Part of him knew he should feel some shame fantasizing about her like this, but that’s not how his brain worked. She was safe and sleeping and he wasn’t compromising anyone. He wasn’t crossing lines or making false promises. He wasn’t making the bond they shared even stronger—because there was no doubt they shared a very real connection no matter how temporary or inconvenient.
And if it was her lips around his cock he was imagining when he threw back his head and came, that was his business. He was taking care of a craving that needed satisfied, like hunger or thirst. Filling an emptiness that needed to be filled. There was no harm being done to anything except his sanity.
* * *
AUDREY WOKE AS the mattress dipped. It took a nanosecond to realize Patrick Killion—she still didn’t know if that was his real name—had slid between the sheets beside her.
“You’re back.”
His big hand cupped the back of her head in a gentle squeeze before releasing her. “I didn’t mean to wake you. Go back to sleep.”
All her life she’d been the strong one, the independent one, and the one who didn’t need any help from anyone. Now her world had spun completely out of control and she needed this man to keep her alive. Maybe that was why she wanted him sexually too—maybe it was a biological imperative for the female to take care of the alpha male’s sexual needs. Or maybe it was because beneath the laid-back, wisecracking exterior, he was kind and thoughtful and generous.
He smelled like soap and clean male skin. The moonlight caught the edge of his jaw as he lay on his back and stared up at the ceiling. Her fingers curled against the need to touch him. There was only one thing she wanted to do right now and he was lying right beside her.
“Will you hold me?” she asked.
He reached out over the sheet and dragged her against him. It was only when her back connected with his front that he realized she was naked.
He groaned and moved to release her, but she grabbed his hand and squeezed it over the top of the sheet, her nipple pebbling against his palm.
“I can’t hold you like this without getting a raging hard on, Doc.” He pressed his hips against her ass to prove his point.
“Good, you’re going to need it.” She turned in his arms and touched his now clean-shaven face. It was dark except for moonlight, but her eyes had adjusted to the shadows. “I want to be with you, Patrick. I know you’re going to walk into the sunset as soon as you can hand me off to someone else. But I want this.”
His fingers flexed on her hip. “The next guy might be a keeper.”
She pressed her thumb to his bottom lip and felt it open. “If we don’t do this I’ll always wonder what it would have been like to make love to you…always.”
She heard him swallow.
“This is a really bad idea. I told myself I wouldn’t touch you. I’m trying to keep you safe.”
“I want you to touch me.” She arched against him.
“I don’t want you to hate me.” His voice sounded rough in his throat.
“I won’t hate you—not for this anyway.” She gave a half snort, half laugh.
That made him pause for a second. He ran his hand up her body and his thumb found the center of her nipple with unerring accuracy. He scraped his nail over the sensitive flesh and her sex contracted, hard and sharp. “Might spoil you for every other man, Aud.”
God—that ego. “It’s a risk I’m willing to take.”
His mouth dipped to hers. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
His lips were warm and firm against hers as he rolled her onto her back and took the kiss deeper. It was an exploration of her mouth, a journey around her lips. She tried to touch him, but he held her free hand flat against the covers. She moaned as his lips slipped lower, down her neck, over her collarbone and down to her breasts. Her back arched up off the bed, nipples aching to be tasted. He complied, grazing the tight buds with his teeth, taking her to the edge of pain before pulling back. Then his head slipped lower, down to her navel, tongue dipping inside.
He shifted down the bed and moved her knees apart, blowing on her sensitive skin. Her breath stopped when his tongue slid along her opening. Her body moved toward him like it was coming home.
She grabbed the pillow, needing to hold onto something. “This is kind of advanced stuff for the first time, don’t you think?”
“Go big or go home, baby.” His mouth found her center again, and her hips rose of their own volition and she squeaked. She grabbed his hair when he zeroed in on a particularly amazing spot and her vision blurred. She found herself dragged up his body, her knees over his shoulders as he gave her his full attention. An orgasm was winding up inside her and she was desperate to reach it, closer and closer, the coil contracting tighter and tighter until she exploded into tiny pieces of sparkling pleasure. She cried out his name before floating quietly back to earth. He let her legs drop and crawled over her body to kiss her on the mouth.
She tasted herself on his lips and pulled back. Blinked because he was so close and unfocused. “Weird.”
“Great,” he corrected.
She could hear self-satisfaction in his smile.
“Weird,” she reasserted. She kissed him again because she loved his mouth. He lay on one side of her, tracing his fingers slowly over her body, his arousal hot and heavy against her thigh. Holding back. Slowing them down when she wanted everything frenetic and fast.
“Do you have condoms?” she asked, already desperate for him to be inside her.
He pulled back. “Will you think less of me if I say yes?”
“The way I tried to climb onboard you when I kissed you on the boat? You’d have been a fool not to buy a truckload.”
He rolled out of bed and retrieved a box and gave it a shake. “I wasn’t raised to be a fool, but I wasn’t thinking you were a sure thing either. I want you to know that. I just like to be prepared…”
She wasn’t going to think about that statement. He came back to the bed and tossed the box on the side table.
She pulled him down beside her and then pushed on his shoulders until he was on his back.
“Is this how you want me?” He laughed up at her.
Damn, he was gorgeous. She swallowed against the tightness in her throat as she looked at his body in the dim light. He was all lean muscle and toned, warm skin. “For now.”
She caught the flash of teeth as he placed his arms behind his head, cocky as always. They were both being careful about making this a sexual hook up to work off some tension. She knew it wouldn’t take much to fall in love with him, and she didn’t want to be one of many women who probably begged this man for more than he was willing to give. So she’d give him this. Take this. Good sex to distract their minds and make them forget the terrible things they’d had to deal with recently. And the difficult things that lay ahead.
She ran her hands down his body, the taut pectoral muscles, flat belly, delving into the crisp hair surrounding the hard length of him. She knelt next to him then ran her hands over the strong thighs, sensitive knees, then back up the inside of his legs, feeling the quiver in his muscles as she approached her target.
She cupped his balls and then took his length in her other hand, leaning down to add her mouth to the mix.
His hands fisted in her hair and she heard him swallow, then whisper, “Good thing I took the edge off in the shower.”
“Did you think of me?” She took him again before he could answer. Stupid question. She didn’t want to know if he was thinking of someone else, and he was too good a liar for her to know the truth.
She had to make this just about sex. Anything else would rip her apart.
She leaned over to pluck a condom off the side table, ripped it open, and slipped it carefully in place.
“Keep your hands at your sides,” she told him.
He eyed her balefully in the darkness. “But I want to touch you.”
“I want to fuck you first,” she said.
She heard hi
s sharp intake of breath. “Audrey,” he admonished.
“Don’t make this into something it isn’t.” She drew her knee across him. “It’s basic biology and I’m an expert at biology.” She took him inside her, huge, hot, and wonderful. His hands grabbed her thighs, but they didn’t move from there, didn’t touch or caress. He was giving her this so she gave it back, drawing up so only the tip of him was inside her, and thrusting back down, taking him all. He felt amazing, but this suddenly didn’t feel amazing. It felt mechanical and empty.
She increased the pace, and he rose up to meet her, his breathing changing, getting shallower and faster. She added a twist and felt him tense beneath her.
Then his grip on her changed as he gritted out. “You’re not there, yet, Aud.”
“I already came, remember?”
“Fuck that.”
She opened her mouth to argue, but his fingers found her clit and started circling that small nub of flesh, and stars flashed in front of her eyes. Then he cupped her breast and pinched her nipple and his thrusts got wilder. She lost all control of the rhythm she’d established, she just held on as he pounded into her, destroying her from every different angle until her body convulsed and exploded around him.
“Hold on,” he warned.
He turned them so they were on the edge of the mattress and her legs were spread wide and he was driving into her, but she was coming again, over and over in endless waves that crashed through her so hard she screamed as she felt him climax inside her, sending even more waves of pleasure through her body.
The world spun like she was being thrown around in an amusement park ride. Even as she lay there with him collapsed on top of her, her brain swirled. She’d never come like that before, repeatedly and forcefully, like the rolling surf. She had never been with anyone even half as good at sex as Killion. She’d never been in a relationship even remotely as intense as this one. And it wasn’t even real. It was a trip, a fantasy. Some crazy adventure that had blindsided her.
Emotions pounded her. She brushed his hair off his ear. “Is your name really Patrick Killion?” she whispered.
“Yep.” His voice was muffled in the sheets. “Give me a minute and I’ll move, I promise, but right now I can’t. You killed me.”
A weird laugh moved through her and she wrapped her arms and legs around him, holding him tight. “Thank you. For letting me have my wicked way with you.”
“I took an oath to serve my country.”
“One woman at a time?”
“It’s a tough job, but someone’s gotta do it.”
She thumped him in the arm and he rolled off, laughing. And as he disappeared to clean up she told herself she wasn’t going to be sad about this. Sex didn’t have to mean anything except fulfilling a basic need for connection and pleasure.
When he came back, he climbed into bed and dragged her close, resting his chin on her shoulder as they both stared at the patterns the moonlight made through the closed wooden slats.
“What do you normally do after shagging someone’s brains out?” he asked.
She huffed out a quiet laugh. “It’s been a few years, but normally I’m in a relationship and I either go home or I go to sleep.” He’d opened the door with his question. “What about you?”
“Leave.” His arm tightened around her.
There was something sad about the way he said it. It gave her the courage to raise his hand to her mouth and kiss his knuckles. “Part of me feels guilty you don’t get to run away, and another part is glad you’re forced to stay here beside me,” she said honestly.
His arm tightened further. She didn’t think he was going to reply but he buried his nose in her hair. It felt wonderful.
“Being here isn’t exactly a hardship,” he admitted. “Now go to sleep.”
Night settled around them. She pushed away the ugly memories and concentrated on the lingering pleasure that fluttered inside her. The warmth of his body and slow pulse of her blood dragged her slowly toward sleep. For the first time in days, she allowed herself to think about something other than grief or fear. Instead, she thought about the man whose breath brushed her ear and whose legs tangled with hers. She thought about his relentless pursuit of her pleasure and knew he’d been right when he’d said he’d spoil her for any other man.
If she lived long enough, she had a nasty feeling Patrick Killion was probably going to break her heart.
“I can hear you thinking, Aud.” His arms squeezed her again. “Go to sleep.”
Chapter Fifteen
KILLION DRIFTED IN and out of sleep with a dick as hard as the Washington Monument, although perhaps a little less impressive in terms of being an international tourist attraction.
A little morning wood wasn’t an unusual occurrence. What was unusual was the hand that curled around him and stroked him, while lips kissed his back and more fingers sank into his hair. Maybe this was the reason people had relationships. Morning sex. It wasn’t something he’d enjoyed in too many years to remember.
But most people didn’t live his life. Being an undercover operative wasn’t about pretending to be James Bond. It was about being nobody. Ceasing to exist as a normal person. Even during his more recent assignments he hadn’t changed how he lived his life. He didn’t have a real home, he had an apartment where he occasionally slept and kept his stuff. He’d distanced himself from his family years ago because by the time he’d realized some of his targets might have the capability to strike back, he’d already been in too deep.
This was his world and he’d made peace with walking through this life alone. Except the damn hand on his cock was reminding him of all the things he was missing out on. As was Audrey’s warm heat pressed against his back.
She did seem determined, and she knew this was temporary. What harm could it do?
He cracked an eyelid and listened for any sounds of disturbance outside. Birds sang and the sun was up. The sound of laughter rang out in the distance.
What the hell. He wasn’t going anywhere during the daylight hours, and neither was the surprisingly intrepid Audrey Lockhart. Her fingers squeezed and he groaned as he stretched out in the bed. And there went all his arguments against getting more involved with this woman, in less time than it took to order a cappuccino.
He turned and rolled on top of her, taking her by surprise. He nudged her knees wide until he lay cradled between her thighs, his erection stroking her core.
“What’s a frog’s favorite drink?”
He pressed against her.
“Oh, God! I have no idea.” She laughed and arched up beneath him. He loved her voice, but, even more, he loved making her laugh.
“Croak-a-cola.” He moved his body against her and wondered why they fit so perfectly. “What has more lives than a cat?” He didn’t wait for an answer. “A frog—they croak every day.”
“Those are awful jokes, you know that, right?”
That sexy laugh of hers made him ravenous for her. “I have a thousand more.”
“Kill me now.” Sunlight sifted between the blinds, bathing the room in a golden hue. Her hair was mussed, violet eyes crinkling at the corners.
She was enjoying this. Them. He assumed it helped her forget their reality and until he heard different he was going to keep her too entertained to think about anything except making love with him, bad jokes, and possibly food.
He held her wrists and pressed them to either side of her head. Then he nuzzled the skin beneath her ear and he could feel her toes curl into the mattress as she quivered against him. He nipped her earlobe and worked his way to her lips, tasted her quickly but thoroughly. There were so many places he wanted to explore. And the more he got of her the more he wanted.
He took her nipple between his teeth and rolled its twin between his thumb and forefinger. He’d already figured out she liked a slight bite to sex. Not rough—he wasn’t the rough sort. Hard, yes, maybe with a little edge, yes, but always watching out for her because she was so much smaller than
he was. It was easy to forget a man could hurt a woman if he wasn’t careful.
He wasn’t going to think about what they were doing in terms of emotions. She’d tried to turn it into a clinical encounter last night, but he couldn’t do that—not with her. It didn’t mean they’d forgotten their reality. She didn’t need him in her life. She was fine on her own, or at least she would be when they cleared up this mess. He moved against her core and her thighs widened as if to take him.
Oh, boy. Now that was temptation.
A shudder moved through him as he grabbed a condom and slid it on. He’d had all these great intentions of taking his time with her, but one shift of her hips and he was a goner.
He pushed inside her slick heat and wondered how the hell people stopped doing this? Why do anything else? She shifted beneath him, taking him deeper and at an angle that blew his fucking mind. Then she wrapped her legs around him, crying out, and all he could do was drive deeper and deeper until his world went white and the earth shattered and he roared out a sound as a corner of his brain realized that walking away from Audrey Lockhart was going to be the most difficult thing he’d ever done.
His heart hammered and even as he supported his weight on his elbows, his hips sank farther into hers and his hips kept thrusting like he didn’t even control them anymore. She continued to shudder around him, head thrown back, clearly still in the throes, and he just kept moving until her breathing calmed and she opened her eyes.
They both stilled, staring at one another guardedly.
“Morning, Gorgeous.” Keep it light.
She grinned. “Good morning.”
He pulled out carefully, and got rid of the condom. He put on coffee and remembered he’d bought her a present last night.
“Got you something.” He grabbed them out of a bag and came back and perched a pair of tortoiseshell reading spectacles on her nose.
“I can see!” She grinned and then pulled a face at him. “Man, you’re a lot better looking without glasses.”
The sight of her peering at him through those lenses had him hard as a rock even though he’d only just had her. Nerd-porn. It took another twenty minutes before either of them came up for air.
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