by C. A. Harms
Table of Contents
Dare to Dream
Copyright
Prologue
Chapter 1
Chapter 2
Chapter 3
Chapter 4
Chapter 5
Chapter 6
Chapter 7
Chapter 8
Chapter 9
Chapter 10
Chapter 11
Chapter 13
Chapter 14
Chapter 16
Chapter 17
Chapter 18
Chapter 19
Chapter 20
Chapter 21
Chapter 22
Chapter 23
Chapter 24
Chapter 25
Chapter 26
Chapter 27
Chapter 28
Chapter 29
Chapter 30
Chapter 31
Chapter 32
Chapter 33
Chapter 34
Chapter 35
Chapter 36
Epilogue
Bonus Chapter
Acknowledgements
About the Author
Copyright © 2017 by CA Harms
All rights reserved
Published by CA Harms
Dare To Dream is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents are all products of the author’s imagination and are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events, locales, or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.
Except as permitted under the US Copyright Act of 1976, no part of this publication may be reproduced,
distributed or transmitted in any form by any means, or stored in a database or retrieval system,
without the prior written permission of the author.
Formatting by CP Smith
The greatest wonderful feeling is falling in love.
—Lailah Gifty Akita
Prologue
When a girl is young, she dreams of being grown up. She imagines what her life will be like, and in those visions, it all seems so perfect. So magical. No heartache, no sadness. The perfect husband, the perfect children, surrounded by nothing but laughter and smiles.
At least I know I dreamed of those things.
I dreamed often of living in a big house with a fancy wraparound porch. I would sit there each evening with a tall glass of the sweetest tea and sway on the swing my husband would hang just for me. My children’s happy chatter would filter through the open window behind me, reminding me of the beauty my husband and I created together.
But all those dreams were now lost somewhere in the back of my mind. They were only fantasies I knew I would never obtain. Not when I continued to settle for chasing after a guy who was nothing but heartbreak wrapped in a handsome package.
Tucker Billings. His name alone made my heart race. Maybe it was boredom, or lack of choices, but when I was younger and dreamed of my future, I believed Tucker would share those dreams with me. But I never really took the time to look at who he truly was, instead of who I wanted him to be.
Tucker was a lifelong bachelor who thrived on the attention of any woman willing to offer it. And I was dumb enough to be one of them. I’d known him my entire life because my mother and father were his godparents. Our families were always together, so he was always there, even when I didn’t want him to be. When I tried to walk away from him, he would do or say something that made me come running back to his side. He had sweet, boyish charm and pretty-boy good looks, blue eyes, and blond, shaggy hair. He was almost the surfer-boy type. Most girls would dream of hair like his, perfectly flawless. He was tall and had a deep, raspy voice that was the perfect combination of a good, sweet boy with touch of bad boy too. But his smile was what got me every single time. It could melt the hearts of all women and apparently their panties too.
Well, all panties but mine. Tucker and I had never been together like that.
Passionate, deep love wasn’t what kept me near him, but a loyalty to our friendship. Some girls have a friend they run to whenever they needed to vent or cry, and Tucker was that person for me. He had been for as long as I could remember. And those feeling eventually turned to more, for me anyway.
But then one day out of the blue, he showed up at my house and said all the right things, and somehow I fell for them hook, line, and sinker. He convinced me that he was done sleeping around and was ready to grow up and settle down with me.
And I believed him. Because I wanted to have that happily ever after I dreamed of as a little girl.
I was a fool.
Chapter 1
In one moment everything can change. Your life can crumble while you’re powerless to stop it, and all you can do is hope that somehow in the end your heart will survive the devastation.
Greer
Whenever I felt overwhelmed, I would simply close my eyes and just breathe for a moment; take the time I needed to relax and do my best to calm my mind and work through my feelings.
Deep breath in, count to five, and slowly release.
Repeat.
On most occasions it worked, but this was one of those times when no amount of focus or breathing would take away the ache inside me. No amount of pleading could fix what had happened
In one phone call, my whole world had come crashing to a stop, and I was powerless to do anything about it.
“I need you, Greer. It’s your father.” Those words rang through my head over and over as I ran from my apartment and toward my car, feeling as if I were drowning.
“Please,” my mother pleaded as I sped toward the hospital, mindlessly taking each turn. She sobbed and wailed as if her life had come to an abrupt end, and in a way it had.
“He’s gone, Greer,” she cried through my Bluetooth. “Oh my God, he’s gone.” The pain of those words echoing from the speakers in my car resembled what I imagined being stabbed in the heart would feel like. Pain seared through me as I drove toward the hospital. Though her words continued to ring in my mind, the reality of them had yet to sink in.
I parked in the nearest available space and rushed from my car toward the hospital entrance, leaving behind my phone and my keys. I didn’t even take the time to end the call first.
I ran through the emergency room doors in search of my mother, desperate to find her. Desperate for her to tell me I had misunderstood her. My heart raced and my throat burned from the rush of fear and dread.
On the inside I wanted to crash to the ground and cry like the little girl inside me was begging to do. The little girl who remembered all the times her father had held her close and promised to always protect her from the demons in the world; all the times he vowed never to allow a man to hurt his little angel in any way.
I wanted him to wash away this ache inside me, only he couldn’t. He never could again.
My daddy, my hero, was gone.
He had always been my image of what a perfect husband should be. All my life, he treated my mother and me with deep respect and showered us with love, never once letting a day go by without letting us know we were the center of his world.
Losing him would shatter us both.
“Greer.” I turned quickly at the sound of my name and came face-to-face with my mother. Her vibrant, beautiful face was ashen from heartache.
“Mom,” I whispered. My chest burned so badly I felt as if I could barely breathe. “No.”
I wished this was all just some horrific nightmare and that I’d wake up to find my father alive and well in the room behind her, giving the doctors hell. But I knew that wasn’t the case. I could see it in her eyes and in the devastation that poured from her in waves.
We stood staring at one another as tears rolled along our cheeks,
feeling so hopeless and lost. Neither of us knew what to say. We both knew nothing could ever heal this pain.
Where would we go from here?
What would we do?
***
I don’t know how long I stood in that hallway as my mother and I cried. I just knew it was well after dark when I finally left.
The whole time I was there felt like an out-of-body experience. I couldn’t even remember turning around to leave. I don’t remember what the doctor said, or what my mother and I said in return. I do, however, remember refusing my aunt’s offer for a ride home. I’d insisted I’d be okay, even though I was far from that. I was broken with sadness, but I needed to get away. I needed to fall apart without someone attempting to console me, and my aunt had her hands full with my mother for the time being.
I’d be okay.
I had to be.
But once I was safely tucked inside my car, I gave in to the devastation and cried harder than I’d ever cried before.
“Oh my God no,” I screamed, and begged for it all to be a dream, even though I knew it wasn’t.
I raged at God or whoever the hell was listening for taking such an amazing man from those who needed him.
My father was healthy, strong, and active. Not a man anyone would picture having a massive heart attack. But life was so cruel and unpredictable sometimes, and we had absolutely no choice but to accept the hand we’d been dealt and move on.
I just wasn’t sure how I could do that.
Once the denial and anger had subsided, the numbness kicked in.
On instinct I attempted to call Tucker, but the call went straight to his voice mail. This only made my anger return with a vengeance.
I needed him, yet he wasn’t there.
I mindlessly left the parking lot and drove to his house. The smell of antiseptic and sickness still lingered on my clothes. My ears were still filled with the sounds of mindless chatter from people that hadn’t been told the one man they thought they could always turn to hadn’t just been robbed of a long, happy life.
I pulled up to the curb and placed my car in park as I looked at Tucker’s front door. By some miracle I had made it here safely, since I barely remembered the ride across the city. I should have been concerned about that, but at this point I found it hard to care.
I got lost in the memories of my father again. I could almost hear his deep, raspy laughter, and I closed my eyes tight, doing all I could to hold on to that memory. I wanted to keep it safe and always remember just how his happiness with life had made me feel growing up. I was terrified of one day losing the memory of his smile.
Chapter 2
I wasn’t sure how much time had passed. It could have been minutes, but it felt like hours.
Drying my tears, I finally did my best to pull myself together. Suddenly the only thing I wanted was for Tucker to hold me. And in that moment, I realized my connection to him was more for comfort than that hungry need I imagined one would feel toward a man who was supposed to be her boyfriend.
I no longer cared that he had once again managed to isolate himself when I needed him most. I just needed him to hold me and somehow convince me that I would make it through this. I needed to be supported and forced to face the loss of my father. I needed Tucker to tell me that no matter what, he would be right by my side.
This wasn’t about intimacy, because he and I had only been together for a few weeks and had yet to share that. This was a girl simply needing her best friend.
I forced my feet to move, though I still felt as if I were floating through the movements with no recollection of each step I took.
The red car next to Tucker’s truck in the driveway should have been all the proof I needed that he had company I wouldn’t approve of. I recognized the car. I’d seen it here often prior to my relationship with Tucker becoming more than just a friendship. But I moved forward, forcing myself to face yet another painful part of this day of hell.
The urge to hurl the pot next to Tucker’s front door through the windshield of that pretty, little red car was almost impossible to resist. Instead, I lifted it and retrieved the key hidden under it, something I’d done often throughout my many visits to his house.
I knew exactly what I would find inside, but I no longer cared. It was strange, but I felt as if I needed something to focus on other than my father’s death. That need drove me not to run from the truth I knew I was about to find, but instead face it. I was done running. I was done living in the dark and in false hope. And right now I needed to feel something more than grief about my father, even if it was just more pain.
I forced myself to turn the key in the lock, twist the handle, and carefully push against the door. As it slowly creeped open, I found that the living room was dark, but the hallway light lit the way to Tucker’s bedroom.
My heart thumped so hard in my chest that blood whooshed through my ears. One step at a time, I moved toward the bedroom as I fisted the key tightly. I knew it was weird, but I needed to feel the pain of the metal digging into my palm. That feeling kept me moving forward, forcing me to face what was behind the bedroom door.
The squeaking of bedsprings and panting breaths didn’t even faze me. I found an inner strength I didn’t know I had and placed my other palm against the door before slowly pushing it open.
I should have screamed or thrown something at the two of them, but I remained in the same spot, staring ahead blankly at the two bodies intertwining and the long, brown hair flowing down the girl’s back as she moved above the man below her. The same man that only weeks ago had told me he was ready to settle down and give me the life I deserved. The same man that had spent each day since reassuring me that he meant every single word. I had known this man my whole life and was stupid enough to believe he could be something more for me than a friend, even though I had never in all those years seen him offer any other woman more than just a wild night.
I should have been saddened by his betrayal, but in a way I felt relieved. Tucker was never going to be the man I needed him to be. He wasn’t built that way, and I think I knew that all along but refused to accept it. I was more saddened by the loss of the friendship I knew we would no longer be able to share than the loss of the possibility of being lovers. We were never lovers.
“Greer.” His gruff voice was laced with shock, yet I remained frozen. I was still amazed that for once I no longer cared if he shared the feelings I’d believed I had for him for years. “Damn it.” His irritated curse echoed through the room. I saw quick movements in my peripheral vision, but I still didn’t move. “Babe, I can explain.”
I looked up just in time to see Tucker rushing toward me.
He stepped in front of me, blocking my view of the bed, and for the first time since arriving, I could see him clearly. He’d covered his front with a sheet, his hair was sticking out in every direction, and his face was flushed. “I just—” He looked behind him at the woman still in his bed. “Fuck,” he mumbled, gripping the back of his neck in frustration.
“My father died today,” I whispered before I could stop the words. My vision blurred from the tears that pooled from saying it aloud.
He quickly faced me once again, and a look of shock and sadness filled his features.
“A heart attack,” I whispered before he could ask me how. Tucker reached out to pull me in for a hug, but I pressed my hands against his chest and pushed him away in my first sign of anger since entering his house.
“I was at the hospital all day. I wasn’t even able to say good-bye to him, and meanwhile you were here screwing her.” I pointed over his shoulder. “I was falling apart, and instead of answering your phone, you were here doing what you always do. Thinking of only yourself.”
“Please listen to me,” he pleaded as he once again attempted to move in closer.
“No,” I interrupted, “you listen to me. Don’t call me, don’t come over. Don’t offer me your sad words and condolences because I don’t want them. I don’t need them. B
ecause nothing you say means a damn thing. Just stay away from me.”
His shoulders sagged, but I felt nothing for this man anymore. I was done with the games. I was done with his lies. I wished I could go back in time to three weeks ago and tell him no when he insisted we were meant to be together. His lame attempts at pretending I was enough for him when he’d take me to dinner or the movies had all been just a game.
I should have been angry at the woman who still lay in his bed, but I only felt sorry for her. I knew she actually believed Tucker had chosen her when he had only picked her to fill time until he found his next conquest. She was nothing special, and somehow beneath all my grief and heartache, I found that sad. The man before me was nothing more than a heartless bastard who used women, and I refused to waste any further time hoping for more from him.
“Because at this point, Tucker, I don’t think we can even be friends anymore.” I backed away. “I don’t want anything from you.”
I turned and walked to the front door as fast as my legs could carry me.
“Greer,” he called out, “I loved him too.”
My chest ached at his words because I knew they were true, but I refused to look back.
Whatever Tucker and I had once had was all over. As I left the house, I felt as though another part of my world had just crashed to my feet in flames.
Chapter 3
I nodded at each person that stepped up to my father’s casket and accepted their hugs and kind words. I did my best to show my appreciation for them showing up to offer their condolences, but inside I was screaming for an escape, for a safe place where I didn’t have to pretend I’d be okay. I needed to get lost in my misery.
“Greer.” My body tensed at the sound of Tucker’s voice. I couldn’t do this, not here, not with a roomful of people watching.
I saw Tucker in a different light now, one that only enhanced the ugliness I now understood lay inside him. Instead of looking appealing, he seemed ridiculous to me now. A man that spent as much time and effort fixing his hair and primping as Tucker did was a man that needed to be dragged through the mud—literally. A real long-ass stretch of mud to teach him how to be a real man. The only desire I felt for him now was one to get as far away from him as I possibly could.
