by Faye Avalon
“He already knows he can trust you, so just keep at it. Dogs live in the moment, remember? They don’t give a fly about what happened months ago, just what’s happening in the now.”
Well it was a damn pity humans didn’t follow suit, Beth thought. If they did, if she did, she’d likely be looking forward to a night snuggling up to Marco. “Do you really think that’s true? That they don’t remember?”
“Not saying they don’t remember. Just that they don’t give it much thought. The present is too interesting, exciting. I guess they focus on all the fun they’re having now, which sort of obliterates what went before. Anyway, better get going. Got to take a look at the Akita cross that’s just come in.”
As he reached the door, Philip paused and turned back to her. “Are you okay?”
Beth lifted her chin and offered him a smile. “I’m fine.”
He kept his gaze steady on hers for a long moment before nodding.
He left, but his words echoed in Beth’s head. If she applied canine philosophy to humans, maybe she’d gotten it all wrong with Marco. She’d let the past obliterate all the fun she’d been having with him. Allowed old memories of betrayal, of hurt ruin the present moment. Lived in fear of letting anyone close enough to hurt her so desperately again.
Thoughtful, Beth tapped her pen on the desk. What if she took a leaf out of the dogs’ philosophy manual and let all that had gone before fade into insignificance? What if she simply stepped into the now? What if she focused on all the good stuff she shared with Marco and finally put the past in its proper place?
Since she and Marco had parted, she had questioned herself. Over and over. She couldn’t blame him for accusing her of not trusting him. She’d used every opportunity to fling Amber in his face, to challenge what she’d considered his failure to include her, to be honest with her.
In fact, he’d taken every opportunity to include her. He had been honest with her. Whenever she’d confronted him, he’d been up front.
She’d thrown away what they’d had because she’d been too shortsighted to see she’d used Marco’s relationship with Amber as a shield. She’d been unwilling to step out of the past and too scared to step into the future.
Was it too late? Could she make things right?
For the first time in two weeks she felt a loosening around her ribcage. Around her heart.
It wouldn’t be easy. She wasn’t stupid enough to think it would be. But to give herself any chance of happiness, she had to make it happen. Hell. She would make it happen.
As a new determination stormed through her, it was accompanied by a feeling of rightness. A feeling so strong she wondered why she’d ever allowed herself to wallow in so much crap.
Bolstered by her newfound strength of purpose, her glowing resolve, she dug out her cell phone.
With the phone in her hand she paused. She needed to prove to Marco she was worth another chance. That they were worth another chance. Words alone wouldn’t do it, she had to back it up with action.
Beth scrolled through her contacts list until she found the number she thought she’d never have need to call again.
Nerves danced in her stomach as she tapped the icon, raised the phone to her ear, and waited.
****
At the foot of his stairs, Marco hesitated before stepping into the bar. His first evening off for two damn weeks and he was destined to spend it at Amber and Ethan’s place helping with seating plans and order of speeches. Not that he begrudged them their happiness, he just wished he didn’t have it shoved in his damn face. Especially right now.
He surveyed the early evening crowd filling Papa Niko’s.
“Okay, boss?”
Marco turned at his barman’s question. Kevin had been tending bar for almost five years and had been one of his uncle’s favorite people. Marco relied on him and counted him as a friend as well as an employee. “Looks like a busy one. Think you’ll be okay? I can stick around if you think you’ll need another hand.”
Kevin smirked. “Don’t want to spend the evening fulfilling best man duties?”
Marco smirked back. “Members of staff who stick their beaks into their employer’s business often find themselves looking for alternative employment.”
“You can’t do without me.” Kevin slapped Marco on the back. “But in answer to your question, yes, we’ll be okay. Go enjoy your evening, boss.”
“Smug bastard.”
Kevin laughed and sauntered off.
Marco couldn’t quite bring himself to return Kevin’s laughter, probably because he hadn’t felt much like laughing for some time.
He wasn’t going to acknowledge that his lack of humor had anything to do with Beth walking out on him, nor was he going to admit he missed her.
Shit, he’d give pretty much anything to put things right between them. To see her walking into the bar, her hair falling around her shoulders, or even tied back in that ponytail deal she wore for work. Those eyes flashing in anger, gleaming with evil intent, or smiling at him. He didn’t give a fuck. He just wanted her.
They’d work something out. He’d work something out. Except it wasn’t that easy. A person couldn’t build a relationship simmering with the stench of resentment, distrust, or dishonesty.
He didn’t see a way around it. At heart she didn’t trust him. And for him, that was a deal breaker. Okay, he may skirt around the truth, err on the side of caution when it came to outright stating things he knew would upset someone, but he wasn’t a liar. And he wasn’t a cheat.
He’d been wrong not telling Beth about Amber’s suggestion, but what was the damn point? It would have upset her and they’d be exactly where they were right now. Apart.
When you looked at the bigger picture, things were probably how they were meant to be. Which meant he’d have to suck it up. Endure the pain of not having her around. The pain that seemed to settle under his ribcage and squeeze into his heart whenever he thought of her, which was pretty much all the damn time.
He had to get a fucking grip. Had to get over Beth and suffer an evening of watching Amber and Ethan make doe eyes at each other.
Shit. He was a morose son of a bitch. He’d be better talking himself up rather than wallowing in self pity, especially seeing as Amber would likely grill him about the breakup with Beth.
He took one last look along the bar, checked the barrels, the decanters. Satisfied he had no more reasons to delay his departure, he started to lift the bar counter top.
Awareness shimmered along his spine, something primal and instinctive. He looked over toward the entrance door.
Beth.
Her hair flowed around her shoulders, while the dark blue dress she wore fitted where it touched and ended mid thigh. As she walked toward him, he reacquainted himself with the heart-stopping beauty of her. She didn’t so much walk, but rather glided on those long legs, those killer heels.
His gaze met hers as she arrived at the bar.
She placed her bag on the counter. “White wine, please.”
Her eyes, all blue fire and determination, bored into him, burning his flesh, heating his blood. Why was she here? To taunt him? Make him see that if he didn’t want her another man would? The thought pushed anger into his belly. “I’m off duty. Ask someone else.”
Her gaze didn’t flicker, but she swallowed. “I’m asking you.”
The dark red gloss slicked across her mouth made him want to yank her across the counter and kiss her senseless, but until he was sure what the hell was going on, he’d be best keeping his distance, keeping his cool.
But fuck, his heart thumped like a relentless boxer’s fist against a training bag; his blood burned in his veins. No way in heaven was he handing her over to Kevin or one of the other bar staff, not when one look at her made his throat dry as parchment. “Large or small?”
“Large.”
He narrowed his eyes. “Are you driving?”
“I wasn’t planning to.”
Her words, and their sensuous delivery, fueled
the inferno simmering in his chest. “This isn’t a pick-up joint.”
She smiled, his dark tone no doubt having alerted her to the knowledge he wasn’t entirely unaffected by her. That he still wanted her, still desired her. Still fucking needed her.
“I wasn’t planning on being picked up, either.”
Because he still felt the urge to yank her across the counter, he slipped his hands in his pockets. “Why are you here? There are plenty of other drinking establishments closer to your neck of the woods.”
She kept her eyes fixed on his, but this time her chin rose an inch and she didn’t swallow. “I came to see you.”
Inside his pockets, his fists bunched. “Well, here I am.”
“Yes.” Now she did swallow. “Can I get that drink? Better still, will you join me?”
“I’m heading out.”
She hesitated as if she’d been about to say something but thought better of it. “I’m sure you could spare a few minutes. Can we go upstairs? To talk?”
He wasn’t sure his nerve would hold out if they went upstairs into the privacy of his apartment. Yet as he glanced around, he noticed a few men’s gazes linger on Beth and a blistering heat flared in his veins again. “Three minutes.”
Her smile was tentative. “Thanks.”
He lifted the counter top and stepped back to let her through. Since she already knew her way, he followed her, glaring at Kevin’s waggled eyebrows as they headed out the back.
He tried to keep his eyes off her ass as he followed her upstairs, but that dress really didn’t leave much to the imagination. He knew her flesh was as firm as it looked, that from the outline through her dress, she wore a thong. As his cock jerked in his pants, he wondered what colour it was. Blue like the dress? Or red, his favorite? Fuck. Now he was the one swallowing.
Inside his sitting room, she placed her bag down and turned to face him. “I’m feeling really nervous, so it’s best I just blurt out what I want to say.”
“I’ve only a few minutes.”
His voice seemed deeper, gruffer each time he spoke. No doubt she’d noticed, because she clasped her hands in front of her and moved them nervously. He hated making her feel this way, but shit, he was going to protect himself. She wasn’t going to stir him up again and then walk out. These last couple of weeks, he’d suffered. Erratic sleep, lost appetite, poor concentration. Not that things had improved much, but he was getting there.
Liar.
“At first, I thought what we had was fun and exciting,” she said, interrupting his thoughts. “I was happy just to enjoy the sex. Then I started to have feelings for you, and along with that all the old insecurities and suspicions from what happened with James and my sister re-emerged.”
“I get that.” Because he did, his chest loosened a little.
“When you mentioned that Amber was special to you I suppose I started to look for those spooks. I convinced myself it was okay because you and she were just friends, but when Amber told me you’d slept together, it was like my suspicions had been confirmed and I had a right to them. You hadn’t told me. I thought I had a right to feel let down.”
“Maybe you did,” Marco said quickly. “I should have told you myself.”
“Let me do this,” she said with a flicker of a smile. “Let me say what I need to say before I chicken out.”
Since he still wasn’t entirely sure what direction this was going, he nodded. “Okay.”
“When I knew about the woman you and Ethan had shared, I felt a whole different type of concern. Up until then I thought I was dealing with my paranoia. Then I realized for two men to be willing to share a woman, well, the sex must be pretty out there. I started to worry if I could match that.” She shrugged. “Something must have driven James into my sister’s arms, right?”
“James is a fucking moron.”
Her smile was more confident this time. “Even so, I suppose I had this sort of crisis of sexual confidence. It was scary how needy I’d become. Hard to swallow that realization when I’ve always been sure of myself, of who I am.”
“Hard not to take a hit after what happened to you.”
“Yes.” She sucked in a long breath. “I could leave it at that, let you think that was all of it, but it isn’t.”
His chest grew tighter. “Okay.”
“I thought about why you’d had that threesome, what had driven you to do it. All I could come up with was that you needed the stimulation, the excitement. So I threw caution to the wind and decided to try anything, everything. Whatever you suggested, I agreed to. I imagined you’d done most things with that first woman you and Ethan had shared, then with Amber. It felt like I had to compete, try harder.”
Marco felt like someone had punched him square in the gut. “You’re saying all that stuff we did together. In bed. That was because you wanted to prove some idiot point about being as good as Amber?”
“Partly.”
“Shit. Do you realize how that makes me feel?”
She stepped forward a pace. “Tell me.”
“Like an insensitive moron.” His jaw ached with the effort to get the words out. “Like I somehow forced you into doing things you didn’t want, that at any other time you might have refused to do. It makes me feel like a fucking brute.”
“No.” Now she stepped right up against him. “Whatever we did you were sensitive, understanding, and amazing. I loved what we did together. Every single thing. And it gave me back my confidence, my belief in my own power as a woman.”
She reached up and touched his cheek, easing some of the tightness in his face, in his chest. “I spouted on at you for not being honest with me, and yet you always were. I was just too inside my own head, dealing with my own doubts and expectations, to realize it. Yet I realized I was equally to blame for not being honest with you.
“I thought I’d been doing a decent job of dealing with my feelings about you and Amber,” Beth went on. “Until I found out she’d suggested a foursome and it was something else you hadn’t told me. My head just exploded and all my insecurities came rushing to the surface again. I couldn’t think straight.”
She brushed her fingers along his jaw. “Since you and Amber are friends, good friends, I know you’ll share things. I don’t want to have a problem with that.”
He couldn’t imagine a future scenario where he’d want to share with Amber something he wouldn’t want to share with Beth, but in view of the gist of their current conversation he thought it best to keep quiet.
“I really am working on it.” Her fingers, feather light, continued to stroke along the tightness in his jaw. “I’ve finally got a handle on the crazy, insane woman who took up residence in my brain for a while.”
“So where does that leave us?”
She tilted her chin up to him. “It leaves me not allowing my fears to dictate my present or future. Not letting what happened to me hold power over my life.” She caught his hands in hers. “It leaves me hoping you’ll allow me the chance to prove things can be different.”
Since his heart had all but stopped, he took a breath. It had taken a lot of guts for her to come to him, lay herself open. He wanted to reach out to her with equal courage.
“I should have told you I’d slept with Amber. Instead I took the easy way out and kept quiet. I should have told you about her suggestion, but since it was a harebrained idea and wasn’t going to happen, I tried to shut it out.” He squeezed his fingers around hers. “Not telling you was wrong of me and insulting to you. You deserve better.”
She smiled at him and nearly stopped his heart again.
“I had this one month rule,” he felt compelled to confess. “After thirty days with a woman I’d move on. That way there was no chance of things getting too serious. It was like my own safety barrier. I‘ve got two brothers both divorced and an older sister heading that way. No way did I intend falling for a woman only to bolster the ranks of failed Zutini marriages. The parents couldn’t take any more.”
He lifted their joined hands and kissed her knuckles. When she turned his hand and touched her warm mouth to his palm, the contact filled that empty place in his chest that no amount of whisky had managed during the past couple of weeks.
“We’re way past your thirty day rule,” Beth said softly. “Or shall we start again? From the beginning. Maybe try another month?”
“A month won’t do it.” He wrapped his arms around her waist and drew her in. “Not even close.”
She slipped her arms around his neck, met his mouth. When they eventually came up for air, Beth held his gaze. “I won’t let anything spoil this for us, Marco. Not this time.”
Again Marco crushed his mouth to hers, desperate to taste, feel, reacquaint. Her lips met his with equal fervor and soon they were panting, their sensual breathing filling the silent air.
“There’s no room for anyone else in bed with us, Beth. Not ever. Physically or mentally. Promise me that whatever we do it’s because we both want it.”
****
Beth let his words sink into a brain that was heading toward sensual overload. His touch, his taste, his scent devoured her. Body and soul. She touched her mouth to his. Again and again. She couldn’t get enough.
But she knew what he was saying, what he was demanding. There would only be the two of them. She didn’t have to agree to anything to prove a point, to erase any memory she thought he might have. Amber would never again join them in bed. Not in thought and definitely not in body. Which was fine by her.
She felt the slide of her zip and the cool air on her back as Marco began to undress her. “Weren’t you going somewhere when I arrived?”
“It can wait a while.”
“Really?”
“Yeah. Amber and Ethan’s wedding preparations aren’t going anywhere, and what I have in mind won’t wait a damn second.”
As he eased her dress from her shoulders, his determined fingers brushing her flesh, Beth had to focus. “There’s one more thing I have to tell you.”
Marco nibbled her neck. “Later.”
With effort, she eased away. “We need to leave for my cottage. I’ve got lasagna that needs popping in the oven.”
