Mrs. Bagwell frowned. “Why do you think you won’t have other children? You’re still young.”
Elise gripped the edge of her seat, startled by the older woman’s question. Taking a breath for composure, she studied the woman’s face and saw nothing but concern and confusion, not judgment. “Well, the procedure I used to get pregnant with Grace took most of my savings. Since I’m unmarried, not in a relationship and not into one-night stands, the chances of getting pregnant the natural way are pretty nonexistent.”
Mrs. Bagwell seemed unfazed by her bluntness. “I see. I’ve learned, though, never to underestimate the surprises and twists of fate life can hold. Why, by this time next year, you could be happily wed and expecting again.” The older woman punctuated her comment with a satisfied nod and sat back in her chair with a confident smile.
Elise could only gape, speechless.
“I suppose that’s true,” Joleen said. “Holding on to optimism is always a good thing, but let’s look at some ways Elise can deal with the issues she’s facing now. Kim, how do you handle those could-have-been thoughts when you have them?”
Kim glanced at her husband. “I talk about them with Greg. And here, with all of you. That helps. Sometimes I post my feelings to the online message board I’ve mentioned before.” Kim directed her attention to Elise. “I’ll give you the link. It’s another support group I found. A message board for parents who’ve lost children whether to death or kidnapping or divorce. There’s lots of information and links to great resources. You should look into it.”
Elise nodded to Kim. “Thanks. I will.”
The meeting continued, with the discussion turning to Mrs. Fenwick’s late husband, before the group adjourned promptly at the end of the hour. As promised, Kim caught up to Elise by the refreshment table and handed her a scrap of paper with a URL printed neatly in pink ink.
“Here’s the address for the message board. I know an online group seems impersonal, but the people are really helpful and sometimes it is easier to be honest about your feelings when you’re not face-to-face with the people you’re sharing with. You can be as anonymous or open with your identity as you want. I hope you’ll try it.”
Elise tucked the paper in her pocket. “Thanks. I’ll check it out.” She smiled her appreciation. This exchange of information, this opportunity to get to know the Harrisons, was exactly the reason she’d come tonight. Seizing the chance to speak privately with Kim, Elise cleared her throat and asked, “So…if you don’t mind my asking…how did your daughter die?”
“I don’t mind. In fact, I wanted to talk to you about it. Because of how your daughter died and all…” Kim said, leaning toward Elise and placing a hand on her arm.
Elise shook her head. “What does Grace’s death have to do with your baby?”
Kim shrugged. “Maybe nothing. But I thought it was an odd coincidence is all.”
“Coincidence?”
“Yeah.” Kim’s face darkened. “Our little girl died at the hospital, too. Just hours after she was born.”
Chapter 2
Elise heard a buzzing in her ears, and her head swam. When her knees buckled, she groped futilely for something to brace against. As she stumbled back a step, she encountered the warm, solid wall of a chest, and a strong hand grasped her elbow, steadying her. The scent of sandalwood surrounded her, piercing her fog of shock. And she knew without looking who supported her.
“Elise?” Jared’s deep voice rumbled near her ear.
“I’m sorry.” Kim rushed forward, concern knitting her brow. “Maybe I shouldn’t have said anything. I didn’t mean to—”
“No. I…I’m okay. I was just…caught off guard. Everything about losing Grace just flooded back and—” She swallowed hard and blinked at Kim as the truth the woman had shared sank in. “Your baby died at the hospital, too? I…Was she premature?”
Kim shook her head. “Right on time. To the day. But she apparently had a heart defect that our doctor missed during my pregnancy.”
An eerie prickle nipped her neck. “Her heart stopped, and they couldn’t resuscitate her,” she whispered raggedly.
Kim blinked. “Yes. How did you—?” Her eyes widened. “You mean Grace—?”
Elise’s voice stuck in her throat. The only sound she could make came out as a moan.
Behind her, Jared muttered a curse. “That sounds too suspicious to be a coincidence. The odds…”
“What hospital did you use?” Kim asked.
Elise struggled for her composure, sucking in a calming breath. “My labor started while I was out of town at a crafts fair. I went to a little hospital in Pine Mill…?.”
Kim frowned and shook her head. “No. We were at Crestview General.”
Something like disappointment punctured the breath Elise had been holding. As tragic and macabre as the similarities in their losses were, hope had flickered briefly that she was on to some answers regarding Grace’s mysterious death.
“So many times I’ve wondered if our baby would have made it if we’d been here in Lagniappe at St. Mary’s where they have the PICU,” Kim said.
“What-ifs are natural,” Jared said quietly, “but you can make yourself crazy with them. Don’t torture yourself, Kim.”
She lifted a corner of her mouth in acknowledgment. “Easier said than done.”
“Ready to go?” Greg asked, stepping up behind his wife.
“Sure.” Kim turned back to Elise. “See you next time?”
Elise nodded and, still rather numb with shock, searched for her voice. “I—yeah. Bye.”
As the Harrisons departed, Jared stepped around to face Elise and dipped his head to get a better look at her expression. “Are you okay?”
Elise raked her blond hair back with her fingers. “I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I really don’t know what to make of this.”
“It is pretty hard to believe. I mean, if this were 1811, maybe. But with modern health and medicine what it is, you’d think…” He stopped himself and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Well…anyway.”
“The doctors should have been able to save her. That’s what you were going to say, wasn’t it?” Elise asked, meeting his gaze. Last week, she’d thought they’d reached an unspoken agreement to be candid with each other. His honesty about his grief had been at the heart of the connection she’d felt with him.
He furrowed his brow with a guilty look. “Yeah. Something like that.”
She sighed. “Tiptoeing around delicate topics is so tedious. Can we agree not to play that game? We both know it serves no purpose.”
He gave her a nod and a relieved smile. “Agreed.”
“In that case, yes. I’ve got plenty of questions about why the doctors and modern medicine didn’t save Grace. And now, in light of what Kim said about their baby dying the same way…” Elise lifted a trembling hand, flipping her palm up in frustration. “What am I supposed to make of that?”
Jared didn’t answer. Instead, he glanced toward the kitchen area where Joleen was cleaning up the last of the refreshments. “Would you like to go somewhere? Get a cup of coffee?”
“I— Don’t you need to get home? I’m sure babysitters are expensive.”
“They can be. But my mom watches Isabel when I come here.” He paused and jingled the keys in his pocket. “I know Kim just dropped a bomb on you, and I don’t want you going home alone to stew and drive yourself crazy over the news.”
Elise lifted a corner of her mouth. “That’s what I’d do. You’re right.”
“I’d be happy to be your sounding board for a while.”
When was the last time someone had offered to just listen to her, let her vent and unburden her heart? Too long. Gratitude for his thoughtfulness tugged in her chest.
“I’d like that. How about Brewer’s Café? It’s just a couple blocks from here.”
He gave a nod and a smile. “Meet you there in five.”
Jared climbed behind his steering wheel and blew out a long
, cleansing breath. What the hell was he doing? Hadn’t he just told his mother tonight that he wasn’t ready to date?
“Okay, so this is not a date. Not,” he muttered to himself as he gripped the steering wheel and stared out the windshield into the church parking lot. Despite his denials, guilt thumped a drumbeat in his chest. “You’re just giving your support to another group member who had a shock tonight. It’s not a date.”
So why were his palms damp with sweat, and why was his conscience pricking him with images of Kelly in the last days they spent together?
Not a date. Not a date… He let the words repeat in his brain as he backed his car out of the parking space and pulled up behind Elise to follow her to Brewer’s Café.
He recalled the look in Elise’s eyes when she’d learned how the Harrisons’ baby had died, and sympathy twisted inside him. No matter how conflicted he felt about meeting Elise for coffee, he wanted to be there for her tonight. Elise was in shock and needed a friend. He could be her friend without it meaning anything else, couldn’t he?
Of course. He released a deep breath. It was not a date.
“Tell me about Isabel,” Elise said after twenty minutes of small talk. She cradled her mug of cappuccino, which had grown cold, and met his startled look with an encouraging nod.
“Are you sure? Doesn’t hearing other people talk about their kids hurt?”
She sighed. “Of course it does. But am I supposed to avoid people with kids the rest of my life?”
He took a slow deep breath. “No.”
“Do you have a picture of her?”
He chuckled, reaching into his back pocket for his wallet. “Seriously? You have to ask?”
She returned his grin. “A long shot, I know, but…”
He flipped open the wallet and turned it so she could see the bright-eyed cherub with blond curls. Elise’s breath caught, and it took a moment to recover. Like all babies, Isabel was precious, but something about her sweet smile and chubby cheeks grabbed Elise by the throat.
“Wow,” she rasped when she found enough air to talk. “Look at those curls. Believe it or not, I had curls like that when I was younger.” She tugged on her straight hair and scoffed. “I’d kill for a few natural curls now.”
“Those curls make for a pretty wild-looking bedhead after her naps, let me tell you,” he said with a soft laugh. He flipped the picture to show her another more recent shot of his daughter. Two teeth peeked from her happy grin, and she wore a lacy white dress with a matching bow in her golden-colored hair. “This was at her baptism a couple months ago.”
Elise admired the shot, fighting down the bittersweet pang clambering inside her. Opposite the picture of Isabel was a picture of a raven-haired woman with olive skin and large almond-shaped eyes. Elise pointed to the woman. “Kelly?”
He nodded.
“She was beautiful.”
“Thanks. I think so, too.”
Elise bit her bottom lip in thought and studied the picture of Isabel again. “I’m trying to decide which of you Isabel favors more, but…”
“But…you don’t see any resemblance to either of us. Am I right?”
“Well…”
“That’s because she was adopted. Kelly couldn’t have children.”
Elise’s gaze darted to Jared’s. “Oh…I—” She didn’t know how to respond, so she changed the subject. “So your family lives in town and helps you take care of Isabel. That’s pretty handy.”
“Yeah, most of my family is local.” He closed the wallet and put it back in his pocket. “My mom and dad live across town, and I have a brother and sister-in-law, Michelle, who live just a couple blocks away. My sister-in-law is the one who keeps her while I’m at work.” He tipped his head in inquiry. “What about you? Any family?”
“A brother who deigns to talk to his younger sister when I call him.”
Jared arched an eyebrow. “He has something against talking to family?”
“Naw. He’s just busy and doesn’t think about calling his little sister. We’re not especially close. After our mother died, our dad couldn’t be bothered with raising kids, and we ended up in foster homes. Sometimes together, more often, not. I think he put an emotional distance between us as a defense mechanism. It hurts less to be separated from someone you only care marginally about.”
Jared was quiet for a moment, studying her. “But clearly family is important to you. You make the effort to stay in touch with your brother.”
She sighed and stared at the tabletop, idly tracing a crack in the top with her finger. “Yeah. And I was planning to raise a child alone, planning to start my family even if there was no husband in the picture.” Jared didn’t comment right away, and she glanced up when she sensed his reluctance to say what was on his mind. “Go ahead…ask. Remember, we promised to be candid with each other.”
He flashed her a lopsided grin. “Right. I was just wondering why you never married.”
“I actually thought I’d found Mr. Right a few years ago, but it turns out I was too late. His wife found him first.”
He gave her an appropriately sympathetic groan.
“After that humiliation, I swore off dating for a while.” She pulled a grimace then took a sip of cold cappuccino.
He grunted and cocked his head. “A loss to all single men. Any guy would be lucky to have a date with a lovely lady like you. I hate it when the jerks go and ruin things for the rest of us honest guys.”
The comment may have been the standard polite response, but it still caught Elise off guard. She yanked her gaze up to him, and the warmth of his smile stirred a flickering pulse inside her.
“I—I wasn’t fishing for a compliment.” She chuckled awkwardly. “Really. I—”
Their waitress arrived just in time to save her from her fumbling. After refilling Jared’s mug, their server left their check and bustled back to the counter.
“So…you want to talk about the elephant in the room now? The reason I asked you here before you went home?” he asked.
Elise’s gut tightened. “It’s a lot to process. Accepting that Grace died of a freak heart condition hours after birth was hard enough. But to think the same type of thing happened to another couple in town within months of Grace’s death is…spooky. Unsettling.”
“Exactly.” He furrowed his brow. “Did the doctor give you a medical explanation for Grace’s death? Was an autopsy done?”
“Yes. As I understand it, there was. All they told me was she had a weak heart, and she died of heart failure. I know I should have asked more questions, but to be honest, I was kinda numb.”
“I can understand that. I remember the shock that put me in a sort of daze after Kelly died. I got through it because my family rallied around me to help.”
She gave him a wan smile. “You’re lucky to have them.”
“Yeah, I am.” He gave her a nod and a smile that said he was counting his blessings. She didn’t want to envy Jared for the support he had from his family, but the ache of loneliness she’d carried in her bones since losing Grace swamped her with a dizzying wallop.
Clearing her throat, she forged on, not wanting him to see how vulnerable and alone she felt. “So I’ve been thinking about asking the hospital for Gracie’s medical file, but I’ve been putting it off because…well, I knew it would be hard. I’m kinda torn between wanting to know all the details to find some answers and shutting it all in the past and trying to move on.”
He nodded, his gaze focused on her, letting her know he was listening. She knew he didn’t have magic answers, but having him as a sounding board helped more than she’d expected. After months of carrying so much turmoil inside, having someone to listen to her ramble and unburden herself felt incredibly good, freeing.
“I mean, I know that, being a small hospital, they didn’t have the neonatal ICU facilities that might have saved her. Like Kim was saying tonight about the lack of advanced care at Crestview General, I’ve wondered so often what would have happened if
I’d not been out of town that day I went into labor.”
He rolled one palm up. “Maybe that’s all it is. Maybe babies die at smaller hospitals more frequently because of the limited facilities. I mean, years ago, women and babies died during childbirth pretty regularly.”
She bit her bottom lip, considering his point. “Maybe.”
“If I were you…” he started and waited for her to meet his gaze as if seeking permission to be so bold as to give unsolicited advice.
She locked onto the incisive spark in his eyes, hungry for whatever guidance he had. “Yeah?”
“I’d make some inquiries. See if there are reports of other cases similar to yours at that hospital. Compare what you learn to the mortality rate of bigger hospitals. Gather facts, look for a pattern, see what comes out in the wash.”
“You don’t think Grace’s case was an isolated incident?” She narrowed an intent gaze on him. “You basically said as much earlier tonight…that Kim’s loss was too similar to be a coincidence.”
He spread his hands. “I don’t know. I may have been talking out of turn. But yeah, my initial gut instinct said something fishy was going on.”
Her heart beat an anxious tattoo. “Fishy as in…?”
He waved her off. “I don’t want to speculate. Look, Kim mentioned an online community with a message board. That’s a good place to start. Arm yourself with information.”
“That I can do. Between the internet and my contacts through the newspaper, I think I can get plenty of information.”
He arched one eyebrow. “You work at the paper?”
“Staff photographer,” she said, turning the conversation to her job. Next, he told her about his position as foreman with a local, family-owned construction company. As they swapped stories about their work, education and acquaintances they had in common, the mood between them relaxed and fell into the time-honored patterns of a first date. Elise found Jared easy to talk to, and she experienced a tingling rush in her blood whenever he flashed his lopsided grin.
Operation Baby Rescue Page 3
