by Wendy Smith
“Oh.” I nod, but that’s another thing I’ll have to look up. Opening the book, I start reading. “Out of the gate, and off for a walk …”
She’s well asleep by the time Hairy Maclary has gathered all his friends together, but I read to the end just in case.
I reach down and stroke her cheek with my knuckle. She shifts in her sleep, her little lips pursing. She’s so beautiful, and she’s mine and Delaney’s. I’ve missed so much of her life, and I don’t want to miss another minute.
But that’s going to be difficult.
My schedule is busy—perfect for a single guy with no children. After this movie, it’ll be another two months at least before I have any time to spend with Delaney and Amelia. Negotiations are happening with projects beyond that too, which I’ll have to rethink.
And then there’s the knowledge that the press will be all over this if they find out—and that’s only a matter of time. I have to protect my girls.
She shifts again, and I know it’s time to get out of here before I accidentally wake her. I’m sure Delaney would kill me if she has to deal with a grumpy, tired little girl.
Delaney’s sitting on the sofa when I walk back into the living room, the TV remote in her hand.
“She’s a whirlwind.”
“Just wait until she finds out you’re her father. You won’t stand a chance.” Delaney laughs.
“She’s so much you. But I can see a lot of me in there. My mother is going to flip.”
Delaney blanks. For a moment, she just stares at me.
“Did I say something wrong?” I ask as I sit beside her.
“I never thought about grandparents.” Despair crosses her face. “Oh, your mother’s going to hate me for keeping Melly from her.”
I shake my head. “She won’t hate you. I’m sure she won’t be happy, but the minute she meets Amelia, she’ll be over the moon.”
“I’m so sorry, Josh.” Delaney looks up at the ceiling.
“You have nothing to be sorry for. You tried to tell me. That’s what matters.”
“Will she believe that though?”
I blow out a long breath. The truth is, I don’t know. Dad’ll be fine. He’s really easy-going, and just the knowledge that he has a granddaughter will be enough. But my mother won’t be so impressed. She’s the one who had to encourage me to follow through with the role in Gauntlet when I wanted to throw it all away. Delaney leaving broke my heart and it took everything to pull myself together and keep on pursuing my dreams.
“Honestly, I’m not sure. But she’ll get over it. She has no other option.” I trail my fingers down Delaney’s arm. “There’s something else we need to talk about. Is my name on Amelia’s birth certificate?”
"No. I would have needed you to fill it in with me. There’s no father listed.”
“If you’re okay with it, I want to add my name.”
Delaney nods. “I’m assuming you want a DNA test?”
“I don’t need one. I can see for myself, and I trust you.”
Her eyes search mine. “Are you sure? I don’t have any objection. I can understand if you want to do it, and it’s not a big deal.”
I take her hand in mine and squeeze it. “I don’t have any reason to think you’re lying to me. Hell, you didn’t want to tell me in the first place because you were scared I’d try taking her.”
Emotion seems to overwhelm her as she shakes a little. “You’re being way too reasonable. I can’t even find anything about this situation to take the piss out of.”
“You’re losing your touch.”
She smiles, but it’s faint. “Are you sure you want to add your name to her birth certificate?”
“Why wouldn’t I?”
She pauses, seeming to be getting her breathing under control. “Well, I just thought that it means you’re responsible for her in a way you’re not right now.”
I nod. “I know. If it’s about money …”
The pained expression her face warps into tells me everything I need to know. This must be incredibly awkward for her. They’ve survived just fine without me all this time, and I can’t just swoop in and buy their love. Not that I would want to.
I want both her and Amelia to love me for me.
“I don’t want your money, Josh.”
“Well, that’s too bad because I plan on making sure neither of you want for anything ever again. And I want something from you too.”
She swallows hard. “Like what?”
“I want us to start again. That day when we first met. I’ve replayed that in my head a million times. That’s what I want us to find our way back to.”
Delaney shakes her head. “It was a long time ago. We were both different people.”
“I’m still Josh. The guy who made you laugh. The guy you used to make fun of.” I pause. “Scratch that. Still make fun of.”
Her lips twitch. “It’s so easy to make fun of you.”
“See? We’re halfway there already.”
I reach out, pushing a lock of her hair back behind her ear. “I was crazy in love with you back then, and we could have that again. But I need to know how you feel.”
She sighs, dropping her gaze. “I thought I was over you. Even if I still can’t watch any of your films, I thought that any romantic feelings were dead. But just the thought of being near you makes me nervous.”
I run my fingers down her cheek. “You don’t ever have to be nervous around me. Like I said. I’m still the same Josh you met six years ago.”
“But you’re not.” Her eyes meet mine again. “You’re the big Hollywood star, and I’m a nobody.”
“That’s not true.”
“It’s okay. I’m fine with that.” She smiles. “You didn’t even recognise me the first time you saw me here.”
I hold up my palms. “In all fairness to me, I was heavily jetlagged, and you were dressed like you were off to explore the Antarctic.”
Delaney snorts. “That’s exactly what I said to Pania when I got back to the diner.”
“I can still make you laugh. That gives me hope there’s something between us.”
She places her hand on my chest. “There’ll always be something between us. We made Amelia, didn’t we?”
I take a deep breath. “I want another chance, Delaney. With you.”
She blinks rapidly as if she’s fighting back tears. “Are you really sure? I don’t know if I fit into your world.”
“You were my world. I want that again.”
“Josh,” she whispers.
I kiss her. Soft and slow at the start, but I claim her mouth with mine with an intensity that builds to a crescendo as she opens up to me.
There’s no way I ever want her to leave my life again. This time, I’m playing for keeps.
The past falls away, and all we’re left with is the here and now. We’re no longer the teenagers who fell in love—we’re the adults who never got to indulge in it.
She lets out a soft moan against my mouth, which wakes a part of me that I thought long dead.
As the kiss ends, I press my forehead to hers, and close my eyes.
It’s been so long since I’ve been this content.
Her blue eyes drink me in as I pull back.
“I’m here for a couple more months. If it’s okay with you, I want to spend some time with Amelia and with you. And some alone, adult time with you while we get to know each other again,” I say.
It seems like we sit in the silence forever. She seems to be taking it all in, and I know it must be overwhelming. But this is Delaney, the girl I never stopped thinking about. My one who got away.
Finally, she nods. “I’d like that. But there’s something you should know before we spend any more time together.”
“What is it?”
“I’m not the girl you met six years ago. So much of me has changed. Both mentally and physically.”
“You’ve been raising our daughter alone. I’m sure that’s been tough at times.”
She lic
ks her lips. “I’m blessed with good friends.” For a moment, she pauses again. “I gained a lot of weight when I was pregnant. And I’ve never been able to get rid of it. I have stretchmarks. And I’m pretty sure I have stretchmarks on my stretchmarks. My body’s so different to when we were together. I don’t have that flat, tanned stomach anymore.”
I slip my arm around her shoulders. “Are you telling me you’re self-conscious?”
“Around someone like you? You’ve only got better-looking.”
Smiling, I lean my head against hers. “You’re beautiful. Even more than you were when we met.”
“Stop it.”
I lift my head. “Do you really think I’d lie to you? I’m trying to put back together what should have been. But it’s going to take both of us to do that.”
Slipping my fingers under her chin, I raise it until she’s looking in my eyes again. Her lips part as her breathing speeds up. She’s inches away.
“I really want to kiss you again.”
She takes a sharp breath, but after a moment, she gives me a quick nod.
It’s with such a sense of relief that I claim her mouth with mine. I thought she might push me away, and there’s a long road back, but we’re on it. Starting slow, I relish the feel of her warm, soft lips against mine before she opens up to let me in.
And then, I’m lost. Kissing her is like travelling back in time to when everything was so simple. We were just a boy and a girl falling in love.
We could be that again.
Sure, it’s a little more complicated this time, but Delaney always had a part of my heart and it’s just a matter of handing over the rest.
Isn’t it?
I don’t stay late because I’m working tomorrow, but two hours of movie-watching with Delaney in my arms is the best thing that’s happened to me in years.
I’d forgotten how good it felt just to hold her.
She seems content, snuggling against my side, but we’re both careful that’s as far as it goes.
“I should leave,” I murmur as the end credits roll. “Not that I want to.”
Delaney looks at me with those big blue eyes I always loved. She doesn’t have to tell me she feels the same way. “I’m not ready for you to stay.”
I nod. “I know.”
Standing, I entwine my fingers with hers and pull her to her feet. This whole situation is weird for both of us, where Amelia just seems to have taken it in her stride.
“I still don’t know what to think. About everything.” Her smile is strained. “But for so long I was afraid of telling Amelia about us. I thought I’d have to lie to her about you loving me.”
“Oh, baby.” I pull her into my arms, closing my eyes as she snuggles in tight against me. “I was so crazy about you. Amelia was definitely conceived in love.”
“I know that now.”
“You don’t have to be afraid. We could have it all back, Delaney. You, me, and this time, Amelia. I know we can.”
When she lifts her head, I see the hope in her eyes. I feel it too, but I have to go at her pace.
“Are you going to be okay?” I ask.
Delaney nods. “I’ll be fine. Talk to you tomorrow?”
“I’ll text you. If that’s alright.”
She nods.
We walk to the door, hand in hand.
I dip to kiss her goodbye. It’s soft and slow, and I don’t miss the small sigh she lets out when it finishes.
“You addle my brain,” she says.
I smile, raising my hand to her cheek. “Listen to your heart. I know what mine’s telling me.”
More than anything, I wish we had more time. If I wasn’t shooting back-to-back movies, I wouldn’t leave after I finish this one. But once this is done, I’ll be leaving the country, and while I know I could always come back, I want my family together before I leave.
Because if I don’t, there’s no way I’ll be able to convince them that where they belong is in the States—with me.
Twenty
Delaney
I’m so confused.
Josh has made his feelings obvious.
All this time, we both hurt over that day and for very different reasons.
But since Amelia was born, my path has been clear. All I’ve wanted was to make sure she had the upbringing I didn’t have. My mother resented me over my father leaving. Amelia just needed to know she was loved.
Seeing Josh again conjures up both good and bad feelings. Can we really put the past behind us? My cheeks heat every time I think of the way he so calmly showed me that movie clip. If I’d only put my pride away and gone to see the damn movie, I might have understood years ago.
We’ve lost so much time.
I’m not sure that Josh has genuine feelings for me, or if he’s living off a memory. For my part, I’m still frustratingly attracted to him. Any red-blooded, straight woman would be.
And then there’s the issue that played in the back of my head ever since Melly was born, and that’s the attention we’ll get from the media. Josh can’t shelter us from everything.
Pania knows better than to go anywhere near the topic, and manages to avoid it for two days before she approaches me about it.
“How did it go on Saturday?” she asks.
“Fine.”
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I shoot her the side-eye. “Do you want to know about it?”
“You know I do. Yes, I’m being nosey, but you’re my best friend and I’m worried about you.”
For a moment, I play my bottom lip between my teeth. “He wants us to be a family. He wants me.”
Her eyes widen. “And you want …?”
“I don’t know what I want. That’s the problem.” I sigh. “When I’m around him, my insides are twisted up, and I can’t help myself. But when we’re apart …”
“You second guess yourself and think you’re not good enough.”
If it was anyone else, I’d slap her, but Pania’s right. Maybe I left him, but he left me behind a long time ago. We didn’t get the chance to grow together, and we’re in such different places in our lives.
I nod.
“Delaney, you loved him so much. And you hurt each other, even if it was unintentional. All this time, I’ve hated him on your behalf, but he really does seem to be making a big effort. And you look different when you’re around him.”
“Look different? How?”
She pauses as if thinking for a moment. “Remember when we were in the last year of high school, and you started seeing Greg Cook?”
I grimace. “Of course I do. What’s that got to do with anything?”
“You were so happy, and everyone hated you for scoring the captain of the first-fifteen. And then you had sex in the back of his car and it was terrible and you broke up with him.”
I blow out a breath. “Pania, I’m real happy to take this trip down Memory Lane with you, but again, what’s that got to do with this?”
“Well, when he told everyone that he wasn’t your first, and that you were sleeping around—everyone believed him and you were devastated.” She pauses. “That was nothing compared to when you came back from America. And even after Melly was born and we opened the diner, there was always such a sadness about you. I saw it because I knew what you were like before all of it. I’m not sure anyone else did.”
I nod. No one knows me better than Pania. She’s the keeper of my secrets, and the one person I trust with everything.
“You were always a smart arse, but once you and Josh happened, you became so hard and defensive. And I know you had to.” She holds up her palms. “Don’t get me wrong; I love feisty Delaney who takes no shit. But sometimes it’s like something is missing.”
I pick at my fingers. “For a long time, cutting Josh out of my life felt like I’d lost a limb. We weren’t together long, but he was it for me. I always thought I’d grow out of it.”
“Want to know what I think?” She’s got that look in her eye that t
ells me I’m going to hear it no matter what.
“Do I have a choice?”
“Forget Greg. Josh was your first real love. And everything happened so fast, neither of you caught your breath. And then this stupid misunderstanding broke you apart before you got the chance to really explore things.” She shrugs. “Maybe it’s time to get this out of your system. Either way.”
I swallow hard. “I really need to go and see him.”
She nods.
“The last two times we’ve seen each other, he’s kissed me.”
Her lips curl into a smile. “Well, I think that’s got to tell you something.”
“I just wish there was a way of talking to him without having to talk to him. You know?”
Pania laughs. “I’ve never seen you this twisted up over anyone.”
“No one ever made me feel the way he did.” I sigh. “Does.”
“Have you heard from him since Saturday?”
I nod. “We’ve been texting.”
“And …?”
“It’s nothing too crazy. Good morning, goodnight, I want to fuck you until neither of us have any bodily fluid left. The usual stuff.”
She stares at me. “You’re kidding.”
“Yes. I am. He doesn’t text me goodnight.” I laugh.
“You’re such a bitch. Won’t even give me the real goods.”
“He’s just being really sweet. That’s all. He wants to be a part of his daughter’s life, and I’m the way to get to her.”
Her eyebrows creep up. “It’s more than that, and you know it.”
“I’m still struggling to believe it.” My phone buzzes, and I pull it out of my pocket. “Speak of the devil.”
“It’s the middle of the day.”
“He’s bored. I had no idea how much sitting around actors do on set.”
Josh: Dinner Friday? I really need to see you.
Pania looks over my shoulder. “There’s no mention of Melly.”
“No, but I’m not going to have dinner with him and not her. We’re kind of a package.”
Josh: If you want, you could come up here to have dinner with me? Do you have a babysitter for Amelia? I’d love to see her too, but I’d really like to spend some time just with you.
