It wasn’t true, she cared about Zac, but he couldn’t wait to get rid of her. Merry fell asleep halfway through feeding from the second breast.
Zac returned, bringing with him coffee and a plate of beans. “Put the baby down and eat this.”
“So I can quickly regain my strength and leave?”
“Yes.”
After she had put Merry to one side, he handed her the plate. The coffee he placed on a shelf on the bedhead. He picked up the baby and turned away. “Oh. If you need to relieve yourself, there’s a bucket under the bed. It’s too cold and wet for you to go outside and use the privy.”
She couldn’t understand how he could be so harsh one minute, yet thoughtful the next. He was bitter about something, and obviously didn’t like people, women in particular. Something terrible must have happened in his past.
He spoke like an educated man, enjoyed peace and quiet, but so did she. She ate the food and drank the weak coffee. Strong coffee would have kept her awake. There was no cream, so he obviously didn’t have a cow. After she finished eating, she closed her eyes and drifted off to sleep.
Holly awoke and the room was warm, the fire giving out plenty of heat. The glow seemed to soften the austere shabbiness. Where was Zac? And Merry? What had he done with her? Frantically she looked around. Her heart pounded, blood rushed to her head.
On hearing a slight whimper, she glanced down. On the floor beside the bed was a wooden box. Sleeping inside it was Merry, swaddled in a blanket. Gingerly Holly eased herself out of bed, and used the bucket to relieve herself while she had the cabin to herself. The sound of an axe striking wood drifted into her.
The place was crying out for a woman’s touch, but it was reasonably tidy and certainly not dirty. This one room was large enough to be divided into two, and there was a loft space big enough to be used as a bedroom. It wouldn’t take much to turn this cabin into a cozy home.
The shack she had grown up in was about half the size, and Ma, Pa, and her four siblings were crammed into it. I wouldn’t be in this mess if Pa could have made a living off the farm. It wasn’t his fault. He tried hard, but the land was so poor, it was hard to get anything to grow. The dust storms and trouble with the wealthy ranchers had finally driven them away.
They had drifted from town to town, living on the fringes of society, until Pa finally found a job in one of the clothing factories in Lawrence, Massachusetts.
Poor pay and bad conditions eventually took their toll, and he had died. From then on the family’s fortunes spiraled downward even further. They lived in a shanty town on the edge of town, and when typhoid struck, it took her whole family. Working as a live-in maid for a preacher and his wife, she had survived the epidemic. When he was transferred to California, they were unable to take her with them. It was such a shame, because these kindly people had taught her to read and write, and how to conduct herself in a dignified manner.
The only work she could get was at a tavern. For a while she waited tables, poured drinks and cleaned up, but it didn’t take long to realize, she would be expected to service the customers in the brothel upstairs as well.
She had met Denis a few times when he had visited the tavern. One day, he surprised her by proposing. She had eagerly accepted. He was years older than her, but was still a presentable man. He was also an escape, a way to keep her reputation and dignity intact.
Fool that she was. Bitter tears filled her eyes, but she blinked them back. She had already cried too many tears over his treachery. “You got what you deserved,” her conscience said. “Even after you found out what he was, you stayed with him. Shared his bed.”
But I was pregnant by then, I had nowhere else to go. It was stay with him or starve on the streets. She had no choice.
Booted feet pounded on the porch then the door swung open. Zac stepped inside, bringing a blast of icy air with him. His arms were full of neatly cut logs.
“Oh, you’re awake.”
“Yes. Thank you for making the crib. Merry Christmas, Zac.”
“I don’t celebrate it, same as any other day to me.” He dropped the logs on to the hearth. “There’s another storm brewing.”
“I’m sorry for causing you so much trouble.”
“Yeah, well, it wasn’t like there was a choice.
He picked up the coffee pot. “Want a drink?”
She shook her head.
“You need plenty of fluid to stimulate your milk. We don’t want this little gal to go hungry.”
“How do you know so much about it?”
“Rafe was a great one for reading. I remembered he had a medical book. I found it when you went into labor. It contains a lot of interesting stuff.”
“Childbirth and caring for a newborn baby?”
“Yeah. Not that I’ll ever be using this knowledge again. We’re having fish for supper.”
“Fish!”
“There’s a creek a couple of hundred yards away. See that lever on the pipe sticking out from the wall near the table.” He waved his hand about.
“Yes, I wondered what it was.”
“Rafe ran a pipe from the creek into here so we wouldn’t have to go outside for water. He was an ardent inventor, always tinkering around with stuff.”
“Maybe I could cook the fish. I do feel a lot better now.”
“No, you need to rest and get your strength back.”
“So you can get rid of me.”
“Yes.”
“But why, Zac?”
“I like living on my own. I’m a loner, always have been.”
“Where will Merry and I go?”
“I told you before, I know a woman who runs a boarding house in Forked Creek. She’s one of the few friends I have in town. She’ll look after you.”
“How do I pay her when my money runs out?”
“I’ll pay.” His tone was implacable, and a hard mask slipped down over his face.
She couldn’t believe she was begging this man to let her stay with him. “I couldn’t let you do that. It wouldn’t be right.”
“Why not? I can afford it.”
“I…I’d feel like a kept woman.”
He gave her a scorching look. “You think living with me out here would be any different?”
She gnawed her lower lip. “Well, yes. I’d be giving you something.”
“What would that be?” His eyebrows quirked. He had the deepest, most vibrant blue eyes she had ever seen. How would he look without the black stubble?
“Housework. I could set up a garden, and…”
“I don’t need those things. I have only one use for a woman now, and I can buy that at any saloon I walk into.”
Did he think she was a harlot? Once Denis had accused her of prostituting herself for a roof over her head. He had used that as an excuse for not touching her when he was sober.
“I’m not a prostitute.”
“I didn’t think you were. Listen to me. You’ll thank me for this one day when you find yourself a decent man.”
“I think you’re a decent man.”
“I’m not.” He spoke with brutal detachment. “Ask the good people of Forked Creek, they’ll take great pleasure in telling you what a black-hearted villain I am.” He sat at the table and started gutting the fish. “Tell me about your husband.”
“I can’t.”
“Too painful huh?”
“No. I’m ashamed.” She closed her eyes then opened them again. Why not tell him exactly what kind of woman she really was. It wouldn’t make any difference, had she been the Virgin Mary, he still wouldn’t have let her stay. Maybe it would ease her pain and guilt if she confessed to someone. A man like him who disliked idle chit-chat, would hardly be likely to divulge her secret.
In a few words she told him the whole sordid episode with Denis.
“Sonofabitch, it wasn’t your fault.”
“Yes, it was. I sinned because I stayed with him even after I discovered what he was like.”
“Stop torturi
ng yourself for what happened in the past.”
“Why don’t you take your own advice, Zac?”
He grinned, and with the surly lines wiped away, what a difference it made to him.
“Yeah, maybe I should.” He shrugged. “It’s too late for me now.”
“So, what happened to you?”
He hesitated for a moment, his expression pensive.” Rafe brought me up. There were dark secrets in his past too. Something happened to him in England, and he came out West. I never found out what he was running from.”
He rubbed salt on both sides of the large fish. “I’ve already told you he found me wandering around on my own after the Indian attack. He taught me to read and write. He died when I was eighteen and left me this place.”
He got up to get the frypan and dropped a dollop of butter in it. With his back turned toward her he said. “I lived a sheltered existence, not having much contact with anyone in Forked Creek. To cut a long story short. I fell for a woman who thought I was wealthy. She wanted the money, and when I couldn’t give it to her, and to save her reputation, she accused me of rape.”
Holly recoiled in shock.
“I was sentenced to twenty years in prison. Well, as it turned out, she pulled the same stunt with the nephew of the judge who sentenced me. To get him off, they needed my evidence that she had done the same thing to me. I got a pardon, the nephew was found not guilty. The whole affair was hushed up, so it never became public knowledge why I got out. The woman ended up in jail. Her lies ruined my life. There are still a few people in Forked Creek who think I deserve to be in prison. Nearly four years of my life that lying whore took from me.”
“I’m sorry, Zac, it must have been awful for you.”
“Lying, conniving women, they’re only good for one thing.” He slammed the pan down on the stove.
The noise woke Merry who sent up a wail. Zac strode over and scooped her up from the makeshift crib.
“Hungry, are you little gal?” A slim tanned finger caressed the baby’s cheek. “She wants a feed. Might need her bum changed, too.”
He had a natural affinity with babies Holly noted. What a pity he didn’t want any of his own. The man was an enigma. He handed Merry to her. What a shocking thing for a woman to ruin a young man’s life like that.
She undid the buttons on her nightgown, and Zac sucked in his breath. He must have seen her bare breast before Merry’s head hid it from view. The baby suckled strongly and Holly relaxed, loving the feel of her baby’s soft little body, and satisfied snuffles. She was determined to be a good mother. To give her daughter a better life than she’d had.
“What do you do for a living?” she asked Zac over the baby’s head. “I assume this isn’t a working ranch.”
“No. I round up a few stray cows from time to time, fatten them up and sell them. No point having livestock, I’m away too much to properly care for them. I help the sheriff
out sometimes when he needs an extra deputy. Every month I go to Deadwood and ride shotgun for the gold shipments. I’m fast on the draw, so I get work in that field sometimes.”
He hadn’t admitted it, but she realized he was a hired gun.
“Over the years I’ve worked on ranches, still go on a drive now and again if the mood takes me. I don’t mind being a cowboy.”
She moved the baby to the other breast. “How many acres is this spread?”
“Why do you want to know?” He snapped his fingers. “So you can work out what I’m worth?” He spat the words out. “Well, sorry to disappoint, but it’s not much of place, two thousand acres, but almost arid in parts.”
“You think I want your money?”
“Don’t you?”
She hated his sneering tone of voice, the contempt in his eyes.
“Not all women are grasping, gold diggers. I’m not interested in wealth. I only want a decent home, and food for me and Merry.”
“Well, you won’t get it from me.”
Tears filled her eyes. “Why do you have to be so mean, Zac.”
He shrugged. “Because I’m a no-good black hearted gunslinger, and a jail-bird.”
“I don’t believe you’re no good. You stopped and rescued me from the wagon. Many men would have robbed me and left me there to die.”
“You must have caught me at a weak moment.” He dragged the trunk containing the baby things over to the bed so she only had to reach out and get what she needed.
“I don’t believe you’re a bad man.”
“I’m flattered, but you still can’t stay here.”
It was sad that a man could have such a low opinion of women, although she didn’t really blame him after what he had been through.
Chapter Five
Two weeks after giving birth, Zac announced that he was taking her into town to stay with his friend Flo.
“I want to stay here with you.”
“No.”
“Please, Zac. I like being here. And I like being with you. When he let his guard down, he was a pleasant man with a droll sense of humor, but these lapses from the brooding, sullen man, were few and far between. He was good with Merry though, happy to nurse her at any time. Walk her up and down held against his shoulder, when she wouldn’t settle. She had, on a couple of occasions caught him humming to the baby.
If she had been more attractive, would she have appealed to his masculinity? Over the last few days she had cooked and cleaned for him, all to no avail. He was kicking her and Merry out.
The sky was cloudy, the wind cold, but there was no rain when they set off. She sat next to him nursing Merry, their meager luggage in the back of the wagon. The countryside was a mixture of treed mountains on one side, grassland on the other.
“If you need to stop so you can feed the baby, just say so. It will take about four hours to reach Forked Creek. I’ll be staying the night in town.”
With Flo she wanted to ask, but didn’t dare in case he was going to spend it with one of the soiled doves at the saloon. She didn’t want to hear him say the words, that he preferred women like that to her. Not that she condemned these women for the lives they lived, but for a twist of fate, she could easily have ended up being one herself.
She sighed, and he must have heard.
“It’s better for us all if you stay with Flo.”
“Why? I don’t want to stay with a lady I don’t even know.”
“She’s a good woman.”
“I’m not saying she isn’t, but I want to stay at the cabin with you.”
“You can’t.”
He lapsed into an angry, brooding silence, which she didn’t know how to break. Why couldn’t he understand that she liked him? More than liked, if truth be known. He hadn’t been immune to her womanly assets. She had watched his eyes blaze when he caught a glimpse of her bare breast when the baby moved her head suddenly, and left it momentarily exposed.
He had acted with propriety at all times, always turning his back or leaving the room when she changed her clothes. He had even boiled saucepans and hauled in an old tin bath tub so she could bathe. Boiled water so she could wash Merry’s clothes.
They had been travelling for about three hours when Merry started fussing.
“The baby need feeding?” he asked.
“I think so.”
He scowled. “A pity she didn’t let us know three or four miles back.”
Merry let out a full throated roar.
“Shh, shh.” Holly jigged her around, but it didn’t do any good, the baby cried even harder.
“I don’t like stopping in the canyon. A lot of no-good varmints pass through here on their way to the Black Hills.”
“All right, we better wait until we find a safer place.”
“No, there are a couple of miles of this. The baby might do herself damage crying so hard.”
Holly was starting to get agitated herself. She didn’t want to stop here, the place spooked her. They were driving through the canyon, with sheer walls on either side. A stream of
water poured down one section of the wall, landing on a ledge then tumbling into a pool on the ground.
“This will have to do.” Zac pulled the wagon up. I’ll light a fire so we can have a hot drink and something to eat. You sit under that ledge, it will give you shelter from the wind. Dang, but it’s cold. I’ll go get us some wood.” He turned up the collar on his coat and trudged off.
Holly wore a woolen shawl around her shoulders because she didn’t possess a coat. The baby was giving little hiccoughing sobs now. Holly glanced around, wondering how long Zac would be gone. Surely it wouldn’t take long to collect a few pieces of wood.
The hair on the back of her neck suddenly prickled. She had the strangest sensation of being watched. “Stop being fanciful,” she muttered. There’s no one here but us. She opened her bodice and gave Merry the breast, keeping the baby’s blanket securely wrapped around her. Bad enough that she had to throw herself on the mercy of Zac’s friend Flo. If the baby was sick the woman mightn’t want to take them in. What was keeping Zac?
Merry fell asleep halfway through the second side. The wagon was about ten feet away, the horses standing patiently swishing their tails. Zac had positioned them so their backs were to the wind. He mightn’t like people, but he was caring when it came to animals.
She closed her eyes. The baby had been restless last night, and neither she nor Zac had got much sleep. The wind made an eerie whistling noise, which escalated her feeling of foreboding.
“Well, well. Lookee here.”
Holly woke up with a start on hearing the voice. Two men stood in front of her with leering smiles on their bewhiskered faces.
“We found ourselves a woman, Frank,” a skinny man said.
She scrambled to her feet.
“A mighty purdy one, too,” the man called Frank said, smirking at his companion. He was the taller of the two, carrying more weight than his skinny friend. He snatched Merry out of her arms, and she fought like a wildcat to get her baby back.
“No! No, you can’t have her.” She kicked out at him.
“I like a gal with spirit, don’t you, Al.” Frank leered at her, and his rancid breath nearly made her vomit.
Silver Belles and Stetsons Page 73
