by C. A. Harms
I had never seen their mother, which made me even more curious.
I should have felt terrible about spying on his most intimate, raw moments with his daughters, but it had become something of an addiction. It was so beautiful. Even in his saddest moments, he was the most gorgeous man I’d ever observed. I barely knew him, but watching him gave me so much insight into the man I believed he was.
***
The breeze pushed my hair back from my face as I tilted my head upward, feeling the sun heat my face. Digging my toes into the sand, I lay back on my towel and took in the peacefulness of the afternoon. I’d learned that weekdays were the best time to visit the beach, when everyone was at work. On weekends, it was swarming with people and lying back to read a good book or simply enjoy the quiet was impossible.
My days were getting easier, just as my aunt had told me they would. Thinking of my father no longer hurt but brought me peace instead. I had a lifetime of memories filled with love that he had given me, and I valued them so deeply. Some children weren’t as lucky as I had been to have a great man to call Dad. The tears still came, but I welcomed them now, because I wanted to feel something other than the emptiness I’d felt for far too long. Hiding away in the house was no longer an option.
“You decided to step out of the shadows for a bit.” I jumped in surprise at the sound of a man’s voice as a shadow fell over me, blocking the sun. “No longer hiding behind the blinds, I see.”
Darren.
The man I had watched for days. The man I had dreamed of, even though I knew I shouldn’t have been.
His words registered then, and my cheeks heated.
“Hiding behind the blinds.” Shit.
I blinked up at him as he hovered above me, and I was at a loss for words.
What did you say to a complete stranger after they implied they knew you’d been watching them?
But he was smiling, which I guess was a good sign. And then a thought hit me.
“You started it,” I blurted out, which only added to my embarrassment.
He arched a brow yet remained silent, obviously waiting for me to explain.
I should have remained quiet. I should have shrugged it off, but no, not me. I had to make things worse.
“You watched me from your patio.” I finally sat up, pushing myself off the ground to stand. Instantly I realized my body was entirely too close to his.
He only continued to stare at me, looking completely unaffected that I’d just called him out too.
“You thought you were hidden, but I saw you,” I added, trying to convince myself I had the right to watch him in return.
“So you decided sitting inside your house each night, watching me was the best solution?” he finally said.
When I didn’t reply, he stepped in closer. “I was already outside when you came out your back door that night. I wasn’t lurking in the shadows waiting for a chance to eavesdrop; it just happened,” he assured me.
“So why hide?”
“I wasn’t hiding, I just didn’t announce my presence either.” It was my turn to offer a questioning stare. “I’ll admit I was curious about the woman in the house behind me.” He smiled sheepishly and looked down, as if he needed a moment to accept admitting what he had.
His confession made me smile, even though I tried to hide it. “I was curious too,” I said.
The tension that was thick between us only moments ago felt a little less overwhelming now.
“What do you say we both stop silently wondering?” he asked, tilting his head to the left as if he were deep in thought. “If you’re curious, just ask.”
Being this close to him was distracting. He stood taller than me by at least six inches, and his broad chest and shoulders made me feel so small in comparison. But even though his body was obviously remarkable, his amazing eyes were what pulled me in. They were soft and caring, almost hypnotizing, and a unique shade; hazel almost, yet at times they appeared green when the light hit them just right.
I had never before seen such captivating eyes.
“And I agree to stop lurking and watching as well,” he added, making me realize I had yet to respond.
And suddenly the warmth of the day seemed scorching. Instead of responding, I only offered a lame nod. Lurking was my safest bet. In no way would being this close to Darren on a repeated basis be good for me.
Chapter 9
Darren
Life is about taking chances, about finding good in even the worst situations. I knew that daring to dream or allowing those dreams to become a reality was risky. But for once I no longer feared my future.
Losing my wife was one of the worst things I had ever faced, and it would probably always hurt to know that our time together was unfairly cut short. Each time I looked into the faces of our girls and remembered they would never truly know the woman I fell in love with, the pain in my chest was almost unbearable.
But I was also slowly coming to terms with the knowledge that Lynn wouldn’t want me to be lonely or to grieve for the rest of my life. She would want me to find happiness again, so I would. It wouldn’t be easy but I’d try, not only for me but for our children.
My parents and Lynn’s were also pushing to convince me that loving again was okay. Still, the idea of loving another woman was hard to imagine.
But for the first time since I lost Lynn, I wanted to try. Greer intrigued me. I don’t know why, but I did know I wanted to know more about her. I could almost see the same pain in her eyes that I saw in my own when I looked in the mirror each morning. We both seemed to be trying to hide our sadness.
“Mustard?”
I looked over at Greer. Her nose was wrinkled in disgust as she looked down at my sandwich.
“What’s wrong with mustard?” I asked, seeing nothing wrong with the heaping amount I’d just added to my bun.
“Um,” she said, still looking at my plate as if it was piled high with dog food. “In small amounts, nothing, but that”—she pointed toward my food—“that is just nasty.”
“Try it,” I said, thrusting my sandwich toward her, the mustard dripping from the sides onto my palms. I couldn’t help but chuckle when she cringed and practically fell backward off her chair in attempt to get away from it.
“No way,” she added as she held on to the side of the table, trying to stabilize her chair.
It felt good to laugh, and even more amazing to flirt. I hadn’t felt this carefree in a long time.
After a strange conversation on the beach about our obvious interest in one another and our not so subtle attempts to get to know each another, I convinced her to have lunch with me. I was well aware of the curious looks of those who knew me, yet I chose to ignore them. Instead, I focused on Greer as I did everything possible to get to know a little more about this blonde beauty.
“There is no way on earth you’re getting me to take a bite of that. It looks awful, and how can you even taste anything other than the sauce?” She shivered, which only caused me to laugh more. “Why not just tip up the bottle and drink it?”
I grabbed for the bottle that sat on the table between us, and her eyes grew wide as I lifted it toward my mouth. She snatched it from my hands and placed it on the empty seat next to her as she slightly shook her head. “No,” she said, but I could see the smile pulling at her lips. It was adorable.
In the very small amount of time I’d been sharing my lunch with Greer, I’d come to the conclusion that she was playful. She had a fun streak she couldn’t hide, even though she tried to at times.
“So tell me something about you,” I said, deciding to take a chance and see how much she would actually allow me to learn about her today.
“Like what?” she asked, looking at the table to avoid my eyes.
“Where do you live?” I asked, refusing to lose her to her thoughts.
“I live currently on Birmingham Avenue,” she said with a smirk and a slight tilt of her head. Before I could dig for more information, she continued, �
��But prior to my much-needed escape to your lovely area, I resided in Missouri.”
Not what I would have guessed.
“My father passed away a little while ago,” she added, and the sadness in her expression made my chest ache. “Then the guy I was seeing decided that rolling around in the sheets with an old flame was a much better way to spend his time than comforting me. So,” she said with a shrug.
What an idiot was all I could think.
“First, I’m so sorry to hear about the loss of your father. Losing someone is never easy whether it’s expected or a sudden event.” I should know. “But as for the guy,” I continued as I leaned in, regaining her attention, “he must be a fool. Or blind.” I offered her a flirty smile, hoping to make this now-tense conversation more laid-back like it was only seconds ago.
Greer was gorgeous, not a runway-model type of beauty, but the kind that definitely made a man go weak in the knees. Her blonde hair hung in waves down her back, and her blue eyes reminded me of a clear sky on a sunny day. She wasn’t thin, but she definitely wasn’t thick either; she was just right. I wanted something to hold on to when I held my woman, and in that moment I imagined holding on to Greer would be something I could grow addicted to.
My woman. The phrase caught me by surprise.
“Thanks,” she said with a smile. “But Tucker and I were never gonna be more than friends. I think I always knew that. To be honest I wasn’t even really too sad that it happened, so I guess that’s confirmation that my feelings didn’t mean what I thought they did.” She took in a deep breath. “I’ve just known him my whole life, and the betrayal hurt worse coming from a lifelong friend. I just never expected it, I guess.”
Silence settled over us for a moment.
“So how about you?” she asked.
“Well, you already know where I live.” I smirked. “After all, you watch me almost daily.”
She covered her face with her hands, and I chuckled at her embarrassment. The redness seeping into her cheeks made my own face heat.
“I hate that you know I was watching,” she said from beneath her hands, her words muffled. “So embarrassing.”
“Don’t be embarrassed,” I said, sliding my chair around the table to bring my body closer to hers. “I liked knowing each night that you were there. It’s strange, but it felt good to be interesting to someone other than just my daughters for a change.”
She lowered her hands as I placed my arm over the back of her chair.
“They’re beautiful,” she said as her gaze met mine, “your girls.”
My heart raced just a little from the way Greer was looking at me. I had forgotten how great it felt to be attracted to someone who was attracted to me.
“They’re both the best part of my days,” I said.
“Anyone that sees the three of you together would know that,” she assured me.
“Their mother passed shortly after Violet was born. It was shock to us all.” I absentmindedly rubbed Greer’s shoulder with my fingertips. “Lynn had a brain aneurysm. One day she was here, and then the next she was gone.”
“I’m so sorry,” Greer whispered. I knew she understood my loss.
“It’s been hard, but we have to move on,” I said, looking at her, “right?”
She nodded, and for a moment we just stared at one another.
And for the first time since Lynn, the urge to kiss another woman washed over me. But I held back.
We spent the remaining part of our lunch laughing and flirting as if we’d known one another a lot longer than we had. The weight I felt in my chest every single day since I lost Lynn felt a little less consuming. I would never stop missing her, or loving her—she was my first love, my wife. But I understood now that moving on would be okay. Laughing with someone and maybe one day loving again would be okay too.
That guilt I’d felt for so long was less dominant today. And that felt amazing.
***
“You’re running a little late today,” my mom said as I entered the back door. “Not that I’m complaining at all that I got some extra time with my granddaughters, I’m just curious. And before you say it’s nothing, I’m your mother and I can already tell by your smile that it is most definitely something.”
The woman had some type of freakish radar that gave her the ability to see right through each of her kids. There truly was no need to lie or deny that I did indeed have something to smile about.
“I had lunch with a new friend,” I said as I tossed my keys onto the table and walked toward the living room.
“A female friend?”
I stopped walking as I closed my eyes tightly and shook my head just a little. “You are a prying little thing, aren’t ya?” I said with a chuckle, looking back over my shoulder. She was still there smiling proudly with a dish towel in hand. “Yes, Mother, a woman. And I had a great time. Before you ask, yes, I do plan to see her again.”
As I entered the living room, I could almost feel her giddy excitement hit me as she squealed in delight.
“Daddy.” Vivian was the first to see me, and she shot off the couch like a bullet and practically dove into my arms. “We missed you.”
“I missed you too,” I told her as I squeezed tight.
Little Miss Violet had now made her way over to me, rubbing her eyes with her palms. “What’s wrong, Ladybug?” I asked as I reached out my other arm and pulled her in close.
“She’s tired,” Viv insisted, wrinkling up her button nose. “I tried to tell her it was best to take a nap while we waited, but she watched the whole show instead.”
That’s my Vivian, mini mom. It amazed me how grown-up she sounded at times. But I knew it was most likely she was just repeating something she heard either me or my mother say about Violets TV habits.
“Well, how about we gather our things and head on home.” Violet nodded as she yawned. “I’ve invited a friend over for dinner, and I think we all need a nap before she shows up.”
I worried that the mention of a woman coming for dinner would get some type of tantrum reaction, but I was wrong. Their faces lit up like the Fourth of July, and the excited questions started to fly.
“Who?”
“What friend?”
“Is she pretty?”
“What’s her name?”
“Does she like dolls?”
“We’ll talk about it on the way home,” I assured them as I began to gather their toys and fold up the blankets they had used to makes beds in two separate locations, not to mention the one they felt their dolls needed too.
After their reaction I was suddenly more anxious for this evening than I’d already been. I wanted to share them with Greer, and in turn I wanted them to like her as much as I had found I liked her. It was a strange feeling, but it didn’t terrify me. A week ago I never would have thought I’d look forward to spending an evening with a woman, but here I was, eager for that very thing.
Chapter 10
Greer
I didn’t know what this was, or where it may lead me, but it felt exciting. Just being in Darren’s presence filled the silence in my head that had been there for weeks with the best type of noise. It was the greatest feeling I’d ever felt.
I didn’t know what tomorrow would bring or where I would be next month. But for now, I wanted to stop analyzing everything and just live. I wanted to feel and stop holding back.
But that didn’t take away my nervous energy when I stepped up to Darren’s front door. I could hear the girls’ laughter as they ran rambunctiously throughout the house, and Darren’s deep chuckle mixed in made my heart race.
I experienced déjà vu then. A flashback of the dreams I had when I was young filled my head—the ones of me sitting on the front porch while the laughter of the people I loved more than anything filtered out through the open windows.
And that vision made me smile bigger than I had in weeks. Three people I barely knew had the ability to make me feel alive with just the idea of the love they shared.
“Daddy,” one of the girls yelled, regaining my attention, “like this.”
I closed my eyes and listened, loving the sounds of their happiness.
“Hands up, Daddy,” the squeaky little voice instructed, followed by a giggle. “No, silly, higher.”
“This high?” Darren asked.
I still had no idea what could possibly be going on inside, but it didn’t matter. It was beautiful to hear them anyway.
“Yes, Daddy,” another voice rang out, and I knew it had to be Violet, the younger one. She sounded so tiny and sweet.
I could have remained on the front porch listening to them all night and been perfectly happy. But I lifted my hand and carefully knocked, then jumped in surprise when the girls’ squeals rang out.
“Shh, okay, okay.” Darren sounded amused.
When the door opened and both girls rushed out and began bouncing up and down in excitement, I, too, could no longer hold back my own laughter.
Seeing them up close for the first time made my heart ache. They were gorgeous. The image of perfection with their adorable smiles and their daddy’s eyes. The smallest amount of freckles speckled over their cheeks only added to their cuteness.
I lowered myself to their level and lifted my hand to offer a wave. “Hi, I’m Greer.” The little one moved closer and lifted her hand to touch my cheek, surprising me. “How are you, Violet?” I asked.
My eyes closed on their own accord as she gently rubbed my cheek with her tiny hand. I wasn’t sure what her gesture meant, but it was soothing.
“Hi,” she whispered, and I was caught off guard when her hands wrapped around my neck. I placed my arm around her and held her close, offering a hug in return. I took a moment to breathe in her sugary scent: cookies and a faint hint of coconut that I imagined to be from her shampoo.
I looked up and found Darren watching the interaction closely. From the look on his face, I wasn’t sure exactly what he was feeling. An overwhelming rush of an unexplainable emotion ran though me, and my throat burned as I tried to swallow past it. She stepped back and I released my hold on her, yet she continued to stare at me with curiosity.
