He had been feeling a bit of indigestion earlier that morning but he thought nothing of it. He took an anti-acid and forgot all about it until now. The indigestion returned and he felt a heaviness in his chest. A sharp pain shot down his left arm. It felt as if someone had dropped a weight on his chest. The pain increased and it became hard to breathe. Dovid knew something was seriously wrong. He felt dizzy and sick to his stomach. I have to pull over. I can’t drive. He was seeing double and thought he might pass out but he had to be sure that he got the car off the road safely. Eidel and the baby are in the backseat. Everything is turning dark. I can’t see. Dovid threw the car into park and laid his body on the horn. The pain was excruciating now. He gasped and the car jerked.
“Dovi?” Eidel said. Dovid heard the panic in her voice, but he wasn’t strong enough to answer. He wanted to say, “I’m okay, Eidel. Don’t worry, my sweetheart. I’m fine.” But he couldn’t. He forced himself to stay alert enough to say, “Get help, Eidel. I think I’m having a heart attack.”
They were on Dempster Street. Cars were going by on either side of them. It was still rush hour.
“Dovi . . . ” Eidel called to him in panic, but he was slumped over the wheel. She started screaming, which woke Julie who began to wail. Someone help us, please, Eidel thought. She was trembling and her body felt like concrete. It was as if she were glued to the seat, unable to move a muscle. Dovid is too heavy for me to move him to the passenger’s seat so that I can drive us to the hospital. But I have to get us out of the middle of the street. She knew that if she wanted to help Dovid she had to force herself out of the backseat. Then she had to move the car to the shoulder and get out and flag someone down who could help them. You can do this. You can. Eidel tried to move Dovi but she couldn’t. He was too heavy. His foot was still on the gas. If she could turn on the car she could guide it with the steering wheel to the side of the road. Cars were swerving around her and honking. She turned on the ignition and the car started to move slowly. When she got the automobile out of traffic she turned it off.
Julie was screaming and Eidel took her out of her car seat. She stood on the side of the road with the baby in her arms, yelling as loudly as she could “Help me . . . someone . . . help me, please. My husband is sick. He had a heart attack. We need help.”
But the cars kept going past. Eidel felt tears running down her face. She held Julie with one arm and with the other she was waving at the drivers going by.
Then, by the grace of God, a police car turned the corner. The officer stopped and got out of the car. Eidel told him what was wrong. He called for an ambulance on his radio then helped Eidel and the baby into the back of the police car. Within minutes, the ambulance arrived. Eidel gagged from nerves and fear as she saw the paramedics pull Dovid out of the car. She jumped out of the backseat of the squad car and rushed over to them.
“Is he all right? Please, is he all right?”
One of the paramedics said, “He’s alive.” Then he turned to the officer and asked: “Can you take the woman and child to the ER at Skokie Valley?”
“Yes, we’ll meet you there.”
Eidel trembled in the back of the police car during the short drive that felt like it took hours. Finally, she and Julie were at the hospital. Dovid was taken into a room immediately. Eidel watched as the doctors and nurses ran in and out of his room. Horror gripped her throat and she felt like it was strangling her. Finally, after what seemed like a lifetime, a doctor came over to speak to her. “Your husband is awake. You can go in and see him now. He had a massive heart attack. We’ll be sending him up to the ICU.”
One of the nurses came over and offered to hold Julie so Eidel could go into Dovid’s room. Eidel handed her the screaming child. She felt like she was in a nightmare when she walked in and saw Dovid attached to tubes that ran from his nose and arms. His skin was a light dove-gray. But he was awake.
“Sit by me,” he said his voice barely audible.
“Dovid. I love you . . . ” Eidel was weeping.
“Shhhh . . . I love you too. You know that. You have been the love of my life. Now don’t cry. You have to be strong for me. I want you to go and call Haley so she is here with you. And . . . tell Haley to call Mark. And . . . if possible, tell her to have Mark do what he can to try and reach Abby.”
“Dovi, you’re going to get better right?” Eidel said, cupping his cheek. “Dovi . . . ”
“I don’t know, Eidel. But what I do know is that I love you. And, if my time to go is close at hand, you need to know that you have made me a happy man all these years.”
She let out a cry of pain.
“No, don’t cry. Please. I have never asked you to be strong. But today, I am begging you. Be strong for me, my darling. Please.”
CHAPTER TWENTY SEVEN
Again, the phone rang in Mark’s apartment.
Abby took her scone out of the microwave and turned to her brother. “That’s the third ring. Do you want me to answer it?” she asked.
He shook his head. “I’ll get it,” he said and lifted the receiver. His heart was filled with fear and dread. What if this is someone calling with the test results? What if they are positive? His heart was beating out of his chest.
“Hello?” Mark said.
“Mark?” It was Haley’s voice. The pitch was high and shaky. “Dad had a massive heart attack. He’s asking for you. You’d better get here quickly. If you have any way of reaching Abby, you’d better tell her too.”
“Are you with Mom?”
“Yes. I’m here at the house,” Haley said. Mark could hear that she’d been crying.
“Abby is here with me now,” Mark said. “She came here last night. We’ll catch a flight as soon as possible.”
“Hurry, Mark. I don’t know how long he has and he wants to see you.”
CHAPTER TWENTY EIGHT
Mark hung up the phone and stared out into space.
“What the hell, Mark. Who was it? You look like you’ve seen a ghost,” Abby said.
“It was Haley. Dad had a heart attack. I think he might be dying.” He hesitated. “Ab . . . he wants to see me.”
“Let’s get to the airport.”
“I have to wake John and tell him.”
“Do you think he’ll want to come with us?”
“Yeah. But I don’t think it’s a good idea. Not with Dad in the hospital. As sick as Dad is right now, I don’t want to upset him.”
“You’re right.”
Three hours later, Abby and Mark boarded a flight headed for Chicago. Abby had not been home in eight years and the idea of going back there was not one she relished. She sat beside her brother on the airplane and held his hand.
“I can’t believe it, but dad might be dying,” Abby said.
“I know. He was always so strong. It’s funny but I always kind of felt like he would live forever,” Mark said. “That’s ridiculous, I know. But it was almost like he was invincible, like some sort of superhero. You know what I mean.”
Abby nodded. “I’m not looking forward to seeing any of them. The whole family hates me. Especially Mom and Haley. They never liked me before, but now they must despise me after I didn’t come to the wedding. I mean, shit, Mom was always my worst critic. But now Haley has climbed aboard the hate Abby train.”
“I don’t think so. Haley isn’t like that. She is so damn forgiving that it’s remarkable.”
“Everyone, friends, neighbors, Dad, and especially Mom, always called her the guteh neshomeh. Don’t you remember? The rabbi gave her that nickname? In case you don’t know it means good soul.”
“Well, she is a good soul, Abby. But so are you. It’s just that you’re tougher than Haley. You’re a fighter. She’s a forgiver.”
“Nicely put, Mark.” She smiled and winked.
“You think I’m full of shit, don’t you?” he asked.
“Nah. I think you’re a true diplomat. You should have been a politician.” She smiled. He gave her a look of mock disgust.
“I’m teasing you. But, you know, to tell you the truth . . . whenever Dad talked about you he said, ‘Mark always knows the right things to say.’”
“Did he really say that?”
“I wouldn’t lie to you.”
“But that’s before I told him I was gay. Once I told him that, he saw me in a totally different light.”
“I think it was just a real shock for him.”
“Maybe,” Mark said. The stewardess brought them both drinks they’d ordered. Mark paid and tipped her. Then he turned to Abby and cleared his throat. “Ab . . . can I talk to you? Just between us? Nobody else knows what I am about to tell you, not even John.”
“Sure. You know even when we were kids I always kept your secrets. What is it?”
“This is not a kid’s secret. This is serious. Very serious.”
“Go on, Mark. I’m here. I’m with you. I’ll do what I can to help.”
And then he told her all about the night with Gene White and the HIV test and how he felt like a rubber band about to break as he waited for his results. By the time he finished, he was weeping with his head on her shoulder. But he felt some relief. At least he’d been able to get it all off his chest.
Abby listened without saying a word until Mark finished. Then she patted his head like he was child. “Mark. I don’t know what the results will be. I can’t predict the future. But what I can promise is that I will be here for you. You can always turn to me. I will help in any way I can. If, God forbid, you get sick, I will come and stay with you and take care of you. John too. Right now, I know it’s hard, but you have to try to put it out of your mind. Until we get the results everything is out of your hands. Right now, all we can do is wait. But at least we’ll be waiting together. That’s what family is for.”
“Thanks, Ab. I really needed to talk this out and I am glad you were with me. You’re actually the only person I could discuss this with…”
CHAPTER TWENTY NINE
The ICU unit at Skokie Valley Hospital reminded Mark of the Chicago snowstorms he’d experienced as a child. Everywhere, everything that the eye could see seemed to be white: the walls, the sheets, the nurses’ uniforms, the doctors’ coats. The only difference was the smell. The snowstorms held the sweet memories of childhood within their frigid fingers. They brought back the fragrance of fresh air and sunlit days blanketed in white. Leisurely afternoons when the schools were closed and he and Earl, his secret boyfriend at the time, took long walks through the park then ending with steaming hot chocolate at one of their homes.
The hospital, on the other hand, had a very different odor. It held the cloying aroma of rubbing alcohol, fear, and death.
Mark glanced at Abby as they walked up to the nurses’ station. She took his hand.
“We’re looking for Dovid Levi. We are his children,” Abby said to the nurse.
“He’s in room 2. Your mother and sister are with him.”
“Can we go in?” Mark asked.
“Yes, but visiting hours will be over in ten minutes so you’d better hurry.”
Mark squeezed Abby’s hand.
“It’s all right. I’ve got you,” Abby said.
They walked over to room 2 and stood in the doorway. Dovid lay on the bed with his eyes closed. A long tube ran from his arm to a plastic container filled with liquid that hung on a metal stand that resembled a coat rack. More tubes ran from his nose to a large machine that hummed. A screen with lines stood on a stand beside the bed and there was a clip on the first finger of his left hand.
Eidel looked at Mark and Dovid and gave them a wry smile. Haley whispered, “Come in, you two.” She got up and went to Dovid. She leaned close to his ear.
“Daddy, Mark and Abby are here.”
“Mark? Abby?” Dovid tried to smile but the tube in his nose distorted his lips. “Come closer,” he said. His voice was strained and Mark thought it must be difficult for him to speak.
“Abbala. My little Abbala. You are so grown up,” he said, squinting at Abby as if it was hard for him to focus. Abbala, that was his nickname for her when she was a child. And when he spoke it aloud, and she looked at him so weak, lying in the white hospital bed with his body connected to so many foreign tubes, she began to cry. “No crying allowed here, Abbala,” he said then added, “I’m glad you came. Your mother is going to need you.”
“Daddy.” She was weeping. Even though she hadn’t seen him in years, all the memories of her childhood came flashing back at her and at that moment she forgave him for any time he’d ever hurt her. This is it. This is goodbye, Daddy, she thought, but she said, “You’ll be okay. You’re going to be okay.”
He shook his head. “I don’t have much time. I love you, Abbala. No matter what you think, I always did. You don’t know it, but your mother loves you too. I know her. I know her heart. Stay for a while; try to talk to your mother. Stay close to her. She needs you now.”
Abby nodded her head. She was so confused. She’d spent years being angry with her parents but as she looked at her father dying, all of her anger faded and all she felt was overwhelming grief.
“And now, while I still have time, I need to talk to Mark alone,” Dovid mustered. “Go, everyone. Please leave us.”
Mark felt his entire body trembling. He couldn’t believe his father was really dying. “Dad,” he choked out the words. “I’m here . . . I’m sorry for hurting you.”
“No, Mark. It’s important that you hear me now. You have no reason to be sorry. It’s me who should be sorry. I love you, Mark. You are my only son. The boy I waited for all of my life.” He coughed, and his voice grew softer. “I can’t lie to you. I was disappointed when you told me everything. For years I dreamed I would have a grandson from you. That was my dream, not yours. I have given this a lot of thought over the last few hours and I want you to know that I love you as you are. I was being selfish. I wanted you to live your life for me. You can’t do that. You must live your life for yourself. I wanted to be sure you knew this, so I waited for you to get here from New York. But I’m dying, Mark.”
“No, Dad. You’ll get better. You have to.”
“Listen to me. I can’t go to my grave in peace without letting you know that you are perfect just the way you are. I want you to be happy, Mark. It is the most important thing in life.”
“Your attention, please. Visiting hours are now over. Your attention, please. Visiting hours are now over.” A female voice came through the hospital loudspeaker.
“Dad . . . ” Mark was weeping as he lay his head on Dovid’s chest. “Dad, I never wanted to hurt you. Never. I would have changed if I could. I tried to change. Believe me, I tried. I dated girls when I was young. I wanted to be like everyone else. But I couldn’t do it, Dad.”
“I know that now, Mark. Do you have someone in your life? Nobody should live his life alone.”
“Yes.”
“Is he good to you?”
“Very. He’s very good to me.” Mark was shaking. His father was fading away in his arms. The sense of loss was overwhelming. And to add to the pain of his father’s death was the ever-grinding fear in the back of Mark’s mind that he might be on death’s door as well.
Dovid nodded as best he could with the tubes in his nose. “I am glad to know that you have a partner to go through life with. Your mother was a godsend to me. She was my dearest love. My greatest friend.”
“Dad, your forgiveness means everything to me. More than I can ever tell you . . . ”
“You have my forgiveness, you have my blessing, and most of all you have my love, my son. My only son . . . ”
A nurse walked into the room and said in a soft voice, “I’m sorry, visiting hours are over. You will be able to come back tomorrow morning at nine.”
Mark nodded to the nurse. He turned to Dovid and kissed his cheek. “I love you so much, Dad. I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Dovid smiled, then he winked.
The nurse escorted Mark out into the waiting room where the rest of the f
amily was seated. Haley held her tiny daughter in her arms. She was gently rocking the child. But the baby could sense that her mother was on edge and so she cried.
“How are you, Mom?” Mark asked. But before Eidel had a chance to answer there was another announcement over the loudspeaker
“Code 99, room 2 ICU. Code 99, room 2 ICU.”
Nurses and doctors poured like a flood from a broken dam toward Dovid’s room.
“Code 99, room 2 ICU.” Again the voice came over the loudspeaker. The family followed the stampede of hospital personnel but was stopped outside the door of Dovid’s room. Mark could see from the doorway that the doctors were trying to shock Dovid’s heart.
Eidel and Haley were huddled together. Abby stood alone, her back straight, a cast on her arm and both of her eyes black and blue. She’d removed the bandage from her nose but there was still bruising all down her face. Other than the bruises, she was pale and tears ran down her cheeks. A frightened glance passed between Eidel and Haley when they saw Abby’s condtion.
“Again,” the doctor said loud enough for them to hear. From where they stood Abby saw Dovid’s body jump. Mark saw it too because he walked over to Abby and put his arm around her. A moment passed and the doctor said in an authoritative voice, “Again …”
Then the doctor shook his head. His shoulders slumped as he put the panels back in the machine and turned to the rest of the staff. “Record, please, time of death . . . eight-thirty-seven p.m.”
CHAPTER THIRTY
Eidel was overcome with despair. She yearned to call Ida. They hadn’t spoken for several months. It wasn’t that there was a problem between them. There wasn’t; at least not one that either of them had addressed. After Harry’s death, Ida, Eidel, and Dovid sold the restaurant. For months, Eidel begged Ida to move in with her and Dovid but Ida refused. She explained to Eidel that she needed her independence. She needed to have her own space. Eidel tried to understand. When Eidel called Ida one afternoon just to see how she was doing, Ida said that she was doing fine. She’d met a man, a widower at shul and they were keeping company. Eidel was shocked. Harry had only been gone six months. Eidel felt like Ida had betrayed her husband and that Ida was no longer the person she once knew. It was a harsh judgment on Eidel’s part. And now, with the deep aching pain of Dovid’s passing, Eidel needed Ida. Even if Ida had changed, she had to talk to her, had to hear her old friend’s voice. So she swallowed her pride and picked up the phone.
Another Generation Page 8
