I managed to smile. ‘No, I came round to see you. Can I come in, I’ve even brought my own supply of Diet Coke?’
It took a while for Paul to find a glass and clear one of Dylan’s art pieces off the sofa and for us to talk about the weather but eventually we were sitting down and I started to launch into my prepared speech. But as I started to stutter about bumping into Shona and how she seemed really depressed I could see Paul fidgeting and not really getting it, so I decided to just let him have it.
I told him that Shona was beside herself with worry and that he was being a complete wuss and if he really loved Shona he’d be supportive and if she did decide to have the baby he was proving that he’d be really crap Daddy material. It took me a good ten minutes but when I finally ran out of steam, Paul was looking very shamefaced.
‘But she hasn’t even done a pregnancy test,’ was all he could think of to say.
‘Well go and buy her one then,’ I shouted. ‘And get her a bunch of flowers while you’re at it.’
He was already on his feet and scooping up his keys when Dylan suddenly walked in.
Paul and I whirled around and I guess we both looked guilty because Dylan said in a suspicious voice, ‘What’s going on?’
Paul shot me a warning glance. ‘Edie was just passing and she needed to, um, well she’d been meaning to, well…’
‘I was looking for Veronique!’ I squeaked. Where the hell had that come from?
Dylan looked even more wary. ‘And why would that be?’
I looked to Paul for some help but he shrugged helplessly. I turned back to Dylan. ‘I needed to see her because I’m having a… barbecue!’ He was never going to buy this. ‘Yeah, I’m having a barbecue and I wondered whether she wanted to come!’
Dylan arched an eyebrow and my heart started pumping painfully fast. ‘So you could have told me about it tomorrow at the café.’
Paul decided to give me some help as he disappeared out the door. ‘You know what Edie’s like, she gets an idea and she has to act on it.’
Dylan was still standing in the middle of the room. ‘Hmmm, you always were impulsive,’ he said softly. ‘It used to keep me on my toes.’
The atmosphere had changed. Now Paul was gone, the air in the room seemed to sizzle in a way that had nothing to do with the heat of the day. Dylan was looking at me in a really sultry way that made me very aware of the thinness of my dress and my bare legs and the way my toes were peeking out of my clumpy Dr Scholls.
‘So anyway I bumped into Shona and we hadn’t really had a chat for ages,’ I started burbling to fill the silence and because I still wasn’t sure if Dylan was convinced by the whole Veronique invitation thing. ‘And we decided it would be cool to have a barbecue and we should have it at my place ’cause, y’know, ’rents off the premises and then we thought it would be good if it was just girls and it would be a chance for me and Veronique to get to know each other…’
Dylan put a finger to my lips and I jumped back like he’d burnt me.
‘What did you do that for?’ I demanded in a wobbly voice.
‘I thought you were going to pass out if you didn’t stop to take a breath soon,’ Dylan said huskily. ‘You always talk too much when you get nervous. Am I making you nervous?’
‘Of course not,’ I said, though you could have heard my heart thudding in the next county. ‘I should be going.’
Dylan and I hadn’t really been alone in the same room since Veronique’s ultimatum and now I knew why. ’Cause I couldn’t trust myself with Dylan and I couldn’t trust him either. Plus he was being all flirty, which usually led to us getting all kissy and then it was always me who had to deal with the fallout.
‘Can’t you stay for a drink?’ Dylan asked pleadingly. ‘It’s too hot to go racing round the streets of Manchester.’
I dithered. ‘Well, I don’t…’
‘Oh, c’mon Edie,’ drawled Dylan. ‘We have more Diet Coke in the fridge and ice cubes and a fan.’
Of course I stayed. Just call me Princess Pushover.
Dylan moved the fan so that we got blasts of delicious cold air wafting over us as we sat on the sofa. The breeze lifted Dylan’s dark hair and I itched to stroke it. I stole surreptitious glances at him as the fan moulded his T-shirt to his lean body and his mouth wore a special half-smile that he always had when we talked.
And we did talk. Like the months we’d been apart had melted away to nothing. Even when Dylan and I talk about silly things like the dress I want to buy or the boys he works with in Rhythm Records, the conversation means so much more than the things we’re actually talking about.
‘You’re not OK, are you, Edie?’ Dylan suddenly said. ‘I know there’s something wrong.’
There were loads of things that were wrong like me angsting about my A-level results and my future and whether I should have sex with Carter but what was really bothering me was the chat I’d had with Shona the day before.
I picked at a tiny scab on my knee. ‘It was something that Shona said,’ I muttered. ‘Do you think I’ve changed? Do you think I pretend to be someone that I’m not?’
I was curled up in one corner of the sofa while Dylan was sprawled over the remaining three-quarters. He shifted his long body so he was right against me, looking intently at my face.
‘Everybody changes,’ he said carefully.
‘She said that I never smiled any more and that I used to be all sparkly and stuff,’ I whispered. ‘I s’pose she thinks I’ve turned into a hard-faced cow.’
Dylan reached out and stroked a loose tendril of hair back behind my ear and I was a good girl, I pretended to flinch away from him, even though he was now all busy with the wrong touching and the stroking of my cheek. ‘I think if you’ve changed it’s because you got hurt. And I know I was the one who hurt you and let you take the blame. We’ve never talked about it, have we?’
I tried to pull his hand away from my face but before I could let go he clasped my fingers in his.
‘What’s the point, Dylan?’ I said with a sigh. ‘You were with Veronique then, you’re with her now. I knew what we were doing was wrong but I didn’t do anything to stop it.’
‘Neither did I,’ Dylan reminded me gently. ‘And I knew that Carter and Veronique were gunning for you and I just let it happen. Do you remember when Veronique and I came round to see you and she said all those horrible things and I just stood there and let her? I hated myself.’
‘But I pursued you relentlessly,’ I protested, but lamely, ’cause, quite frankly, my heart wasn’t in it.
‘And I could have made more of an effort to stop you but I didn’t,’ admitted Dylan fiercely, squeezing my hand tighter. ‘And when Carter started coming on to you, the thought of him touching you made me so angry.’
‘But it’s all in the past now, isn’t it?’ I said. ‘You’re going out with Veronique and I’m going out with Carter. Sort of. Hey, it’s kind of weird how stuff turns out, don’t you think?’
‘Look, I want you to know that I’m sorry I was such a bastard,’ Dylan was saying when we heard a key turn in the lock and Carter talking on his phone. We both exchanged horrified looks.
‘He’ll kill me if he finds me here with you,’ I hissed.
Before I could think straight Dylan was tugging me to my feet and pushing me down in the gap between the sofa and the wall.
‘Stay there and don’t make a sound,’ he ordered quietly.
I shifted uncomfortably and pulled my knees up against my chest as I heard Carter come into the lounge.
‘Oh, it’s you,’ he said to Dylan. ‘I thought I heard voices.’
‘I wasn’t expecting you back,’ Dylan managed to say casually.
‘Forgot my credit card,’ said Carter shortly. ‘I’m going to go and see the lovely Edie. Got a problem with that?’
‘Don’t want to hear it, mate,’ Dylan bit out.
‘I think she’s been missing me,’ continued Carter smoothly. ‘Which always makes her a little bit
clingy. It’s actually quite adorable.’
It was a little disconcerting to hear Carter talk about me. Like, he was taunting Dylan or something. I’ll never figure him out if I live to be a hundred.
‘Well if she does call,’ Carter was saying, ‘tell her I’ll be round in an hour and I can’t wait to give her a great big kiss.’
Dylan snarled something very rude and I heard Carter chuckle as he left the room. I waited a few more seconds until the front door slammed and Dylan’s head appeared over the back of the sofa.
‘It’s all right, he’s gone.’
I managed to squeeze out of my hiding place (it had been much easier getting in there) and tried to stretch my legs. My calf muscles were protesting.
‘I’ve got cramp.’ I collapsed into an armchair. Dylan knelt down in front of me as I rubbed the back of my leg.
‘So what was all that… what the hell…?’ I squealed as Dylan put one of my feet in his lap and started to gently stroke my tense muscles.
‘Shush,’ Dylan said firmly. ‘I’m just making you feel better.’
The touch of his hands kneading out the knots was pure bliss. And when the knots had gone, Dylan carried on stroking my leg. All of a sudden I couldn’t breathe. I looked at Dylan with confused eyes and he stared right back at me, almost daring me to make him stop, before bending his head to kiss my knee. I knew that all I had to do was reach forward slightly and Dylan and I would be on the floor, with our mouths locked together. By the glint in his eye I could tell that he knew it too. For a moment I did nothing and then I was reaching forward but it was only to push Dylan away so I could stand up. ‘I’m out of here,’ I said decisively. ‘We really shouldn’t be alone together.’
Dylan groaned as he fell back on the floor. ‘I can’t even look at you without wanting to do things that I shouldn’t.’
I couldn’t help myself. ‘What kind of things?’
Dylan gave another groan. ‘Things that would make you blush if I told you about them.’
11th August
Paul has got the biggest mouth in the history of orthodontics. He only went and told Veronique about the barbecue and now I actually have to go ahead and have the bloody thing. I’m glad it’s going to be girls only though, I can’t cope with any more boy-induced tension.
The one good thing about last Sunday was that Shona and I have found our friendship again. She phoned today to tell me that Paul was making all the kind of noises that a decent boyfriend would in the same situation. She even apologised for all the mean things she’d said.
‘It must be my hormones,’ she said without a trace of humour.
‘Don’t even! It’s way too soon to even think of using that as an excuse. Have you decided what to do yet?’
‘Well I took the pregnancy test but it was hard to tell whether it was positive or not,’ said Shona. ‘I mean I’m not ready to have a baby, I can barely look after myself.’
‘Sex always ends up getting complicated,’ I said feelingly.
Shona snorted in surprise, which wasn’t a very nice sound to have in your ear. ‘Have you? With Carter? Oh God, it wasn’t Dylan, was it?’
‘I haven’t with anybody,’ I said indignantly. ‘But I’m thinking about it.’ Carter had come round the night before and spent two hours alternating between kissing the stuffing out of me and getting really annoyed when I wouldn’t let him go below the waist.
Shona tactfully changed the subject. ‘So who’s coming to this babes-only barbecue?’
‘Atsuko, Darby and Poppy who I’m in the band with…’ I started.
‘I met them before,’ Shona reminded me. ‘And can we expect a little performance?’
‘Hmmm, Poppy reckons we’re going to do an acoustic set but we’ll see about that,’ I muttered. ‘If Poppy’s coming then her little sister Grace will come too but she never says anything to anyone. And I invited Nat ’cause he’s an honorary girl and you invited Veronique for me, didn’t you?’
‘Yeah, I’m not sure if she’s going to turn up though,’ Shona said hesitantly. ‘She really doesn’t like you.’
‘The feeling’s mutual but it’ll earn me some brownie points with her brother,’ I added thoughtfully before I rang off.
Oh no, my life isn’t at all complicated.
15th August
I’d got way too much food in. Anna let me clear out the fridge at work yesterday and everyone had chipped in a fiver anyway. The kitchen table was groaning with quiches and salads and crisps and cocktail sausages, which I’m usually addicted to, but it was so hot, I didn’t feel like eating and Shona insisted that the smell of any kind of meat by-product made her feel sick.
I was just trying to fire up the barbecue when Poppy, Atsuko, Darby and Grace turned up. I waved at them and went back to reading the instructions on the self-lighting charcoal that our next-door neighbour had given me. It might just as well have been written in Urdu for all the sense it made. The doorbell rang and I could see that the others were preoccupied with making dramatic inroads into my ice supply so I hurried to answer it. Veronique was standing on the doorstep looking about as happy to see me as I was her.
‘Hi,’ she said distantly and tossed a stray lock of her bright red hair over her shoulder. It was so dyed. Why would anyone willingly choose to have hair that colour?
‘Glad you could make it,’ I simpered in my best hostess voice. The Mothership would have been so proud if she could have heard how polite and friendly I was being. ‘You must be hot, let me get you a drink.’
Veronique stepped past me and gave me a look as if to say, what are you on? ‘Where’s Shona?’ she asked rudely.
I pointed in the direction of the garden. ‘She’s out there, I think.’
‘You’ve got some gooey stuff on your dress,’ Veronique pointed out with a smirk as she sauntered past.
I looked down to see a huge glob of coleslaw on my new dress and with a sigh I ran up the stairs to change. I was just pulling on my shortest denim skirt and hunting round for a top when the doorbell rang again.
I practically fell down the stairs as I tried to pull on a top at the same time.
I was still buttoning up when I opened the door. I mean, it was only going to be Nat and he’d seen me in various states of undress whenever he slept over.
But it wasn’t Nat. Paul, Dylan, Simon and Carter were standing there with a couple of the lads from Rhythm Records, clutching some bags from the off-licence and looking at my bare midriff. I clutched the gaping sides of my top together.
‘Do you need a hand with the buttons?’ enquired Simon with a wolfish smile while I just stared at them.
‘You’re not meant to be here,’ I said eventually as they began to push past me.
‘Don’t worry about it,’ said Carter comfortingly, leaning down to kiss my cheek. ‘We’re your official gatecrashers.’
‘But I haven’t got enough food,’ I wailed as I followed them down the hall into the kitchen.
‘Jeez, Edie, you’ve got enough food to feed the population of a small country,’ Paul said with a laugh when he saw the buffet.
‘I’ve got some barbecue-y stuff too,’ I confessed. ‘Not that I can light it. I s’pose if you’re staying one of you can use your ancient fire-making skills.’
We went out to the garden and Veronique immediately got up from her deckchair to curl herself around Dylan who’d barely glanced at me since I opened the door. Shona seemed to know everyone and Poppy knew Will and Robbie ’cause they came into the café every day for their lunch while Atsuko and Darby were looking decidedly chipper at the presence of boy-shapes. So much for spending quality time with the sisterhood, I thought. Everyone was introducing themselves, apart from Grace who, as usual, was fidgeting on the sidelines.
I touched her arm. ‘D’you want to help me light the barbecue?’ I asked her gently. She nodded.
The self-lighting charcoal still wouldn’t. Grace watched silently while I lit match after match and swore as I tried to get the st
uff to ignite.
‘You could try chucking some lighter fuel on it,’ suggested Carter coming up behind me and placing a kiss on the back of my neck. He definitely improved when there was company present.
‘There will be no chucking and no lighter fuel,’ I said firmly as he took the matches out of my hands and lit the charcoal on his first attempt.
I clapped my hands. ‘I’m impressed. You’ve obviously got hidden talents.’
Carter gave me a smouldering look. ‘You have no idea,’ he said softly.
‘We’re not talking about barbecues any more, are we?’ I teased him.
Grace exited fairly sharpish as Carter nudged me with his hip. ‘Nope,’ he said, pulling me towards him for another kiss.
Diary of a Crush: Kiss and Make Up Page 12
