by Anthology
‘Yes. And more.’ She knew Rosa was jealous of her academic achievements.
‘And a man? Don’t suppose so.’ She looked at Daniel. ‘My sister doesn’t do men – or women. She scares them off before they even have a chance.’
‘How’s that?’ he asked, his voice low, a little distracted perhaps but not disinterested.
Rosa turned back to her sister. ‘Well … you don’t make an effort, do you? I mean, a bit of eyeliner and lippy would work wonders on you, but I’ve given up trying to tell you.’
‘Some girls don’t need make-up. Natural beauty is far more appealing. It adds mystery.’ Daniel’s statement silenced both sisters.
‘Oh, really?’ Rosa eventually responded. ‘Perhaps that’s why …’ She trailed off. ‘But seriously, Hols, you could be quite pretty if you bothered. Why don’t you at least do something with your hair? It’s a disaster at the moment.’
‘I like it,’ she said defiantly.
‘But no one else does. You’ll learn. Someone’ll teach you.’
At that point Holly glanced at Daniel. He was looking at her again, quite uncompromisingly. His mouth was set straight but there was something in the dark eyes which hinted at amusement. Was he mocking her? It turned her stomach. She didn’t want to be sitting there as their plaything. It hurt more because, as much as she had hoped he’d be hideous, he wasn’t.
Handsome didn’t seem quite right for him, although he was, but beyond that he was disturbingly attractive. Holly had long since perfected the art of denying men the power to move her physically. This man, she admitted, had crashed through that. She found herself wanting to look at him again and hated him all the more for it.
Chapter Two
Dinner was loud, dominated by her mother, Uncle Miles, and the aunts. Her father, Mark, as ever kept a largely silent communion with his own thoughts. The familiarity of it was a comfort to a certain extent, but Holly found herself glancing at Daniel frequently to see how he was reacting. With him there, she found her family embarrassing, but also took a perverse pleasure in giving him discomfort. Surely he wouldn’t stand it? He wouldn’t last long, just like the others, but she hoped this time the split would be his decision, not Rosa’s.
Holly barely spoke at dinner. Neither did Daniel. But his face remained impassive, unmoved by the raucous laughter, social gossip, and crude innuendo hurled about. He was observing, she could tell, just like her. At several points he looked her way, and she cursed herself for being caught out, for allowing him to catch her spying on him.
But it wasn’t only curiosity about his behaviour that drew her to study him. There was something about his appearance which almost compelled her to stare. He had the most stunning cheekbones and jawline she’d ever seen on a man. And his hands, large, long-fingered, and certain, made her want him to …
Holly shook herself out of her reverie and forced her attention back to her lamb shank.
Daniel was quizzed during the course of the meal, mostly by her mother, and he answered politely and clearly but with minimal detail. She knew little more about him by the end of dinner.
The next day she’d been asked by her father to put up some garlands in the hall and reluctantly, she agreed. It would take her away from having to be sociable, at least. She teetered on a stepladder, cursing the ivy for not coiling its way more easily along the picture rail.
‘Would you like a hand?’
She looked down. Daniel was there, hands in pockets, that curiously neutral yet penetrating expression on his face. Her stomach did a funny little flip.
‘No, thanks, I’m fine,’ she answered abruptly, although she clearly wasn’t. She struggled on for a few seconds more before letting her hands slump by her sides with a huff. ‘Don’t know why I’m bothering anyway. This whole forced show of family unity makes me sick.’
He laughed.
‘What? I’m serious.’ Holly had given up on the garland, and made her way down the stepladder, aware of his physical proximity as she descended.
‘I can tell,’ he said. ‘I agree. Why do you think I’m here and not with my family?’
She glanced up at him. ‘Because you’re weird?’
He gave a chuckle but was undeterred by her insult. ‘Perhaps, but I can’t stand them.’
‘Why be with anyone’s family then?’
‘I like to observe.’
She knew that, but she’d use it against him anyway. ‘Really? I should tell the others they’re being scrutinised.’
He smirked. ‘Please don’t. That would spoil our fun.’
‘Our fun?’
‘Hm, you’re the same. I’ve seen you, sitting in your corner watching everyone like a hawk, totting it all up, coming to your conclusions, and storing them up.’
‘Why would I want to store them up?’
‘Fodder for later in life.’
She allowed herself a little smile. ‘You don’t sound like an engineer.’
‘What do engineers sound like?’
‘Like one of their machines, stuttering and full of hot air.’
He chuckled. ‘I don’t design machines, I design bridges. I try to work out how to traverse the impossible.’
She liked that idea, but she wouldn’t let on. Holly fixed her mouth straight and asked, ‘Why are you even talking to me?’
‘Why shouldn’t I?’
‘Because you’re with Rosa.’
He didn’t respond.
‘You don’t seem too close to your sister,’ Daniel said at length, climbing the ladder to fix the ivy. Holly let him.
‘I used to be.’
‘Not anymore?’
‘No. I think we see the world differently now. She can be boring.’ Presumably he knew this as he was shagging her, she mused, but he barely seemed to register her put down of Rosa.
‘And you haven’t grown up?’ He looked down at her as his agile fingers easily affixed the greenery.
‘Perhaps I have … but I haven’t become boring.’
‘How old are you, Holly?’
‘I turned nineteen last month.’ Shouldn’t she be offended by his prying questions? She returned it with force. ‘How old are you?’
He laughed again, aware of her tactic. ‘Thirty-one. Rosa’s much older than you. No wonder you’re not that close.’
‘I told you, we were. She was wonderful when I was little. But then she conformed.’
‘And you haven’t?’
‘No. And I won’t,’ she stated.
He was returning down the ladder. When he reached the bottom he looked her straight on. ‘I like that.’
She looked right back. God, he had the most beautiful face. Her belly was writhing. She resented his power over her. Men weren’t supposed to do this to her. She let her face harden. ‘Why should I care less what you like?’
Holly turned her back on him and walked away. She itched to turn around, to glance back and see if he was watching her, to read the expression on his face. She didn’t, but that rippling feeling inside didn’t go away.
Holly found herself resenting her sister even more over the next few days. She had been looking forward to spending time with her. Once they got their cathartic bout of bitchiness out of the way, they usually settled into an easy state of sisterly companionship. But this time was different.
Holly hated seeing her sister with Daniel. She studied them together carefully. They had a strange dynamic. For a couple supposedly in love, there was little affection between them, or even interaction. They seemed to talk to each other as business associates rather than lovers. In fact, Daniel seemed more interested in talking to her than Rosa. And when he did, it gave her an undeniable thrill. She’d soon have to stop pretending.
She liked him a lot. An awful lot.
There was a family walk two days after they arrived, the whole lot of Merchants out on a ramble. Holly lagged behind, but soon found herself bringing up the rear next to Daniel.
‘Come to observe, have you?’ she said. ‘You
’ve got a good vantage point from here. Watch Uncle Miles. He’s only related by marriage. Rumour has it he and my mother had a fling in the eighties, but because he put a lot of money into the company, my father turned a blind eye to it. Then there’s Aunt Rachel. She’s married to Uncle Richard, who’s not here. She’s a lesbian and spends half her time running the perfect Surrey WI and the other half in the bed of the local mayoress. Aunt Clare – the one in the hat pretending to enjoy herself – had a baby at fifteen who was adopted. It’s never spoken about and she’s never been able to deal with it with proper support. We’re all one big messed-up tragedy, really.’
‘You don’t strike me as a tragedy, Holly. You strike me as knowing exactly what you want.’
‘Oh no, I don’t know, but I’m comfortable not knowing yet.’ She looked at him and smiled. She couldn’t remember the last time she’d smiled for someone. He stared back and returned the smile, just a little, but enough. She wanted him to touch her. She wanted to stop and have him touch her and more, but they just walked on, one foot in front of the other.
‘Rosa says you’re still a virgin. Are you?’
Instead of being insulted, she wanted to laugh at his audacity. But she thought she’d better pretend. ‘You can’t ask that!’
He wasn’t fazed. ‘I just did.’
She stopped walking and turned to glare at him. He paused too, waiting for her answer.
‘Yes, I am.’
‘Why?’
She shrugged as she thought through the truth of it. ‘Because no one’s been good enough for me. I’m an arrogant, self-absorbed little bitch.’
‘I wouldn’t say that, but it’s good to have high expectations of everything,’ he said.
‘Even sex?’
‘Especially sex. But there does need to be a release at some point, and after that you can begin to explore.’
‘A release from virginity?’
‘Yes.’
‘And you think I’d benefit from that?’
‘Oh yes, Holly, you would.’ He gave another of his enigmatic smiles, but then turned and walked off to Rosa, who was waiting for him further up.
Three days before Christmas was the day the Merchant family played their traditional game of hide and seek. It had been great when they were kids, but finding Uncle Miles squeezed into the broom cupboard had lost its charm about ten years before. Still, it went on. It was to be endured rather than enjoyed, but it wouldn’t be a Merchant Christmas without it, even Holly acknowledged that. The smells of mulled wine that lingered in the corridors, the spiced apples and cinnamon, the dark green of the fir garlands strung up – they gave a contentment and warmth that even she benefitted from as she flitted from room to room evading discovery. When they were little, Holly and Rosa would crawl into the tiniest spaces and stay there for hours, until even their most impish cousins would grow sick of the game and give up. Now it was only Holly who wanted to stay hidden for more than half an hour. The others would give up and open the booze after a pathetic attempt at cooperation.
Holly liked being unseen; she liked tormenting them; she liked teasing them with her absence so much that they would become rigid with frustration. The family needed a thorn in their side.
So she hid. It had been a long time already. There was a long curtain in the dining room behind a high window. If she stood absolutely still she could hide easily in the folds.
She could hear bored voices calling for her to come out. But she stayed there, enjoying the muffled, enclosed space, dark and cosseting and warm. She listened intently. Were those footsteps approaching? No. Nobody could be that quiet. It must have been the floorboards settling. She pressed herself against the window and held her breath, turning away and squeezing her eyes shut. She felt inexplicably excited, like she had as a child.
Suddenly, from nowhere, a hand was placed over her mouth. She tried to scream but any sound was muffled against the large palm. At the same time another hand held her arm remarkably tightly.
‘I seem to have found you,’ said a voice.
She struggled, trying to break free but unable to. The hold on her was too tight. Her anger at her discovery was heightened by the electrifying frustration of being constrained.
‘I’d advise you to stop struggling. I’m not going to let go of you so there’s no point. I want to turn you around but you’re not to make a sound, do you understand? That would spoil the game.’
Holly felt like kicking back, hurting him, but she found herself instead acquiescing. She nodded, and she was turned around to face her captor.
She looked into the shadows at Daniel’s beautiful face. He was fixing her with that same intense gaze. His hand was still clamped over her mouth.
She tried wriggling to escape again, but only half-heartedly this time, testing him almost, to see how he would react. She had her answer when, with leopard-like fluidity, he moved her arms behind her back and pinned them to her with his hand encircling both her wrists. It resulted in her full length being pressed hard and flush against him.
Her insides threatened to leap out of her. Her heart was pounding. As much as she hated him for managing to capture her like this, she was dizzy with excitement. She adored the lean hardness of him and did nothing to shy away from the contact. He was still staring into her, his gaze only a flicker away. ‘I told you to be quiet,’ he murmured. She watched his mouth as he spoke, the way his lips curled slightly, his neat white teeth, the quick flicker of the tip of his tongue. The heavy seep between her legs was betraying her and she pressed her thighs together to relieve it. He smirked.
‘Am I hurting you?’ he asked.
She gave a slight nod. He was; her arms were pulled tight and it was giving her pins and needles, but she found she didn’t really mind.
Her affirmation didn’t seem to bother him. He didn’t apologise nor did he relax his hold. In fact, he seemed to pull her in even harder.
He was breathing as heavily as her. ‘If I release your mouth, you must promise me you won’t make a noise. Do you promise?’
She nodded again. Slowly, she felt the tightness of warm skin across her lips relaxing. His palm was within her reach. She had half a desire to lick it, half to bite it.
An irritated voice sounded suddenly in the room. ‘Where’s Holly? For God’s sake, you’d have thought she’d have given up by now.’
It was Rosa.
Daniel didn’t release his grip on her arms. Her eyes widened as she heard her sister just on the other side of the curtain, but she couldn’t move, neither did she want to. Daniel was tormenting her. His breath was so close it hushed over her cheek.
He didn’t say anymore, but as her sister searched the room beyond, he moved in closer and closer, bending his head to hers. She wanted it so much she could scream. Closer.
‘Holly?’ called Rosa from the other side of the curtain. ‘This is bloody tedious now, you know.’
Closer. That perfect mocking mouth. His lips met hers.
At his first touch, her belly leapt so violently she almost cried out. But his mouth silenced her. In contrast to the harsh grip he maintained on her arms, his kiss was soft and pliant, almost tender. He rubbed over her lips with his, not presuming too much. But Holly was lost. He had taken and she would give. She parted her lips, and he responded immediately, deepening the kiss, opening his own mouth. The hand that had been clamped over her now coiled around the back of her neck and pulled her in tight.
Then she felt his tongue, firm and searching. He was testing her acquiescence. He needn’t have tested. She met his tongue with hers and, although not frantic, they remained kissing, long, slow, and deep, while minutes slipped away. It was the kiss she’d been waiting for. The kiss that set her free.
And then, when the sound of footsteps and frustrated sighs in the room faded away, he pulled back, releasing his hold on her hands.
Blood rushed painfully back into them and she inhaled in shock.
But as silently and swiftly as he had sneaked up on he
r, Daniel slipped away and left, leaving her in the dark behind the curtain.
Chapter Three
Later, Rosa came to her room. Holly could barely bring herself to look at her sister. She was still tingling from the encounter behind the curtain. Guilt was an unfamiliar emotion for her, but now it threatened to flood all else.
‘I’ve barely seen you so far this year, Hols. You okay?’
She shrugged as her sister sat down beside her.
‘I miss our chats, you know. I miss you,’ Rosa continued. ‘You should come and see me more often.’ Oh God, her sister was being nice. That was even worse.
‘Yeah, well, uni’s busy.’
‘Still no boyfriend?’
Her stomach churned over. ‘No.’
‘Why you bother taking the pill is beyond me. Messing around with your hormones and not even getting any shags out of it.’
Holly had been on prescribed contraceptive pills since the age of fifteen due to painful periods. The irony of her sister being dosed up with anti-pregnancy drugs while never even having had sex was never lost on Rosa. But now Holly’s guilt overrode her annoyance at her sister bringing it up again.
‘You haven’t told me what you think.’ Rosa smiled.
‘Of what?’
‘Of him. Daniel.’
Her stomach lurched. ‘He’s OK.’
Rosa leaned into her and giggled. ‘Have we got you fooled then? If I can fool you, I can fool Mum.’
Holly looked up sharply. ‘What?’
Her sister gave her a strange smile, like someone planning a robbery. ‘We’re not actually together, me and Daniel.’
It was as if she’d been standing in a darkened room and the windows and shutters had just been flung back to let light and air flood in. Holly stared at her sister in amazement. ‘What?’
‘Daniel. We split up a month ago. We just didn’t click, barely went out for more than a week or so, but we still see each other, mutual friends and all that. I told him about the big family Christmas and Mum’s expectations. He said he’d come along and pretend to be my boyfriend to make life easier.’
