by Hannah Ellis
And she really was determined to.
Chapter 40
The café turned out to be her saviour. It kept her busy, which was exactly what she needed. Six weeks passed without her having a day off. Whenever she wasn’t on the TV set, she was in the café.
Stella and Brenda were great fun to work with and had become good friends too. She preferred her days working in the café to the ones on set. It was fortunate, really, since the filming was only usually two or three times a week. She hated that it wasn’t working out as she hoped, but she was making the most of the situation.
Once or twice she’d spoken to Michaela about quitting the acting job, but Michaela kept insisting there were rumours about Josie’s role becoming a speaking part and she’d be doing some real acting before she knew it. Of course, Michaela didn’t want to lose her commission, and Josie still had that glimmer of a dream of being a proper actress.
When Josie wasn’t at the café, Brenda used a temp agency to get someone to fill in for her. It was always entertaining to hear stories about the temporary waitresses. Josie wasn’t sure if Brenda and Stella really hated all of them as much as they said or if it was just a joke to make Josie feel better about herself. Occasionally, Brenda would suggest Josie should take a day off, but Josie insisted she didn’t need one. As far as she was concerned it was the last thing she needed. The café had saved her when she’d hit rock-bottom, and working there had been the only thing to keep her sane.
It was still an effort not to dwell on Sam, and she was sure a day to herself would only set her back on her plan to move on. She spoke to Annette twice a week and always enjoyed their chats. Only occasionally did Annette mention Sam, and Josie was always torn. It was so hard to hear about him, but she also clung to the nuggets of information like treasures. It was never anything exciting – only that he’d been for a visit or what job he was working on. With a great effort, Josie had barely reacted to the mentions and managed not to ask questions about him. The anger she felt for him was something else she clung to. He’d given her up without a fight. It was easier if she was angry with him.
She still messaged Tara and Amber too, and Amber would message her photos of little Kieron. They always made her smile.
***
“So you and Jack finally got together?” Brenda asked one gloomy Thursday morning. They were standing in the café’s kitchen waiting for opening time. Josie was helping herself to a coffee and barely registered the question. The mention of Jack made her smile, though. What would she have done without him recently? He could make her laugh, even when the last thing she felt like doing was laughing.
“What?” she asked, looking over her coffee at Stella and Brenda.
“Oh, come on,” Stella said. “Last time we saw you, you were having breakfast with Jack. We presumed breakfast came after a night of passion?”
“We like him,” Brenda said casually. “He gets our approval.”
“Well that’s good to know,” Josie said brightly. “It’s not like that, though. He was just doing a couple of days’ filming and slept on the floor at Emily’s instead of going all the way back to Oxford.”
The two women exchanged a suspicious look.
“We’re just friends,” Josie insisted.
“You talk about him far too much for him to just be a friend,” Stella argued.
“Because he’s about the only friend I’ve got at the moment!” That wasn’t really true. There was Emily too, but she’d been so busy recently, and with the amount Josie had been working, they barely saw each other. When they did meet up, Emily had a tendency to say the wrong thing. Mostly because Josie couldn’t stand to hear anything negative about Sam, even if it was true.
“He’s a lovely lad anyway,” Brenda said. “You could do much worse.”
“We weren’t right for each other. We’re much better as friends.” Josie glanced at the kitchen clock. “Anyway, it’s about time to open up, isn’t it? Come on.”
“Yes, boss!” Stella and Brenda said in unison before howling with laughter.
Josie shook her head and went to flip the sign on the door to “open”.
It was busy as always and the day went quickly. There was a lull in the middle of the afternoon, and Josie sat down with a bowl of pasta that Stella had whipped up for her. She was ravenous. A dog barked and Josie glanced out of the window, her gaze landing on the golden retriever tied up outside.
“I wish someone would shut that bloody thing up!” Brenda said as she walked past with an armful of plates.
The woman on the table next to Josie paused from feeding her toddler, who was babbling in a high chair. “He’s mine,” she said, nodding towards the door. “If you ever want to drink your coffee while it’s warm again, don’t have kids or dogs.” She looked flustered as she rose from the chair. “Can you watch the little one while I go and shout at the dog?”
“Drink your coffee,” Josie said. “I’ll see to the dog.”
She was halfway to the door when the bemused woman shouted her thanks. The dog stopped barking as soon as Josie opened the door and looked up at her with big eyes.
“Hello!” she said softly. He wagged his tail and she bent down, scratching behind his ears and stroking his soft coat. He reminded her of Charlie. “Aren’t you lovely?” she said. “You’re a good boy.” She laughed as he eagerly demanded more attention, creeping closer and attempting to lick her face. “Okay,” she said, pushing him down. “You need to calm down. You’ve got to be quiet out here. Can you manage that?” After giving his head a ruffle, she turned to go back in. He let out a high-pitched bark.
Josie held out a finger and glared at him. “Sit,” she said firmly.
He stared at her for a moment before shuffling down onto his back legs.
“Lie down,” Josie instructed. His front legs padded forward until he was on his belly. “Stay,” Josie said fiercely as she pushed the door open.
“Can you tell me your secret?” the woman with the toddler asked. “He never listens to me.”
“She used to work at a dog kennels,” Brenda said, patting Josie on the shoulder. “Now wash your hands and get back to work.”
Josie did as she was told. When she returned, the golden retriever was still lying obediently outside the door. Josie smiled sadly. All that time she worked at the kennels and never managed to get the dogs to follow instructions, and now she suddenly had no problem. She made a mental note to tell Annette about it when she spoke to her.
It played on her mind for the rest of the afternoon, making her think of Oakbrook Farm and all the associated memories. She’d done so well burying her feelings, but suddenly she was an emotional wreck. Brenda found her sitting in the office at the end of the day, tears damp on her cheeks.
“What’s wrong, love?” she asked, putting an arm around her shoulder. “Are you still thinking about Sam?”
She shook her head and blew her nose on the tissue Brenda passed her. “I was thinking about Macy and Charlie,” she said miserably. “I miss them.” It had taken a good couple of weeks to stop expecting dogs to run around her legs when she opened the door to Emily’s place. She’d got so used to living with dogs around, it felt weird to go home and not be greeted by her furry friends.
Brenda looked puzzled. “The dogs,” Josie explained. “At the place I used to work. I miss the dogs. I miss everything.”
“Why don’t you go for a visit? It might do you good to escape the city for a few days. And you’ve been working non-stop. You need a break.”
“Maybe.” She’d been thinking of visiting Annette but she was nervous about seeing Sam. It had been really tough getting over him – and life at Oakbrook – and she was nervous of undoing her hard work.
In the end she decided she would go. She’d have to face Sam eventually, and she desperately wanted to see Annette. After spending every day with her for over two months, the absence felt strange.
She drove over on Saturday, arriving at lunchtime. The wonderful purple rho
dodendron flowers at the end of the drive were a welcome sight. Then there was the house with the rosebushes creeping up one side, and the barn, the fields … everything was just as it had been.
It was so good to be back.
Chapter 41
Annette was waiting for her and greeted her on the patio with a big hug. Tears stung Josie’s eyes and she blinked them away.
“It’s so good to see you. Where are Macy and Charlie?” She’d expected them to be bounding all around her by now.
“Out for a walk with Heather. I imagine she’ll be back with them soon.”
It was a strange feeling that came over Josie. She couldn’t quite put her finger on it. Jealousy, perhaps. It was hard to think of Heather doing her job. She wondered how Charlie and Macy had taken to her then brushed the thought aside, realising how ridiculous it was.
Walking into the house, Josie was hit by the familiar smell. She’d never noticed it when she was there every day, but it was distinct, the way all houses have their own particular scent. She’d only been gone six weeks, but it felt like so much longer, and she was hit by a flood of memories.
Annette put the kettle on and peppered Josie with questions about London. Josie tried to concentrate, but she was tired from the early start and the long drive and only just kept up with the conversation. Glancing out of the window she caught sight of Heather outside the barn. She froze at the sight of Sam. He was bending to stroke Charlie but looking up to chat to Heather at the same time. So not only did she have Josie’s job, but she’d befriended Sam too. It was like Heather had taken her life. Josie felt sick as she watched them. They looked so relaxed as they chatted together.
“Sam’s here,” she said quietly.
Annette moved beside her at the window. “Have you spoken to him much since you left?”
Josie shook her head and couldn’t take her eyes off him. “We don’t speak.”
“He’ll have seen your car. No doubt he’ll come in and say hello.”
Josie wasn’t so sure and stayed at the window while Annette made tea. She suspected he wouldn’t hang around when he realised Josie was there. It was agony just seeing him from afar. When he moved away from Heather and headed to the house, Josie ducked away from the window.
Her pulse sped to a rate which she was sure put her at risk of a heart attack. The hammering on her chest was powerful and overwhelming. Quickly, she took a seat at the table and tried to control her breathing. Surely he’d leave pretty quick. It would be far too awkward between them.
His knuckles rapped on the doorframe as he walked in. Josie felt faint at the sight of him. She shouldn’t have come back. There was a sparkle in his eyes when he smiled at her. It reminded her of the day they’d met at Lizzie and Max’s wedding.
She felt so uncomfortable, but he seemed completely relaxed. With a breezy hello, he kissed her cheek and told her it was good to see her. She mumbled a response and felt her cheeks heat up.
He didn’t leave quickly as she’d expected but helped himself to coffee and took a seat opposite Josie.
“So Annette tells me everything’s going well with the new job? She reckons you’ll be a big star before we know it.”
“I don’t know about that.” She sipped at her coffee.
“You’re enjoying it, though?”
“I love it.” What else could she say? That she hated the acting job but had a nice job at a café. It was hardly what she’d planned when she left. Chasing her dreams and her career wasn’t quite working out as she’d hoped. There was no way she was going to admit to that, though.
“I’m glad.” Sam’s smile was warm and genuine.
She’d been so sure that things would be awkward between them, that he’d be angry and uncivil. And now he was looking at her like they were old friends catching up.
“How’s work?” she asked to fill the silence.
“It’s good.” He leaned back in his chair and she was amazed by how casual he was around her. Why did she feel such a jittery mess when he was so confident? “I’ve had a few orders for furniture recently so that’s keeping me busy.”
She forced a smile.
“Keeps me out of mischief,” he added.
Heather walked in then. Charlie and Macy bounded in too and went straight to Josie. She slipped off the chair and crouched to them, hugging and stroking them as they eagerly bounced around her. She finally relaxed and giggled as the dogs vied for her attention.
“Looks like they missed you,” Sam remarked.
“I missed them too.” She hugged Macy to her and then ruffled Charlie’s coat as he panted in front of her.
Heather hovered awkwardly in the doorway, and Josie dragged her attention from the dogs to say hello.
“How’s everything going here?” Josie asked. “Are you enjoying it?”
She nodded shyly. “It’s going really well.” She was hardly going to say anything else. Her gaze drifted to Annette. “Do you need me to do anything else before I leave?”
“You could just check the emails and all that internet stuff.”
“Okay.” She slipped off her shoes and headed through the house in the direction of the study.
“She’s working out well, then?” Josie asked casually once she was out of hearing.
“Yeah,” Annette said. “She gets the job done.”
“That’s good.”
Heather appeared again a moment later. “There’s an email enquiring about a booking,” she said to Annette. “It’s for a week in October. For their Dalmatian. Should I reply?”
Annette smiled at her. “Yes, please, love. You need to check the diary but I’m certain we’re not booked up in October.”
“Okay.” She didn’t move. “There’s also a Twitter notification. Someone tweeted to say thanks for taking care of their dogs.” She glanced at Sam, who gave her a reassuring smile.
Josie shifted in her chair. “Like the tweet, reply to it and retweet it.” Surely she was stating the obvious. “Do you want me to come and give you a hand?”
“That would be great, if you don’t mind. I’m still getting the hang of things.”
Josie smiled sweetly. “It’s no problem.” Anything to get Heather away from Sam. Why was she looking at him with big pathetic eyes? He better not be falling for the shy and helpless act.
Josie took a deep breath as she followed Heather through the house. She was being paranoid. Sam was far too old for Heather anyway. She’d probably never once thought of him that way. Josie certainly hoped not.
It was strange to sit in front of the computer in the small study. She flicked through the diary, checking the bookings. Things were looking steady.
“Do you want me to just do it?” she asked Heather, who hovered at her shoulder. She moved the mouse to click on the Twitter notifications.
“If you don’t mind. I’m terrible with social media. I never know what to reply. And I’m always nervous that I’ll make a mistake with the bookings.”
“I can do it.” Josie was increasingly annoyed. She could get it all done in a few minutes if Heather wasn’t leaning over her shoulder. “I don’t mind at all.”
“Thanks,” Heather said. “Sorry for getting you to work when you just came for a visit.”
“It’s fine.” Josie glared at her and hoped she’d leave.
“I’ll get going then. It was good to see you again.”
“You too.” Josie forced a smile and felt bad as soon as Heather had left. She could’ve been nicer to her. It was hard seeing her here, though, doing everything that Josie used to do.
Sam and Annette were chatting in the kitchen when she returned.
“No rest for the wicked, is there?” Annette said. “You’re only back five minutes and you get put to work!”
“I don’t mind.” She reached for her coffee and finished the lukewarm liquid quickly.
“I should probably get off.” Sam stood and Josie felt uncomfortable under his gaze. “I’ll see you again before you leave. How long are
you around for?”
“Just until tomorrow afternoon.”
“Okay.” He patted Charlie gently on the back. “Have fun.”
She watched him go, then sank into a chair. Her head automatically dropped to the table.
“What’s wrong?” Annette asked when she lifted her head.
“It’s so awful seeing him.”
“I thought it was all very relaxed.”
“He was very relaxed! Does he even miss me at all? Tell me that was all an act and he’s usually completely miserable!”
“Of course he misses you. We all do.”
“He didn’t need to look so bloody happy.”
“Maybe he was just happy to see you.”
Josie sighed. She’d been wanting to visit for weeks, but she’d put it off because she was sure it would be awkward. Apparently it was only her who was uncomfortable. She almost wished there was an atmosphere between them. Sam carrying on as though nothing had happened between them was just weird. And he’d said he’d see her before she left. So now she was going to spend the whole time wondering when he might turn up. Wouldn’t it be easier if he stayed away and avoided her? She wanted to have a relaxing weekend with Annette, not spend all her time panicking about seeing Sam.
“Are you going to see Amber and Tara while you’re here?”
“Yes.” She’d messaged them as soon as she knew she was coming and was excited to see them. “I said I’d catch up with them tomorrow. I wanted to see Lizzie and Max but they’re at some family do. His mum’s birthday or something.”
“Oh, yes.” Josie watched Annette’s reaction with intrigue. There’d been some feud between Annette and her sister-in-law, Max’s mum, years ago. Josie always thought it was odd that Annette was only really in touch with Max. She’d asked Annette about it once but didn’t get much of a response. Max didn’t even seem sure of what had happened. “You’ll just have to visit again soon. When Max and Lizzie are free.” Annette’s voice was light, not reacting at all to the mention of her estranged extended family.
