by Abigail Agar
“It does?” Edmund’s head fell into his hands. “I suppose to the outside world it does, but to me, I know that would never be the case. How can I get people to know that I am not a terrible person?”
Iris tapped her hand on her chin as she thought. This was just the sort of thing that her husband would have been great for. He could deal with any sort of crisis perfectly; she never had to worry when he was around.
But he was long gone now. This was up to her.
“Who do you feel the need to prove yourself to?” she asked cautiously. “Is it the men you work alongside every single day, or is it someone else?”
“Who else could it be?” Edmund asked desperately. “All those people who I do business with will now see me as some sort of scoundrel.”
Iris resisted the urge to roll her eyes. She did not bother to tell Edmund that it hardly mattered since most of the men that he worked alongside were scoundrels themselves. He should have known that already. He probably did, but in his panicked state, he could only think of himself and his own reputation.
“I was more thinking about Mary,” she said softly. “If I have heard this news, then there is a chance that she has too. Maybe you need to be thinking about how she might be feeling.”
“Oh my goodness.” Edmund had not even thought about Mary, not really. He was so convinced that they were solid, that their bond was unbreakable, that he did not pause to wonder what might be happening in her world. “Do you think she has heard?”
Iris shrugged sadly. “I would think so. I believe that everyone has heard. Like I said before, Lady Victoria Hartmon comes from a very powerful family; her father knows everyone. If he is telling people that you purposefully ruined his daughter’s reputation and then announced an engagement to someone else, then it is very likely that everyone has heard.”
Edmund nodded as he tried to process this. He no longer cared about what the Hartmon family and his business associates were saying about him. All he could think about was Mary’s crushed face when she heard such terrible things about him.
“Do you think she will break off our engagement?” he asked, more to himself than his mother, but it was she who ended up answering him.
“She would have good reason to,” she told him honestly. “Which is why I think you might need to speak with her before she can get herself too upset. A woman’s mind does not work in the same way as a man’s. She will not be able to forget about this until she learns the truth from you; she will obsess over it until it drives her crazy.”
“Should I go now?” Edmund pushed his chair back, and he stood upright with determination flooding his face. “Before this can get too far.”
“You should,” Iris agreed. “But not until you have calmed down. You do not want to make this already complex situation any more challenging than it already is. If you try to speak to Mary in a state of panic, your emotions will make you seem much guiltier than you actually are.”
“I am not guilty at all,” Edmund hissed angrily. “I have nothing to feel bad about,”
Iris grabbed her son’s hands tightly and stared intensely at him. She really needed him to listen as she said the words. “You did not do anything wrong; I know that. Do not forget that I am on your side.”
“Yes, I know ...” Edmund started, but Iris was not about to let him finish that thought.
“I know you did not do anything wrong, but Mary does not. You also need to think that while you say Mary did not like you at first, just as you did not her, you still went to a ball in the middle of courting her. That might hurt her feelings even if the rest of it does not. You shall have to be sensitive and kind when you do go to see her.” She loosened her grip on him and allowed him to step away. “So just take some time, have a few moments to calm down. Then take a carriage to see her.”
Edmund knew that his mother was right. Caving to the temptation to rush in to see Mary while he was such a mess simply because he felt impatient would not do anyone any favours. He really did need her to listen to him when he went to see her, or he would end up losing her.
How ironic; he went to the ball to try and find someone else that he would want to marry instead of Mary, and now the fact that he had was threatening the only thing that he had ever wanted.
“Yes, Mother, I see,” he said sadly. “I shall do what you say. I will take some time.”
As Iris watched him walk away, she hated the helpless sensation that overcame her. All that she wanted to do was help, but this was mostly out of her control. All that she could do was wait and hope that her son did the right thing.
***
Mary had not moved from her seat on the edge of her bed ever since she had heard the news. An ice-cold numbness encased her; she did not know what she felt or where to even begin processing the information.
“Lady Roberts?” Daisy asked carefully as she stepped into her bedroom. She could feel the thick tension in the air before she even entered the room. “Chef has sent me up here with a plate of food. I do not know if you are hungry ...”
Her words trailed off as Mary turned to face her with agony in her eyes. She had never seen someone look at her with so much pain; it literally floored her. Granted, she had not seen much of Mary when her father died, but still ... this felt like it was on another level.
“I do not know what to do, Daisy,” Mary gushed desperately. “What am I supposed to do?”
Daisy already knew what the Lady was talking about; it had been the gossip of the staff that actually led Mary to finding out about the other woman. One of the kitchen staff had a sister who worked for the Hartmon home, so the information had come directly from the source.
Still, knowing did not help her with what to say next.
“I am terribly sorry, Lady Roberts; no one could have suspected that His Grace would behave in such a manner.”
Mary glanced down at the floor. She knew that Edmund could behave in such a way; she knew very well that he was capable of it. After all, he had kissed her without being her husband. Her heart fell to her feet as she considered that might not have been the act of love that she once assumed. It had been that way for her, but clearly not for him.
Maybe she did not know him at all. She had been so desperate to like him because it helped her and everyone around her that she had ignored everything that might tell her he was not a good person after all. Maybe there had been signs all along; maybe there were many times that she should have known, but she chose to ignore them.
“What do I do, Daisy? What am I supposed to do? I am supposed to marry the man who has ruined the reputation of another woman. Who has ...” She stopped herself at the last moment before she added ‘has ruined me too’. That was far too humiliating to admit.
“I am sure this is a good enough reason not to marry him,” Daisy said quietly. In all honesty, she had no idea how the silly rules of the upper classes worked. If a man had done something to humiliate her, she would show him where the door was without a second thought, but then she did not have a title or expectations to hold her back. “Maybe you need to send out word to Mr Thompson. You shall need to speak with him to see what you can do next.”
Again, this was something that Daisy did not fully understand, but she had seen enough meetings to know a little.
“Yes, you are right,” Mary agreed with a nod. It felt very overwhelming to consider bringing Walter into this mess, but that was what she had to do. He was in charge of the will and the inheritance. Maybe now things could change. “I shall send word to him immediately. Ask him to come to meet with me.”
Maybe it should have been surprising that he had not come of his own accord, but then again, there was a chance that he did not think it a big deal. Men did not quite view things in the same way that women did, as far as Mary knew.
She grabbed some of the bread off the plate that Daisy had given to her and took a bite from it. As she chewed, it felt like sawdust in her mouth. All of this had completely zapped her of her appetite, but she forc
ed it down regardless. She was going to need her energy if she was going to make it through what had to come next.
“I shall write the letter now,” she said with a half smile. “The sooner I get this started, the sooner it will be over.”
Mary did not like the dream that she had built up in her mind to die. She had spent the last few days dreaming about kisses, wedding dresses, married life ... now all of that was done. She could not marry a man who thought it acceptable to kiss other women; it was not right. She deserved so much better.
“Lady Roberts?” The butler stood at the door to Mary’s room with a serious expression. “There is a gentleman at the door to speak with you.”
“Oh good.” She smiled at Daisy, satisfaction racing through her system. At least this was something. “That should be Mr Thompson now. It will be easier to speak with him face to face ...”
“Oh no,” the butler felt compelled to interrupt before Mary got too far with her thought. “I am sorry, I was not specific. It is not Mr Thompson at the door.”
“No? Then who is it?”
Mary felt panicked and sick; her heart raced. This could not be good; she did not want to deal with visitors. Somehow, she just knew that this would be to do with Lady Victoria Hartmon, and she was not sure that she was quite ready for it yet.
“It is His Grace, Duke Smith,” he replied. “He says that it is of utter urgency that he speaks with you right away.”
Mary’s head span; she felt unsteady on her feet. Daisy grabbed onto her arm in an attempt to keep her upright. Maybe it was silly to assume that he would never come, but Mary thought that he would be far too embarrassed to do so.
“The Duke,” she gasped. “I have to speak to him. I do not know if I can.”
Chapter 16
Mary moved down the stairs purposefully, trying to hide her anxiety as she went. With her corset tied up tighter than ever, it was already challenging to breathe, so the nerves only added to that. Still, it was there for a reason; it was there to hold her together and to make her look her absolute best. That was also the reason she had made Daisy quickly style her hair into a chignon, and she put a little bit of make-up on.
If Duke Edmund Smith preferred her natural, then she would be dressed up. Anything to prove to him that he did not control her at all. She no longer worried what he wanted ... not when he so clearly did not care about her in the same way.
As she laid her eyes upon him, her entire body turned upside down. The nausea that she had been trying to push down resurfaced, so much so that a sickness threatened to pour out of her mouth. Her heart went cold, yet somehow, her blood ran boiling hot. It was a confusing sensation that caused her to grip onto the rail in front of her just to keep herself standing upright. Edmund had her utterly lost, and she did not know what to do about it.
“Good afternoon,” she said coldly. “What are you doing here, Your Grace?”
There was still tension surrounding them, only this time there was nothing pleasant about it. It was so thick and unbearable, it could have been cut with a knife. Mary just wanted it gone; she wanted him gone. The last thing that she wanted to do while she was going through so much emotional turmoil was actually speak to the man who had caused it ... but he had not given her any choice. He had shown up unannounced without giving her the necessary time that she needed to prepare herself.
“Please, Lady Roberts,” Edmund pleaded; he actually clapped his hands together in a prayer-like gesture to make Mary see just how serious he was. “Please let me speak with you. Let me explain.”
“You can say what you have to say right here, then leave,” she replied, refusing to get anywhere near him. “I do not know what you are doing here. I believe a letter would have been enough.”
Edmund glanced around, drinking in the appearance of all the staff members nearby. Maybe they were trying to act like they were not eavesdropping, but he could tell that they were. He did not even care what they thought about him, even though he knew it was not good. He only cared what Mary with her wide, sad eyes considered him to be.
“Please, Mary,” he continued desperately. “Please. Just give me a chance. I am only asking for five minutes of your time.”
There was something in his expression that got to Mary; she could not seem to help it. He seemed desperate and needy like he might do something crazy if she did not allow him to talk. She needed to remain strong and in control, but at the same time, maybe it was the adult thing to do. She could give him five minutes of her time, then she could cancel their engagement and move on with her life. Maybe this way was much better. Maybe a short talk was better than endless letters shared between them both.
“Fine.” She folded her arms across her chest and gave him a glare. “I shall give you only five minutes of my time, then I would like you to leave.”
She walked towards the drawing room, giving Daisy a look that only her friend would understand. She needed this conversation to be private and alone. She did not want her humiliating situation to be public knowledge until maybe she was ready to share. Even with her friend. It was bad enough that everyone already knew that the man she was falling in love with, the man who had told her that he shared her feelings, did not care about her enough to keep his kisses to himself.
Her eyes welled up with tears, but she blinked to keep them inside. She would not let Edmund see her cry; it was the thing that she was most determined about. She would not let Edmund know how much he had hurt her. That was the most important thing.
Daisy felt anxious leaving Mary in the room with Duke Smith; she did not like to leave her friend in the hands of that man. The Duke had always appeared very pleasant to her, and she assumed that her Lady would enjoy being married to him, but now she had her eyes open. Even if it meant her losing her job, she did not want Mary to be stuck with a man who did not deserve her. Her biggest fear was that the Duke would talk her around and that she would end up believing him.
Mary waited until the door clicked behind her before she allowed her arms to unfold. Then she stood in front of Edmund expectantly, waiting for him to speak. She was not about to make this any easier for him by talking first. She was not the one who had done anything wrong.
As they waited, she ran her eyes over him. Everything about him still appeared exactly the same; there was no indication that anything had changed. Duke Edmund Smith was still devastatingly handsome; he still had innocent sparkly eyes, which meant he had always been a terrible person. She just had been blind to it until today.
“I am sorry for what you have heard,” he started in a grave tone. “That must have been terrible for you to hear.”
“That you kissed another woman?” Mary said scathingly. “Yes, that was not the most pleasant.”
“It was not like that ...” Edmund suddenly realised that he had chosen his words wrong. He did not mean it to sound like something had happened. “What I mean to say is Lady Victoria Hartmon is not telling the truth about me.”
“So you have never met her?” Mary demanded. “You did not go to the Miller ball which happened after you first met me? You did not speak with her? You did not dance with her?”
“I did all those things,” Edmund admitted with his head hung low. “But it was not as it sounds.”
“Yes, you keep saying that.” Mary forced herself to turn away as her eyes filled up once more. “So what was it like? Please tell me. I would love to hear just what your side of the story is.”
Her heart raced quickly. In reality, she was not sure that she wanted to hear his side of the story after all, but she could not take it back now. She had already demanded that he tell her. To back down would show weakness which she simply could not do.
“I only went to the ball after our very first meeting because I did not believe that we would ever be able to find common ground ...”
“So it did not even occur to you that you would be doing me a disservice by allowing my inheritance to fade away?” Maybe she was being unfair now, but she wanted Edmu
nd to realise the full consequences of his actions. “Most people do not like each other when they first meet, and they continue to not like one another long after they get married. It is all about convenience. If you were going to rob me of my childhood home just because I did not please you right away, then the least you could have done is send me a letter so that I was aware.”
“I know,” Edmund replied quietly. “I should have; it was unfair of me. I think the reason I did not is that I did not want to shut the door on us right away. I wanted to be certain before I said no.”
Mary did not have an answer to that. Her intense anger had subsided just a little bit. If she was honest with herself, through the red mist that clouded her judgement, then she was making plans to be with anyone but the Duke as well. Maybe she could not blame him for that part, but she certainly could for what came after.
