by Karen Rock
“Oh. Pretty.” She sighed from behind him a few minutes later.
He turned as he watched her admire the lit tree, the blinking lights hiding then revealing every delicate feature.
“Which one is mine?” He gestured to the mugs she held, a candy-cane stirrer in each. Nice touch. She had a way of making the most ordinary moments special.
“I’m thinking you’ll want Santa’s Breath. It’s peppermint. You always liked mint.”
Touched that she remembered, he accepted the cup. “Where did you get the candy canes?” He stirred his drink and blew steam off the surface before taking a gulp.
“Grabbed them from the basket on the checkout table at the tree farm. I really should have paid forty.”
Unable to help himself, he chucked her under the chin, his arm flaming at the contact. “You never change.”
A thoughtful look stole over her face, something unpleasant pulling at her top lip. “I have. Or at least I see that I need to, now. But I’m worried it’s too late.”
He sipped slowly, ignoring the toothpaste flavor. The coffee deserved its name. The speakers quieted, then surged into “All I Want For Christmas Is You.” Was life sending him a message?
“Too late?”
Her coffee surface rippled when she lowered it. “Too late for us. And I don’t want it to be.”
A breathless silence descended as her words sank in. His mind raced wild along its trail but stopped before it took him too far.
“Julie. You just called off your wedding. It’s too soon to make big decisions. Whatever you’re feeling, it’s not real.”
She set her mug on the cutout between the kitchen and great room. “So first you accuse me of not making up my mind and now I’m not allowed to? Look. I love Mason, but I realized that I wanted to be with him for all the wrong reasons. In fact, maybe love shouldn’t have reasons. Or rules. Maybe it should be a trust-your-gut, leap-of-faith, hold-on-to-your-hat kind of feeling—and I only have that when I’m with you.”
Thunderstruck, he met her challenging gaze, moved by the determined jut of her chin. She wanted this. Wanted him.
Loved him.
And he loved her, too.
But it wasn’t enough. It hadn’t been before. Why believe things could be different now?
“This was a mistake. Let me take you back to the lodge.”
She crossed her arms around her waist, as if holding herself together. When she spoke, her voice sagged in the middle. “Don’t you want to decorate the tree?”
“Yes,” he admitted, wanting to be with her more than anything. “But that’s as far as this goes. We’ve moved on. Your feelings will change in a day or two. Trust me.”
There. The truth. She would return to her home when her mother finished treatments and remember why she never wanted to leave it. Not for Mason and definitely not for Austin. As for him, he’d go on trying to forget her.
She squatted by the decorations box, rummaging. “So you don’t care about me anymore.” Her words came out in a muffled clump, but he felt each one.
“Julie...” He began, then trailed off at her surprised gasp.
“Oh—” She cradled something in her hand and he closed the distance between them to crouch and peer over her shoulder. “You still have this.”
They studied a silver heart-framed ornament that featured a picture of them kissing in the snow. He hadn’t hung it in years but couldn’t bring himself to toss it, either.
“Why do you still have this?”
Her wide eyes looked enormous in her narrow face.
“Forgot it was there.”
“Liar.” Her voice turned hoarse, an uneven croak that broke something loose inside him. She knelt in front of him and traced his face, her fingers so soft he closed his eyes and leaned his cheek into them. How often had he imagined times like this with her? He had craved this touch.
“What if I won’t let you forget me?”
“You don’t know what you’re signing on for. With me, I mean. My life. It’s a lot different than what you’re used to. Travel. Last-minute-plan changes. Nothing is predictable.”
He lifted his lids and studied the face he could have conjured in his sleep. Her long-lashed eyes. That snub nose. Those full, kissable lips. So near.
“Different is what I need, Austin. I love you.”
“Don’t say that,” he insisted, though he wanted to hear it again and again and again.
Before he could react, she scooched up beside him and pressed her mouth to his, her arms circling his neck, fingers threading through his hair. He held still as desire sprung in his chest, pressing on his lungs, making it difficult for him to catch his breath. She curved into him as she always had, and his body responded with a fervent craving. After a moment, he harnessed his willpower and eased her gently away.
“I’m sorry, Julie.”
“You’re still not convinced?”
“In a couple of days, you’ll think of me as just an old flame who helped you get through this tough time.”
She jumped to her feet. “You really believe that’s all this is?” Her dark eyes flashed and she flicked the hair out of them. “A distraction? Well, guess what? I’m becoming a stronger person. Someone who won’t lose you again.”
He stood up and held her cold hands. How he wished he could believe her. “I know you want to try, but in the end, it’s not you, Julie.”
“Yes it is,” she ground out, her jaw firm, eyes bright. “And tomorrow, I’m going to prove it.”
He watched, stunned, as she stomped to the tree and hung their picture, front and center.
* * *
JULIE RACED BACK from meeting with her former maid of honor the next morning to check in on her mom. She would have given anything to linger with Alexis, pour her heart out to her best friend, but there just wasn’t time.
“I’m here!” she called as she entered, bearing the muffins she’d grabbed downstairs at The View. “Have your meds kicked in yet?”
Her mother’s face looked gray and stiff with pain against her pillow. “Not yet.” She gasped as she shifted sideways to give Julie more room on the bed.
“What happened? The treatments were going well.”
“I’m not sure. Woke up, used the bathroom and when I turned to go back, my hips felt like they were on fire.”
“I’ll call the doctor.”
Her mother nodded. “I’m sorry to ruin your plans today.”
Right. The grand gesture she had intended to convince Austin she’d changed. And now he’d believe she’d flaked out again when she canceled. She suppressed a groan. There was nothing for it. Her mother came first.
She called down to the front desk, and before she could dial the physician’s number Noelle provided, a knock sounded on the door.
She couldn’t hide her shock when she opened it and saw Austin.
“When you didn’t meet me in the lobby, I thought I’d check on you, especially when I heard Noelle ask if someone could send pain medication to the room.”
“It’s my mom. Her hips. I’m sorry, Austin. I did have something planned, but I’ll have to cancel.”
He nodded, looking handsomer than ever in a white shirt that set off his tanned cheeks and bright coloring. “Of course. But would you like me to come in and ask her a few questions?”
Julie stepped back from the door, ushering him inside. Austin was a sports chiropractor. His opinion could be helpful. Stupid of her not to think of it right away.
Austin joined her mother, nodding his head as she carefully relayed her symptoms and answered his follow-up questions. At last, he turned to Julie.
“One of the unfortunate side effects of MS is hip pain related to gait changes. The bones get out of alignment and, unless adjusted, will cause extreme p
ain.”
Julie listened, impressed by Austin’s professional side. She’d never seen him in clinic. At work. This was a stable, steady version of the man who’d cajoled her through one adventure after another during their romance.
“Would you possibly have time to examine me? I don’t mean to impose...” Dianne trailed off.
Austin spread his hands. “Of course. I’ll step out and Julie will let me know when you’re ready.”
Julie hurriedly helped her wincing mother dress once the door closed behind their savior. If she’d needed more evidence that Austin was the right man for her, he’d just given it to her.
With her mother in loose pants and a blouse, Julie stepped out in the hall. “Thank you, Austin. This means so much to us.”
He looked at her gently. “I can’t guarantee I’ll be able to help, but I’m glad to try.”
She followed him inside, her hands twisting as she watched Austin study her mother’s form. He felt her joints before asking her to cross one leg over the other.
“Julie. Will you help your mother keep her back flat on the mattress?”
“Yes.” She scrambled up onto the bed and pressed on her mother’s shoulders.
“On the count of three,” Austin said, his palm on her mother’s left hip. “One, two, three...” He pressed and an audible crack sounded. Despite the horrifying noise, Austin and her mother grinned.
“Now the other side.”
After a second snap, Dianne relaxed into the mattress, her limbs loose and her face content.
“Thank you, Austin. I’m so glad you’re here. The pain is gone.”
“Good.” Austin picked up the phone and dialed the front desk, asking for ice and heating pads. “Tuck the packs behind your hips for about twenty minutes or so, then do the same with the heat.”
“I can manage that.”
“No. Mom. I’ll be here to do that.”
Dianne looked between her and Austin, her eyes clear of pain and suddenly assessing. “Didn’t I hear something about you and Austin having plans?”
Julie flushed. She hadn’t mentioned anything about Austin to her mother. What she must think of her wayward daughter...
“Oh. Um. Actually...”
“I think you two should get going. I’m fine on my own and I’ll have Noelle call the doctor in just to double-check. No fussing, Julie. Your Austin has fixed me up and now I’d like to ice, heat and nap. Alone, if you don’t mind, darling.”
“Of course.” Julie kissed her mother’s cheek, wondering why her mother had called Austin “hers.” She must be sleepy indeed. “Call me on my cell and I’ll come right back.”
Dianne waved, dismissing her child. Julie knew her mother was right. She should go, especially if she intended to make good on her promise to win over Austin and get the life she now knew she wanted. No question about it. Not anymore.
Out in the hall, Austin studied her. “If you’d rather stay here, I have to head to the luge run anyway. The man who runs the tourist rides is late and I need to get it started.”
A tingling rose from her toes and buzzed in her head. Kismet.
“You heard Mom. She’s fine. Plus, this is important. I’ll come with you.”
“Julie, whatever you’ve planned won’t change my mind about us. I don’t want you taking risks to prove something.”
She studied his face. He was concerned for her. Still cared, though he wouldn’t admit it. But today, she’d make him.
“The only stupid thing I’ve done these past eight years is not doing anything at all.”
She shrugged on her coat and looped an arm through his.
“But that ends today.”
CHAPTER SIX
JULIE LISTENED AS a clicking luge sled raced down the lower half of the course used for tourists rides, her heart speeding with it. The line of eager thrill seekers had dwindled since she and Austin arrived an hour ago. The group jabbered as they waited on the steps that snaked down the mountain alongside the twisting run. Many blew into tissues and pulled on second pairs of gloves to guard against the day’s temperature dip. Julie zippered her jacket, stopping just below her chin, and rubbed her frozen arms. Soon it’d be her turn. Would she really go through with this?
She glanced at Austin, his handsome face animated as he talked to the newly arrived luge-ride operator. Arctic wind ruffled his sandy-blond hair, the bright sun turning his eyes into a russet sunrise. When he smiled, her blood hummed, heat radiating through her chest.
Yes.
She would go through with it. In fact, she’d scheduled the ride yesterday. No backing out now. Since they only offered these rides five days a year, she’d been lucky to snag the spot. Everything would change if this gesture convinced Austin she’d let go of her cautious ways. She didn’t need to know how each day would end, or each minute... How better to prove it than to race, feetfirst, down an icy track on a short fiberglass sled?
A shiver rose from her gut and shook her shoulders.
Crazy.
Then again, she was crazy about Austin. She wouldn’t lose this second chance.
Hopefully, she wouldn’t let go of the sled, either. Her throat swelled, full and tight, as she watched another rider don a helmet and grab a sled.
Austin turned back to her, the light stubble on his jaw making him look edgy. Heart-stoppingly gorgeous and as dangerous as this track.
“Ready to leave?”
She hesitated. Do-or-die time.
“Julie Barrett,” boomed the ride worker, waving his clipboard. “You’re up.”
Austin’s nose flared and he whirled back to his worker. “Whose name did you call?”
The operator handed over the list and peered at Julie. “Do you have your ticket, ma’am?”
Julie pushed by a dazed Austin. “Yes. Right here.” She’d printed it off this morning in the lodge’s library communications center.
Austin snatched it, eyes wide as he scrutinized the slip. As if he’d forgotten how to read. “You’re not doing this.”
Julie fixed him with a glare. “Says who?”
“Says me.” He tugged at her hand, then stopped short when she held the banister, not budging.
“Last time I checked, you didn’t have a say in my life.”
Austin glanced at their avid audience and stepped closer, lowering his voice.
“Be reasonable, Julie. You skied for the first time yesterday. Winter sports aren’t your thing.”
“But they’re your thing.”
An exasperated breath escaped him. White, dissolving steam. “So this is how you’re planning to prove you’ve changed? Because knowing you would do it is enough. Trust me. Now, let’s go.”
But he was wrong. It wasn’t enough. Not even close.
“Ma’am, are you coming?” asked the man at the top of the luge run. His forehead wrinkled where it met the brim of his striped toque. “Don’t want to get off schedule.”
She stood on tiptoe and whispered in Austin’s ear, “I’m going, Austin. And it’s not just about proving it to you. Maybe nothing I do will. I’m showing myself that I’m not the same anxious girl. I know my own mind now. So if you want to go then go. I’ll find my own way home.”
Empowerment fired through Julie. Yes, she wanted Austin. But more important, she realized, she wanted to uncover the decisive woman she’d hidden for too long. No more playing it safe. If this offended Austin—or if it didn’t move him at all—then so be it. At the end of the track, she’d emerge as someone new. A person who could handle anything. Even losing Austin.
She yanked on the spiked gloves and racing booties that the operator handed to her. When she buckled her helmet, Austin’s rapid-fire instructions became muffled. Concern creased his face. “Press your calves against the bow to steer.”
“The bow?” She lifted her heavy head and peered down, trying to ignore the steep angle just beyond her feet.
Austin held her calves against the curved ends of the fiberglass runners. “Left goes left and right goes—”
“Right,” Julie interrupted, needing to get this over with before she lost all her courage. Most of it had disappeared the moment she’d stretched out on the sled, the steel gliders slipping under her weight.
“Keep your feet pointed straight and your hands on the grips.”
She waved him away. Who was the worrywart now?
Austin stood behind her and she met his eyes through the Plexiglas. His lips were pressed together in a firm line, his gaze steady, calming her galloping nerves.
With a running shove, he pushed her off. She glided around the first bend, the sled rising along an ice-covered wall. As she passed down again, she glimpsed an opposite twist and pressed her calf against the bow, her spirits lifting when the sled responded. She shot in that direction, picking up speed.
Her heart launched itself into the back of her throat and held on for dear life, as did she. A faint whoosh whoosh whoosh sounded as she navigated the twisting and turning path. She expected to capsize at any moment but instead she seemed to levitate.
In fact, the more speed she gained, the lighter she felt. All of her fears, doubts and anxieties dropped away one curve at a time. The power of her daring buzzed inside her to be unlocked; it made her bones shake. She felt the change seep through her skin, whirling in the vast spaces between her atoms.
In a flash, she bulleted across the end of the run and into a wall of black mats where she crashed in comfort.
Awesome.
Exhilarating.
Mind-blowing.
She wanted to do it again.
“Julie!”
Shaking male hands unlatched her helmet and pulled it off. She caught a brief glimpse of Austin’s wide-eyed face before he captured her mouth in a blistering kiss that amped up her accelerated pulse.
Then, just as quickly as it started, he pulled away from the kiss and dragged her to a private thicket behind the track.
“You were so brave.” His warm breath was on her face, the dense tree coverage obscuring them from view. “So determined. You’re just—” He didn’t finish. Instead, he brushed Julie’s cheek with the back of his hand. The gesture was startling, atom-splitting, because it was unexpected. So tender. Just like the look in his eyes. It made her chest ache with joy, first-day-of-summer-plunging-into-rivers joy.
