by Alexa Riley
The worst part is I can’t say one bad thing about her. She is utterly likable in every way. Not only that, but she fits in with Bray. When I tried to fit in, I failed. The look on his face tonight when he saw me was crushing. Not until he could see that I was upset did he try to correct the problem. And I can’t help but think it was just to soothe me so I’d be more docile for the evening.
I tried for him, something I told myself I’d never do, and it still isn’t enough. Why do I keep doing this to myself? Try to be something I’m not. Never once has it worked. We can’t change who we are, it’ll always bleed through. And I don’t want to change how I am. I love who he is, and smudging his straight lines, causing havoc in his world is what makes me love him more.
The morning light starts to flood through the large glass windows, casting light across the room. The remnants of my dress lie destroyed on the floor. Now the dress doesn’t seem so ‘not me’ anymore. He told me hated the thing when he ripped it from me. It also seems he didn’t like me out in public with him. I tried to fit into his world, to be what he wanted, instead of just plain old me. It wasn’t enough and it’s time for me to go.
I feel a light kiss on my neck and Bray slides from the bed. It’s Saturday but I’m sure he’s going to work. He works every day without exception. I’ve tried to bait him to stay home a few times but my efforts are fruitless.
I lie there, pretending to be a sleep while I listen to him do his morning routine. I haven’t spent much of the money he’s given me over the past month. I have over five grand stashed because he’s been paying me in cash. That’s more than enough to hold me over for a while, until I can find myself a job, maybe even a little apartment.
The thought of never seeing Bray again rips at my heart, but if I don’t do this sooner rather than later it will only be worse. It’s better to make a clean break, fast and quick. I’m sure he’ll find someone else to take my place. Now that he has this craving for sex he can’t seem to sate, he’ll also find out that I’m nothing special. A warm body is a warm body, and maybe he can find one that isn’t so embarrassing. One that he can take out with him in public, and that he doesn’t have to hide away in his home.
When I feel his lips press to mine, I open my eyes and deepen the kiss. It’s my last taste of Bray and I want to remember it. Or maybe I’m wrong. Maybe I’ve misread everything and I’m throwing away the best thing that’s ever happened to me.
Pulling back I look up at him.
“Stay home with me today,” I plead, showing everything I feel in my eyes. “Maybe we can go out, get some lunch, and go to the park or something. It’s been forever since I went to a museum. I saw the Salvador Dali exhibit is in town. I would love to see it.” He raises his eyebrows as if he’s contemplating it. I silently beg for him to stay. Show me that I mean more, that you aren’t embarrassed to be out with me.
“Not today, Tink. I’m sorry I have—”
“A million things to do. I know,” I say, cutting him off. I don’t try to hide my disappointment.
He just stands and stares at me as if debating something.
“Maybe I’ll stop by and bring you lunch?” I ask, trying to hide the pleading tone in my voice. Now I’m just grasping for a reason to stay. As if that would really show me he wants me here.
“I can’t do that either, I’ll have people coming and going in my office all day.”
“Well, I can wait. Maybe slip in between people or something.” Jesus, I’m pathetic. Begging for an extra crumb of his time.
“I’d rather not have you just sitting outside my office.”
And there it is. He doesn’t want people to know about me. Why did he take me to the event last night? I feel my anger rising and I can’t stop the question from coming out of my mouth, though it doesn’t matter at this point. I’m leaving either way.
“Why did you take me last night?” I snap out.
“Tink,” he says, leaning in and brushing his fingers through my hair like he’s looking for something. “I’m sorry for how last night went, but I promise I won’t take you to another event, so don’t be angry with me.”
I can’t help but let out a little laugh at that. He thinks I don’t want to go because of how people treated me? No, I can deal with snide looks and judgmental attitudes, because they mean nothing to me. It’s his that bothers me. It’s always been his since the moment he stepped into that coffee shop. His judgments and comments rip at my heart. I can tell other people to shove it up their asses, but when the looks come from him, I feel like a chastised child who can’t meet the standards.
“Thanks, Vanilla. I appreciate it,” I say, sliding from the bed. “It’s fine. If you’re busy I’ll just meet up with my brother today.” Making my way to the bathroom, I realize I don’t have much stuff here that’s really mine. I can be out the door in ten minutes.
“You’ll do no such thing,” he growls from behind me. I turn to see his face is hard and he’s gearing up to fight me on this. But what’s the point? I’m leaving either way and he’ll never understand How can I abandon the one person who has always been there for me? When I was hungry would give me that last bite of food, protect me when I needed it. Sam might not being doing that now but now I was capable of doing it for him I had to.
“Okay.” He eyes me suspiciously, but I keep my face impassive.
Eating up the distance between us, he cups my face in his big hands.
“You’ll stay in this condo today. We clear on that, Tink?”
I just nod my head. I’m going to miss being called that.
He places his forehead to mine and closes his eyes as he takes a soft kiss from my lips.
When he pulls back he looks calmer than he did moments ago when he thought I was going to go out. Another reason I should get out of here. Not only doesn’t he take me out in public with him, but he doesn’t want me to leave his condo at all. In fact, now that I think about it, I haven’t left in weeks. Everything else he’s been having delivered, even the groceries. Is it so bad he really doesn’t want anyone to know I’m here, or is his addiction to sex worse than I thought?
“Keep your phone close,” he says, placing one last kiss on my lips before leaving the room. I wait until I hear the front door click closed, then I start to pack my things.
It doesn’t take long to get what few items I have together. Counting the money I confirm I have a little more than five grand in cash. The only thing of Bray’s I have is the phone, and I don’t want to be accused of taking something that isn't mine.
I scroll through the phone until I find Sam’s number and press call. It rings once and the voice on the other end makes my skin crawl.
“Becs, I’ve been waiting for your call,” Nico says into the phone.
“Where’s Sam,” I shoot back, not wanting to talk to Nico. I’m sure he’s still pissed about the whole club incident.
“Is that any way to treat your man? I’m going to have to teach you some manners.”
“Fuck off, Nico. I would never take you up on your deal.”
“Oh, Becs, I think you’ll do whatever I tell you if it keeps Sam breathing.”
His words snake up my spine and I can feel the blood rush to my ears.
“I can pay.”
“Yes, you can,” he says in a tone that implies I won’t be paying with money.
“With cash, Nico,” I grit out. I grip the phone so hard I’m surprised it hasn't cracked.
“I have enough cash. I have something else in mind.”
“First, where is he?” I need to know how much time I have. Does he already have Sam or can I stall?
“Oh, he’s safe for now. The cops have him in custody but when they’re done with him, I’ll take his life or I’ll take you. I need collateral to make sure Sam keeps his fucking mouth shut and you’re going to be it.”
“Collateral?” I question.
“Sam let himself fall into the cops’ hands, and he knows a little too much for my liking, but I’m guessing
he’ll keep his mouth shut if I have you.”
“Fine. Just don’t hurt him,” I say, but no way am I going to let Nico have me. Maybe I can get Sam out of jail and we can run. I have the five grand. We can start over somewhere else.
“Good. Come to the club tonight,” he says before the line goes dead. Typical Nico, he doesn’t question if I’ll be there because he thinks I will be, and maybe I will if I can’t get to Sam first.
Dropping the cell phone onto the nightstand, I look around to see if I’m forgetting anything. My bracelet is lying next to the phone but for some reason I want to leave it. Bray said he liked it. I want something of me to stay with him, because I’ll always keep a piece of him with me.
Sliding my backpack on, I make my way to the front door. The call only confirms that it’s better that I leave Bray behind. If he found out about Sam and Nico he would never let me go. It’s time to stop pretending like Bray’s world is mine. No that’s not true, he didn't let me pretend to be a part of his world. We can’t stop the real world from seeping in anymore. It’s time to face reality.
BRAY
I slide into the back of the town car and Hank pulls away from the curb. I look back at the building and touch my finger to my lips.
I have a lot happening today, and my mental checklist is full. I start to go through my day, but my little fairy keeps coming to mind. By the time I’m at the office, I’m annoyed with my inability to concentrate around thoughts of her. I can’t get Rebecca out of my mind, and I have this overwhelming feeling that I need to go back to her.
My job is demanding and it’s all I’ve been able to do to spend the hours I can with her. I hate every second I’m apart from my fairy, and I’m realizing that work isn’t as important as it once was. The drive I once had for it isn't as strong.
Cindy has been in and out a dozen times with files and notes and reminders of meetings. I know I should have all this already mentally prepared, but I can’t focus on anything but my Tink. The last time she walked in I just snapped at her to get out, not even letting her finish her sentence.
I lean back in my chair and look out the window to the city below.
“What am I doing?” I ask myself. The only place I want to be is by Rebecca’s side. I saw the pleading look in her eyes this morning, but I was selfish and could only think about my meetings. Nothing in the world is more important to me than my Tinkerbell, and I made the mistake of not showing her. In my quest to try to control my feelings for her, I’ve distanced myself, and that’s not what I want. I’m scared to death I’ll end up obsessed like my father was, but I have to let her know how I feel. I have to tell her I love her.
I’ve already made more money than I could spend in a lifetime, and I have enough staff to take over my responsibilities. Frankly, it’s time. My obsessive behavior has created a controlling monster and I’m ready to let it go.
Spinning my chair around, I get back on my computer to send some emails. I create a memo and send it to all my project managers, letting them know I’ll be out of the office for an extended amount of time and informing them of who they need to report to. It only takes me about an hour to get all my ducks in a row, and then suddenly my to-do list for the day contains one task: Rebecca.
I grab my suit coat and leave my office. On the way out, I hear Cindy behind me asking questions about the email she just received from me, letting her know she’s being relocated to another manager. I don’t take the time to explain everything to her, because it’s in the email, so I just redirect her to my second in command. The doors to the elevator close as she’s still speaking, but the only thing I hear is the beat of my heart. For the first time in my life, I feel alive.
When I step outside and Hank is waiting on me, I’m bouncing with excitement. As I climb in the back seat, I get the urge to check Rebecca’s GPS on her phone. I don’t know why the feeling has come over me, but when I see that it hasn’t moved I relax a little.
I have Hank stop on the way home so I can buy Tink flowers. Then we make another stop at the drugstore and I buy her boxes of the hair dye she uses.
I can feel the smile on my face as I enter the building and head up to the penthouse. I’m going to find her and tell her I love her the second I see her. And before I lose the nerve. I can do this. I can give my heart to her. I can make up for every hour I was away from her, and never leave her side again. I can tell her how perfect she is, and how scared I am of these feelings. I will tell her everything about my past. Everything.
I burst through the elevator and feel elated. “Rebecca!” I shout and go to the master bedroom.
“Tink! Where are you?” I sing and start to walk around the house. I walk through every room, even the gym, and my panic starts to rise.
“Rebecca!” I shout again, but this time it’s angry.
I walk back to the master bedroom again and go to the closet, looking around for her things. Her clothes are gone. I go to the bed, and when I spot her cellphone and bracelet on the nightstand, my heart starts to beat out of my chest with panic. I pick up her phone and look through the call log, seeing she called her brother an hour ago. I hold the phone in a death grip and all my anger comes to the surface.
“Motherfucker!” I scream and throw the phone across the room, watching it shatter into a thousand pieces as it hits the wall.
I pull out my own phone and hit Hank’s number. I don’t wait on his greeting before I start barking orders into the phone.
“She left about an hour ago. The last call was to her brother. The phone is useless now, so don’t ask about it. She may have been taken, but it doesn’t look like there was a struggle. I don’t know but I want her home and I mean by tonight. You got that?”
“I’ll take care of it,” Hank confirms and ends the call.
I pick up her bracelet off the nightstand and squeeze it in my hands. I want to smash it into pieces as well, but I can’t. I love it because it reminds me of my Tink. I sit on the edge of the bed and hold it in my hands as if it were my fragile fairy. I close my eyes and hang my head, because I know what this means. If she were coming back I wouldn’t hurt like this, because in this moment I feel it in my soul.
She’s left me.
BECS
Three months later
“Spread your fucking legs. I want in there,” Nico says before I hear the headboard start to hit wall.
I’ve been here for maybe thirty-six hours but it feels like an eternity. I’m actually thankful for the loud banging and moans coming from the next room, it keeps the sleep at bay. It reminds me of being back in the foster system, only this time when I fall asleep there’s no one to protect me. The irony of it all is the one person who used to be my shield is the reason I’m trapped in this room. Sam. I’m not sure where he is, and I haven’t seen him for days.
“Clean yourself up. You’re working the VIP room tonight.” The woman huffs at Nico’s words, and I hear them moving around in the next room.
When I hear Nico’s door open I hold my breath, hoping he won’t come in here. That hope dies moments later when the door to my room swings open, with Nico filling the doorway, shirtless and with his jeans still undone. His jet black hair is tousled, as if the woman had been running her hands through it. The idea makes me cringe.
“Finally quit all that vomiting shit?” he says, strolling into the room. I can’t help but push myself further into the corner as he takes up more space. The bed is pressed up against the wall and I’m only cornering myself more, but there’s nowhere else to go. The only thing in the room is the full-size bed, a sheet, and some little pillows that have seen better days. The only window in the room has been sealed over with bricks, which looks to be a freshly finished job. I’m not sure where I’m at or if it’s day or night. All I know is how I got here, and that’s only in pieces.
Things had been going okay for Sam and me. I found a little studio apartment in a decent area of town. They wanted me to fill out all this paperwork, but I talked the manager out of it
by paying six months’ rent up front. I used the money I had from working for Bray all those months. It took a big chunk out of it, but I picked up a job doing paperwork for a construction company shortly after. The lady in the office just paid me in cash under the table, and I did odds and ends around the office for her.
Sam has been clean since I bailed him out of jail. We just needed to stay low until Nico forgot about us. But it seems Sam ran right to him when he needed a fix. When Nico found me walking home from work he slammed my head up against the side of his car and he pulled me into the vehicle. When I finally came to, I was in this room and couldn’t stop vomiting. I’m still not sure if it was the impact of the blow that made me so sick or the morning sickness. I thought I was past that stage of my pregnancy, but I guess not. At the thought of my baby, my hands protectively cover my little baby bump.
Nico follows my movements, and a sinister smile spreads across his face. The look makes my heartbeat accelerate. He’s been leaving me alone for the most part, but he let me know Sam gave me up without so much as a fight. His words feel like an axe through the heart, because I never thought Sam would betray me.
“Now don’t be like that, Becs. That baby is going to make us a whole lot of fucking money,” he says, taking a few steps closer to me. I push back against the wall in a pointless attempt to get more space from him. Which only gets me a glare.
“You’re lucky, you know,” he says, grabbing the sheet from the bed and tossing it to the floor. “If that baby wasn’t his, I would get rid of it. You were supposed to be mine. But then I found out who he is, and what he is really worth. He’s not just some rich boy. Nope. You went and snagged yourself a billionaire. I’m betting he’s going to pay big money to get you or that baby back.”
“I wouldn’t be so sure of that if I was you,” I whisper, bringing my knees up to my chest, trying to physically disappear. Without the sheet I have no protection from him at all. After I had thrown up on myself, he gave me a shirt to wear. His. It smells like him and I can’t stand it, but it is better than nothing.
