by B. M. Hardin
“Joey would never give me a stitch of his money. I can’t hit him with infidelity because I hadn’t always been faithful to him either. But it looks like you have a whole lot to lose if this gets out---am I right?”
Yep…she was damn right!
Santana would surely leave me if he knew the truth. Hell, I’d told him lie after lie about Joey. After all…he thought that Joey was dead.
Worst case scenario, I could probably go back to Joey; but I was a Jones…Mrs. Jones.
Ain’t it something?
Joey and his wife were both threatening to destroy my marriage, simply because theirs was over.
Joey wanted me all to himself---and his wife wanted me for my money, to help her get away from Joey.
Damn, Joey wasn’t that bad…was he?
Sure, he was a little crazy, controlling, and possessive; but it was all out of love; at least that was how I’d always liked to look at it.
“So what’s it going to cost me?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” she said.
~***~
Silvia’s little getaway plan cost me five million dollars.
I could have cared less about the money; but I couldn’t believe that she was going to really just up and leave. She was leaving behind her whole life, her husband, and her daughters.
Everything, anything that tied her to Joey, was history.
She’d said that the only thing she regretted having to leave behind was the girls but she insisted that it was for the best. She and I both knew that Joey would never let her have them. If nothing else, he loved his kids.
Silvia said that leaving them was going to be one of the hardest things that she’d ever had to do; but also made the comment that she could always have more children, but that she only had one life to live.
I asked her if Joey abused her; she’d said no. I asked her if he’d always mistreated her or had affairs on her with other women; she’d said no. I was his only whore. Her reasoning was very simple.
She wanted to be happy; and rich, and she’d found a way to do both…through me.
The day came and just as she’d said would, with the money I’d given her and what little bit of dignity she had left…just like that she was gone.
“She left me Niveah. I don’t know where she is. It’s been three days since I’ve seen her and for some reason I know that I will never see her again. She left her ring on the bed, with a note. She even left the kids. She was bold enough to do the one thing that I had been dying to do for years,” Joey said into my ear.
It all seemed surreal in a sense to me.
How could you be in a relationship with someone that you hate or despise so much that you are willing to just drop off of the face of the earth just get away from them? And little did she know, according to Joey, all he’d been waiting on was for her to leave him anyway, why hadn’t they just divorced like normal people? With Silvia being a lawyer and all, I’m sure she could have found a way to make sure that she walked away with something but she hadn’t. I guess the way she saw it was that she’d get more money out of blackmailing me than she would by just simply divorcing Joey.
If you asked me, they were both crazy and they deserved each other.
I’ll admit it---I felt bad for Joey.
What in the heck was he going to do with two little girls?
What would he do with his life now that he was free?
Aside from feeling bad for Joey, I also felt bad for myself.
There was no way that I could go through with getting Joey killed; after all he had two little girls to take care of now, so, I was back to square one.
“Joey, I’m sorry to hear that. But things are going to be okay. Give it a little time,” I tried to encourage him.
“Now we can really be together. Niveah, this is our chance,” Joey said.
Of course it had crossed my mind; but my mind was made up.
Santana was all that I needed, and everything that I have ever wanted.
“Joey, we’ve had this conversation. I’ll give you a blood test when the baby comes, but I want to try to make things work with Santana. I have to give this marriage a fair shot.”
“What if its mine Niveah?” Joey asked.
“It won’t be Joey. But we will cross that bridge when we get there if we have to.”
Joey just breathed slowly in my ear.
I was trying to decide what to say next. With Joey’s temper, I knew that he would kill me if he ever found out that I’d helped with his wife’s disappearance; but I didn’t have a choice.
Now it was time to make a deal with him, or at least something like it.
“Look, it’s strange how everything has happened and maybe I should have held out a little while longer instead of getting married, but I didn’t. Now that I’m in it, I’ve had a change of heart. It’s not that I don’t love you---but I owe it to Santana to try. So what do we do Joey?”
I asked him.
I waited for a few minutes for Joey to respond.
“Okay Niveah; do what you have to do,” Joey said and hung up.
My emotions let loose and I started to sob.
I felt bad for him, I really did.
And on top of that, I was feeling confused---again.
But before I had a chance to really sort through my thoughts and emotions Santana walked in the front door.
“Hey,” he smiled at me and put down his things. Hurriedly, I sat down the phone and smiled back. Santana walked closer to me and kissed my belly and then kissed my lips.
Just as he started to pull away from me, my phone began to ring.
“Who is J?” Santana questioned.
I gave him the finger and answered.
“Hi, is the business proposal all done? Good. Can I call you right back? My husband just walked in,” I said and hung up. Lord my ears were bleeding from the hundreds of curse words that Joey had said in only a matter of seconds on the other end of the phone.
Maybe I’d gone too far, but I had to play it off…I didn’t have a choice.
“Business proposal? So you’re back at the interior design business again?” Santana said relieved.
“Yes, and you had better be ready to build. I figured by the time you guys are done getting it up, I’ll be done with this whole pregnancy thing, back in shape, and ready to get to work,” I wanted to take a deep breath, but didn’t want to come off as uncomfortable.
Santana smiled and headed to take off his work clothes.
I sent Joey message after message saying how sorry I was, but he sent back message after message full of curse words and everything else in between.
~***~
I felt as though I’d taken on another life….again.
While Santana worked, I was around the corner at Joey’s; helping out with his girls.
It had been weeks since Silvia left, and I was there doing things that he needed help doing such as combing their hair, sick troubles or shopping for them.
I wasn’t sure if it was out of guilt or love but either way, I went by Joey’s house at least every other day.
I was getting bigger and bigger and Joey had started to act as though his requests were a burden on me. They were; but it was the least that I could do. If I’d told Silvia no, sure maybe she would have ratted on me to Santana---but at least the girls would have still had their mother.
How could I have been so selfish?
But I couldn’t fix it now. What was done…was done. Even if I wanted to try to talk some sense into Silvia, I had no idea where she’d gone. She’d just taken my money and left.
After a while, Joey had decided that it was best for him to move back to North Carolina with the girls, so that his family could help him with them.
I wasn’t sure why, but I felt some kind of way when he broke the news to me.
Isn’t this what you wanted?
My mind constantly taunted my heart, but I was so confused.
Joey had even said that I was free to be with Sa
ntana and that he would no longer press the issue about the baby.
Joey was giving up right before my very eyes…and I felt terrible.
I felt terrible for paying Silvia to keep her mouth shut. I felt terrible for knowing that she was leaving and not telling him. I felt terribly sorry for the girls and in a way for Joey.
Overall, I just felt like crap.
But was there any other way?
At the end of the day, I just needed my life to finally be on the right track. I needed happiness, I need peace…I needed Santana.
The day came for Joey to leave and I was an emotional wreck.
I was eight months pregnant, and I couldn’t stop crying.
Joey leaving was the best thing that could ever happen, considering the situation, so why was I so sad?
We promised to stay in touch but he was clear that he wanted to be gone before it was time for me to go into labor.
I guess that was the only way for him to stay sane about the situation. After all, he knew himself better than anyone.
“I love you,” he said.
I couldn’t say a word.
Joey touched my stomach.
“I love you too,” he said softly.
That’s it.
The waterworks started up again and they didn’t stop no matter how much I wanted them to.
Joey held me for a while, trying to calm me down, but it was no use.
God, what’s wrong with me?
He was answering my prayers…still yet it wasn’t enough.
In a way, I guess I had to be honest with myself. I wanted both of them a part of my life, but I knew that it just wasn’t possible.
Eventually, I had to watch Joey, the girls and the movers drive away.
I felt the same exact way that I’d felt the same day that my family left North Carolina, and I’d looked back and saw Joey standing in the middle of the street.
Our relationship had always been built on a friendship, which is why it was always so hard for us to leave each other alone. Nevertheless, here I was again, losing my best friend. At least that’s what it felt like.
I cried and cried and then cried some more.
I was trying to calm myself down but nothing seemed to be working.
The baby started to move and I tried to be considerate but my heart was hurting.
I tried to think logically, and think things through but the only thing I could think about was Joey.
After a second more, I dried my eyes and then searched my purse for my cell phone.
Taking a deep breath I waited for the ringing to stop.
“Hello?”
“Joey come back; come and get me. I’m going with you,” I whined.
~**********~
Chapter Six
Okay, so I’d had a moment of weakness. Joey had even turned around to pick me up but I knew that I couldn’t go with him.
I had to accept the choices that I’d made, and I’d chosen Santana. Joey held me in his arms, and told me how much he loved me and he promised that he would only be a phone call away. He said that we could still talk like we used to, but it wasn’t going to be the same.
Finally, I let him go, and I tried to send my feelings with him but they were still there and I was sure that they probably always would be.
I’d always loved Joey…and I always would.
Since he’d been gone, Santana and I prepared for our bundle of joy. We had about two weeks to go and I couldn’t wait for her to get here---and not to mention that I couldn’t wait for this pregnancy to be over.
I’d been in a lot of pain, so as I sat in a hot bubble bath, Santana washed my feet.
“If there was one thing that you could change about your life…what would it be?” Santana asked.
I thought long and hard about his question. Of course I couldn’t give him a real answer, but nonetheless, I’d put some thought into it.
I wondered just what I would have changed. If it would have been getting married the first two times, or getting involved with Joey. Maybe it was the abortions or maybe…it was sleeping with my sisters’ husband.
Wait a minute…I’d forgotten all about that.
And I’m glad that I had.
My sister would kill me if she ever found out.
My sister’s husband was technically my first.
Joey had been my first at pretty much everything, except real intercourse. We were young and had fooled around plenty of times and though he’d been ready to go all the way, all the time, after a few strokes, I’d always stopped him.
But my sister’s husband was a different story.
My sister Shante and I were complete opposites. She was conservative, shy and quiet; which was one of the reasons that her early age pregnancy shocked me.
Although I was a loner, I was always a ball of energy. I had spunk and I was exciting and adventurous.
I guess that’s what had attracted her husband to me.
I’ll never forget that night.
I’d just turned eighteen and I was helping my sister pack for their big move. Her husband, Clyde, had been offered a job in Europe, and as soon as the adoption for their two foster children was final in just a few days, they were leaving the states.
Shante thought it was a good idea to get me drunk. She’d said it would make a fond memory for us to share. So as we packed, she and I poured drink after drink. Clyde occasionally came into the room for a drink or two, but for most of the night he was out of sight, and out of mind.
Anyway, that night she had way too much alcohol and passed out on the living room floor.
I wobbled to the bathroom, barely able to see, and that’s when he came in behind me.
Clyde.
He touched me and though I didn’t mean to…I touched him back.
And the rest is history.
I’d never been attracted to him and had no idea that he’d been interested in me but he didn’t hesitate once he had the opportunity.
With his hand clamped over my mouth, I allowed him to pleasure me on the bathroom sink.
The next morning, I wasn’t sure if it’d actually happened but when I noticed that I wasn’t wearing any panties, I knew that it had.
“Um, Niveah, are you missing something?” My sister joked, inching at the end of my black, laced thong.
She had no idea that they had been taken off by her husband. She simply assumed that I was too drink and had somehow taken them off once I’d gone to use the bathroom.
Clyde and I barely even looked at each other. In fact, after the incident, it seemed as though he hated me and did everything in his power to keep Shante away from me. To this day, if she called me, he would go into a fit. My guess is that he was afraid that one day I’d confess.
I couldn’t believe that I’d done such a thing, to my own flesh and blood. But that was definitely one of those things in life that you force yourself to forget.
And until that very moment, I had.
“Niveah?” Santana called out to me.
“Nothing; I wouldn’t change a thing,” I responded to him, blinking the tears away.
~***~
I woke up to what sounded like whimpering.
“Santana?” I called.
The toilet flushed and my husband appeared in the bathroom door way.
“What’s wrong baby?” Santana asked walking over to me.
“I was just about to ask you the same thing,” I said staring at him.
His face and eyes looked just fine.
Maybe I was just hearing things.
“Nothing,” I said.
“Your phone has been ringing all morning. It was that J guy; the one with the business proposal for your business. Every time I answered, the call was disconnected. Maybe you should call him back and see what’s going on; if you’re feeling up to it. I’ll go make you breakfast in bed. With only two weeks left, there’s no way I’m leaving your side. I told the fellas that they were on their own for about two months.”
&n
bsp; Santana exited our bedroom, and I hurriedly called Joey.
We spoke briefly. He was only calling to see if I’d had the baby. He stated that he at least wanted to see a picture of her when she arrived, if that wasn’t too much to ask.
It wasn’t. After all, he was giving me the chance to make my marriage work, and for that I was more than thankful.
After hanging up with Joey, I saw that my parents and both of my siblings had called. I was definitely surprised that my sister and even my brother had called, so I called my parents to make sure everything was okay.
“Hey Mama, is everything okay?”
My Mama, Mrs. Savannah Knox, had always been my role model. She was strong minded, opinionated, smart, educated and beautiful. She’d always been so strict on us; stating that she wanted more for us, than she’d ever had. But none of us lived up to her expectations. My brother, Antonio, had been in and out of jail for making some of the stupidest mistakes. He hadn’t made it to college, but eventually he found himself a wife and settled down. My sister had chosen to marry instead of an education. I’d actually gone to college just to please Mama, but I hadn’t done a thing with my degree. But she’d like the fact that I’d married men that were financially stable. She’d always made the comment that at least if I wasn’t going to make my own money, I had enough sense to marry someone with enough of it. It never made much sense to me though. I’d never known Mama to have a real job, but she’d made it clear that it wasn’t by choice. It was only because Daddy wanted her place to be at home. It was clear that she hated it, but she did it to please him, and I guess pleasing him was more important than pleasing herself. I’d always said that I wouldn’t become her, but in reality, I had---in a way.
