by April Lust
Caroline rolled her eyes. “You think I haven’t tried that?”
I looked at her evenly. “I’m a lot more convincing,” I said. “He has to listen to me. Right?”
Caroline’s eyes met mine. “Whatever you say,” she said, biting into a piece of bacon. “Whatever you say.”
Chapter Fourteen
Caroline
“I can’t believe you’re dating someone again!” Elizabeth looked at me with her mouth hanging wide open. “And don’t lie, Caroline. I know what you’re up to.”
I blushed and looked away, twining a hank of my red hair in my sweaty hand. “It’s true,” I said flatly. “I didn’t really expect to like him as much as I do, but he’s really something.”
Elizabeth looked at me with her eyes narrowed. “Is it serious?” Her question hung in the air and I met her eyes before looking back down at my feet.
Without answering, I walked over to my couch and flopped down with my feet in the air. Every time I looked at my kitchen table, I saw Carson taking me forcefully from behind, forcing me to come harder than I’d ever come before. It was enough to make me blush.
“I don’t know,” I said finally. “It might be. But a lot of things are going on right now,” I added, swallowing hard. “It might not be the best time to get into a relationship.”
Elizabeth pursed her lips. “I know what you mean,” she said after an awkward pause. “Are you on birth control?”
“Elizabeth!” I cried out, blushing. “What the hell kind of a question is that?”
“That’s how Amy was born,” she said, blushing. “Because I didn’t think I could get pregnant, and then…well, there she was.”
I squinted at her. “I’m on the pill,” I said defensively. As I spoke, I tried to calculate how many days had passed since I’d remembered to take it on time. A little thrill of nervousness went through my body. “And I’m taking it,” I lied. “I’m not going to get pregnant. You know I couldn’t afford that right now.”
“Trust me, money was the last thing I was thinking about when I found out that I was going to have Amy,” Elizabeth said. “I was so excited! I was having a baby with the guy I loved! We were going to get married!”
I looked at her sternly. “Calm down. That’s not going to happen. That’s not even in the cards. I can’t even think of how weird that would be!”
“I bet,” Elizabeth said. “Just wait ’til you are pregnant. Then it’ll be baby on the brain all the time.”
“God,” I said, rolling my eyes. “Are you joking? That sounds horrible,” I said with a grin.
Elizabeth laughed and made a face at me. “You’re terrible,” she said, still laughing. “What am I going to do with you?”
“Love me because I’m your best friend who doesn’t have her shit together?” I joked. I felt my cell phone buzzing in my pocket. When I pulled it out, my heart skipped a beat.
Carson!
“Sorry,” I said to Elizabeth. “I have to take this. Do you mind?”
She shook her head and I walked into my bedroom and closed the door. “What’s up?”
“Meet me tomorrow,” Carson said in a low voice. “At the Starbucks on the corner of Elvey and Massey.”
I nodded. “Okay. What time?”
“Can you do one in the afternoon?”
“Yeah,” I said automatically. “Sure, that’s great.” I could hear Carson’s heavy breathing on the other end of the phone. “Are you okay?”
“Yeah,” Carson said after a moment. “I think I’ll have some good news for you, babe,” he added. My heart fluttered when he said babe . Even though it didn’t mean anything, hearing his endearments still made me smile.
“Okay,” I said, swallowing hard. “Thanks, Carson.”
“Of course,” he said in a gruff voice. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Grinning, I walked back into the kitchen. Elizabeth was staring at me and smiling.
“You little slut!” she cried out. “Do you have a date tomorrow?”
I shook my head. “Not exactly,” I said. “But we are getting coffee.”
Elizabeth gave me a funny look. “You really like this guy,” she observed. “I haven’t seen you this keyed up about anyone in a long time.”
I nodded. “Yeah,” I said softly. “I know. He’s in a motorcycle club, too. Doesn’t that sound dangerous?”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. She walked over and sat on the couch. I opened the fridge and grabbed two bottles of beer and handed her one. We clinked and drank together.
“No more dangerous than your exes,” Elizabeth said after swallowing a mouthful of Coors Light. “I mean, what about that guy Jordan? He was crazy,” she added. “He was, like, in a gang. That’s much worse than a motorcycle club.”
“He sold heroin,” I said quietly. “And yeah, he was kind of awful.”
“And what about Will?” Elizabeth pressed on, and I had the sinking feeling she was trying to make me feel self-conscious. “He was probably the worst. He hit on everything with two legs! And some things with one,” she crowed, laughing. I snorted.
“He was pretty bad,” I said. Wanting to change the subject, I looked at her dead on. “How’s Amy? Did she get into pre-school?”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes. “Don’t even start on that right now,” she said softly. “It’s been a complete nightmare. Andrew’s parents aren’t even speaking to me right now. They think it’s my fault she got waitlisted for all of the good places.”
“Wow,” I said softly. “That’s terrible. I’m sorry, Liz.”
She shook her head and drank at least half of her beer in one gulp. “It’s whatever,” she told me. “Tell me about your new guy. What’s he like?”
“Well he’s not really my boyfriend yet,” I told her, blushing. “But he’s tall, has longish blond hair, and really gorgeous blue eyes.” Elizabeth nodded in approval. “And tattoos everywhere,” I added. “He’s really muscular.”
“Have you ridden on his bike?”
I nodded. “Yeah. It was fun. He’s a cool guy. He’s very…protective.”
“Oh yeah?” Elizabeth raised one of her perfect eyebrows. “You sure he’s not just a controlling dickwad?”
I laughed shortly. “No,” I said. “He’s not really like that. At least, I don’t think he is. Not yet.”
“Where does he work?”
“He’s a security guard for Tinder’s, that jewelry store,” I said, looking away. In my chest, my heart started thudding like a gong. “I mean, it’s not fantastic, but it’s stable, at least.”
“That’s the key for now,” Elizabeth said. “You just need to make sure he isn’t looking to depend on you. You can’t take care of yourself and someone else, Caroline. Promise me that you know that.”
“Of course,” I said, almost offended that she’d have to ask. “I know. Trust me.”
She rolled her eyes. “Sorry, I’m just feeling protective today. So what else is he like? Does he party? Is he wild?”
I shook my head. “He’s intense, mostly. He doesn’t seem like the kind of guy who wants to fuck off all the time, though. But he’s so gorgeous, Elizabeth, oh my god. I’ve never dated anyone half as good looking as he is. Carson’s incredible.”
“And you’re sure he’s not going to land you in jail?”
“Of course not,” I said, offended. At the mention of jail, Lucas flashed through my mind. I shuddered when I realized that Carson was finally about to confront him. It was finally happening. Even though Carson had been overconfident when he’d left my apartment, I wasn’t so sure. I didn’t think it was likely that he’d be able to talk Lucas into doing anything, much less cooperating with him. And giving up the photos? Ugh.
“What’s wrong?” Elizabeth squinted at me. “You look really upset right now.”
“I’m fine,” I told her. “It’s stupid.” The image of Lucas holding my naked pictures flashed through my mind. “It’s just…” I sighed. “I had to tell him something that I didn’t really
want to share,” I said, looking at the floor. Elizabeth reached out and rubbed me on the shoulder. “And I wish I hadn’t told him, but I couldn’t help it. He would have found out anyway.”
Elizabeth frowned. “What are you talking about? The fact that you’ve slept around a little bit?”
I blushed. “No,” I said slowly. “And shut up! It hasn’t been that much.” Elizabeth eyed me and we both burst out laughing. I knew that I’d had my fair share of sloppy one-night stands. They’d been fun at the time, but I stopped because I always woke up wanting more. It was like no matter how validated I felt during the moment, it wasn’t enough to keep me feeling good after the guy left. A lot of times, they called the next day. And I never called them back. I wanted to be with someone who loved me, who appreciated me, who wasn’t just mailing it in and getting a girlfriend, because he was lonely. But before I’d met Carson, I’d been starting to despair over my choices.
“Then what?” Elizabeth asked after our peals of giggles had subsided. “Tell me!”
I playfully punched her in the arm. “Remember I told you about that modeling I did when I was younger?”
Elizabeth’s face paled. “Oh my god,” she said slowly. “The naked pictures. He knows about them!”
I shook my head. “He doesn’t now, but he will,” I said grimly. “It’s only a matter of time.”
Elizabeth rolled her eyes and ruffled my red hair. “It’ll be fine, girl,” she said. “We’re adults. No one cares about shit like that anymore,” she added. “I mean, you kind of have to let this one go.”
I nodded. “Yeah, I guess you’re right. Want to get a pizza or something?”
Elizabeth nodded. “I’m famished. I was hoping you’d ask.”
The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. We ordered dinner, and it was the first time in days that I’d eaten enough to really feel full. Before Carson had left, he’d given me some cash. It wasn’t much, but he promised he’d be able to get money from Lucas whenever they met up. My mouth went dry whenever I realized how quickly that was happening. It was scary to think of Lucas showing up and berating me.
But Carson would take care of me. He’d promised, right?
Chapter Fifteen
Caroline
The next morning, I was a bundle of nerves. I hadn’t slept well after Elizabeth left; I kept having nightmares that Lucas was chasing me. I’d heard that in dreams, the person chasing you is never supposed to catch up. But in my dream, Lucas grabbed me from behind and tackled me to the ground, hard. It hurt and I cried out, and he kept me pinning on the hard ground while he taunted me about the pictures.
“Carson is going to love these,” dream Lucas said, shoving my face down onto the ground. The more I resisted, the harder he pushed, and soon I stopped struggling. When he tugged down my pants, I closed my eyes and waited for it to be over.
But then I woke up in a sweaty tangle of sheets. My breath was coming hard and my heart was slamming against my ribcage. I reached for Carson and then felt a panic rise in my throat when I realized he wasn’t there. Outside of my apartment, someone was yelling in the hallway. Even though it made me feel like a little kid, I pulled the sheet over my head and closed my eyes to the world.
I didn’t get much sleep for the rest of the night. When it was time to get up, I looked in the mirror and saw perfect dark circles underneath my eyes. Ugh, I thought. Carson’s really going to think you look great now, huh ?
The hours ticked slowly by and I was dying to go to Starbucks. By ten in the morning, it was torture. I made myself clean my entire apartment from top to bottom in case he came over later. The anticipation of what he would do to my body was driving me wild, and as I mopped the swept the floor furiously, I felt myself getting a little turned on. Every time I closed my eyes I saw Carson’s hands running down my body, turning me on, playing me like a fine instrument that only he could handle. I had to suppress a moan at the memory of his lips between my legs, licking and sucking at my clit until I thought I would explode with pleasure.
When I cleaned the kitchen, I saw us bent over the table, fucking like wild animals. I blushed when I remembered how he’d shoved his hand against my mouth and ordered me to be quiet; it somehow made the tense moment all-the-more arousing. Carson had an effect on my body that I’d never quite felt before. I was afraid that I’d never feel it again, except with him. It was crazy to feel like I was going through some kind of awakening—after all, I was in my thirties—but at the same time, that would be the most accurate phrase for it. I blushed when I thought of the hungry feeling that came over me whenever Carson was around. It was too much; I was dying for him. I actually had to fight the urge to slip my hand down my panties and play with myself. The whole thing made me blush; I’d never felt driven to masturbating before from a guy. It was the kind of thing I would have laughed at in a movie, but thinking of Carson made my juices run hot and wild. Licking my lips, I straightened up. Sure I might not be able to see him for hours, but when I did, I planned on looking killer.
Three hours later, I was ready to go. I’d taken a painstakingly long bath and washed and dried my hair, then put it in loose waves with a big-barreled curling iron. I wore some light purple eyeshadow to make my green eyes pop, with big fake lashes and minimal lip gloss. When I surveyed myself in the mirror, I felt I looked pretty good. I was clearly exhausted, but that couldn’t be helped. When you were waiting for your almost-boyfriend to have a meeting with the douche that blackmailed you, well, you were probably going to look pretty tense.
To my dismay, the Starbucks was empty when I arrived. I peeked around and looked at every table, snuck a glance at the face of every mindless patron who was typing on a laptop, and looking dissatisfied. The barista smiled at me. He let his eyes linger on my breasts, and for once I didn’t mind. I knew that I probably had the fuck-me aura lingering, and I intended to take full advantage of it. Well, with Carson, anyway.
“What can I get for you today?” He gave me a charming smile.
“I’ll take a grande skim cappuccino,” I said with a smile. “And a croissant, and one of those panini with brie and fig.”
He flashed a dazzlingly white smile at me; he looked like he could have been an unknown actor. “Sure thing,” he said. “What’s your name?”
“Caroline,” I told him, nervously looking around. Every time the door chimed, I whipped my head back to see if it was Carson. So far, an old couple and a group of teenagers had come in, but no Carson.
“I’ll bring this to you when you’re ready,” the barista said with a smirk. “I can tell you’re waiting for someone.”
I blushed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to be that obvious,” I said with a giggle. “I’ll sit over here.”
“He’s a lucky guy, whoever he is,” the barista said. He winked at me, and I felt my insides melt.
I picked a table with two armchairs near the window. The armchairs were overstuffed and they sat squat and low to the ground. They looked inviting, and I sank eagerly into one, scanning the parking lot with my eyes. I didn’t see any trace of Carson’s bike. Closing my eyes, I tried to listen for the loud sound of it in the distance, but I couldn’t hear anything. Damn. Where is he?
At quarter past one, I was starting to get a little nervous. I hadn’t taken a book with me, but I borrowed a magazine from the communal table. I read the whole thing; it had articles like “How to impress your man with a low-fat dessert!” and “Keep his eyes on you during bikini season!” It was kind of sad, I thought. Were women so insecure that they had to read this stuff just to feel better? Or did they feel fine about themselves before magazines started making them doubt their personal lives?
I read the magazine from cover to cover, and then slowly I flipped through it again. My coffee had gotten cold a long time ago, and I nibbled at the edge of my sandwich with distaste. It smelled amazing, but I didn’t feel hungry anymore. Carson was more than half an hour late, and my stomach was starting to churn into knots.
It had
been a beautiful day when I’d left my apartment and come downtown, but it was starting to look like it could rain. I pressed my face to the glass and looked out, the only thing I could see clearly was a black car slowly pulling away. When I looked at my reflection in the window of the Starbucks, I realized that all of the other patrons were new. Since I’d arrived, the old couple had left, along with the teenagers, another group of their friends, and a loud pair of women who were talking angrily about the school system. Every now and then, the barista shot me a sympathetic look.
At two o’clock, he walked over with a cup of water and another coffee. “This is on the house,” he said, giving me a smile. “I hope everything is all right with your friend.”
