by J. E. Taylor
The carefree summer of fun gave me hope, and as I stood staring at the school entrance and the new blood scurrying around, I prayed the tide had turned now that Ellen had graduated.
I stepped across the threshold, dodging frantic freshman and headed toward the far side of the courtyard where my friends gathered.
The death of hope took moments, and a handful of expletives hurled in my direction. I exhaled slowly, putting on my coat of steel nerves. I didn’t even dignify the bitch squad by glancing in their direction.
Silently, I formulated the words to a curse. One that would follow them until the day they died. I wished them pain and unhappiness for the rest of eternity. The mantra played in my head and with each step, it radiated out from the center of my core, blanketing them with the lifelong curse.
After all, Karma had a wicked backlash and I had just called on her to wield her twisted justice.
I plastered on my game face, and traded hugs with Rob, Natalie, and Becky. As I listened to their summer adventures, I focused on the one bright spot in this already darkening day. This was the last year I had to put up with their bullshit.
Both Heather and Linda were slated to graduate, so my endurance had an end point, even though it seemed so damned far away.
I slid my glance to Rob’s, catching his sideways smirk and eyebrow waggle before I refocused on what Natalie was saying. I had a bear of a time focusing and my gaze flitted back to his, locking there for an instant. Dimples made a brief appearance and heat filled my cheeks.
As much as I hated to admit it, I had missed Rob over the summer, and it was damned good to see him again.
TOWARDS THE END OF the day, I entered my Earth Science class and took a seat on the far side of the U-shaped counter top, facing the door. Each spot had a thick Earth Science book sitting in the spot in front of the chairs, and I counted twenty-six books as the class filtered in. The warning bell rang, announcing students had one minute left to get to class, and a couple of stragglers entered the room. My gaze locked on one in particular.
Linda Nader.
I jerked in the seat as if an electrical shock had jumped from the floor into my feet and zapped my heart. My throat closed, and after the physical shock settled in, my brain caught up.
The bitch was wearing a neck brace, and I nearly laughed out loud. I hadn’t observed that little tidbit during the between class verbal assaults. Perhaps I should glance in that direction from time to time. They certainly hadn’t missed a beat over the last two years, when I was on crutches or sporting a cast on my arm, which was more often than I liked to admit, but the doctor had said it wasn’t a calcium deficiency or bone disease. I was just a natural klutz, which would have been funny if I wasn’t constantly persecuted by the bitch squad.
I clenched my lips in a smirk and silenced the one word that almost slipped out. Faker.
When she caught my stark stare, her gaze darted to the ground. It wasn’t the hostile glare I was used to, nor was the plume of pink that rose in her cheek. She sat across from me, and perhaps it was because I didn’t drop my stare in fear, or maybe it was because she was embarrassed to have a physical ailment, but nothing was said and she shifted under my gaze, uncomfortable at being all alone, without the rest of her posse.
Her discomfort widened my smirk and when the teacher spoke, I turned my gaze away, silently patting myself on the back for making her squirm.
She was a senior in a junior class, as well, so that gave me another crumb of satisfaction. Even with my burnt out, perpetually absent state, I was still pulling passing grades. Of course, I wondered from time to time what kind of grades I would have gotten if I had gone to all my classes over the last two years.
But I was sane, and hadn’t become a homicidal maniac, yet, so it was a worthwhile tradeoff.
The class came and went, and I didn’t have cause to glance her way again, but the moment she stepped into the hall and joined the bitch squad, the verbal spam started in.
Within the confines of the classroom, my presence made her uncomfortable, so I silently marked that class as one not to skip. I was not going to pass up the opportunity to make her squirm and I doubted that power would change as long as I kept my public persona in place.
I ignored her in class just as completely as I ignored her in the courtyard. Words may have power, but apparently so did silence.
FRIDAY NIGHT ROLLED around and Kim pulled into the driveway. She grinned and waved, grabbing her overnight bag from the passenger seat before heading inside.
“How was your first week back?” she asked and plunked her bag on the floor of my room.
I gave her a one-shouldered shrug. “School’s school.” I didn’t have much more to add. Pete had given her the scoop about what my school life was like, but I never discussed it. It was hard enough keeping the anger in check, I had a feeling if I voiced my struggle, I’d have a bear of a time caging that wild beast again.
“My mom said I needed to get a job,” she said huffing as she sat down.
I had had a brief stint with a summer job at an ice cream place, but that turned out to be a disaster and I wasn’t sure I wanted another one, but being broke truly sucked. The summer job had provided some serious laughs.
Being four-foot-ten-inches was a drawback, especially since the ice cream freezers were half my height. I routinely balanced on my thighs with my legs sticking straight out in order to scoop the ice cream.
Customers didn’t quite know what to make of it and more often than not, I found them chuckling under their breaths or gaping at me in shock. All I know is; if I had been on their side of the counter, there wouldn’t be anything that would stop the laughter.
Unfortunately, I was slower than molasses because of it. After a month’s time, my boss took me aside and gently let me go, saying that while I was a hard worker, I just wasn’t fast enough.
I glanced at Kim. “Have you applied anywhere?” I asked, shaking off the thought of that experience.
She shook her head.
“I heard Stop-n-Shop is hiring.”
“Have you applied?” she asked, knowing I was looking for a little financial freedom as well.
“Not yet. Want to go tomorrow morning?” And with that, we had a plan.
THE NEXT MORNING, WE called Mia and she came down to the supermarket with us. We all needed jobs in order to keep up our skating and partying habits. The three of us crossed to the service desk.
I cleared my throat and the guy behind the counter raised his chocolate gaze in my direction. He straightened and his lips formed a smile as his eyes bounced from me to Kim to Mia and back. It was more than just the polite smile required by the job and heat filled my cheeks.
“We’d like to fill out job applications,” Kim said, from her position next to me.
He gave a nod and reached under the counter, grabbing three applications. “I’ll let the store manager know you’re here,” he said and handed the papers to us before hooking his thumb toward the hallway next to the service desk. “You can fill these out in the break room, and I’ll have Mr. Solomon talk to you when you’re done, okay?” He leveled the cutest smile, and his eyes sparkled.
I just nodded and followed Kim up the stairs.
“He was kind of cute,” I whispered as we slid into an empty table in the room overlooking the store.
Kim gave me a smirk before focusing on the paper in front of her. Both Mia and I glanced out at the store floor, grinning at the sheer number of cute guys we’d never noticed when we breezed through the store to grab that much needed snack attack fix.
Needless to say, we all were offered positions that day. Kim had prior cashiering experience, so she was given a cashiering job. Me, I only had scooping experience, and Mia had no experience anywhere, so both Mia and I were relegated to the bottom of the food chain, bagging food.
While we had intended to use our hard earned money on skating sessions, the schedule severely cut down on our free weekends. The good news was it seemed our sche
dules were similar, so Saturday night sleepovers at Kim’s was still a regular occurrence.
Most Saturday nights were not spent at Kim’s. Most were spent at all night backwoods parties, indulging in coolers full of Gruber mix, which consisted of Hawaiian Punch, grain alcohol, vodka and Bacardi, along with a large bottle of Lambrusco and a plethora of cut fruit and chilling around a massive bonfire.
Each party spot was well worn with seats carved into logs surrounding the make-shift fire pits. This was extreme partying at its best. Spending nights drunk and stoned while studying the galaxy spread out above us made for some interesting philosophical conversations between Kim, Mia, and me about which group were the more intense party animals. The Stop-n-Shop crew or the skate park crew. It was an endless debate that went around and around during our more sober moments.
Dan, the guy who gave us the applications turned out to be the cash department head who gave us our work assignments. We flirted relentlessly, and whenever he appeared I perked up with a twinge of excitement. When he was cashiering, he used to assign me to his register and every now and then, he would snap his head back to reset his hair away from his eyes and his blonde locks would fall back perfectly in place. It was the damnedest thing and would always pull a smile to my lips. I used to razz him about it, too, and he’d roll his eyes, but the blush in his cheeks just fueled my interest.
I had never seen him at the all night bashes, but he showed up at one at K-D Camp in Tolland, and the way his eyes caught mine pulled heat to my cheeks. I inhaled the joint in my hand and offered it to him.
Dan took it and followed suit before passing it on. I’m not sure if it was the fact we were both stoned, but he stepped closer looking down into my upturned face. His arm snaked around my waist and pulled me to his chest and he delivered the first kiss.
The kiss made my knees tremble and my heart dropped to my stomach. The world slowly tilted and his grip on me tightened. The last time I totally melted into a kiss this much was before high school. I forgot where I was and I think he did, too.
When someone made a whooping sound, the kiss broke and his glance moved from me to one of the guys from the frozen foods department. I glanced over my shoulder at Gruber’s drunken grin.
“It’s about time, dude,” he said and wandered away.
I turned back to Dan.
“What was that all about.”
A ghost of a grin appeared along with a single dimple. “I’ve wanted to do that since you came in and asked for an application,” he said. “We do need to play it cool at work, though,” he added before he caught another kiss.
“Why?” I asked when his lips trailed to my neck.
“I’m your supervisor,” he whispered and nibbled on my ear. “Conflict of interest and all that shit.”
It certainly didn’t seem like a conflict of interest at first, and those stolen kisses in the lunch room were just as exciting as those long ago pecks from Pete. Dan was sweet most of the time, giving me the easy work, like, returning things to the shelves or bagging for him when he was running a register.
But when he was annoyed with me, he sent me out to collect carts, which was my least favorite activity. And those were the times I had to bite down on my lip and blink the tears from my eyes wondering what I did to end up on his shit list.
REGARDLESS OF HIS MOOD, seeing Dan made the daily horrors at school all the more bearable and Rob noticed the change, but didn’t comment on it.
As I sat catching a smoke and ignoring the crash of verbal spam coming from the opposite side of the courtyard, one of the younger guys in our group sauntered up to me and slid into the space next to me.
“What’s up, Corey?” I asked, focusing on his nervous twitch.
He flicked the ash off his cigarette and glanced at me. “Will you go out with me?”
It was so out of the blue that my mouth popped open and I blinked a couple of times before I regained my composure. “I’m sorry, but I’m already dating someone.”
Disappointment hunched his shoulders and I glanced up at Rob. The stark surprise in his gaze made me more uncomfortable than the awkward silence that had fallen over Corey and the surrounding crowd.
Rob turned and stalked away without comment, Corey finished his cigarette and stood giving me a shrug before he slipped into the school.
I headed toward my Earth Science class, looking forward to making Linda uncomfortable for an hour before I skipped out and headed home.
BY THANKSGIVING, MY heart was invested in what Dan and I had. I was well on my way to seeing more than just beyond the next week. I was envisioning a future with him, so when he asked me to go to an all weekend party, I made plans to stay at Kim’s, and we all gathered at a house in Tolland for the weekend.
Dan pulled me away from the group sometime after midnight, leading me into a bedroom before he closed the door. I blinked, slow to get the meaning behind his wolfish grin, especially when his lips landed on mine. He navigated me across the room, never breaking the kiss until we were laid out on the soft mattress. I was out of breath and I stared wide-eyed at him.
He slid his arm from under me and repositioned, leaning in to continue the kiss while his hand slid under my shirt. His hands were insistent and he stripped my shirt without much resistance from me. It wasn’t until his hand slid to the waistband of my jeans that I grabbed his wrist.
His reaction was immediate and he pulled away from me with that annoyed crease behind his eyes.
“I’ve never...” I trailed off and his expression softened, but it was short lived when the kissing resumed and his hand found the V of my jeans and started rubbing me through the fabric. I grabbed his wrist again.
“Oh, for the love of God,” he growled and stared down at me. “Why did you come to an all weekend party if you weren’t going to fuck around?”
This is where his eighteen diverged from my sixteen and I blinked in shock. “To party?” Even my voice was meek and confused by his reaction.
He threw himself on his back and ran his hand through his hair before he glanced my way. The hard aggravation written in his features made me gulp down my unease and reach for my shirt. I pulled the fabric over my head just in time to see him cross to the door, leaving me with only silence.
I blinked as I stared at the open door, my high evaporating almost instantly. I hopped to my feet and trudged out to where everyone was congregated. Dan sat in a chair with a beer in his hand and when he glanced at me, there was ice in his stare, like I had fucked up his entire weekend.
He turned back to the conversation, dismissing me without a word and I searched the house for Kim, finding her in a deep conversation with one of the guys who worked in the deli department. Instead of interrupting, I wandered back to the main area and took a seat next to a group I hardly knew, but they had a joint going around and I was in need of getting high.
Dan needed to cool down and I needed to numb the hurt rocking my heart.
I approached him later when I was so buzzed that I wasn’t sure it was evening or early morning. His eyes drooped with intoxication and his lips formed a smile as he pulled me into his lap. Dan nuzzled my neck, sending a web of shivers through me, but at least he didn’t shun me like earlier.
He also didn’t apologize.
We eventually fell asleep on one of the couches along with a dozen or so other party animals in the house.
I WOKE WHEN DAN SHIFTED, sliding me onto the cushion. He met my gaze but something was missing in the way he looked at me now.
“I have to go to work,” he whispered and I gave him a nod glancing around the room.
“Have you seen Kim?” I asked and he nodded toward the kitchen area behind the couch. I took a look and saw her nursing a cup of coffee and a cigarette. She looked the way I felt.
Dan walked out without another word. My heart squeezed and I rolled off the couch approaching Kim. The prior night’s events were still hazy, but clear enough to know I changed the dynamic of my relationship.
&nb
sp; I slumped in the chair and dug a cigarette out of the pack sitting on the table, lighting it before I met Kim’s raised eyebrow.
“Have a good night?” she asked and a smile formed.
I rolled my eyes. “Not exactly,” but I didn’t know how to explain without sounding like a prude, so I just shrugged it off and took a long drag of my cigarette.
“What happened?” Her eyes immediately took on that worried quality.
“I don’t think Dan was happy that I am a virgin,” I said as softly as I could.
“You still are?”
I leveled a glare in her direction and nodded.
“Oh,” she said and sighed. “Are you ready to roll?”
“Yes.”
DAN DIDN’T CALL THAT night and the next day at work, he was a dick. He either ignored me or sent me outside to collect carriages and it was freezing out.
This kept up for a couple of days and then I caught him alone in the lunch room.
“Are you still mad at me?” It was a dumb question based on his actions, but I had to ask.
He stared at me. “Are you really that dense?” He leaned back in the chair and crossed his arms.
My jaw dropped at his tone combined with the loathing in his eyes.
He leaned forward and waggled his finger between us. “This is over.”
I was completely unprepared for this response. Pain bloomed across my chest as if someone used me for batting practice. The air locked in my lungs and my eyes misted. I couldn’t turn fast enough and I bumped into someone, ricocheting off them and heading straight for the bathroom and solitude.
BY MID-JANUARY, I WAS still a walking zombie, numb to the point of despair. Physically, my body decided to teach me a lesson. Pain radiated over the entire left side of my abdomen. If it had been my right side, I probably would be in surgery for appendicitis. It started slowly about the time Dan broke up with me, creeping through my body like a thief until it got to the point it stole my breath and I didn’t want to get out of bed.
