“You can do this, Lancaster.” The pep talk didn’t really help, but it was all he had.
Adam left the room behind without looking back and started down the stairs, keeping his footsteps light. He paused in front of the opening to the living room. Only hours before he’d sat there, having no idea what was in store for him. The lights of the tree still twinkled, and the pretty packages were still there. The candles, which had looked so festive glowing in their glass holders, were now gutted. He could relate more to the candles than the tree.
He could easily sneak out the front door. His keys were in his pants pocket. He didn’t need to get his coat. “Coward,” he muttered as he turned and headed toward the kitchen. He knew that’s where he’d find them.
He quietly crept to the doorway and stood to one side, watching them. Christmas music drifted out from the radio, covering any noise he might have made. It was a song he remembered from his childhood. One he normally loved. Now it left him feeling more alone than ever.
Rob was seated in the kitchen nook that overlooked the garden, a mug of coffee in his hand. He was wearing a pair of faded jeans and a black turtleneck. He looked totally relaxed and so handsome it made Adam’s heart ache.
Through the large picture window behind him, Adam could see the snow glistening on the trees. It was a winter wonderland. The howling wind from the night before had given way to a gentle breeze that swayed the branches of the trees, but wasn’t hard enough to make them lose the snow frosting from their tips.
Shayla was wearing her hair down this morning. It flowed like a soft, dark curtain over her shoulders as she stood in front of the stainless-steel stove cooking breakfast. A long silky robe covered her, making him wonder what she was wearing beneath it, if anything.
Adam felt like an interloper. Something kept him from stepping forward, from showing himself. They were talking and he didn’t want to interrupt. At least that’s the lie he told himself. In truth, he was afraid.
“How do you feel about last night?”
Adam tensed, waiting for Shayla to answer Rob’s question.
She flipped the bacon that was sizzling in the pan. “It was strange. I worried about making love to a man other than you. I wasn’t sure how I would feel. How you would feel.”
Rob set his mug down and went to his wife. He wrapped his arms around her from behind and rested his chin on the top of her head. “Nothing will ever change the way I feel about you. You know that, don’t you?”
Adam tried to swallow the lump in his throat. Rob loved Shayla. There was no doubt in Adam’s mind, never had been. And Shayla was utterly devoted to his best friend. He didn’t want to do anything that might damage that connection. He would take their gift for what it was—a one-time thing. There would be no awkward morning-after conversation. He couldn’t bear that. Not after last night.
Decision made, he turned and quietly made his way to the front door. He let himself out of the house, closing the door silently behind him. The cold air jammed his lungs. The wind whipped ice pellets and snow at his exposed skin. He was too numb to feel either.
He didn’t know what would happen to his friendship with Rob and Shayla but he couldn’t stick around to find out. Not now. He was too raw from last night, his emotions too exposed. He needed time alone. Time to regroup. Time to figure out what the hell he was going to do with the rest of his life.
He put one foot in front of the other and headed toward his cold, empty house.
Shayla settled into Rob’s arms, loving the sense of protection, of completeness she got whenever they stood like this. Because she was so secure in Rob’s love it was easy to turn his question back around. “How do you feel about last night? About Adam?”
Rob stepped away and leaned against the counter. He dragged his hand over his scalp, letting it settle on the back of his neck. “Confused.”
She turned off the burner and set the skillet aside. Breakfast could wait. This couldn’t. “In what way?” She wanted to go to her husband and wrap her arms around him but sensed he needed the space to think.
“Shit, Shayla. I never expected it to feel so good. Fucking another man.” His eyes were dark with worry.
“It wasn’t just another man,” she pointed out. “It was Adam.”
Rob released a deep breath. “Yeah, I know. I couldn’t have done that with anyone else.”
“Me either,” she assured him.
He reached for her and dragged her close to his chest. “I don’t know what to do.”
Shayla burrowed closer to her husband, inhaling the smell of his soap and cologne. Rob always smelled so good. “Do you love him?”
He rubbed his hand up and down her back. She wasn’t sure if he was trying to soothe himself or her. Either way, it didn’t matter. The contact was enough to settle them both. “Yeah, I do. Christ, I can’t imagine not having Adam in my life. But I don’t want to do anything to hurt you or drive you away. I love you both. How do I not end up hurting one of you?”
Shayla tilted her head back. “Why does anyone have to get hurt?” She’d lain awake in bed early this morning going over everything in her head. “Why can’t we try to make the situation work for all of us?”
Rob stared down at her a frown on his face. “What do you mean? Like a permanent threesome?”
She struggled to find the right words. “We could try something a little simpler than that. See how it goes. Adam is over here all the time anyway. The only difference would be he’d share our bed. We could try it on an occasional basis and see how it works. If we find the arrangement is something we can all live with, then we can worry about what comes next.”
Rob scrubbed his hand over his face. He hadn’t shaved yet and his fingers scratched against the stubble. “Could that even work?”
Shayla shrugged. “I don’t know. But what I do know is you won’t be happy if Adam isn’t in your life. And, after last night, I don’t think either of you will be content anymore to just be friends.”
“What about you?” Rob cupped her face in his large hands, leaned down and touched his forehead to hers. “I love you.”
“I know you do.” She also knew she needed to be totally honest. “I have feelings for Adam too. Obviously, I have to or I wouldn’t have been able to let him in our bed. Last night—” She shook her head. “Last night was an amazing experience. I’m not sure it’s one I’d want every night, but I wouldn’t mind trying it again. Nothing extreme. Just three people loving one another.” She leaned back and smiled up at her husband. “I have to say, watching the two of you together was hot.”
Rob smiled. “You’re one in a million, you know that?” He kissed her, sliding his tongue into her mouth. She tasted coffee and toothpaste. But most of all she tasted love.
When he pulled back they were both breathless. “I’ve got something for you.” He reached into his pocket and drew out the most spectacular necklace. It was a series of diamonds that twinkled in the morning light. It was short and would sit just on her collarbone.
“It’s gorgeous.”
“Turn around. I want to put it on you.” She turned and he looped it around her neck, closing the fastener. She was practically bouncing on her feet.
“Let me see.” She pulled away and hurried out of the kitchen and down the hall to the mirror in the foyer. The diamonds sparkled. “It’s beautiful.”
“You’re beautiful,” Rob whispered in her ear as he came up behind her. “Merry Christmas, baby.”
“You shouldn’t have, but I love it.”
He laughed and scooped her into his arms. “Let’s go wake Adam. I can’t believe he slept in this late.”
She twined her arms around her husband. “If it’s what you want, I want it too. I think we can all be happy together. I’m willing to try if you are.”
Rob pressed a quick, hard kiss to her lips and climbed the stairs with her in his arms. He kicked the bedroom door open. “Hey, wake up, sleepyhead.”
He came to an abrupt stop. The bed was empty. So was the
bathroom. Adam was gone. Rob slowly lowered her legs until her feet were touching the ground. She rushed toward the bed and felt the sheets. “They’re cold.”
“Sonofabitch?”
Shayla turned and crossed her arms. “What are we going to do about this?”
Rob looked at her with pure love shining in his eyes. “We’re going to go get him and drag him back here. No way is he spending Christmas alone.”
“Give me five minutes to get dressed.”
Adam ignored the pounding on his front door. He knew who it was and he wasn’t ready to face Rob just yet. He picked up his mug of coffee and drank half of it down in one swallow. It was too early in the morning to drink, but Adam figured it didn’t count if half the mug was filled with whisky and the other half was coffee. Hell, it was a festive drink. Seasonal.
Heavy boot steps sounded in the hallway. He didn’t bother to get up from his seat in front of the cold hearth. He continued to stare out the front window at the frozen wonderland it framed.
“What the hell were you thinking to leave without a word this morning?”
Adam closed his eyes and willed his temper to stay in check. He didn’t want to say anything that might do further damage to his relationship with Rob. A spurt of anger surged through him. He hadn’t asked for last night. Hadn’t wanted to change things.
Just as quickly his anger died. He was lying to himself. He might not have asked for last night. Not directly. But he’d been asking with his eyes and thoughts for years. There was no denying he loved Rob and more than just as a best friend.
The lump in his throat was threatening to choke him.
He took another belt of his coffee/whiskey drink and then carefully put the mug on the table beside him. “I don’t know. Maybe that you and your wife might like to spend Christmas morning alone?” It hurt to say the words aloud. “How did you get in?” Even as he said it he knew Rob’s answer.
Rob snorted. “Emergency key. You know I have the keys to your house just like you’ve got the keys to mine.”
“You can leave them on the table on your way out.” Christ, had he just said that to Rob? Why didn’t he just rip his own heart out and stomp on it. That’s what he was doing by asking his best friend to leave.
“Why?” Rob ambled over and crouched down beside him, his face wreathed in concern. “Why did you leave?”
The insensitivity was too much for Adam to take. Everything inside him came spewing out. “Why did I leave? I’m in love with you. In love.” He thumped his chest for emphasis. “And you’re married. Married to a woman who I care for deeply. Oh, fuck, what does it matter? I’ve come to love her, too, because she’s special and because you love her.”
Even as he spoke, the logical part of Adam’s brain was screaming at him to stop. To shut up before it was too late. Before he irreparably damaged what remained of his relationship with Rob.
He buried his face in his hands. His cheeks were wet. Shit. Now he was being a big baby. He couldn’t believe he was crying. He impatiently swiped the moisture from his cheeks and took a deep breath to steady himself. This had to end now.
Like any wounded animal, Adam had simply wanted to return home and shut the world out while he licked his hurts away. Or in his case, drowned his sorrows. He figured the scotch in his coffee was just a start. It would take a full bottle, probably more, to give him even momentary relief from the pain swamping him. Now Rob had invaded his home, taking even that hope of comfort from him.
Strong hands gripped Adam’s, pulling them away from his face. “I never meant to hurt you. Not like this.” Sorrow was etched on Rob’s face.
“I know, man.” And he did know it. Rob was a good friend. The best. “But I can’t go back to things the way they were.”
“We’re not asking you to.” Shayla stepped into Adam’s living room and went to Rob’s side. Together they were a unified couple.
Adam turned away. It hurt to look at them. So perfect together. “You love Shayla. I understand that. And why wouldn’t you. She’s an amazing lady. Smart, kind, gentle, giving…And she loves you too.”
Shayla looked beautiful this morning in a pair of simple black pants and a festive cranberry-colored sweater. Diamonds glittered at her throat and Adam knew the necklace was a gift from Rob. She and Rob belonged together. He couldn’t come between them. Couldn’t live with himself if he did.
“I do love her.” Rob’s confirmation was like a knife to Adam’s heart. “But that doesn’t mean that you aren’t important, that there isn’t room for you.”
Didn’t his friend realize everything had changed? There was no way Adam could go back to being just friends. Not now. Not after having been given a glimpse of paradise.
“What do you want then? What?” Adam didn’t try to hide his pain. There was no point.
“You,” was his simple reply. “I love you.” Rob’s words stunned Adam and he shook his head in denial. Rob locked his hand behind Adam’s neck and leaned forward until their foreheads were touching. “I really love you. I denied it for years because I was afraid. I never wanted another guy before. Only you. When I fell in love with Shayla, I figured what I felt for you would die. Only it didn’t.”
Adam was stunned. He glanced at Shayla. Surely she didn’t want to hear that her husband had discovered he was in love with another guy. One night of bedroom fun was one thing. This was much more serious. This was important. This was everything.
“I love you both,” Rob continued. He pulled Shayla down beside him so they were both in front of him. “I need you both. Shayla was the one who pointed it out to me.”
Adam still didn’t know what to say.
Rob raised his head and smiled. “I didn’t know what to do about it until she and I talked about it. We want to see where this goes. Spend more of our nights together. Hell, we already spend all our time off together anyway.”
“No one can know.” Adam’s heart was pounding. No way was he going to do anything to hurt Rob’s business. He would lose contracts in droves if word of their strange arrangement got out.
“Then no one has to know.” Shayla shook her head. “You live next door. You and Rob have always been close. You’re over at our place all the time now as it is. Who’s to know if the parameters of our relationship have changed?”
Adam was afraid to believe. “It can’t work.”
“Why not?” Rob countered. “If you want things to go back to the way they were, if that’s what will make you happy, I can live with it.” His blue eyes glittered with emotion. “I won’t like it, but I’ll understand.”
“It’s our gift to you,” Shayla added. “And to ourselves.”
It was then Adam realized that last night wasn’t the gift Shayla and Rob had given him. This was. Acceptance. Love. A place to finally belong.
“If down the road we want something more permanent, we can talk about what changes we want to make. We could always buy some land and build a huge house. Or we could build a duplex with an interior door. Or we can keep things the way they are. You with your house next to ours. Whatever you want. I just don’t want to lose you.” The plea in Rob’s eyes was too much for Adam to resist.
His heart skipped a beat. This was really happening. “You’re sure.” He studied Shayla’s face and then Rob’s. He saw nothing but sincerity and love there. But he had to be certain. He didn’t want either of them to do anything they’d regret.
“Love is never wrong,” Shayla whispered. She swiped a tear from the corner of her eye.
“No, it’s not,” Rob agreed.
Adam took that first step. Actually it was a giant leap of faith. “Okay. If that’s what you want. I want to try it. See where it goes.” Maybe this would all blow up in their faces, maybe they wouldn’t be able to make it work. But maybe they could.
This was Christmas morning and maybe a miracle was possible. Maybe he was going to get the gift he’d always wanted and then some—Rob’s love. And now Shayla’s as well.
Rob stood and
pulled his wife up to stand beside him. Then he opened his arms. Adam pushed out of his chair and faced them both. “You’re sure?”
“All we can do is try.” Rob curled his fingers inward, urging Adam forward. “We’re both willing if you are.”
He took that final step and found himself engulfed in a strong pair of arms. Rob’s arms. Then a small pair slipped around his waist. Shayla. They were both hugging him. Adam stood there and let their caring seep into him. His reality had been bleak only minutes before, now the world was being offered to him. He promised himself he wouldn’t do anything to fuck this up. If a time ever came when their arrangement wasn’t working for any of them, he’d walk away. He loved them both too much to ever do anything to hurt them.
“Why don’t you come back over to the house and have breakfast with us?” Shayla asked. “Pack up your presents and lug them over to our place. After breakfast we can open them. Together.”
Adam reached into his pocket and pulled out the length of red ribbon. He looped it around her neck and tugged her toward him until he was close enough to kiss her. Her lips were warm beneath his. “Thank you.” He knew none of this would have happened without her.
“You’re welcome,” she whispered. “Now.” She stepped away and continued in a brisker voice. “You two handle the presents, I’m going back to the house to cook up a feed of bacon and pancakes.”
“Sounds good to me.” Adam was suddenly starving. “But first, I think I’ll do this.” He grabbed Rob and planted a big one on his lips. What started out as a rough and playful kiss quickly turned gentle and emotional.
When they parted, Rob smiled. “We okay?”
Adam nodded. “We’re better than okay.”
“Good. Then grab all your presents. I’m looking forward to opening them together.” Rob cupped the back of his neck and drew Adam forward until their foreheads were touching.
Together. Such a simple word, but one that meant more to Adam than either of them would ever know.
Or maybe not. Shayla and Rob had already shown just how open and loving they were by offering him everything he’d ever wanted.
The Gift of Shayla Page 6
