But then something fucking flew out of the head of the alien cock.
Out of pure instinct - and killer reflexes - Lenny's hand grabbed for it. The second her fingers closed around it, her face twisted in absolute horror as she yanked back her hand and threw the damn thing at a wall.
Where it splatted.
Like... splat!
Then bounced to the floor.
"What in Satan's twisted hell was that? Oh, God. Why is my hand slimy?" she asked, wiping it down her pant leg then frantically reaching for a napkin to wipe her pants. "I am going to need an answer, Peyton," she added as Peyton folded forward, holding her belly as she laughed.
"Your... face... oh, my God..."
"What was the cock slime ball, Peyton?" she asked again, tone almost a little frantic.
"Gelatin," she answered finally, wiping at her eyes, mascara giving her a raccoon look that somehow worked on her.
"More. Information," Lenny gritted out.
"Okay, so this is an alien cock. But there's a twist. It ejaculates alien eggs!" she declared, like it was something totally normal to be excited about.
"Why?" I asked, shaking my head.
"I dunno. Some girls - and guys, let's not be sexist here - like get all jazzed up at the idea of an alien filling them with an egg."
"Oh, dear fucking God. That is supposed to shoot up..." Lenny trailed off, shaking her head, not willing to accept it.
"Up the cooter," Peyton affirmed with a nod. "Or, well, the pooper too."
"Oh, Christ," Lenny said, turning away, unable to process it all.
"But doesn't it like... get stuck up there?" I asked, looking at the slimy alien cock.
"That's the beauty of the egg," she declared, walking over to pick it up, giving it a squeeze. "It's gelatin, but it warms up inside if it gets stuck, so it melts. And comes out like... oh, speaking of..." Peyton rushed on, making Lenny drop down on the couch.
"Please, God, no. I can't."
"They also have a line of alien cocks with this tube work in it," Peyton went on carelessly. "And you pump it full of alien cum. Which is some kind of lube or something. But the cock like jerks and spurts inside you."
"Peyton, I love you, you know I do, but I really can't hear anymore about your alien sex toys."
"I don't use them!" Peyton said, rolling her eyes. "I mean, I would be into one of the normal alien cocks, but Autumn hasn't gotten those in yet."
"What is a 'normal alien cock?'" Lenny asked, looking skeptical.
"Just normal vibes or dildos kinda thing. In funky colors with different shapes and ridges or spots like this fella right here," she said, running her fingers over the alien cock's shaft. "They're cool."
"They're popular enough that Autumn keeps them in stock?"
"People be kinky fuckers," Peyton said, shrugging, hands trying to yank the suction cup up. "Eggs all up inside... Sugar!" she called suddenly, making the man in question move out from the bedroom where she had shooed him when we had showed up. "Gregor is stuck to the counter again."
There were no words to describe the look on the lifelong biker's face at that declaration. It was a mix of horror, disgust, and amusement as he walked over toward his woman, grabbed a butter knife, and stuck it under the suction cup, releasing it with a laughably loud pop.
"If any of the guys hear about this, I will find a way to make you all pay," he warned us, daring us with those gray eyes of his.
"What? I was gonna bring him to the next party," Peyton declared, waving the massive cock around, a little alien egg lube flying outward onto poor Sugar's shoulder. "Oh, oops," she said, swiping it with her fingers, then slipping said fingers into her mouth. "What? It's raspberry!" she declared.
"If I die right now," Lenny said, shaking her head, "I think it would be fair to say that I have seen it all."
"Really? Sucking raspberry-flavored alien cum is the weirdest thing you've seen?" Sugar asked, wrapping an arm around his woman. "You clearly haven't spent enough time around Peyton," he added, pressing a kiss to her temple.
I saw it when they spoke of each other, when they looked at each other, when they simply breathed the same air.
Love.
I couldn't claim to be an expert in it, but I could suddenly see it.
Maybe because I was so surrounded by it.
It wasn't just Sugar and Peyton; it was Lenny and Edison, Reeve and Rey, Cy and Reese, the list went on and on and on.
Even someone bitter and heartbroken would no longer be able to be cynical about the l-word if they got to spend some time with these Henchmen and their women.
"Alright, well, give me some Suga Suga," Peyton declared. "The girls and I have some titty tassels to go check out."
"Ah... what?" Sugar asked, face a mix of confusion and amusement, a look he often had around Peyton.
"She's dragging us to that new burlesque club," Lenny explained.
"'Dragged' is a strong word," Peyton said.
"But an accurate one," I shot back, making her roll her eyes before giving her man an almost embarrassingly long goodbye before chugging a glass of her barely-touched wine.
"Chill that for me," she demanded to Sugar as she fetched her purse.
"I know better than to let your good wine go to waste," he agreed. "I got a scar to remind me if I even think about forgetting."
"He's dramatic," Peyton told us as she opened the door. "It was a scratch. He barely bled."
My head swiveled over my shoulder to see Sugar standing there mouthing Save me to me for a second before breaking into a warm smile. "Have fun with your titty tassels."
"Have fun with your cage fight!" Peyton yelled back, meaning how all the men were heading off to Hex to watch Ward's new fighter - hardly more than a kid - take the ring for the first time. From what Adler said, he made Pagan seem like a gentleman.
"Why are we going to burlesque instead of a cage fight again?" I asked as we all made our way to the lot where Jamie was waiting for us.
"Ugh, fine," Peyton said, turning, stopping, making us all stop short so we didn't plow into her. "I told her I wouldn't tell you. But it's Jamie's birthday. So we are doing fun naked girlie things. And we are going to enjoy it," she added a little firmly before turning to her friend, throwing her arms in the air, and yelling out, "Bring on the titties!"
Lenny looked over at me, smiling a little uncertainly. "Do you ever stop to think what things would be like if you never met Adler?" she asked, shaking her head. "I think about it all the time. I never would have found you guys. We wouldn't be on our way to a burlesque show with a woman who plays with alien cocks and wears a shirt that says "You've been training for this your whole life!" with a picture of a pacifier, lollipop, and then a pixelated cock at the end. Or all spar together. Take dog walks. It's all surreal sometimes."
I watched as Peyton stuck herself through the sunroof in the car - Jamie's car since we all refused to ride in her hearse again - and yell for us to get our asses in gear, and Lenny smiled and rushed forward, and I knew exactly what she meant.
My life had changed in so many ways over the past few months.
I completed my life's mission.
I'd gotten a dog, something I had always wanted.
I made a dozen or so new friends.
And I had found Adler.
There were many times I caught myself just standing back, observing this new life of mine with a mix of confusion and happiness, wondering if it would ever just feel normal, but also a bit worried about not appreciating every little new thing the way I did now.
Like alien cock eggs.
And naked ladies dancing behind feather fans.
And girls who had my back like I had theirs, like sisters.
I felt a stab inside when I thought that, had opened my mouth to explain it to Lenny whose face softened.
"I know how you feel," she admitted. "I felt that way too at first. Like I was being disloyal to my sister for thinking that. But I don't think our sisters would want us to be mis
erable all our lives, pushing other girls away because we are afraid to care about them, love them. We aren't replacing them, Lou," she assured me, giving my wrist a squeeze, a rare show of affection for her.
And just like that, the anxiety around the issue dissipated.
She was right.
No one was replacing Sammy.
They were just easing the ache of her loss, reminding me how nice it was to have a gang of girls who have your back, who are invested in your happiness, who you could really open up to.
And I finally had those things.
All because of Adler.
My heart squeezed in my chest, and I was starting to think I knew exactly what that sensation was, why it happened whenever I thought about him.
I wondered, too, if I would ever find the words to say them.
I guess only time would tell.
Adler - 4 months
"Ya fuckin' serious?" I asked, brows knitted as Sugar held up a hand in a Hand to God gesture.
"I couldn't make this shit up."
"He's never gonna live this down," Virgin decided, all of us silently agreeing.
"I mean Reign sent just him because it was such a small drop, such an old client. There was no reason to throw five guys on this," Laz said, shaking his head.
Roderick had been ripped off.
Someone had stolen the stash of guns he had been dropping off to one of Reign's first clients he ever brought in.
And that someone?
Yeah, it was a fucking woman.
I had a sneaking suspicion that was going to be a good story someday.
Lou - 3 years
"Um no," I all but shouted at the doctor. "Squeeze more of that cold shit on my belly, and try again. You're wrong," I added, watching as the man just smiled at me with thin lips and kind blue eyes.
I didn't want his kindness.
I wanted his accuracy.
Adler reached out, squeezing my hand reassuringly even if his face was a mix of shock and, well, fear.
Fear.
Yes.
That was an appropriate reaction to this news, I felt.
"Mrs. Adler, I have done it twice. There was no need for the second time. I am one-hundred percent certain. Do twins run in your families?"
"No."
"No," I added. "So... try again."
To that, he just turned off the screen, reached for scratchy paper towels, rubbing some of the jelly off my slightly rounded stomach.
Okay.
Maybe it was more than slightly rounded.
But my mother always told me all my face-stuffing would come back to haunt me.
I figured I was being punished for having so many fries and chicken nuggets during my first trimester. And I was going to be one of those women who gained fifty pounds when I was only supposed to gain twenty, have stretch marks that wrapped around my whole body.
It certainly never occurred to me that there could be two human beings growing inside me, making the added weight make more sense.
Hell, we hadn't exactly even talked about having children at all.
We'd talked about children.
As an abstract.
As those things always surrounding us at the compound with endless - and increasingly odd or embarrassing - questions, demanding snacks every fifteen-point-two seconds, and not a half second later or earlier, wanting to play hairdresser - then getting all kinds of knots and combs and curlers snagged up there.
We'd even talked about how we sometimes worried we might not be the best influences for them, being a bit standoffish, not great with understanding how little, underdeveloped brains worked.
And here we were bringing two of them into the world.
We were the definition of clueless.
"Do you want the picture?" the doctor asked, looking at Adler since I was clearly in need of a straitjacket and heavy psychosis meds. Except I couldn't have psychosis meds since I was pregnant.
"Aye," he agreed, taking the grainy black and white ultrasound image, tucking it into my oversized wallet, exchanging words with the doctor for a moment - none of which I heard except I'll give you the room.
"Lou," Adler called, snagging my chin, turning me to face him instead of studying the little holes in the ceiling tiles. "Talk about it, don't just think about it."
"We can't be parents."
"Well, that's unfortunate, because we are about to be in just a couple more months."
"But we can't," I insisted, wide-eyeing him. "Last week, we both decided the eggs were probably bad... but ate them anyway."
"And they were fine."
"But what if they weren't? What if we did that again? What if we kill our babies with slightly outdated eggs?"
"First, I think they'll be on the tits for a while. Second, I will personally check all expiration dates, and keep the eggs always safely within them."
"And the milk. The milk too."
"And the milk. I draw the line at cheese," he told me, lips twitching. "That doesn't go bad."
"It can get mold."
"It is mold. And I don't think ya would feed a kid green molded cheese without realizing."
"And what about my job? I can't exactly chase skips while pregnant! Or with babies hanging off my boobs."
To that, he snorted.
"So you take maternity leave. I think a good... four years should do."
"Ew. I am not going to be some barefoot, pregnant, PTA, van-driving mom, Adler. And I will get out of shape in four years. And Geoff would replace me. And don't you dare say that I can't be replaced. Neither of us believe that touchy-feely bullshit. Oh, and that's another thing. Our mouths."
"I like yer mouth," he informed me, running a finger across my lower lip.
"I meant our language."
"Everyone in the club cusses like sailors. The kids are no worse for the wear," he reminded me.
"We only have one bedroom."
"And it is so impossible to move."
"You heard him! I'm not allowed to lift anything!" I knew I was starting to sound downright hysterical, but I couldn't bring myself to care.
"Right. But we have an entire club full of able-bodied men and women. What next?"
"Don't make fun of me," I demanded, slapping his stomach half-heartedly. "I'm serious. This is serious."
"I know it is. I'm tryin' to make ya see we can do it."
"And how are we supposed to get a new place? And afford for me to be outta work for four years?"
I mean we both had a bit of a savings. Well, we had a bit in the bank. Adler had money stashed all over. He kept saying he would take a weekend and go collect it all, move it closer where he could get it.
"Reign pays us well, duchess. And my savings is more than enough to buy us a nice house."
"Exactly how much money do you have stashed away?"
"We," he corrected.
"Okay. Exactly how much money do we have stashed away?"
I knew by the wicked smirk on his lips that it was a helluva lot more than I had ever imagined.
Adler -
"The fuck is this thing?" I asked, waving the blue cone-shaped ball thing in the air at the specialty baby boutique because that big box baby store disappeared years before. "Some kinda balloon toy?"
"It's a boogie sucker," the somewhat too helpful attendant informed us with drawn together brows.
"I'm sorry... what?" Lou asked, looking even more confused than I was.
"A boogie sucker. Sucks the boogies out of the baby's nose."
"So ya are trying to tell me that after hundreds of thousands of years of human existence where babies could easily snort out their own fuckin' boogers, we suddenly need to suck them out with a little balloon? And what do ya do with the boogers once they're in the balloon part?"
The rest of the day pretty much went the same way, so that by the end, all three of us looked more tired than we had ever been in our lives.
"The boogie suckers really do make life easier," Maze informed us later that
night at the compound. "Especially if they have a cold."
"Did you get the glider I told you about?" Penny asked. "It's great for fussy babies."
"And the nursing pillow," Bethany added, making Lou whimper, and turn her head into my shoulder.
"I think she's broken," I told the group. "She's whimpered anytime someone has mentioned the b-word since we left the shop this morning."
"It's a lot," Janie broke in. "I think especially so for those who weren't sure they'd ever have kids. She'll get there. Plus, I mean... she's miserable. Someone is always kicking an organ, demanding food, causing heartburn, fucking with her sleep..."
"Yeah," Summer said, giving Lou a soft smile even though her head was buried in my neck. And I was pretty sure she had fallen asleep. She'd become narcoleptic these days. "If you want, we can all get together and handle the necessary stuff."
Summer had been alright. Considering one of her children still refused to come home, was now legally old enough never to do so again if she didn't want to. She had gotten used to knowing her daughter through letters, had slowly come back to her friends, to the club, to life.
"That'd be great, if ya girls don't mind."
"Not at all," Summer assured us. "We'll make a day of it. Remind us about the excitement of expecting a little one."
I bit my tongue about excitement not exactly being what Lou was experiencing.
Not that she wasn't happy about it.
She was.
Just overwhelmed.
So much had changed so fast.
Our apartment was all packed up, ready to be moved into the new house on the same street with Repo and Maze and Lo and Cash with three bedrooms, two baths, and a nice fenced yard for Linny and the kids when they were old enough.
She'd needed to leave her job, her livelihood, her outlet for all her feelings, so things were coming out in ways she was not comfortable with normally.
Crying.
Taking to the bed.
Occasionally snapping at me.
I knew better than to take it too personally.
She was an incubator for two living beings.
Adler Page 21
