by Lulu Pratt
But there is nothing I can do now. I sit on the couch, and I stare at the closed bathroom door. I hold my breath and wait.
Chapter 34
CARRIE
The bathroom has a cold, isolating feel to it. I walk to the toilet and pull the test from its box. As I do, the four walls seem to close in around me. The seriousness of the situation and everything that I have been doing the past few weeks is suddenly beginning to feel very real. But oddly enough, it’s still better than being out in that room with Blake.
The worst thing is that it isn’t even his fault. Not really. I mean, yes, what he did to Lyndsey was his fault. The way she told me about it, how he dumped her without a second thought. He didn’t care.
Before I met Blake, I had a totally different picture in my head of what he would look like. And what he would be like. So now that I know who he really is, my emotions are conflicted.
I have felt awful all week. The way I treated him on our date wasn’t fair. I know it wasn’t. I treated him like some sort of evil entity, without even letting him know why. No wonder he hasn’t spoken to me all week. In fact, I didn’t even think he was going to come over today. Maybe a phone call or a brief text and that would be it.
But he has come over. And with gifts, too. It’s so incredibly sweet of him. Ever since I have known him, he has been nothing but kind and caring. It’s because of this, that I don’t know what to think. I can’t imagine that Lyndsey was lying, but I also can’t imagine that Blake would do what she said he did.
I look down at the test in my hands. I’m sitting on the toilet, my pants down, ready to take the final leap. With a deep breath, I stick it between my legs and pee.
As I am doing this, I’m wondering what I should do about Blake. I think I will do my best to pretend that I don’t know the things I know. At least, until the baby is born. If I am going to do this, and be with him for the next nine months, I need to be civil. I need to help melt away the tension that has risen between the two of us. Even in the bathroom now, I can feel it, emanating through the door.
I stand from the toilet and still hold the test in my hands. It is going to take two minutes to activate and give me a reading. I can’t stand here for two minutes, though. That is going to be agony.
What I will do instead is go outside, take Blake’s hand in mine, and wait with him. It is time to start repairing the damage. For the sake of the unborn baby, if nothing else.
I put the test down on the counter, flush the toilet and wash my hands. I take a deep breath and open the bathroom door.
“What did it say?” Blake asks, the moment that I step into the room.
“Nothing yet. It’s going to take two minutes. I’ll check it then.” I walk to his side, take his hand in mine and sit down on the couch. He falls in beside me.
It’s funny, but I can already feel the tension melting away. We sit in silence, neither of us saying anything. But it doesn’t feel like there is a need to speak. I hold his hand, stroking it with my thumb. He reaches across and clasps my hand in both of his. I look up at him, and he at me. We both smile at one another.
The last week has been agony, and when Blake arrived at my house only a few minutes ago, it was incredibly awkward. But sitting here now, holding his hand in mine, I feel all that fade away. It’s as if we have both suddenly remembered why we are here.
“So,” he says after some time. “Has it been two minutes?”
“It has,” I say simply.
I pull my hand from his. He releases it, albeit with some hesitation. I stand from the couch and slowly walk to the bathroom. The short walk feels like it is taking a long time. Every step is slow and precise, as if I am walking a tightrope.
I can see the test, sitting on the counter. It seems to be calling me, taunting me even. I reach out for it, and as I do, it’s as if the room extends in length, and the test moves away from me. I shake my head, clearing my thoughts as I clasp it in my hand.
Taking a deep breath, I look down at the tiny test in my hands. There are two blue plus signs, as clear as day. It takes a second for the realization of what this means to sink in. I stare down at the positive reading, silent.
“Well?” Blake asks from the other room. His voice is gentle and nervous. He is probably even more nervous than I am.
I turn around. He is standing there in the living area, with his arms crossed. I hold the test up to show him. Of course, he can’t see a thing from that distance.
“It’s positive,” I say, my voice cracking a little. “We’re pregnant.”
If holding hands earlier helped relieve the tension, my announcement all but banished it from the room. Blake stares at me for a second as the news washes over him.
“What? Are you serious?” He reaches me, wrapping his arms around my waist and lifting me in the air. “Oh my God! We’re pregnant! I’m going to be…”
“You’re going to be a father,” I say.
He spins me around in his arms, laughing as he does. I laugh, too. I laugh so hard that I am almost crying.
“And you’re going to be a mother,” he says, dropping me to me feet. He has tears in his eyes, but I can barely see them as the tears in my eyes are so thick and come so quickly that everything is a blur.
Without even thinking, without even caring, I lean forward and kiss him. And he kisses me back. It’s a tender, joyous moment. It’s a personal moment. It’s one, that right then, I would not want to be sharing with anyone else.
Despite all that has happened over the past week and how I felt about Blake up until this morning, right now, none of that matters. Right now, I only care about one thing, and that is that I am having a baby.
Chapter 35
BLAKE
I can’t believe it. I seriously can’t. Even as I stare down at the test for what I think is the tenth time at least, I am still in total awe.
Honestly, I still have the test in my hand. I am still looking at it. Those two plus symbols are right in my face, and all I can do is gawk. Even Carrie, who still has her arms wrapped around me, is an afterthought at the moment. I am just so damn happy.
“So, should we celebrate?” Carrie asks. “I would suggest Champagne but that seems inappropriate.”
She leans over my shoulder and looks down at the test in my hand.
It’s incredible the effect that good news can have on somebody. Up until five minutes ago, I was seriously doubting if I had made the right choice with Carrie. Sure, everything leading up to the previous few days was perfect in almost every way, but her sudden flip in attitude and the tension between us all but canceled that out.
But from the moment she came out of the bathroom, all that began to change. And now, it seems as if it had never happened at all.
She is smiling, she is happy and she is jokey. I am, too. There is zero tension, and again, I am glad that I chose her to do this with.
“How about we just have some breakfast instead?” I suggest. “I’ve been told those donuts are pretty special in their own right.”
“Sounds good to me,” she says.
As she does, she kisses me on the neck and takes her hands off my waist. The kiss was warm and natural. The last few days were a bad dream and nothing more. I am now lucky enough to be living in the reality.
I watch her stroll around to the kitchen, and I can’t believe how pretty she looks. Her cheeks seem to be glowing, most likely from the tears and her eyes are a bloodshot red. Yet, she is still perfect in every way. I can only imagine how amazing she will look when she is showing. Beautiful, I am sure.
She reaches for the coffee, and I suddenly remember something.
“Wait!” I say, a little too loudly.
“What?” She asks, looking at me in a panic. “What’s wrong?”
“The coffee,” I say, and I nod to the cup she holds in her hands. “Are you allowed to drink that? Isn’t caffeine bad for the baby? Actually, it was idiotic for me to even bring it over here in the first place.”
“That�
�s not true,” she scoffs, and again, she goes to drink the coffee.
“Are you sure?” I ask.
“Yeah, I think so.”
“That’s not sure,” I say.
“Hmm,” she says, biting her lip. “It’s a shame we live in 1987 and not 2017. Otherwise we could go online and — oh, wait a minute, this is 2017!” She speaks in a dramatic fashion.
She puts down the coffee. I watch as she rushes from the kitchen.
“What are you doing?”
“Laptop,” she yells back. She returns with a laptop already open. She types away for a few seconds, her eyes skimming down the screen.
“There,” she says with a smile, and she turns the laptop to face me. “Told you.”
I read the screen quickly. And then slowly. According to the site she is using, pregnant women are allowed to have up to a hundred milligrams of coffee a day. It’s not a lot, but it’s more than would be in that coffee I brought her.
“Fine,” I relent. “But just the one.”
“Gee, I can’t have any fun.” She smirks as she picks up the coffee and takes a sip. “It makes me think, actually, that neither of us knows anywhere near enough about this whole pregnancy thing. It’s all happened kind of fast.”
“I know,” I agree. “But we have time to learn.”
“We do. But what if we make a mistake before that? One that we should have caught early.”
“What are you suggesting?” I ask, not able to read the look in her eye.
***
Carrie holds my hand as she leads me through the busy bookstore. I look around the store, surprised by how busy it is. I wasn’t even aware that bookstores were still a thing.
It is Carrie who made the suggestion that we do some of our own research. And it is also she who thinks that we should buy actual, physical books. And not just one book, but many. And two copies of each. Now that it is official and we are pregnant, she plans to be the best pregnant woman of all time, or at least, that is how she tells it.
“Baby books, baby books,” she mutters to herself as we walk deeper and deeper into the store. Finally, she pulls up, releasing my hand as she turns on the very last shelf in the store.
“Is this them?” I ask.
I am nowhere near as enthused as she is, truth be told. I knew that being a father would be hard work, but I didn’t think that work would start so quickly. I really don’t like the idea of spending the next few weeks devouring all these books.
“Yep. There’s a bit of a selection so obviously we can’t…” She trails off as her eyes begin to wander through the titles.
I watch her for a second before I to turn to the shelf. I look up and down the stacks, vaguely reading the titles. They all sound kind of the same to me. The one right in front of my face reads The Nine Best Things to Know about Being Pregnant, while the one right next to that reads All The Things You Need to Know about Being Pregnant.
“I am out of my element,” I say.
I really am. The two books sound exactly the same, and as I look over the others, they are all in the same vein.
Luckily, Carrie looks as if she knows what she is doing. She reaches forward, pulling out two identical books. She hands them to me, and I take them. Before I have a chance to read the titles, she hands me two more, and two more after that.
“Do we really need all these?” I ask as she hands me more and more.
“You can’t be too prepared,” she says enthusiastically.
I smile down at her. Her enthusiasm is infectious. Although I was a little hesitant about all this homework, her eagerness for it has very quickly changed my mind. I am starting to warm to the idea of it. Being a father isn’t just about raising a child once they are born. But about everything before that as well.
“You’re totally right,” I say. “The more the merrier.”
“Really?” She asks in surprise.
“Of course. Now, where is the counter? Let’s buy these so we can start right away.”
She pauses and looks up at me. I can see that she is trying to decide if I am being serious or sarcastic. She sees how serious I am, she smiles, stands on her tiptoes, and kisses me on the lips. We are in this together, and I am now beyond excited about the process. All of it.
Chapter 36
CARRIE
I am so happy. The last few days have been a dream. No, not even a dream, for I have never had dreams that even come close to matching what I am feeling right now.
Blake is leading me through the lobby of his hotel and to his car, parked out front. He is doing this, not because he is taking me back to my place after what has been an amazing weekend, but because he is taking me back to his own house.
We spent the weekend together. Saturday night was spent at my apartment. We made love all night. It was deep and passionate and the best sex we ever had. Then on Sunday, he asked me to stay at his hotel with him. I said yes. Again, we made love, and again, it was beyond incredible.
This morning, when we woke up, he asked me if I wanted to stay at his place for the remainder of the pregnancy. I didn’t even hesitate in saying yes. Why would I?
“You’re going to love the next nine months,” he says as he opens the car door for me. I slide into the passenger seat and smile as I watch him walk around the car and jump in. “Seriously, if you thought that one week you stayed with me was special, you haven’t seen anything yet.”
“Oh, yeah?” I laugh. I love his boyish enthusiasm. “And why is that?”
“Just ‘cause,” he says with a wink. He turns on the car, switches into first, and takes off down the road toward his house. No, toward our house.
“Wait,” I suddenly yell, grabbing his arm. “The books? I didn’t see you pack the baby books.”
“I did last night while you slept,” he says reassuringly. He reaches out and strokes my leg. “Don’t worry, I’m not going to forget those.”
Blake has been incredible with the books. When I first suggested that we buy them, he seemed less than enthused. But then, he did a full one-eighty and has now read more than me. Every day, I have caught him reading, and even before we fall asleep, he devours a few chapters. Seriously, his enthusiasm is beyond anything I expected.
It’s because of this that I know he is going to be an incredible father. I think at first, he thought that his job was done until the baby came. But now that he has realized that it’s only just beginning, he is attacking it with gusto. I can’t keep up.
“You really are something else,” I say. I look at him, catch his eyes, and smile warmly. He smiles back.
“So are you.”
I don’t know what I am going to do now. Last week, it seemed so simple. Have the baby, take it with me and never talk to Blake again. Done and done. But now, I don’t think I can. I don’t even think I want to. He keeps proving himself to me. He keeps showing me that he is in this for the long haul, and that he is going to be a great father. And I know that he is going to be.
I tell myself each night that soon he will mess up and make a mistake. That this will make it easy for me to say goodbye and not feel guilty. But I watch his face and that smile as he drives the car home, and I just don’t know anymore. I am starting to believe that he didn’t do what Lyndsey said.
“Here we are,” he says as the car turns onto his driveway. “Home sweet home.”
I can only smile as I look up at the house that is now my own. It’s incredible that I will be living here. I still cannot believe it.
We walk through the front door, and his housekeeper, Christina, greets us warmly, as she has every time I have come over before. Without thinking, I begin to make my way to the spare bedroom. This is where my things were kept last time, so I just assume it is the same.
“Hey, where are you going?” Blake asks. He watches me with a grin. “You’re not staying in there.”
“I’m not?”
“What? No. You’re in my bedroom with me. It’s your bedroom, after all. I’ve even already made room fo
r your things.”
I beam at him, walk across the living room, and wrap him in my arms. “Incredible,” I say.
“Me or the house?”
“Hmm, let me think about that.”
He laughs and kisses me on the forehead. He takes my hand and leads me to our bedroom.
“Oh, and I’ve made a list of doctors in the area, too. It’s time that we found one, and I want it to be one you feel comfortable with. So, you have a choice.”
“You want me to go to more than one?” I ask, surprised. I know that’s what some people do. Well, a certain type of person. A rich person, but that isn’t me.
“Well, yeah. So you can find one you’re comfortable with. Trust me. They aren’t all the same. At least, that’s what I read. Is that a problem?”
“It’s just, how am I going to afford it?”
“You’re not serious, are you?” He turns on me and takes both my hands in his. “Listen, while you are here, you don’t have to worry about anything. Bills are paid for. Food is paid for. Everything baby-related is paid for. All you have to worry about is being as comfortable as you can, for both your sake and the baby’s sake. Oh, and your writing. I figure that you’ll have plenty of time for that now.”
I stare at him in total disbelief. I am speechless. I knew that he was going to be looking after a lot of the bills, but it hadn’t occurred to me that everything will be covered. And the fact that he has also thought about my writing, factoring that into everything. So thoughtful.
My face hurts from smiling. I can feel tears forming in my eyes and blink them away. I don’t want to cry, not right now. I want the moment to be nothing but joyous. I wrap my arms around his waist and hold him tight. He kisses me on the forehead.
“Welcome home,” he whispers.
“Thank you,” I say back, and I kiss him again. For a moment, the two of us stay where we are, wrapped in each other’s arms. Of all the moments we have spent together, this one is by far the most perfect. And the funny thing is, I know there are more to come.
