I take a deep breath. “You told me that the balance between the hurt of losing your family and the revelation of finding the one person that makes you look forward to your future again was a big balance to tip.”
“I did,” he says.
“I just wanted you to know that you’re that person for me. You’re the future I look forward to and you flip the balance for me. I love you, Noah.”
My heart thumps in my chest as my words hang between us. Noah doesn’t move or speak, but I know he’s still awake and that he’s listening because his breathing has changed.
“You were that person for me back then too, but I was too young, scared and stupid to realise it. I thought you’d hate me once you found out what Michael had done to me. Well, not hate me, but that you’d hate what he’d done so much that you wouldn’t be able to look at me the same way. I didn’t want you to always look at me with pity in your eyes. I wanted you to love me for who I was. I didn’t want you to love me because you felt sorry for me. That’s why I ran, Noah. But you know everything now, which means I have no reason to ever run from you again. And I won’t.”
I turn onto my side and push my hand across the bed until I feel his arm. He stiffens at my touch, but then I feel him relax as my hand moves across his scars. The pain he must have suffered both emotionally and physically must have been horrible. My heart aches for him, for the little boy who lost everything he ever knew in one night. I love this man with all of my heart. I’d do anything to take his pain away, but the only thing I can do is try and take some of the burden and help him to release his. I push my arm under his neck and wrap my arms around him, pulling him onto his side. I don’t kiss him. I don’t caress him. I just hold him tight as hot tears fall from my eyes, down my cheeks and onto his shoulders.
After a while, I feel his arms move around me as we hug each other on the bed. His body starts to shake, gently at first, but then I feel it shuddering beneath me. He doesn’t make a noise, but I feel the wetness from his face as he snuggles into my neck.
He sniffs and holds me tighter. “I love you,” he eventually says, “and I always have.”
This time we cry our hearts out. I cry for all the lost years we’ve had. I cry for the hurt I’ve caused him. I cry for my family and my shitty life. I cry for Noah and the pain he’s feeling right now because the anniversary of their deaths always brings it back.
I don’t now how long it’s been when Noah eventually stills. His breathing turns heavy and his body goes limp, and I know that he’s fallen asleep. I dip my head and kiss his cheek. “Sweet dreams,” I whisper. He sighs and sleepily pulls me into his chest.
I smile because today is my birthday. And being here, in this bed with him after saying what we’ve just said, is the best birthday present that I’ve ever had. Happy birthday to me.
Chapter 37
NOW
Sunday 23rd December
I feel myself trying to turn over, but I know I’m still half asleep. Noah’s heavy arm is draped across my stomach and his leg is wrapped around mine. His head is in the crook of my neck and he’s breathing heavily, making me feel hot. I wriggle an arm free and reach over the side of the bed for my phone. I hit the button and blink against the light.
“Noah,” I whisper.
He groans beside me, but he doesn’t wake up and he doesn’t get off of me.
“Noah,” I say again, pushing his chest, “you need to wake up.”
“No, I don’t,” he mumbles against my neck.
“We’ve slept for like sixteen hours,” I say. I press the phone again to double-check the time. “Is that even possible?”
“What?” he says, peeling himself off my body and turning onto his back. He rubs at his face. “What time is it?”
“Half four,” I say, “in the morning.”
He leans right over me and pulls my wrist towards his face. He sleepily squints at the phone and then turns to look at me. “We slept for sixteen hours straight?”
I giggle. “I think so. I didn’t wake up once.”
He shakes his head. “I don’t think I did either.” He moves back over to his side. “I haven’t slept like that since,” he glances at me and then frowns, “well, for a long time.”
I nod. “Me too.”
He stretches and puts his hands behind his head. “I still feel sleepy,” he yawns as he reaches over to switch on a lamp. He blinks against the light and smiles at me. “Good morning.”
I let my eyes trail from his face and over his rippled chest and stomach until they get to the duvet that’s inconveniently placed in the middle of the line of hair that trails from his belly button to his man garden. “It is only half four though,” I finally say, “it’s a bit early to get up.” When I look up at him, he’s staring at me with a smirk on his face. “What?” I ask.
“Did you see something you liked?” he asks, smiling at me.
I shake my head. “I didn’t see enough.”
He laughs. “I think I’m going to take a shower, and then how does a cup of tea while we watch the sunrise sound?”
My mind races back to the first shower we had together in this house and I feel something uncoiling in my stomach. My imagination has been running wild since I saw him again. I remember he asked me a question and look back up at him and say, “Okay.” I look away from him as a smile starts to creep across my face. If I carry on staring at him like a moron, then he’ll end up laughing at me again. “Are you going in the shower then?”
“I will in a minute,” he says, nodding down at the covers.
I look down at the bulge underneath the duvet and smile at him. “Does your little man need a minute?”
“Little?” he repeats. He lunges towards me and pins me down on the bed. “That’s not what you wrote in your chapters.” He starts to tickle my ribs, causing me to shriek with laughter. “I think I recall reading that you said I had a big knob and that you were scared of it.”
“Stop it!” I beg as his fingers skim over my skin. “You have a huge knob,” I say through a giggle. “And I was terrified of it. Is that what you want to hear?”
He stops tickling and flops down onto the bed. “Yes,” he laughs. “I love hearing you talk dirty to me.”
“Pervert,” I mumble. I run my fingers through my hair to try and put it back into place.
“You know you love it,” he jokes as he turns to face me. His eyes that lock onto mine are smoldering and have a hint of naughtiness about them. I’ve got playful Noah. Well, playful Noah will have to wait because I’m dying for a wee. I push the covers back and swing my legs around. I stand up and turn around to fully face him, even though I’m only wearing my knickers. I watch his eyes as they dance all over my skin. I see his pupils dilate and move across me until they stop on my breasts. He hasn’t changed, I think.
“See something you like?” I ask.
He smirks and nods. “I do, actually.”
“Well, you’ll have to wait,” I say. “I need to use the bathroom.” I don’t look at him as I stride across the bedroom.
The bathroom is exactly the same as it was before. Back then I thought it looked way too modern to fit in with the rest of the house, but now it fits perfectly.
When I’m done on the toilet, I spot Noah’s toothbrush by the sink and I use it to brush my teeth. I walk over to the bath and lean in to flick the shower on. I pull the curtain across and wait for the water to warm up. As soon as it feels ready, I peel my knickers down my legs and kick them towards the door. I climb into the shower and let the warm water wash all over me.
I haven’t slept for that long or that well since before the accident. I can’t even remember what I dreamed about last night so I feel completely and utterly refreshed. In fact, I feel like I’ve had too much sleep, if anything.
While I’m shampooing my hair, I feel a cold rush of air and then I hear the curtain moving. I smile to myself and carry on washing my hair. Just before I lean forward to rinse the bubbles off, I feel his hand clasp
around the back of my neck. He squeezes gently and then trails his fingers down my spine until he gets to my bum. With just his fingertips, he follows the curve of my bum down the middle. I feel goose bumps explode on my bum cheeks and all up my back.
Oh God. If we’re doing this, then I want to kiss him. I want to put my mouth on every inch of him. I dip my head into the running water and let it clean my hair. Noah’s fingers don’t move from underneath my bum.
“Are you done?” he asks.
I stand up straight, lifting my face to the water, and push my hair away from my face. “Yes,” I breathe.
His hands find my hips and then he’s pulling me away from the water and sliding around the side of me until we’ve swapped places. The water hits the back of his head as he looks down at me and I see his eyes dancing with lustful intentions. He picks up a sponge and some coconut-smelling shower gel and squeezes a big blob onto the sponge. Then he pushes it into my hand and nods down at himself.
He wants me to wash him? Okay. I take a deep breath and try to ignore the nervous butterflies that I feel in my stomach. This is Noah. I know him more intimately than anyone else I’ve ever met. I know what he likes. I know what he doesn’t like. The last thing I should be feeling is nervous.
I start at the base of his neck and work in small, circular movements across every bit of his skin. I wash his chest and his arms as he continually stares at me. When I’m done with those, I look up and nod at him to let him know that I need him to turn around. He smirks and then turns around, placing his hands onto the tiled wall and leaning his head down so the water smacks off the centre of his shoulder blades. He’s a slab of hard, defined muscle and every bit of him is toned and tight. My eyes devour him as I lift my hand and begin to wash his back. Even his spine doesn’t appear to be made of bone; instead, it looks like intricate strips of muscle, all woven into a vertical cord.
When I’m completely done with his back, he steps under the spray and rinses himself clean. Then he turns around and takes the sponge from my hand.
“My turn,” he says.
Before I have a chance to say or do anything, he tugs on my arm and turns me around. He pushes against the back of my legs with his hip until I stumble forward and plant my hands against the wall.
“Beautiful,” he whispers.
He quickly rubs the sponge all over me, but I know he isn’t concentrating properly because he knows I’ve already done all of this. As soon as he he’s done, he throws it down and pushes his hands around to my breasts. He rolls my soapy nipples in between his thumbs and forefingers and then completely cups my breasts in his palms. He sighs against my back and presses his erection against my bum. I gasp at the hardness of it and let him turn me around. He directs me towards the water and uses his hands to rinse the suds off me.
When I don’t think I can take any more, I reach up to the back of his head and weave my fingers through the strands of his hair. I scrunch my fingers and pull his head down to mine. At this point I think I’m in control, but I quickly find out that it’s Noah who is in complete control of this.
He roughly cups my face and closes the distance between us then slowly moves his wet lips against mine. He keeps them far enough apart to stop me from kissing them properly but close enough for me to constantly feel them.
“Noah,” I sigh, nibbling his bottom lip. “Let me kiss you.”
He dips his tongue into my mouth and quickly explores before pulling it back, not allowing me a chance to suck it or kiss it or do anything with it.
“Noah,” I groan.
I feel him smile against my lips.
“Please,” I beg.
He shakes his head and moves his lips to the skin just beneath my ear. Fuck this. I press my hands against his chest, tracing the outlines of his scar, and then pinch his nipples. I hear his quick intake of breath as my hands move lower, and without hesitation, I keep going until I feel the base of his cock. He immediately snatches my hands away.
In one swift movement, he turns me sideways and pins me against the wall. The water from the shower splatters against my left breast and all down my leg while his body presses against my right side. His hand pins both of my hands above my head as he lowers his head and tugs at my nipple with his teeth. It’s both painful and pleasurable at the same time. I gasp and feel my hips jerk as he massages my hard nipple with flicks of his tongue. He then licks and kisses his way over to my other breast as I shut my eyes. This is too much. I’ve waited far too long to be teased like this.
“Noah, I swear I’m going to—”
His seals his mouth over mine, absorbing the rest of my words, and at the same time his hand cups my sex. I freeze. I try to concentrate on kissing him back, but I can feel his fingers moving ever so slightly. His kiss is slow and sensual, his fingers are barely moving and he does this for a while before he plunges his tongue into my mouth at the exact same time that he slides a finger inside me.
His tongue and finger slowly start to circle. He mimics every move of his finger with his tongue until I feel him slip a second finger inside me. Everything changes in that instant. I no longer care what his tongue is doing; all I can think about is the way his fingers are circling around my G-spot, testing the edges to see if they’ve found the right place. They have. He pushes one finger deeper until I feel him run it over the precise position.
“Yes,” I moan.
He moves his thumb onto my clitoris and presses into it. At first I falter, wondering what he’s doing, but then he presses that little bit harder so the edges of pain start to blur into pleasure. His fingers speed up inside me, but he keeps a constant numbing pressure on my clitoris. I start to buckle underneath his touch and my lips respond by kissing him harder and faster. I can hear our rushed breathing over the sound of the shower and then I feel myself clenching around him.
“You always used to love it when I fucked you with my fingers,” he says.
The crudeness of his words tips me over the edge. The tingling sensation starts in my feet, feeling like thousands of pins and needles, and then it rushes up my legs and into my spine before it bursts into my head and zooms straight back down to explode around him. My fingers curl into his skin and I drag my nails down his back as my orgasm continues to spiral through me. I push my hands into his hair, tugging and pulling until my body stiffens and then sags with relief as the world around me becomes a haze.
Fuck. That was amazing.
Noah doesn’t waste any time. He kisses me once more and then grabs the shower gel and squirts it onto his hand.
“You didn’t wash all of me,” he says, running his soapy hand up and down his cock. He closes his eyes and lets his head fall back as he pumps himself in front of me. When he steps under the water and all traces of the soap are gone, I drop to my knees and take him into my mouth. He’s massive. I try to move all the way down him, but I don’t get to the base. His cock bounces at the back of my throat and I have to suck as I pull back. He groans as I repeat this over and over again. His hand gathers in my hair and he starts to pull on my head to control the speed.
“Stop,” he says. He pulls out of my mouth just as I feel his balls begin to tighten. “You’re going to make me come if you carry on like that.”
I wipe my mouth and stand up as he turns the shower off. He climbs out of the shower and turns to pick me up. Without speaking a word, he carries me into the bedroom. Apparently, Noah doesn’t care that we’re both dripping wet because he plonks us down onto the bed. He starts to kiss my stomach and then I feel him moving downwards, but I stop him.
“Don’t,” I say. I can’t take much more of this. Besides, he can do all that later. “I just want you,” I say.
He nods and kisses his way back up my body until his face is hovering just above mine. “I don’t have a condom,” he says, “but I’m clean.”
I knew he would be, but that’s not who I am anymore. I wriggle to the side of the bed and pull out my purse. I remove the condom from the inside pocket and wave i
t at him. “We’re good,” I say. I tear the wrapper with my mouth and place the tip of the condom carefully in between my teeth. Noah grins and shuffles forward up my body, holding his cock in front of my face. I lean forward and push the condom onto him in one swift move.
He places an arm around me and hauls me up the bed. His mouth finds mine and I feel him positioning himself in between my legs. “Do you want me inside of you, Ariel?”
Fuck, yes. Yes, I do. “Yes.”
“I love you,” he says as he slowly enters me.
I gasp and feel my back arching as I adjust to him.
He pulls back and pushes again, this time going deeper. The ache in my stomach begins as he starts to move inside me.
“I love you more,” I say.
He bucks his hips, forcing himself to plunge into me harder. “No, you don’t.”
I smile and lift my hips to meet him. “Prove it.”
He grins and hooks his arms behind my knees, pulling my legs up so my feet are near his shoulders. He starts to pound, the tip of his cock hitting my secret spot as his hands find my breasts.
“You really are quite the animal in the bedroom,” I gasp.
He grunts and lifts my bum up with his hands then starts to slow down, sliding the entire length of himself in and then out.
I shake my head. “Harder, Noah.”
“No,” he says, clasping my legs with one hand while the other moves down towards my clitoris. He starts to gently skim over my clit and locks his deep blue eyes onto mine. “I’ve been waiting for this too long. I’m going to savour every second while I fuck you into next week.”
Chapter 38
NOW
Sunday 23rd December
He didn’t just fuck me into next week…he fucked me into next year.
Noah and I had our cup of tea while watching the sunrise over the snow-covered moors. And then we had breakfast, followed by more sex, which was followed by more food…and then more sex. In between the food and the sex, we talked, joked and laughed, and it all felt completely normal and amazingly nice.
Noah and Me Page 29
