by Jess Bentley
He’s still sleeping. I snuck down here by myself. Of course, going down the stairs really wasn’t easy after that night we had together. We pulled muscles I didn’t even know I had. Lacey would tease me for walking funny after a great night.
None of this is painless, even though in many ways it’s turning out to be wonderful.
I realize I’m in nearly the same situation as I was in before with Jeffrey. I’m with a man who can easily be ripped away from me. Sure, not for the same reasons, but in the end isn’t it the same thing? I can’t fight the government, so if they want me out, I’m out. That’s what I figure anyway. It’s stupid. I wasn’t even thinking when I was offered that job, and even so, I only worked there a couple days. But with my visa I should never have done it. Even though probably half the people in those kitchens work illegally.
It was my mistake. That’s the reality.
The coffee is hot, steaming, comforting. Like being with Kanen. Despite everything, I know I would never trade this time we’ve had together. Even if I were to be deported tomorrow, being with Kanen feels exhilarating, and sexy, and safe, and just plain good.
And that’s when it hits me—you know it’s real when you aren’t in it for something that might happen in the future. You know it’s real when each and every moment together is something you’d trade anything for.
When I realize that, forgiveness for Jeffrey erases another layer of pain inside me. Because somehow he knew that there was something more out there, and yet he stayed because he was afraid to hurt me. He knew both of us deserved more from life than we could ever give each other.
I shed real tears, now, tears of acceptance. Tears of love, and anger.
“I’m sorry, Jeffrey,” I say. I wonder if he’s with our baby in heaven. And as I look out the window to the glistening lake, I pray: “I wish we could have been what each other needed.”
But I know we never could have.
I should probably go home and start packing my things, just in case. Kanen’s cell phone is on the table in front of me, and it rings.
“Kanen’s phone,” I answer.
“Who’s this?”
“It’s Chastity,” I say. “He’s asleep.”
“That’s okay, Chastity, I can talk to you too, it’s fine.”
“Me?”
“Yes. I’m sure Kanen told you he sent me your case. Said you were having some trouble with immigration,” says the voice.
“Who am I talking to?” I ask.
“Oh, sorry,” says the voice with a laugh. “I’m Jack. I’m Kanen’s best friend, and now his lawyer. He told you he was going to send your stuff, didn’t he?”
“No, he didn’t mention it.” I’m confused.
“Ah. Well he wanted me to look over your immigration status, and see if there was a possibility to remove the threat to your continued residence in the US.”
“Oh! Okay,” I say. “And?” I’m holding my breath.
“Nothing so far,” He admits. “But as far as the possibilities he’s raised to deal with the problem, the possibility of getting married would certainly help your case.”
“Married?” I say quickly. “Uh, yes, okay.” I’m so confused, and my stomach is all butterflies, but I figure I should pretend that I know what he’s talking about. I’m not sure why. Married!
“Yes, you’d have more than one argument to stay if you were married to Kanen, so it’s not the worst idea.” He clears his throat. “I would imagine that all the charges could be dropped in that case.”
I make a small noise. Married! We hardly know each other. But I do know what we have is real.
“However, the allegations against the other gentleman, a Mr. Delbert Bowman, will have to be dealt with in court.”
“And what would the charges be?”
“Attempted voluntary manslaughter would probably be the highest charge we could get him on.”
“I see.”
“In any case, ask Kanen to call me, as I’d like to get his go-ahead on any and all matters with the government.”
“Will do, thank you.” The go-ahead? As I take down his message robotically, my head is swimming. What am I supposed to write? “Attempted manslaughter, court, marriage, immigration?” I rip up the message. “Call Jack.” I finish. Simple enough for a situation that’s anything but.
So that’s why he was talking about marriage. Just to be the big man and keep me in the country, solve the problem. Not because he loves me and wants to marry me.
What’s the point?
As I stare out the window, I hear Kanen come down the stairs, and swing by me on his crutches. I never knew someone could make crutches seem sexy, but then again I never met anyone like him before. He leans down to kiss me, stacks the crutches against the wall, and in one smooth motion pivots around and sits across from me. “You want some coffee?” I say.
“Sure. What’s wrong?”
“How is it that you can nearly read my mind?” I ask, frustrated. “How do you know something is wrong?”
“It’s because you’re a very honest person,” he smiles. “Your whole mind is reflected on your face. Now what’s wrong?”
I stand up and go to the coffee machine. “You need to talk to you friend, Jack.” “He called?”
“Yep. He had some pretty interesting things to say, too.” I stir some cream and sugar into Wrecker’s coffee. “What were they?” He asks, his eyes narrowing. “Doesn’t he think you can get out of these charges?”
“Oh, he thinks I can get out of them,” I say, my voice getting a little too high. “If we get married.” Kanen is quiet for a moment. “And what do you think of that?” He asks.
“I don’t want another sham marriage, Kanen!” I can’t stop the words from tumbling out. I’ve never talked about this, but now the floodgates have opened. “My husband didn’t love me, and married me anyway! I only found out after he died that we weren’t the happy couple I thought we were. I didn’t even know!” I’m trying to breathe, I put the coffee back down on the counter and brace myself against it. Then his arms are around me, his hands snaking around to my stomach and his chin in my neck. “He didn’t love me and I didn’t have any idea! He didn’t want our child, and our child died!”
“Chastity,” he breathes. “I’m not your ex-husband. I’m a different person. And girl,” he pauses, and the look in his dark eyes is soft and true, “don’t you know I love you?”
“But I don’t want you to marry me out of pity!” I cry. He turns me around, and I notice he’s on one foot and struggling a little. “Do you want a chair?”
“No, baby.” He hangs on to the counter and slides down until he’s kneeling on that one leg, and looks up at me. I cover my mouth with my hands. “Chastity,” he says softly. “It would be the greatest honor of my life, if you, the most beautiful woman I’ve ever met, and the only one I can trust with everything,” he fishes around in his pocket and pulls out a small, modest ring, very much at odds with the opulence of everything around, “would be my wife?”
I hold out my trembling hand. “Do you mean it, Kanen?” My voice is as shaky as my hand is when he puts the ring on it.
“This ring was my mother’s,” he coughs a little. “She wasn’t much of a lady, but she did her best. This is where I come from, Canada. Not the richest people, but the poorest, most downtrodden. If you can accept me like this, then I think we need to marry.”
“Oh Kanen,” I blubber. “It’s beautiful!” And it is. An antique ring, a patina on the old silvery surface, with a tiny princess cut diamond. “I love it!”
He clears his throat now. “Really, Chastity?” He collapses down and is sitting on the floor, and he rubs his eyes a little before coughing again. “Really?”
“So much yes,” I say, and get down on the floor with him. “I love that you gave me this ring. It makes me feel so much more that you want me, that you love me, and want me to love you, than if you tried to represent our love with a huge diamond. Knowing that this is your past ma
kes me feel like I’m your future.”
“I love you Chastity, I really do,” he finally says, awe in his eyes as he looks at me. He’s really seeing me now, and I know that we are meant to be together, that all this crazy stuff happened for a good reason, and that we can be together forever.
“I’m not sure I want a big wedding,” Kanen says finally. “Are you all right with that? The only people I’d have on my side are the kids from the Center and the cowboys, and those two groups probably shouldn’t mix.”
“We can figure that all out later,” I say, hugging him as tightly as my arms will let me. “Right now, let’s just celebrate the fact that we are going to grow old together!”
“I can’t imagine anything I’d like to do more, Canada,” he says.
“Canada! I have to call my parents!” I say. “And Lacey!”
“Let them wait,” he smiles wickedly and pulls me in for a long, slow, sweet and sexy kiss. It makes me wetter than ever to kiss him like this on the floor, with a ring on my finger. We collapse onto the floor, and even with his sore leg, I can feel him standing at attention, his desire hard against my leg. His hands are all over my body, kissing me, loving me, and I pull down my pants quickly and then his, as gently as I can, before going to kiss and lick every inch of his length. But he pulls me up. “Babe,” he says, in a voice that is soft and low, “I need to be inside you.”
“I couldn’t be more happy to oblige,” I say, kissing my way up his chest, and then spreading my legs to poise myself over his quivering purple cock. He enters me without protection, and skin-to-skin contact makes me shiver. “Oh you feel so good, I feel like I could come right now,” I whisper.
“Hold your horses, Canada,” he says softly, and then his hips start to buck gently. I ride his cock, swiveling my hips as his hands direct me, watching those dark eyes flash with each movement. “That’s good, baby,” he whispers and my insides contract at the sound of his voice, which in turn makes him close his eyes and groan. We move in synchrony, as the light from the little diamond flashes delicately on my third finger.
“I love you, Wrecker,” I say.
“I love you too, Canada,” he whispers back.
Thirty-Two
Epilogue
“Hey babe, can you take Imogen to the river today?” Kanen asks me. “I’m going to make lunch for us before I go to the center.”
“Sure, no problem,” I say. I’m always happy to go to the river, and it’s even nicer with our little one. It reminds me of when we first met two years ago, and fell in love. Finding out that Kanen had all this property was certainly a blessing, although he knows I would have loved him either way. Now that it’s ours, it just means that much more. There are so many memories at the river. We even had our wedding ceremony near there, in an open field. He relented his stance on the ceremony after he met a few of my family members and they welcomed him with open arms. It still wasn’t crazily opulent like some weddings in the society pages, but it was us.
It was a beautiful day—sunny, and with a little breeze. Lacey was my maid of honor, and she looked lovely in her beaded champagne-colored dress, that clung to her body like she insisted, but still was a lot more classy than our preferred waitressing attire. But the most lovely thing about her was her awestruck smile as I said, “I do” to one of the most famous cowboys in the state. Seeing her with that big grin made me tear up, and before long she was pulling tissues from her bouquet and mopping her eyes carefully lest her makeup run. There were tents dotting the landscape, and so many people from all around attended: my family from up north, and lots of important families in Texas, although as he told me, Kanen’s actual relatives were rare. I know that for him, getting married ended up meaning he was building a family of his own, one that he could count on. For me, all I’ve ever wanted was to have a man who would really want to be with me with all his heart. So much so that he would fight to keep me with him, even when everything seemed against us, that he would show me the most vulnerable part of himself, and know that I would accept him for who he is.
He’s no longer the Wrecker, either. With the money that we were awarded for what happened with that madman, the extensive damages from him being convicted not only of the manslaughter charge but for a hate crime, we were able to make even more of the Center. The kids and the people at the restaurant were only too happy to testify on our behalf against that racist and as it turned out, they barely even had to. He was so unhinged that he couldn’t even keep his viciousness to himself during the trial. He called Kanen and the kids and me all manner of disgusting names, that made the judge even more disposed on our behalf. Then the animal cruelty charges were the icing on the cake, so to speak, so we got funding for our horses and our riding program at the Center, as well as a tidy sum to keep watch over the rodeo bulls. The only people who seemed to get off nearly scot-free were the rodeo clowns that failed to protect him that day, but Kanen seemed to understand that they were probably put in a bad position needing the cash, and nobody could really prove a case against them. Still, they no longer work for the rodeo.
With the money we won in the settlement, Kanen and I now bring in lots of community members to help run it, as well as hire permanent security to keep it safe for everyone involved. It now even has classes on Native culture, art and languages. Kanen attends them and tries to remember what little he knew from his time with his mother. He’s opening to lots of kids in need of all races, because after all the horrible racism he encountered he wants to break down barriers in the community, and have all kinds of people learn more about America’s roots. People are responding really well, and I couldn’t be prouder of him.
The kids are always impressed to see him working next to them in class or at the gym. They still see him as a hero, and that makes me happy, because honestly, so do I. Kanen built so much from his windfall in life, a windfall that could only have made a dent in the mess of his upbringing. He could have turned to drugs, or wasted it all on extravagant purchases. But he didn’t. He made the most of it and now has a lot more than he originally got to show for it. What’s more is that he doesn’t feel like he has to prove anything to anyone. He knows what he means to me, to Imogen, and to our baby on the way, and risking life and limb riding bulls is no longer on the docket.
Sure he still rides, but only horses. He keeps a dozen or so on his ranch, and brings the kids from the center to ride them a couple times a week. It’s so cute to see him leading a trail with a bunch of children who think he’s just the cat’s meow.
We still like to live simply, Kanen and I, despite his wealth. I suppose it’s our wealth since we’re a family now, but since it’s almost always just tied up in investments I don’t really think of it. I just enjoy time with Imogen while I still can run around with her—before I’m too pregnant to even bend over and pick her up. We paddle around in the pool, or play in the garden. And of course, we go to the river.
That’s why days like this are so precious. To know that my time is no longer wasted trying to find out something to do, because I don’t have someone to trust, or someone I can believe loves me. It would have been so much easier for him to let me go. As easy as it was hard for Jeffrey. Kanen’s not the type to keep important feelings inside, either. He works them out himself, and if he can’t, then he talks them out with me or his best guy friend, the man who helped get me out of the most sticky of situations.
I take the long way to the river, each moment reminding me of Kanen and building our life together. Imogen Nadie is stirring in her baby wrap, ready to stretch her legs as she looks up at the sky by the river. She probably is fixing to eat something as well. Listen to me, turning Southern, I think, smiling to myself. I don’t get up North too often, as my family prefers to come here and visit, and stay in Kanen’s place. He’s kind to them and takes good care of them, but I run interference between them so he can get a lot of alone time. I’ve come to understand what he needs and since I trust him implicitly, I know that we’re meant to be together whe
n we are together, but give him lots of space when he needs it. It makes me feel good to take care of his needs.
Imogen is bumping around my chest. She’s for certain ready for a little boob. I quicken my pace so that she can get a snack as soon as possible. We traipse through the woods until I find that spot were Kanen and I first made love, and have made love many days since. It’s not because it has the best view, though it does; it’s because it was ours, and now I want to be our family’s place. For a really, really long time.
“Imogen Nadie,” I tell the little one as she roots. “We’re here!”
She coos as I untie her, and I lay the wrap down on the grass and then, more gently, her. I take my shirt up and hold her to me, and as I gaze out on the water, she contentedly sucks away at me. I adjust so I’m lying against a tree, and Imogen snuggles in. I guess we fall asleep, because I’m woken by a voice.
“Hey Canada,” Kanen says, and sits beside me.
“To what do I owe this honor?” I ask, smiling broadly, looking up at his figure silhouetted in the sun.
“I got sorted out early,” he says. “I figured I would come and spend time with my two favorite girls.”
“Super,” I smile. I lay Imogen down on the wrap, between my knees, and Kanen puts his arm around me. I love it when he can’t resist being with us. He pulls me to him and kisses my neck, then my lips, still making me tingle like the first day he touched my hand—the hand that now features that beautiful single diamond that sparkles in the sun, polished monthly to a high shine. He grabs that hand and holds it while he kisses me hard.
“Hey, don’t turn me on too much,” I grin. “You know I can’t resist you, and Imogen is here.”
“I’m going to take good care of you tonight, once she’s asleep,” he says softly. “Very good care.”
