by Louise Allen
‘I realised I could never marry,’ she said calmly. ‘I will not marry without love. I could not deceive a man whom I did love, and I cannot expect any man to accept with complaisance such a history.’
He took another few steps across the room, then turned and looked at her. Through the unshed tears that clouded her eyes he was an indistinct figure silhouetted against the window. ‘Anna is with you. She knows, I presume? When did you tell her?’
‘I did not need to,’ Hebe said simply. ‘She saw…’
‘She saw the bruises I had left on your body, I suppose.’ Hebe could not bear the self-loathing in his voice. The tears gathered and began to roll slowly down her cheeks. ‘Of course, that explains her strict chaperonage—and the way you withdrew from me as soon as you had reached safety with her. Very wise: you never know when a man who acts as I did might not turn on you again.’
‘Alex, stop it! I never feared that.’
‘You forgive me, then? Is that what you are saying?’
‘No! There is nothing to forgive. You were not responsible for your actions that night.’
‘I am not weak-minded. I am, and should be, responsible for my actions, all of them. If I had not thought about you in that way—yes, I admit it, I desired you—if I had not allowed myself to think like that, then this would not have happened when my guard was down. As you have so accurately pointed out, I was an engaged man, I had no business being attracted to you.’ Alex stalked back to the chair and threw himself into it, then saw the tears pouring helplessly down her cheeks. ‘Oh, Hebe, Hebe dearest, don’t…’
He was on his knees in front of her, holding out a handkerchief, reaching for her. Hebe took the linen square, but pushed him away with her other hand. ‘No, Alex…’
He recoiled as though she had slapped him. ‘Of course. I am sorry. How insensitive of me. I promise I will not touch you again.’
Hebe buried her face in the soft cloth, trying not to let the lovingly remembered scent of citrus and sandalwood overturn her completely. She managed to dry the tears and looked up. Alex was watching her, his lips tight, his hands clasped in front of him. ‘Hebe, why have you told me now?’
‘Because…because…’ The words just would not come. Hebe raised her head, took a deep breath and said steadily, ‘Because I am pregnant.’
She saw him absorb the shock. The only outward sign of the blow her words must have delivered was the way in which he leaned back in the chair, let his head rest against the deep crimson fabric, and closed his eyes.
After a moment he opened them again. ‘You are certain?’ She nodded. ‘It must be what…two months?’
‘Yes.’ Now the worst was said, Hebe found she was recovering a little strength. If only that nagging ache in her back would stop, it was exhausting. ‘You see why I had to come and see you? If I wrote and the letter fell into other hands, it would be disastrous. And I could hardly call when the pregnancy had begun to show—what a stir that would cause.’
‘Yes. Thank goodness you have come, and that I was here.’ Alex sat up straight, some of the colour back in his face again. ‘Now, what we must…’
‘Alex, please let me finish. I cannot say what I came to, if you keep interrupting me.’
‘But there is little choice in the matter.’
‘There is a choice. I have been thinking, and this is what I intend to do.’ Hebe straightened her aching back and said with determination, ‘I will go into the country, somewhere I am not known. A small town, perhaps. I will wear black and a wedding ring and take a modest house and let it be put about that I am newly widowed. I will say that my husband was killed at sea, in the navy. I can speak of that with enough knowledge to convince anyone. When the baby is born, I will bring it up there.
‘But,’ she persisted as he opened his mouth to speak, ‘I need your help. I would never ask this for myself, but I find I am quite unscrupulous when it comes to this baby. It is extraordinary how that changes everything. I am not thinking twice about asking you for money, or about deceiving my family. I have little money of my own: enough, I suppose, to just manage on. But that will not do now. This child is going to grow up in modest, respectable comfort. If it is a boy, then he will need an education, and a start in a career. If it is a girl, then she will need a marriage portion.’
‘Hebe…’
‘I need you to find me that house and to make the child an allowance. That is all I ask.’
Alex looked at her over his clasped hands. ‘And your aunt and uncle? Your mother and Sir Richard?’
‘That is the problem,’ Hebe admitted, relieved that he appeared to have accepted her proposal. ‘I will have to slip away from London very soon. Perhaps I will leave a note saying I cannot face Society and have decided to go and live in the country.’
‘They will have the Bow Street Runners after you.’
‘If I hide well enough, they will not find me. And as for Mama and Sir Richard…I do not know, but they are a long way away, so I have time to think.’
‘They are as far away as the mails to Malta,’ Alex said drily, then broke off at the sound of a discreet tap on the door. He shot Hebe a piercing glance, saw that the tears had dried on her cheeks and her chair was turned from the entrance, and called, ‘Yes?’
Hebe heard the door open and there was a slight cough. ‘Mrs Wilkins thought perhaps Miss Sersay would like some refreshments, my lord. I have taken the library of bringing tea and some biscuits, which I understand would be acceptable.’
‘Thank you, Starling. Please put them on that table.’
The butler left, but Hebe was staring at Alex. ‘My lord?’
He turned from pouring her a cup of tea. ‘Both my brother and my father were in the curricle when it overturned. My father, we believe, had a heart attack while handling the reins. He was killed instantly. William, my brother, was thrown clear, but hit his head. At first it did not seem too bad, and he has been up and about, although shaky. Then last week he began to have severe headaches and fell into a coma. The doctors say it must have been an effusion of blood on the brain. There was nothing they could do: he died yesterday without regaining consciousness.’
‘And I walk in here with this news.’ Hebe pressed her fingertips to her lips, which were trembling. ‘Oh Alex, I am so sorry! To have lost your father was tragedy enough, but your brother as well, and in such a way, when you must have had every hope of his recovery. I am so very, very sorry. I must go, I cannot stay here talking to you, you must have so much to do, so much to reflect upon…’
‘There is nothing I can do for my brother now,’ Alex said harshly. ‘At least I was with him at the end. We were never close—he was five years my senior—but we had time to talk, these past weeks after the accident. I am glad we had that. But my man of business is here, the lawyer is expected. There is nothing else I can do at the moment. And, as you have discovered, this baby changes priorities.’
‘You will do as I suggest, then? Perhaps there is a London agent you can recommend to me who will find me a house? I thought Suffolk perhaps, or Norfolk. I know no one there and we have no relatives at all in that part of the world. I do not know how much money I will need: I have not had the chance to think about it yet, and I am so out of touch with what things cost here.’
‘No, Hebe.’
‘No? You would prefer to deal with the agent yourself? Oh, yes, and I must find the direction of the bank where my trust fund is situated and make arrangements for that to be paid. There is so much to think about.’
‘I mean, no, Hebe, I will not agree to this insane plan.’
Hebe put down the cup of tea he had just handed her. The fragile bone china chattered in the saucer. ‘You will not help me, then?’ She had never dreamed he would reject her like this. How would she manage?
‘Very well.’ She got to her feet, amazed to find her voice was steady. She turned and took a step towards the door, then swung round to face him. ‘I was not asking you to love this child, my lord, just to provi
de a little for it. If you will not help me, then I will manage as best I can.’
The inimitable, handsome face stared into her own white one and the room began to spin.
Chapter Eighteen
‘Hebe!’ She blinked and found herself being lowered gently into the chair again. Alex picked up the cup and pressed it to her lips. ‘Try and drink a little. Hebe, listen to me, I am not going to abandon you and the baby, it will be all right. Just rest a little, I will call Anna.’
Hebe took a sip, then shook her head. ‘No, no, I do not need her. What do you mean? You said you would not agree to my plan.’
‘It is madness, Hebe. Did you really think I would abandon you like that, baby or no?’
‘But Lady Clarissa…’
‘Lady Clarissa Duncan is now Lady Westport.’
‘What?’ Hebe stared at his face, but there was absolutely nothing there to read other than the pain in his eyes. ‘But she wrote to you—I was there when you read the letter.’
‘Yes. I now find, from talking to my brother, that she never had any intention of taking my proposal seriously. I would never have heard another word after we parted, only she burned her fingers very badly when she thought she could ensnare the heir to a dukedom—never mind which one—and she appears to have written to accept me on the rebound.
‘A younger son of an earl, with no fortune and only his army career to support him was not, it appears, a very appealing prospect when she had time to think about it. As far as I can tell, she told no one that she had accepted me in whatever fit of pique it was, and a little while later, at about the time I was reading her letter in your garden, she snared herself her lord. Her letter informing me of this arrived here a few days after my return. Presumably she heard I was back and decided it might be kind to let me know I was no longer betrothed to her.’ He smiled wryly, with absolutely no humour. ‘It is amusing, is it not? If she had only waited, she would have found herself a countess.’
‘Alex, I do not know what to say.’ Hebe tried to contemplate the blows that were falling on Alex’s broad back and quailed at the thought. His brother and father dead; a great title and estate, suddenly his responsibility; the woman he loved revealed as a heartless, status-seeking flirt, and now she had arrived to inform him he was about to be the father of an illegitimate baby.
‘There is nothing to say. We can only be thankful that one complication is removed from this situation. I suggest that you continue to London, as soon as you feel up to it, and I will visit your aunt and uncle in perhaps a week and ask for your hand.’
‘My hand?’ Hebe knew she was staring stupidly, but his words made no sense.
‘In marriage. Hebe, you did not seriously think I would let you go off and bring up this child alone, did you?’
‘If you had been married…’
‘That, I admit, would have made it more difficult, but whatever the consequences, I would have acknowledged it, made sure you were all right and were not cut off from your family. Now there is no reason why you cannot marry me.’
After weeks of feeling queasy Hebe wondered if now she really was going to be ill. She took another sip of tea. ‘I cannot marry you, I told you…’
‘You told me you would not tolerate a loveless marriage. Yes, I heard that message clearly enough. But are you so fixed on that resolve that you would bastardise your child? Our child? You told me it changed everything. Are you telling me that you would beg money from me, deceive your family, spend your entire life living a lie, but you will not do the one thing that will ensure that child a future? If it is a boy, he will be the heir to an earldom. If it is a girl, she may marry where she will, have every comfort.’
Hebe watched the tall figure pacing up and down the room as though he suddenly had more energy than could be contained in the space. ‘I…if you put it like that… But…’ Marry Alex. She was going to marry Alex and have his child. She would have everything in the world she desired, except the thing she had wanted almost from the moment she had begun to know him: his love.
‘But,’ he echoed. ‘But. There is no need to worry, Hebe. I give you my word, I will not lay a finger on you. I will not touch even your hand without your permission. I will never put a foot over the threshold of your bedchamber.’
She had no trouble believing him. She had just heard the bitter words of a man who had discovered how shallow and fickle the woman he had loved was. He was not going to give any part of himself as hostage to another. She could imagine it would disgust him to be reminded of the appalling revelation she had just forced him to listen to. He was not going to forgive himself for what had happened with her, nor, she was certain, was he going to trust his heart to another woman again.
But there was the baby to think of. And he was correct. What right had either of them to consider themselves first? ‘Yes, Alex, I will marry you.’
‘Thank you. Believe me, I will do everything in my power to ensure you never have cause to regret it.’ She looked at him and managed a small smile, not realising how pale and fragile she looked at that moment. ‘Circe… No, I must stop calling you that. Hebe, I think I had better have a quiet word with Starling and come up with some explanation as to why his future mistress is visiting here under an assumed name. I do not think you had better spend the night here, but the Dower House, where my aunt Gertrude lives, is only half a mile away.’
‘My aunt and uncle are expecting me in London by this evening. They will worry if I do not come. Perhaps if I could just wash my hands and face?’
‘Are you certain?’ He made as if to take her hand, then remembered and dropped his own. ‘I will call the housekeeper, Mrs Fitton, to take Anna and you to one of the bedchambers. Ask her for whatever you need.’
Anna was talking to a pleasant-looking woman in the hall. They both looked up as Hebe emerged, followed by Alex. ‘Mrs Fitton, please take these ladies to the best guest room and ensure they have everything they need to refresh themselves.’ He broke off as the sound of a carriage on the driveway sent the footman to the front door.
‘Lawyer Stone, my lord, just arriving, and it looks as though Parson is with him again.’
‘Please, you must attend to them,’ Hebe said, holding out her hand. After a moment’s hesitation Alex took it. ‘I am sure Mrs Fitton will look after us wonderfully, and then we must be on our way. I will tell Aunt and Uncle that you will be calling in a week or two: oh, I must give you their direction.’ She took a card from her reticule and scribbled on it. ‘There. Mr and Mrs Fulgrave, Charles Street. Goodbye my lord, and my apologies again for intruding upon you at such a time.’
Hebe and Anna followed the housekeeper upstairs and into a pleasant bedchamber. The woman tugged the bellpull. ‘I will just get hot water sent up, ma’am. Is there anything else I can get for you?’
‘Thank you, no, Mrs Fitton. I am sorry we were forced to intrude upon the earl at such a sad time, but I am afraid I had no choice, I had a very important message. What a terrible blow, so soon after the death of his father.’
‘That it is, ma’am.’ The housekeeper folded her lips tightly, then suddenly burst out, as though she had been bottling it up and could bear it no longer. ‘Two deaths and then that heartless madam! I do not know how poor Mr Alex—his lordship, I should say—I don’t know how he keeps such a pleasant way with him. Most men would be impossible, but, no, he looks severe, but otherwise he’s as kind a gentleman as ever was. Not a cross word, ever.’
‘You know about Lady Clarissa, then?’ Hebe ventured, earning a scandalised look from Anna.
‘Well, not at first, ma’am, but I was in the room when that letter came. He didn’t know I was there, I was bringing in the fruit bowl, quiet like, and he had his back to me.’ The housekeeper broke off as a maid came in with a pitcher of water and some towels, then resumed as the door closed. ‘He opened it up, and I thought there’d been another death, I did really. He said “Clarissa!” all choked like, then he screwed up the note in his hand and said, “My love,
oh, my love”, just like that.’
She began to smooth out Hebe’s pelisse which was lying on the bed. ‘Broken-hearted, that’s what, poor gentleman. Of course, we didn’t know what had happened at first, but, well, we heard bits here and there.’ She gave Hebe a sharp look. ‘I’m not one to gossip, ma’am, but we all love the Major—his lordship—and we care about him. And I can tell you are a friend of his. So I just tell you, so’s you know. Hope I haven’t spoken out of turn, ma’am.’
‘No, of course not, Mrs Fitton. You are quite right, as his friends, we all want to help him.’
Back in the chaise and heading for London, Anna burst out, ‘Hebe, what has happened? If you do not tell me, I will go mad!’
Hebe realised she had been sitting in silence since they had got into the carriage. ‘I am sorry, Anna. Well, Alex is determined to marry me, and now that Lady Clarissa has jilted him, he can.’
‘Oh, thank the good Lord and all the saints!’ Anna broke into Spanish until she could collect herself. ‘Oh, Hebe, querida, what a relief! You do not look very happy.’
‘How do you think Alex took the news of what had happened—how it had happened?’ Hebe asked bitterly. ‘And I have to tell him on top of that dreadful family tragedy, and, to crown it all, he finds himself feeling obliged to marry me immediately after the woman he loves has jilted him.’
They fell into a depressed silence. After a few miles Anna ventured, ‘But this is better for the baby.’
This received no more than an abstracted nod. After they had passed through Berkhamsted, she tried again. ‘Your mama and Sir Richard will be very pleased.’
‘Yes, an Earl. Who would have thought it.’ Hebe smiled ruefully. ‘That was unfair: they are genuinely fond of Alex, I know they will be happy for me.’
