by Alexa Land
“Maybe I just didn’t think it through.”
“Oh no, I don’t buy that for a minute,” I said. “You’re the kind of person who thinks everything through. There’s no other explanation for renting that room to me, except this: you wanted some chaos in your life.”
“I let you move in despite that, not because of it!”
I knit my brows and asked, “Why would you do that? Why would you let someone like me into your home?”
“I had my reasons. Can your friend drive you home? I have to go.”
“Yeah but...I don’t understand. What reasons?”
“It doesn’t matter. I made a mistake. You and I are one hundred percent incompatible, and I think you need to find a new place to live.”
He turned and started to leave, but I said, “I’ll find another apartment if you really want me to, but I call bullshit.”
He stopped a few feet from his truck and turned to me. “What does that mean?”
“Remember early this morning, Duke? We baked together and had fun, and we talked and opened up to each other. That proves we’re not totally incompatible, not by a long shot. We’re just different.” I took a couple steps toward him on my crutches and said, “Or is that what you’re really running from? Not the bad stuff, but the good? I know I’m driving you nuts, but I also know you’ve been letting me in these last two days, maybe more than you’d intended, and I bet that’s really uncomfortable for someone like you.”
He crossed his arms over his chest. “Someone like me? You say that as if you know me, but you don’t.”
“I don’t pretend to know you well,” I said. “But I know a little. The walls you’ve built around yourself are way too big to miss.”
“Actually, you know what? You know plenty about me. You met me beforehand too, and you spent time with Cole, as you said. I’m sure you heard stories about his uptight, boring, anal retentive roommate. And yet you still decided to move in with me. So you shouldn’t be surprised that I too turned out to be exactly as advertised, and that this is absolutely not going to work out.”
He got in his truck and drove away, and I sighed as I watched him go. Then I went into the former fire station and locked the door behind me. Darwin was sitting at a long table, cataloging what were probably auction items on a beat-up old laptop, and he asked, “Are you okay? I kind of accidentally heard all of that.” He pushed his long, black bangs out of his eyes and pointed at the open transom above the back door.
“Yeah. Day two with my new roommate. It’s going great, obviously.” I sat on the stool beside him and looked around. “Are you here all by yourself?”
He nodded. “My boyfriend and his family are spending the long weekend at the beach. I needed a little time to myself, so I decided to come back early.”
“Are you nervous about Thursday?” He’d been saving for years and was finally scheduled for top surgery.
He said, “The whole thing’s freaking me out. Don’t tell anyone I said that, though.”
“Why not?”
“Because I don’t want people to think I’m having second thoughts. I’m really not. I’ve known I wanted this since puberty. But I’ve never had surgery of any kind before or stayed in a hospital, and it’s frightening. I keep thinking, what if something goes wrong? I know that’s irrational. I’ve read the statistics and countless case studies, so I know there’s every chance I’ll breeze through this. But….”
“But you’re still scared.”
“Yeah.”
I said, “Instead of telling you what you already know, which is that you’re going to be fine, I’ll tell you this instead: it’s perfectly normal to worry. Hell, I’ve raised it to an art form. If you want some pointers on how to totally work yourself into a panic for no real reason, then I’m your man.”
He grinned at that and pulled his sagging black cardigan higher up on his skinny shoulder. “You don’t strike me as a worrier. Just the opposite. It seems like you take everything in stride.”
“It’s an illusion. Good to know I’m pulling it off.”
“So, not to change the subject, which of course means I’m totally changing the subject, but what are you going to do about your new roommate?”
“I have absolutely no idea.”
“Well, while you figure it out, you can keep me company.”
“You sure? You said you wanted some time to yourself.”
Darwin slid off the barstool and said, “I did, at first. But I’ve been rattling around on my own since last night, and I’ve started to regret my self-imposed exile. So right now, what I want is to talk to you, and a huge cup of tea. Would you like some?”
“Sure. Can I help you make it?”
“I think you should stay off that ankle. I’ll be right back.” He went into the adjoining stainless steel kitchen, which had been opened up in the extensive renovations and was now separated from the living area by a long counter. The ground floor had housed fire trucks at one time, but now clusters of jewel-toned chairs and couches, a foosball and pool table, a big TV, and all sorts of other amusements awaited the teens who would soon call the shelter home. Around all four brick walls, a five-foot-wide rainbow meandered like a river, while three brass poles and a row of lockers kept the fire station’s history alive.
Darwin soon rejoined me with two steaming mugs of tea and handed me one of them. He then wrapped both hands around his cup and inhaled deeply. “Doesn’t that smell amazing? It’s called rooibos tea, and it’s from South Africa. I’m kind of infatuated with it.”
I grinned and said, “Sometimes I have to remind myself you’re only nineteen. Do people call you an old soul a lot?”
“All the time.” He took a sip of tea and let out a long, “Ahhhhh.” Then he gestured at the Hummel figures, which were clustered on the center of the table, and said, “You know, I’ll get over it if you return those to Duke. You didn’t really take them without his permission, did you?”
“Yes and no. I left him a check for three grand, which is more than fair market value, and I only got rid of them because he told me he hated them and that they made him sad. They were gifts from his bigoted grandmother, who disowned him when he came out.” I took a sip of tea, which pretty much just tasted like tea and could have used a ton of sugar, then said, “You really did hear everything, didn’t you?”
“You guys weren’t exactly quiet.”
“I’m kind of glad you overheard us, because now you can help me decide what to do. Duke was furious that I got rid of them, but then he also decided to leave them here. He really didn’t have to do that. So, do I take them back? I can find a lot more stuff for the auction, that part’s not a problem.”
“You should ask him about it later, after he’s calmed down a bit. The auction’s almost three weeks away, so it’s not like we need to know what to do with them right this minute.”
“That’s true.” I took another sip of tea, then said, “Oh man, I just realized we were talking about you, and you must have overheard that, too. Sorry.”
“Don’t apologize. That actually made me happy.”
“How come?”
“Because someone who didn’t know me referred to me as a boy without prompting.”
“Well, yeah. Doesn’t everyone?”
“Nope. Sometimes people treat me like a freak, or ask questions like, ‘What are you?’ I usually answer that by telling them I’m a human being who shouldn’t have to explain myself to nosy strangers.”
“It sucks that people have to be so rude.”
“I’ve gotten used to it. Mostly.” He took another sip of tea and asked, “Are you alright, Quinn?”
“Sure. Why wouldn’t I be?”
“That was a pretty major argument between you and your new roommate, and you seem distracted.”
“I knew it’d be challenging to live with Duke, but I didn’t expect it to come to a head quite that fast. He actually told me to find a new place to live! That’s pretty bad, after just two days.”
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br /> “Why’d you decide to rent a room from him? He said you knew what he was like before you moved in, so you must have known there’d be conflict.”
I gave my standard answer. “Compared to my old apartment, it was a bigger room for less money….” After a moment, I glanced at Darwin and admitted, “Actually, none of that would really have been worth the hassle of moving. I could have just found a new roommate when River moved in with Cole and stayed where I was, but I felt like Duke needed me. I know that’s crazy, because I also knew I was going to frustrate him and get on his nerves. But there’s just something about him. He’s so serious and controlled, all the time, and I just couldn’t leave that alone. I guess I’m like those annoying tourists you always see buzzing around the guards at Buckingham Palace, trying to get them to crack a smile. Not that I’m trying to be annoying. He just didn’t seem happy to me, and I wanted to do something about that.” I sighed and took a sip of tea, which really could have used a big shot of brandy along with the sugar, and added, “But he doesn’t want my help. He made that abundantly clear to me.”
“It sounds like you care about him.”
“I do. There’s a great guy under that frown. And I don’t want to give the impression I’m trying to fix him, because he’s not broken. I just want to help him enjoy life a bit, and to act like a twenty-seven-year-old for once.”
Darwin said, “Okay, I totally see your point. I would have guessed he was much older than that, not based on the way he looks, but because of how he comes across. It seems to me like our twenties should be all about having fun, taking risks, and discovering who we are.” He grinned a little and said, “That’s my theory, anyway. But then, I’ve never acted my age, so I don’t know why I expect other people to.”
“Meanwhile, I feel like I’m aging in reverse. I spent my childhood and teen years completely focused on studying ballet. And now, ever since I moved back to California, I’ve basically been acting like a kid.”
“Except for the part where you’re endlessly rehearsing for your upcoming show.”
“That’s fun, though.”
“It must be nice to love what you do.”
“What do you see yourself doing down the road, Darwin?”
“I don’t know, actually. I spent the last few years working constantly and trying to save enough money for top surgery, so my outside would match my inside. I guess I never really thought about any long-term goals beyond that. I mean, college was always in the back of my mind, and maybe I’ll look into that now, but I’m not sure what I’ll study.” He glanced at the array of items on the table beside us and said, “I can tell you what my short-term goal is, though: to rake in huge barrels of cash for the shelter.”
I took another sip of tea, then said, “This looks like a big job. Tell me how I can help.”
“I don’t even know what to do here. The volunteers have done an amazing job collecting donations, but it’s all so random. Like, here’s a bottle of lotion from a salon. Okay, great, but who’s going to bid on that? I know I can put it with, let’s say, these scented candles and that gift certificate for a manicure and call it a spa gift basket or something, but that’s not very interesting.”
I started gathering items from around the table and clustering them together. “But if you put the lotion and candles with this bottle of wine, the silk scarf, and that gift certificate to a bed and breakfast, then add in a couple cheap novelty items like a feather boa and a set of furry handcuffs, suddenly it becomes ‘Pauline’s Pleasure Package’. Or, you know, whatever. It doesn’t have to be sexy. But let’s just have fun with it.”
“That’s exactly what we need to do! Can you stay for a while and help me come up with a few more themes?”
“Absolutely. I’m yours for the next four hours. Then I need to get some groceries and go home to cook dinner for my roommate, but I can come back tomorrow and help some more.”
“Um…I’m pretty sure he’s not speaking to you right now. So, why are you cooking for him?”
“Because I told him I would, and I always keep my promises.”
*****
I returned home late that afternoon with two bags of groceries and a little white flag that I’d fashioned out of a straw and an inside-out snack cake wrapper. Duke was nowhere to be seen when I stuck my head in the front door and looked around. I turned and waved at Darwin with one of my crutches. His rusty beater was idling at the curb, and he waved before pulling away. Then I went in search of my roommate.
As I cut through the living room, I noticed it was back to its usual immaculate condition. Of course. I put the grocery sacks on the kitchen counter and looked around a bit. Duke’s truck was in the garage, and his bedroom door was closed. I decided it was best not to disturb him just yet.
Instead, I got busy making dinner. I doubted he had any interest in dining with me, but I was still going to follow through. By the time he appeared in the kitchen doorway half an hour later, my rice cooker was going and sheets of nori were soaking, and I was slicing vegetables into tidy matchsticks.
I glanced at Duke when he said, “We need to talk.”
I put down my knife and swiveled to face him on the barstool. “I know.”
He was clearly uncomfortable, and he fidgeted as he said, “I apologize for yelling at you. I usually pride myself on my ability to control my temper. I don’t know what’s wrong with me lately.”
“You don’t have to apologize. I shouldn’t have interfered in your life like that. For what it’s worth, I hope you give me another chance, because I really don’t want to move out.”
“I don’t want you to either, but we need some ground rules,” he said. “Well, pretty much just one: if you think you’re overstepping, you probably are, so don’t do it.”
“I’ll definitely agree to that.”
“Okay, good.”
“Just so you know, Darwin has no problem whatsoever with returning the statues if you want them.”
“I’ve been thinking about it, and I’m glad they’re gone, but that should have been my choice.”
“You’re absolutely right.” An awkward silence descended on us, and Duke glanced at the assortment of bowls, sauces, and ingredients on the kitchen island. After a moment, I asked, “Will you have dinner with me? I know I’m not your favorite person right now, but I told you I’d cook for you, and I want to make good on that.”
He hesitated for a moment, then said, “I don’t know. I just….”
“I get it. I can be a total pain sometimes, and I don’t think I’d want to spend time with me either.”
“Don’t say that. You thought you were helping me.”
“But you didn’t want help. I know I keep saying it, and you’re right that it doesn’t change anything, but I really am sorry, Duke.”
After another pause, he pulled out the second barstool and sat down beside me, and then he said, “Maybe this is exactly what we need, a nice, quiet meal together with no drama.”
“Agreed. I give you the one hundred percent drama-free guarantee.” I smiled and added, “For this meal, anyway. I mean, come on. We both know I can’t sustain that forever.”
He grinned a little, and as I went back to reducing carrots to matchsticks, he asked, “Are you making sushi?”
“Yup.”
“I’ve never had it before, and I have to be honest, I’m not on board with the whole raw fish thing.” Duke wrinkled his nose, just a little.
“Well, good news: I’m not using raw fish. I’m making shrimp tempura sushi, veggie tempura sushi, Las Vegas rolls, and California rolls. So, in order, we’re talking fried shrimp, vegetables, smoked salmon, and cooked crab meat.”
“That’s not so bad.” He watched me for a minute, then said, “I’d offer to help, but I have no idea how to make sushi.”
“It’s okay, I’ve got this. The nice thing is, it’s more assembly than cooking, aside from the tempura shrimp and veggies, but they’re easy. I’m not much of a cook.”
“You
really look like you know what you’re doing. I assume your parents taught you.”
I shook my head. “My parents were both doctors with busy schedules, so if we wanted sushi, we’d go out. They’re retired now, and my dad has actually developed a love of cooking in the last few years, but that wasn’t the case when I was a kid. My mom, meanwhile, has pretty much evolved into an Asian version of Georgia O’Keeffe. They’re both awesome.”
“Did they retire young?”
“No, they’re seventy-two and seventy-four, and they both retired about five years ago. They were in their fifties when they adopted me. Now my brothers are in their fifties, and my nieces and nephews are my age or older. It’s all a bit skewed.”
As I emptied the rice cooker and spread out the rice to cool on a baking sheet, he asked, “If you didn’t learn it from them, how’d you get to be an expert at sushi-making?”
“I wish I was an expert. Actually, I just learned a bit through observation. There was this fantastic sushi restaurant right down the street from my apartment in the East Village, one of those places with the little boats. Since I ate there three or four nights a week, the sushi chefs and I got to be friends, and I’d hang out, drink sake, and visit with them while they worked.”
“Little boats? I have no idea what that means.”
“There was a fake river running through the restaurant, and all the patrons would sit at long counters and wait for the little wooden boats to go by with their sushi cargo. When you saw a type of sushi you wanted, you picked it up off the boat and ate it.”
Duke said, “You have to be making that up.”
“Nope. It’s a real thing.”
“There’s no way.” I just grinned and kept preparing my ingredients.
When I reached the step of pulling a softened sheet of nori out of the pan of water, Duke grimaced and said, “I’m sorry. I know you’re going to a lot of trouble here, but I can’t eat that. I’m fighting my gag reflex just thinking about it.”
Instead of arguing with him, I assembled a Las Vegas roll, dipped it in tempura batter and fried it in hot oil. After I sliced it into bite-size pieces, I slid the plate over to him and said, “Just try one piece. That’s all I ask.”
