pie we had for dessert,” he said as he sprinkled kisses against the side of her neck.
Goose bumps erupted along the backs of her arms as Jazelle closed her eyes and savored having him close.
“And I’m not as fattening, either,” she said through a wide smile.
Chuckling, he used his nose to nuzzle away the fabric of her blouse so that his lips could move to the ridge of her shoulder.
“It’s a good thing or I’d already have twenty extra pounds on me.”
She placed the glass on a dish towel spread across the countertop, then turned so that the front of her body crushed up against his and her eyes focused on his rugged face.
Her Man Behind the Badge Page 15
