by Hannah Ellis
“When are you due?” Annette asked.
“December,” Lizzie told her happily. “It’s been so hard not telling anyone.”
“I can’t believe you’re having twins!” Josie said in complete shock. “That’s crazy.”
“I know. I’m terrified.”
“I’m so happy for you,” Josie said. At one time, Lizzie had been adamant she never wanted children. That had been when she was completely wrapped up in her career. Back before Max had come along and turned Lizzie’s world upside down.
Lizzie seemed relieved to be able to talk about the pregnancy, and they chatted for almost an hour. She talked about morning sickness and how they were going to decorate the nursery, and what she’d do about work, and lots of little things that she’d obviously been dying to talk about but couldn’t. The excitement was infectious. When she complained about how tired she’d been, Lizzie started yawning, making them all laugh. She couldn’t seem to stop, and Max suggested they get home.
When Josie mumbled about checking on the dogs, Sam offered to come with her. They waved Max and Lizzie off first.
Sam watched Josie intently as she walked around filling up water bowls and chatting to the dogs. “We could take a couple of them out for a walk,” he suggested. “It’s a nice evening.”
She agreed. They’d all had long walks in the morning and Annette had said she’d had them out in the garden. None of them would complain about the extra exercise, though.
Sam leaned on an old stable door while she clipped the border collie on a lead. “You can leave her off,” Sam said. “She’s as good as gold.”
“I’m still scared of losing dogs,” she said. “Which others can I take without a lead?”
Sam glanced into the stalls. “Get Pippa and Jeanie.”
She looked at him and shrugged. “The Scottish terriers,” he said, walking down the barn and letting them out himself.
“They only arrived yesterday,” she said as the three dogs jumped around Sam. Usually she at least knew the names of the dogs. “And I don’t usually take more than two at a time.”
“These three are fine,” he assured her.
“How do you know more than me?”
“They’re old customers. And I’ve been helping Annette out since I was about six!”
She sighed and followed the dogs outside.
“What’s wrong?” Sam asked, hurrying to keep up with her.
“I’ve been here two months and I still don’t really know what I’m doing.”
“It doesn’t seem that way to me,” Sam said. “And Annette seems more than happy with you.”
She opened the gate behind the barn and the dogs slipped through beside her legs. “I can manage the business side of things no problem. It’s the dogs I’m not good with. That’s a bit ridiculous, isn’t it? Someone working in a kennels who’s not good with dogs? I have no control over them.”
“That’s just experience.”
“I’m not sure it is,” she said. The letter from the acting agency popped into her head, and she wondered whether she would be better to go and do something she knew she was good at. But then Sam’s hand slipped into hers and she remembered everything else she’d have to give up, not just a job she wasn’t very good at.
He squeezed her hand. “You worry too much.”
They walked in silence for a while, and Josie couldn’t stop thinking about the acting job. It would be amazing to be back on the TV set. If only the offer had come earlier. Or not at all. That would’ve been better. Her mind whirred in overdrive. She shouldn’t even be giving it a moment’s consideration.
“Are you going to tell me what happened with Jack?” Sam asked as they reached the bottom of the hill and walked along the small stream in the valley.
“He brought my mail,” she said. Suddenly, she wanted to get back and open the stupid letter and see for herself what they were offering.
“And wanted to get back together, presumably?”
She hesitated. That would be an obvious reason for his visit. “He just wanted to chat things through.”
“But everything’s fine? He understands it’s definitely over?”
“Yes.”
“Are you sure?”
She felt guilty. Jack’s reappearance had obviously worried Sam. “I’m sure. You really don’t need to worry about Jack.”
“I just think it’s weird that you were in a relationship which basically had an on/off switch.”
“It wasn’t like that.” It was, though, in a way. “It’s hard to explain.”
“And he’s not going to keep turning up to try and get you back?”
“No.” She began to lose her patience with the conversation. “He’s okay with it.”
“Idiot,” Sam said flatly, then turned and beamed at her.
She reached up for a kiss. “I guess I owe you a fiver, by the way.”
“You do! Can you believe they’re having twins?”
“No,” Josie said, chuckling.
Sam glanced around, automatically checking on the dogs. Usually Josie would be obsessively looking around, but she felt more relaxed with Sam around. “Two kids at once,” he remarked. “I’m scared for them!”
“Really?” She gazed at him intently. Even though it was very early days, she realised she had a spark of envy for Lizzie and could just imagine having a family with Sam one day. The thought didn’t scare her at all, not like it did when she’d been with Jack. “I can imagine you having a few kids …” She hoped the comment didn’t freak him out.
His arms tightened around her waist and he gazed lovingly at her. “I would be very happy with a few kids. I just think one at a time would be best.”
“I think you’re right,” she said, beaming. “They’re going to have their hands full.”
He kissed her gently before they moved apart and set off back the way they’d come.
“I’ll let you off with the five pounds,” Sam said. “I never mentioned twins, after all.”
“That makes me very suspicious. Max already told you Lizzie was pregnant, didn’t he?”
“No,” he said, laughing. “I’m just very perceptive.”
Chapter 30
Josie had been staying over at Sam’s house most nights and felt guilty when she brushed him off that evening. Keeping secrets from him didn’t sit well with her, but she wanted some time to mull things over before she told him about the job offer.
She stared in disbelief at the letter from StarSearch when she was finally alone in her room. It hadn’t quite seemed real before, but it was true: they were offering her the acting job again. The barmaid in the military soap opera. Even though it was a non-speaking part, she’d loved the buzz of being on a TV set. And it had been so exciting working in London. She’d always loved the city. She used to dream of living there, in the middle of so much action.
Her mind drifted as she lay in bed that night, unable to fall asleep. She imagined living in London, working at the TV studios. She could come back whenever she had time off; it wouldn’t mean she couldn’t be with Sam, just that she wouldn’t see him so often. It was Annette who would be the real problem. Josie would feel terrible leaving her in the lurch.
For a moment, she imagined living with Emily while she got settled. That would be fun. Then she chastised herself for seriously considering it. Jack had been sure it would only end up being a temporary gig, and he was probably right. They’d film a few episodes and decide it wasn’t working, and she’d be back to being unemployed.
She forced herself to think of Annette and Sam and the friends she’d made in Averton. The thoughts of leaving were absolutely crazy.
Unfortunately, they kept creeping back in.
***
Annette commented on how tired Josie looked the next morning. Josie brushed it aside but skipped breakfast and headed straight out to the barn. The dogs were barking furiously when she felt someone enter the barn behind her. Instinctively, she knew it was Sam, but she still jumped w
hen his arms snaked around her waist.
“Are you trying to give me a heart attack?” she said loudly, as she turned to face him.
“Nope! Just wanted to say good morning.”
His charming grin made her insides flutter, and she relaxed into him when he kissed her deeply.
“Good morning,” she said lazily when he pulled back. “Next time don’t sneak up on me.” There was no conviction to her words, and a feeling of dread swept through her. There was no way she could leave Sam to go and work in London.
“I promise not to sneak up on you in future,” he said, then moved to the Doberman, who was howling wildly. When Sam walked into the stall he calmed down immediately. “What’s wrong?” he asked when he caught Josie staring at him, lost in a dream.
“Nothing,” she said, snapping out of it. Sam made a fuss of the oversized dog with big droopy eyes. Once he stopped howling, the rest of the dogs settled down too. “I’m just tired.”
“Okay. I’ve got to get to work but do you want to do something this evening? Dinner or a drink or something?”
Shuffling her feet, she wondered why her automatic response was to make an excuse. She’d have to tell him about the job offer sooner or later, though. And it wasn’t really a big deal since she wasn’t going to take it. She smiled weakly. “Dinner sounds good.”
Sam looked suddenly nervous. “Are you sure you’re okay? You seem distracted. It’s not to do with Jack’s visit yesterday, is it?”
“No.” Technically that was a lie. “I just had a headache last night and couldn’t fall asleep. I’m tired. Stop worrying.”
“Okay.” He gave her a quick kiss before he dashed off to work.
***
“I need to tell you something before my head explodes,” Josie said as she sat in the quiet children’s corner in the Reading Room. She’d arrived later than usual due to a long phone conversation with Michaela at StarSearch.
“Sounds exciting,” Tara said, wriggling to get comfy on a beanbag.
“You have to swear not to say anything to anyone, though.” They both nodded and she looked at them sternly. “I mean it. If Sam hears about this from anyone but me there’ll be a big problem.” They frowned and nodded again.
“Just tell us,” Amber said. “The suspense is killing me.”
“Jack turned up yesterday …”
Amber and Tara looked surprised, and Josie shook her head. “That’s not the secret. Sam knows that part and it’s fine. The problem is Jack brought my post—”
“Oh. My. God,” Tara said dramatically. “The absolute cheek of him. Of course Sam can’t hear about that!”
Josie extended a foot in an attempt to kick Tara. “Be serious for a minute! I had a job offer in the post.”
“Really?” Amber said.
Josie nodded. “I told you I did a bit of acting before? They want me back for the same part.”
“Wow!” Tara said. “You’re going to leave us to be a TV star? Promise you’ll remember us when you’re rich and famous. I wouldn’t mind going to some fancy red-carpet event if you ever need someone to go with you …”
“It’s not like that,” she replied, shaking her head. “It’s only a non-speaking part. Although, I had a chat with my agent today and she said there’s a good chance they’ll develop the character later.” Josie couldn’t help but feel a twinge of excitement when Michaela had said that. She had to keep reminding herself that Michaela was prone to exaggeration and had good motives for wanting Josie to take the part – it was an easy commission for her.
“You have an agent?” Tara said. “I’m impressed.”
“Everyone has an agent.” Josie shrugged. “It’s not glamorous.”
“Sounds it, though,” Tara said.
“So you’re thinking of taking it?” Amber said seriously.
“No.” Josie gave a quick wave of the hand. “It’s bad timing.” She screwed her face up. “Really bad timing. Before I moved here, I spent eighteen months auditioning for any part I could and had about a zillion rejections. Now I’ve stopped looking, they offer me a job.”
“I’d jump at it!” Tara said. “In fact, do you reckon I could take it in your place? It sounds exciting.”
“It is exciting,” Josie agreed sadly. “That’s what I loved about it.”
“I thought you were happy here,” Amber said. “And you and Sam are all loved up.”
“I know. Of course I can’t leave. It just got me thinking, that’s all. My imagination runs away with me.”
“I think you’d be crazy not to consider it,” Tara said. “It sounds like a great opportunity, and you never know what else might develop from it. I’m really fond of Annette and I think it’s amazing you’re helping her out, but your job at the kennels is a dead-end career path if ever there was one.”
“Tara!” Amber chastised, shooting her a look of contempt. “Working at the kennels might not be glamorous or ambitious, but Josie’s happy there. Let’s not forget that.” Her eyes were full of sympathy when she looked at Josie. “And what about Sam?”
“Exactly,” Josie said. “Of course I couldn’t take the job.”
“When do they need an answer by?” Tara asked.
“Friday,” she replied with a grimace. “But I already know I’ll turn it down.”
***
Josie’s thoughts were one big jumbled mess when she sat with Sam in Dolce Vita that evening. They’d been to the quaint little Italian restaurant in Newton Abbot once before and had enjoyed the fresh food and welcoming atmosphere. She wasn’t feeling quite as relaxed as on their previous visit. Chatting everything through with the girls that morning was supposed to make things clearer for her, but instead she was even more confused.
She waited until they’d ordered the food and then blurted the news to Sam.
He listened quietly while she filled him in, and he looked concerned. “I thought there was something on your mind.”
“It’s the worst timing ever.” She rested an elbow on the table and chewed a nail. “Six months ago I’d have been over the moon. Now I don’t know what to think.”
He sat up straighter and the concern in his features morphed into something else entirely. Confusion mixed with trepidation. “You’re not thinking of taking it, though?”
“I don’t know. My gut reaction was that I couldn’t take it. I can’t leave Annette to manage the kennels alone.” She sighed and then rubbed at her temples. “But then I wonder if I should really pass up an opportunity just to be loyal to Annette.”
“I thought you enjoyed working at the kennels?”
“I do,” she said. “Kind of. I don’t dislike it, but it’s definitely not my dream job. And I can’t help thinking it’s not leading anywhere. It’s not a career. Part of me feels like I’m a teenager doing a summer job.”
“But if you enjoy it and you can make a living from it, what’s the problem?”
There was a hint of defensiveness to his voice. She wished she was as content as he was with his job and his life. There was a spark of ambition in her that he didn’t understand. “There was no problem, until they offered me my old job. Now I can’t stop thinking about it. It’s hard not to wonder.” She wanted to be completely honest with Sam but he looked tense, as though he’d rather not discuss it.
“What about us?” he asked quietly.
She covered her hand with his. “I love you. That’s not going to change.”
Sam opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the waiter sliding their pizzas onto the table. They smiled and thanked him before he went away again. The conversation was set aside and they ate in silence. Josie was grateful when Sam suggested they pay and leave as soon as they’d eaten. She wanted to talk things through more, but that would be easier back at Sam’s place.
They held hands as they walked the short distance to Sam’s van, and the tension radiated from him. Josie almost wished she hadn’t mentioned it. Everything would be easier if she’d just ripped up the letter and pu
t it in the bin. Sam was right; she had a pretty good thing going at the kennels. Why couldn’t she just be content with it?
She was surprised when Sam stopped the van on the road by the sign for Oakbrook Farm. She’d expected to go back to his place, but he obviously had other ideas.
“Don’t be angry with me.” She unclipped her seatbelt and shifted in the seat to face him. Her fingers trailed over his hair and then stroked his neck. “I’m not saying I’m going to take the job. I need to consider my options properly, that’s all.”
He rubbed at his eyes. “I just don’t understand what happens to us if you move to London.”
“I’m probably not even going to take it.” She hated how hurt he looked. “It’s just made me think about things. I never really saw a future working for Annette, and I’d hate to pass up this job offer and then regret it later.”
“You’re saying you probably won’t take it but it sounds like you want to. I’m amazed you’d even consider it.”
“Of course I’d consider it,” she said gently. “I spent so long wanting a career in TV. How can I not at least consider it?”
He nodded but didn’t look at her and tensed when she pulled him in her direction.
“I don’t even get a goodnight kiss now?” She was trying very hard to keep the atmosphere light but felt her eyes dampen.
Finally, he turned and ran a hand over her cheek. “Sorry,” he whispered. “You caught me off guard. This wasn’t quite what I was expecting for the evening.”
“I know. It caught me off guard too. I just want to make sure I make the right decision. Let’s sleep on it and talk again tomorrow.”
He smiled sadly and kissed her goodnight.
Chapter 31
Josie hoped that Sam might call in and see her before work – he quite often appeared when she was out in the barn in the mornings. There was no sign of him, though, and she wasn’t overly surprised. He hadn’t taken the news of the job well, and she expected he needed some time for it to sink in. She messaged him later, hoping they could meet up that evening, but he said he had to work late. It was hard not to think that he was avoiding her. He called her on Wednesday for a quick chat but complained he was working late again.
