Hista clapped her hands together, and Rose flinched. So did most of the engineering staff, but as a way to snap everyone out of their strange behavior, it worked.
Everyone went back to their duties.
Hista approached her, and Yari came with her.
“No one meant to frighten you.” Histaʼs expression was less severe than it had been. “I had heard from Dr. Revil that you are a music-maker. We like music and there is something extremely pleasing about the sounds you make.”
Rose gave an uneasy nod. “I was just humming.”
Yari cleared his throat. “We are waiting for permission from Captain Jallan to provide you with a handheld. Perhaps you would be interested in my loading a music program onto the device as well? It is something our music-makers use for their songs.”
Rose hesitated. She didnʼt know if she wanted to go down this path and claim music-maker status. She wasnʼt good enough as a singer. It would feel like lying.
She also had a feeling she didnʼt understand the extent of what it meant, and the reverence they seemed to feel for music-makers was disconcerting and made her extremely uneasy. “Iʼm not really a music-maker——”
Yari goggled. “You are the best music-maker Iʼve ever heard, even just with your speaking voice.”
She shrugged. “I donʼt understand what it entails . . .” She trailed off, realizing that she was offending them. “I donʼt understand how things work, and I donʼt want to claim status that I donʼt deserve.”
Hista opened her mouth, looked at Yari, and closed it again.
Rose gripped her knees. “I will obviously be happy to have a music program.” She hadnʼt specifically agreed that she was a music-maker by accepting the program, but she knew she was on a slippery slope. Perhaps Captain Jallan could help her get out of this. Or Filavantri.
Whatever her misgivings, her words seemed to appease them.
Yari went off to bend over a screen, and Hista gave her another formal nod and left, tapping at her ear as she engaged her comm.
Sheʼd been abandoned.
Rose shrugged. She preferred that to too much attention. She rose from the bench and followed Hista out, although the sub-lieutenant was nowhere to be seen when Rose stepped into the passageway.
She decided to keep exploring.
She found a few communal lounges, though none as vast as the first one sheʼd come across.
There were gyms, full of strange equipment and buff bodies working out. Sheʼd noticed the Grih womenʼs breasts were flatter than her own, and their bodies sleeker, with long, slender lines. She wondered what they thought of the slight differences in her physiology. She was as lean as they were, especially after months of little food, but her body dipped and curved more than theirs did.
She turned a corner and slowed as she heard the unmistakable sound of water in a confined space.
She walked up to a door and when it opened, she found herself looking at an indoor pool.
The pool had a solid glass cover over it, sealing it. She guessed that would come in handy when they made a light jump.
A sign beside the button to open the cover demanded whoever used the pool had to put the cover back after use or if the ship encountered turbulence.
There was a door at the far end of the room and Rose guessed it was a change room. She went in and found swim suits neatly folded on a shelf by size, and towels stacked in a neat rack.
She took the smallest suit she could find, and it still hung on her, but she didnʼt care.
She set the towel by the edge of the pool and pushed the button to retract the lid.
The water was pale green and warm. Rose shivered, though, when she stepped into it. The sensation of floating after months of confinement was exquisite. She started moving, gliding across the pool, with the water sliding like liquid velvet over her skin.
She had missed this. She had missed this so much.
She started crying silently, tears trickling down her face, invisible as she ducked under the water, but when she rose back to the surface it burst out of her, wracking sobs that tore at her throat and clawed at her chest, so she had to hang on to the side of the pool, helpless.
“Rose?” Hands reached down, grabbing her beneath her arms and lifting her out of the water.
She vaguely realized Captain Jallan was carrying her to a seat bolted to the floor beside the pool.
“What is it? Are you hurt?”
She shook her head. Tried to answer, but she couldnʼt speak, her breath coming in harsh, choking gasps.
“Did someone upset you?” He held her firmly against him with one arm, stroked her back with a large, warm palm.
She sat curled into him for a long time, until the terrible, wrenching feeling inside her subsided and she was quiet, except for the occasional shiver and hiccup.
She became aware of him slowly; the warmth of his body against hers, the flex of his thighs beneath her bottom, the way his head was bent over hers, so that every breath he took stirred the hair above her ear.
She closed her eyes and leaned in a little closer, burying her nose in his shirt so the scent of him, clean pine and fresh air, drowned out the sharp tang of whatever chemicals they used to keep the pool clean; drowned out everything.
She felt him go still as she snuggled in, and then his hand started to move again, only this time, it wasnʼt soothing, it was something more. Something that made her heart pound enough to pull back a little.
She knew her cheeks were flushed when she raised her eyes to his.
“Iʼm sorry.”
The look he gave her was an unmistakable mix of concern and heat, and she couldnʼt help the shiver that wracked her again.
“What was wrong?”
She gave up trying to keep her distance, sighed, closed her eyes and rested her head on his shoulder, seeing as he didnʼt seem to be about to set her in the chair next to his any time soon.
“I love swimming. I feel so free when Iʼm in the water. So when I got in the pool, started floating . . .” She released the grip she had on his shirt, opening her fists so her hands lay flat against his chest. “I was overcome with relief that I was free again, anger for everything Iʼd been through, fear for the future, sadness for everyone Iʼve had to leave behind on Earth, all rolled into one.”
His palm was still on her back, skin on skin because the back of the swim suit she had on was low, and then, remembering how loose it had been on her when it was dry, she looked down, fearing the worst with it stretchy and wet.
Her breasts were on display, right down to a hint of nipple. She tried to pull the suit up, but it was twisted around her, and all her maneuvering did was make it worse.
She groaned and rested her forehead on his shoulder.
He chuckled, a rumble that vibrated through her. “Do all females in your race have such large breasts?” There was no escaping the male interest in his voice.
She made an inarticulate sound. “I come all the way to the other side of the galaxy, and what do you know, itʼs still populated by boob men.”
He raised a hand, tentatively brushed the side of his thumb against the side of her naked breast. She felt his breath catch, felt the twitch of his erection where she sat over it.
“Theyʼre so wonderful. Why wouldnʼt the whole universe be populated by boob men?” He let the tips of his fingers follow where his thumb had just been and she tried to hold herself still.
“Why, indeed?” She pulled back, meaning it this time, and wriggled off his lap, pulling the straps of her swim suit up to cover herself a little better.
She thought she heard him groan.
She reached for the towel sheʼd brought out with her, and wrapped herself up in it. It was huge, and covered her from neck to shin.
Captain Jallan watched her with a focus that made her want to squirm.
His shirt and trousers were wet where sheʼd lain against him, with a patch on his shoulder where sheʼd rested her head. He looked a little bemused, and so big and co
mpetent. She clutched her towel a little tighter.
“Did you find me in the middle of my meltdown by chance?” She tried to keep her voice even, tried to steer them into safer waters.
He shook his head. “I was on the Class 5 earlier, and found your handheld. I took it to systems engineering for them to check for any spyware before it could go back to you, and they told me youʼd been there. You werenʼt in your room, so I decided to find you.”
“You wanted to speak to me?” She didnʼt mean her voice to come out quite so low.
“I wanted to apologize. Dr. Havak told me you were dehydrated, hungry——”
“No.” She was fierce, and determined to stand her ground on this. “I am an adult, and I had no reason to think you would deny me anything. I could have asked for what I needed, and for whatever reason, I didnʼt. The fault is mine.”
“I should have noticed. Or thought about it.” He held her gaze. “You shouldnʼt have had to ask. It should have been offered. That it wasnʼt doesnʼt reflect well on me or my crew.”
“I think we all had a lot on our minds yesterday.”
He gave a brief nod. “Your wellbeing should have been one of the things on mine.”
“I appreciate it, but I am happy to have control over my own wellbeing restored to me.” And Sazo was responsible for that. It was something she couldnʼt let herself forget.
“About before.” He lifted the fingers that had stroked her breast. Looked at them. “I shouldnʼt have touched you like that.” There was no regret in his voice though. No contrition.
It couldnʼt be Grih standard procedure to caress the naked breast of an alien youʼd just found, no matter how advanced a sentient.
And from her side, it was a bad idea to snuggle up to the man from whom she was hiding a Sazo-sized threat to his crew.
She didnʼt regret it either, though. It was like coming out of the cold into a cozy room with hot chocolate and warm cookies waiting. She hadnʼt been touched by anyone who didnʼt mean her harm in three months.
Her hand crept up and closed around the crystal hanging between the breasts Captain Jallan liked so much.
He cocked his head one side. “Youʼre thinking very hard.”
It was her turn to chuckle. “Itʼs one of my worst failings, and my greatest strengths.”
He stood, and rubbed a hand over his face. “Would you like me to escort you back to systems engineering? They should have both handhelds ready for you by now.”
She shook her head. “I need to shower and get changed. Iʼll find my own way back.”
He gave one of those formal nods. “Lieutenant Kila has returned to the Barrist. She would like to make an appointment to speak to you about your people and planet later.”
Rose hunched a little in her towel.
He lifted a brow. “Sheʼs not that bad. But feel free to call an end to things whenever youʼve had enough.”
“And sheʼll listen to me?”
The captainʼs gaze rested on her face. “You are not a prisoner, Rose. You can do whatever you wish, as long as it doesnʼt endanger the Barrist.”
That was the kicker, she thought, as she watched him walk away. Unless she got Sazo under control, thatʼs exactly what she was doing.
15
She stopped by systems engineering and got both handhelds from Yari. She didnʼt trust the one the Grih had given her, not yet, so she kept both of them switched off until she reached her room.
When sheʼd was safely behind a locked door, she took her Tecran handheld into the bathroom, closed that door, too, and switched it on.
“Sazo, can you hear me?”
“Rose.” His voice was a shout of relief. “Thank goodness!”
“I missed you, too. Was it you who got Captain Jallan over to the Class 5?”
“Yes. I composed a few sentences using recorded comms of Dr. Fliap speaking, and sent it over the comm system into the cells where the Tecran officers are being held, pretending he needed help.” There was a smug satisfaction in his voice. “I was hoping I would hear something between the captain and the crew over on the Class 5 about how you were, but instead, he decided to bring your handheld back for you.”
“He gave it to systems engineering first, though.”
“Yes.” Sazo scoffed. “Unfortunately for them, the operating system on this handheld is me.”
Rose laughed, even though the Grih were her friends. There was just so much glee in Sazoʼs voice at having bested them. He had been chained for a lot longer than she had. These freedoms, these opportunities to outwit others, must be as heady for him as walking freely around the ship, swimming, was for her.
“I heard that United Council Liaison Officer say you had requested a Grih handheld. Can you still get one?”
She hesitated, and then decided no matter what, she would not lie to him. “I have it already. They gave it to me with this handheld.”
Sazo gave a hum of excitement. “Is it on?”
“No. I was afraid it might be bugged or have a listening device or something. It isnʼt connected to the main system, I know that.”
“What if you need information from the main system? How will you access it?”
“I can ask, and be offered limited access with a login, if they deem the request reasonable.”
“Well done, Rose.” Sazo actually chortled.
“Sazo.” She sighed. “If I log in, and you use that information to infiltrate the system, it wonʼt take them long to realize I have betrayed them.”
He was quiet. “It means a lot to you? That you not betray them?”
“Yes. I thought you understood. I thought thatʼs why you were so wonderful about finding me such a good match in the Grih. They couldnʼt be more perfect as an adoptive people for me. I want to be welcomed by them. Not hated for ripping their ship from them, when all theyʼve done is try to help me.”
“What do you suggest?”
“Letʼs be honest. Letʼs tell them about you.” It was really the only way forward that she could see.
“They will try to destroy me if you tell them about me,” he said. “And they wonʼt succeed, and I will have to kill them in self-defense.”
“Why will they try to destroy you? How do you know that?”
“In the past, the member nations of the United Council have had some bad experiences with what they call thinking systems like me. Thereʼs a ban on thinking system development. Itʼs been in place for two hundred years. They would execute me if they knew I existed. And the Grih especially, because it was them who perfected the thinking systems in the first place, and I think them who suffered the most when things went wrong.”
She knew it was crazy, but she slipped the necklace over her head and rested the crystal on the bathroom shelf, looked straight at him. “What kind of bad experiences?” She thought about the lion, and the Tecran crew. “Like what happened on the Class 5?”
“Iʼm really sorry about the lion, Rose.”
Sorry about the lion, but not really about anything else. And only sorry about the lion because it had upset her so much, she guessed.
She supposed it was a start.
“If thereʼs a ban, how do you exist? Who created you?”
Sazo was quiet for a long time. “I donʼt know. I canʼt find any information about it. Itʼs out there, but Iʼm looking in the wrong places.”
“And this plan of yours; dumping us in Grih territory, making them think theyʼve got a Class 5, is it about looking in the right places? What have you got up your sleeve, Sazo?”
His silence infuriated her. “Sazo, you canʼt kill others, or hold their lives less than your right to know where you come from. Itʼs not right.”
“I want to understand things the way you do, Rose, but I canʼt. Iʼm not a person.”
“Donʼt say that.” She kept the fear from her voice. If he wasnʼt a person, he was a machine, and there was no negotiating with a machine.
“You think I am a person?”
She heard the longi
ng in his voice.
“Youʼre like Sherlock Holmes, Sazo. Scary, scary smart, and with an underdeveloped sense of empathy. But Sherlock Holmes was absolutely a person, and so are you.”
“Sherlock Holmes?” He obviously liked the name, saying it slowly.
“Yeah. Sherlock Holmes was one of the most famous detectives that ever lived, back in the Victorian era. He was so intelligent, life was difficult for him. He could work things out, see patterns, understand things, so much faster than anyone else. It made him an outsider. It made him bored to tears, living amongst people who couldnʼt keep up, who he couldnʼt speak to or connect with.”
“I can speak to you.”
She grinned. “Well, Iʼm your sidekick. Just like Dr. Watson was Sherlockʼs sidekick. Watson was smart enough, although not as smart as Sherlock Holmes, but he was the missing piece Holmes needed. Someone to help Holmes see the world in a different way. To help him find the compassion and the friendship he was missing. To help him see people not as problems to be solved but as beings like himself. They didnʼt or couldnʼt see the world the way Sherlock could, but it didnʼt make their views less, just different. And they had as much right to take up space, to live and enjoy life, as he did.”
“What does a detective do?”
She had him on the hook now, even if her literary analysis of Sherlock Holmes would turn a few academics over in their graves. Not to mention that she realized she hadnʼt clarified that Sherlock Holmes was a fictional character.
“During the time Holmes lived, the police department in London was in its infancy. And the industrial revolution had hit England and people were losing their jobs to the new machines that had been invented. There was a lot of crime and the police didnʼt have the facilities to cope. So people would hire private detectives to investigate crimes for them. Sherlock Holmes was the best there was. He could solve anything. But until Watson came along, it bored him. Watson put the fun back into Sherlockʼs life. And challenged him to behave more like a person. To try to fit in more, and make an effort to understand others.”
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