Dalejem caught the look between us. Leaning back in his chair, he frowned, first at me, then back at Balidor.
“‘We’ believe that?” he said, his voice holding an edge. “Who is we, brother?”
Balidor opened his mouth to answer, but I cut him off.
“I believe it,” I said, giving Dalejem a look.
Dalejem returned my gaze. I could tell from his expression he already knew I’d been the one to suggest the connection with Dragon.
He averted his gaze, his expression growing unreadable.
“Are we going to talk about the other thing?” he said next.
From his voice, Dalejem addressed the group as a whole that time, or perhaps Balidor.
Definitely not me.
Balidor glanced between us a second time. Again, I felt that puzzlement in his light as he looked from Dalejem’s face to mine, along with a denser feeling that bordered on incredulity.
“What other thing, brother?” Balidor said.
Despite what I’d seen in his light, Balidor’s voice remained patient.
Dalejem’s, however, was not. Exuding frustration, he let out a grunt, motioning towards me with a muscular hand.
“The fact that this fucking ‘Dragon’ has some direct connection to our beloved Bridge,” he snapped.
I wondered if anyone else caught the sarcasm in his last two words.
I definitely did.
“…The fact that he is yanking her chain,” he added, gesturing sharply at me with a hand. “Playing some fucking game with her, in even leaving this information behind. Much less what he did to her in that goddamned underground structure––”
“Jem.” My voice was cold as ice.
He scarcely gave me a look, still addressing the rest of the room.
“Whatever this is between them, my brothers and sisters, the connection is clear. Perhaps due to their intermediary status, or perhaps for some other reason… this is aimed at her.” He glanced at me, hesitating for the barest breath before he frowned, his voice harder.
“…or perhaps her husband, especially given where he is right now. And who might be trying to influence his decisions.”
Balidor glanced at me.
Quirking an eyebrow, he frowned when I shrugged with a hand, seer-fashion.
He made a motion for me to answer the question if I wanted.
Gesturing that I didn’t want to, that I’d rather if he handled it, I watched puzzlement return to Balidor’s gray eyes before he nodded, gesturing a polite assent.
“We have been transparent about that, brother,” Balidor said, shifting his gaze back to Dalejem. He let the puzzlement in his light leak into his words. “We have not discussed that connection because it is patently obvious. Are you suggesting there is something we are keeping from you, brother Jem?”
Dalejem clicked in irritation.
“No,” he said, making a downward slash with one hand. “I am suggesting that this is fucking dangerous for her. That letting her be involved in hunting this ‘Dragon’… a telekinetic seer who is likely insane, unstable at the very least… or allowing her to follow bread crumbs he is obviously leaving for her and her alone, is fucking dangerous. Especially since we have absolutely no idea what her husband is doing at the moment. Or even whose team he currently plays on.”
Dalejem’s eyes shifted to mine, holding more heat when he next spoke.
“I’m also suggesting,” he added harshly. “That the fact the Sword is clearly no longer adhering to their marriage vows indicates we need to take him at his word that he has left her.”
Still staring at me, he enunciated each word with deliberateness.
“…I don’t know if she’s shared that fact with the rest of you, so I apologize for my bluntness… but those of us here are well aware the Sword is ‘moving on,’ in the physical sense, at least. I strongly suggest we reevaluate intelligence safeguards around her as a result of this change, as well as the Bridge’s role in any hunting expeditions we might have planned in the future. Whatever we decide in regard to this ‘map’ our new friend Dragon has so generously left us, we must ensure she is not being used in such a way, by her husband or anyone else.”
I felt my throat close.
The table fell utterly silent.
I felt eyes on me, but I didn’t return any gazes directly.
When no one spoke after a few seconds more, Balidor cleared his throat.
“Are you suggesting we cut the Bridge out of her own planning meetings, brother?” he asked politely.
Even I heard the edge in his voice.
I’m pretty sure everyone else in the room heard it, too.
Moreover, it hit me that Dalejem had just ignited something that maybe he hadn’t intended, in terms of his relationship with the group at large. He’d just called out his outsider status in a big, neon-lights kind of way. Moreover, he’d done it by sharing personal information about me and Revik in front of a group of people who considered us both friends.
Even Balidor would view that as an “insider-only” kind of right.
He would also view Dalejem as an outsider in this, I realized, glancing at the Adhipan leader. Even though he’d known Dalejem longer than he’d known me, he would view Dalejem as an outsider in this group.
We’d all been through too much together over the past few years––Balidor and Revik included––for Balidor to view it any other way.
When I glanced around at faces, I saw them focused on Dalejem with an open hostility now. It wasn’t just anger. Rather, I sensed a good number of them assessing Dalejem as a potential threat. At the very least, as someone who couldn’t be trusted.
While I found that loyalty weirdly reassuring, I felt my irritation worsen when I realized it was me they were trying to protect––not the group as a whole.
Clicking louder than Dalejem had, I slapped the table with the flat of my hand.
Every eye in the room jerked from Dalejem to me.
“It is a good point,” I said, giving Dalejem a hard stare.
Then, feeling my chest clench, I heard my words grow abruptly cold.
“It is true what he says,” I said, making a dismissive gesture with one hand. “My husband is clearly serious about releasing me from my vows. There is at least strong evidence to that effect, as Dalejem says. There should be some discussion on changing security protocols around my involvement in intelligence meetings because of this.”
My gaze shifted to Balidor. I flinched at once, seeing the understanding in his eyes, and the intensity of empathy there.
“…Obviously, I should not be at that meeting,” I said, my voice more subdued. “‘Dori, if you and Wreg could handle that end of things, I would really appreciate it.”
Balidor nodded, once, that denser look still in his eyes.
“Of course, Esteemed Sister.”
The open deference in his voice was echoed in murmurs around the table.
When I glanced at Jon, I saw him looking at Dalejem with fury in his eyes. Wreg mirrored that stare, even as he glanced at me, his expression worried. Like I had with Jon earlier, I gestured a short reassurance to the muscular seer, pulsing warmth in his general direction.
In return, I got a blast of heat from Wreg’s heart that came dangerously close to bringing tears to my eyes. It hit me again how much I missed all of them.
But I couldn’t think about that right then, either.
“All right,” I said.
My voice held a note of finality.
“We are finished here for now,” I said, clearing my throat.
“No,” Dalejem said, cutting me off. “We’re not.”
I looked at him, not hiding my hostility. “Oh?” I said coldly. “Are you running this meeting entirely now, brother Jem? I wasn’t aware.”
A few snickers could be heard around the table. Most were more angry than amused.
Dalejem barely spared them a dismissive glance. His eyes locked on mine, a dark, forest green with that violet rin
g.
“Are you going after this Eddard?” he asked me. “Are you going to do as Dragon is telling you to do, Bridge Alyson?”
Something about how he said my name caused my jaw to tighten.
I couldn’t decide what it was.
Not disrespect, exactly. Over-familiarity, maybe?
“This isn’t the place or time to discuss that, brother,” I said.
“When is?”
Clicking softly, I shook my head, glancing around the rest of the table. Most of them were looking at Dalejem like they planned to beat the shit out of him once the meeting was over. That might have been funny in different circumstances.
Today it just… wasn’t.
“We are finished here for now,” I repeated, my voice subdued.
I spared Dalejem another glance, but it only earned me a scowl.
“I wanted everyone to see this,” I added, letting my eyes make a circuit around the table. “But now we have to compartmentalize information around studying this network, for obvious reasons. Same with work around tracking Dragon. And Eddard,” I added, giving Dalejem a look. “…And anyone else we prioritize as targets. I want there to be a system in place for this. One that can change as we discover more about how this works, and the most efficient means of approach. Once you figure out where and how to loop me in, I want to be briefed on whatever you feel is safe to tell me, given my light connection to the Sword.”
Murmurs accompanied salutes, even as I caught more sympathetic looks from other seers, including Neela that time, as well as Jax and Vikram, the latter of whom I hadn’t even noticed sitting there until then.
I didn’t look at everyone, though. I caught those few expressions almost at random as I rose smoothly to my feet.
“Dismissed,” I said as I straightened.
Even to my ears, my voice sounded stripped to the bone.
The only person who didn’t move when I spoke was Dalejem.
Virtual attendees began to wink out one by one, almost as soon as I’d said it, but Jem continued to sit there, muscular arms folded over his chest where he leaned back in the leather chair, his green and violet eyes staring at my face.
No expression lived in his handsome features, no indication of what he was thinking, no emotion… and some part of me wondered what the hell was going on with him.
Another part of me really couldn’t have cared less.
38
NOT CARING
ROUNDING THE TURN into the segment of hallway housing my room, I let out an angry exhale before my mind had even caught up with my eyes and light.
Staring him right in the face, I sent out a hot pulse of my light.
“No,” I said.
I didn’t slow my strides as I continued to glare at him, my light exuding an open threat.
“No,” I said again, clicking sharply.
Dalejem folded his arms, staring at me as I approached.
“Get away from that door,” I told him, my voice openly angry. “We’re not doing this right now, Dalejem. We’re not.” I pointed down the hall, back the way I’d come. “Get the fuck out of here, I mean it. That’s a goddamned order.”
He still didn’t speak. He also didn’t move, but just stood there as I walked up to him.
Clicking again angrily, I elbowed him out of the way of my door, leaning down to use the key card to open it. I’d had the half-assed security measure installed the day after we landed there.
“I would like a minute, Esteemed Bridge,” he said, his voice a growl.
“You’re not getting one,” I said, glaring over my shoulder at him.
The damned card was sticky, so I had to try it a second time before the lock clicked and the door popped open. Shoving at it with a flat palm, I gave him another bare look as I entered the room, still gripping the door in my other hand.
“I’ve already talked to Balidor,” I told him. “You’re out, Jem. You’re leaving in two days. Kat is going, too. And Mara. You’ll accompany them to––”
“The fuck I will,” he snapped. “I’m not going anywhere, Allie.”
Exhaling in an angry set of clicks, I started to shut the door in his face.
His hand shot out, stopping it before I could close it.
I stared at him in open disbelief.
“Let go,” I said.
“No.” Gripping the door harder when I tried to shove it closed, he met my gaze, jaw clenched. “Are you seriously so afraid of me you can’t have one fucking conversation?”
“Afraid of you?” I let out an incredulous laugh. “Gaos, brother. Are you on drugs? Or is your ego truly that insanely bloated?”
My jaw clenched as I shoved at the wood paneling a second time.
He barely let it budge.
“Let go of the fucking door!” I said. “…before I do something I regret!”
“One minute,” he said, his eyes still locked on mine. “Give me one fucking minute. Then you can go back to hiding in there for as long as you want… sister.”
Fury exploded over my light.
I forced it back, fighting to control my aleimi, along with the emotions that now heated dangerously inside my light. Not quite to a breaking point, not yet, but close enough to make me conscious of the danger. I didn’t trust myself to use the telekinesis, not now, not without hurting him for real. I wasn’t so far gone that I wanted that.
I just wanted him to leave me the hell alone.
“I’m not going to do that,” he said. Meeting my gaze directly that time, he lowered his voice. “So let me in, Alyson.”
There was enough in his light and voice that time, I felt my own light twisting back on itself, bringing a denser confusion. I could feel him opening his light. I knew he was doing it deliberately, that he was trying to get me to open to him in return, to let him in, but the contact confused me, warping my perceptions of everything I’d just been feeling.
I also felt the added layer of meaning behind it.
Remembering what I’d done that night after my ill-fated shower, I shook my head, feeling my face grow hot.
I still wasn’t looking at him as I clicked under my breath.
“Look.” I exhaled. “I’m sorry about the other night, okay? I’m sorry. But this isn’t about that. Not really. Can we just––”
“I’m not asking for a goddamned apology for that!” he snapped. “And I’m not fucking leaving. So you might as well let me in so we can work this out!”
“Work this out?” I said incredulously. “Work what out exactly?”
Anger seethed off his light in a dense plume. “Are you fucking kidding me right now?”
Clicking at him in irritation, I tried my damnedest not to hear the added meaning there, too.
When I looked up that time, I realized tears had come to my eyes.
“Allie,” he said, softer. He leaned closer, his light opening more. “You have to know why I said no. You have to. And you have to know it wasn’t you I was angry with. Gods! I wanted to fucking kill him for that. If he’d been here, I would have tried. With my bare fucking hands.”
I didn’t want to know who he meant.
I strongly suspected it wasn’t Dragon.
Wiping my face with the back of my hand, I looked away, releasing the door in the same instant.
“Fine,” I said. “Whatever.”
Stepping back from the opening, I didn’t look at him as he walked into the room. Even so, I couldn’t help but wince as he closed the door behind him with a deliberate click.
Folding my arms, I continued to stare at the floor when I cleared my throat.
“Speak,” I said. I wiped my face with a hand, using that same hand to make a cursory polite gesture in seer. “Say what you came here to say. Then get the fuck out. I don’t have time for this bullshit drama, Jem. I really don’t.”
He didn’t move. Not from what I could tell while staring at the carpet anyway.
After the silence stretched past where I could stand it, I exhaled again.
I looked up as I finished speaking, out of frustration as much as anything.
When I did, I found him staring at me.
His light appeared to be shielded once more, but the look on his face was borderline confused––or maybe angry––or maybe he was frustrated like me.
I had no fucking idea; I honestly couldn’t read him at all.
“What?” I said again, clenching my jaw when another wave of emotion hit my light. “Are you going to speak? Because I think your one minute is pretty well used up.”
His sculpted mouth curled into a frown.
He didn’t take his eyes off my face. The frown turned into a scowl, but more than anything, I still felt confusion twisting through his light. Confusion, frustration––maybe with me, maybe with his inability to communicate with me. I felt the heat there, what might have been guilt or disbelief mixed in with denser things, things he didn’t seem to want me to see at all.
A bare second later, he moved.
Like when he’d come after me in his room, the aggression behind it threw me, nearly made me panic. I felt my light ignite as he got closer, felt myself tensing, wondering almost if he intended to hit me, when his hands reached out, grabbing a hold of my clothes and yanking me towards him.
He held me by the front of my vest, nearly off the floor.
For a few seconds, he just stood there, only a few inches from me, staring down at my face, breathing hard, that heat expanding off his light.
“Why are you letting him do this to you?” he growled.
I stared at him. “What makes you think he is?”
Even so, something in my chest clenched at his words. It felt like being stabbed, like he’d just taken his fist and crushed some part of my light.
My eyes left his.
Staring down at the carpet without seeing it, I shook my head, turning over his words. Pulling on them, on him, even as I forced it all away. I knew tears were running down my face but I no longer cared. I didn’t even try to free my arms so I could wipe my face.
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