“No, that’s okay. I know where it is.” Another beep.
“Wonderful.” The happiness in his voice was genuine. “I’ll see you then.” “Yes. See you soon.” As she clicked off, Adrianne tried to take the other call, but found the caller had already hung up. She glanced at the Caller ID. Hmm. “Restricted call?” What in the world did that mean?
Frustrated, she reached for her sweater and then sprinted toward the car.
❧
Chris’s heart thumped out of control as Adrianne’s voice-mail kicked in. He listened intently to it, loving the lyrical sound of her voice. After the beep, he left a message, his nerves driving the words.
“Adrianne, this is Chris. I was hoping to reach you. I want. . . no, I need to talk to you. I miss you so much. I miss Lorelei so much. I wish I hadn’t gotten on that—” Just as he tried to say the word plane a beep rang out and the message ended.
“No way.” Should he call her back, try her home number?
What he would say when he found her was still unclear. Perhaps the Lord would give the right words in the right moment. One thing was for sure, he couldn’t put off talking to her one moment longer. His heart wouldn’t allow it.
Just as he reached in his wallet to search for her home number, Brent entered the room. “Are you ready?”
“Hmm?”
“David said we’re supposed to be at the church in Masaya by late afternoon. I figured you’d be raring to go.”
“Oh, I don’t know.” Chris clicked the phone off and placed it back on the stand. “To be honest, I’m completely unfocused. I’ve got a ton of other things on my mind today. I really don’t know what good I’d be out on the field.”
“I guess I could go in your place,” Brent offered. “Or. . .” Chris looked up, puzzled. “Or, I could drive and you could talk. I’ve got pretty broad shoulders, and it looks like you just need someone to bounce things off of. Maybe God has sent me here for that very reason.”
“God sent you all the way to Nicaragua to listen to me ramble on about my love life?” Chris chuckled. “Man, you’ve got a great sense of humor.”
“Ah.” Brent gave him a knowing smile. “This is about a woman?”
Chris nodded and Brent crossed his arms with a knowing look on his face. “Then I know the Lord has sent me here. My wife and I have only been married three years, but I could tell you just about anything you want to know about balancing marriage and missions work. So, let’s get a move on. I’ll do the driving, you do the talking.”
“Okay. I guess.” Chris reluctantly agreed, though he secretly wondered what in the world a total stranger might have to tell him about something so personal.
No sooner than they’d climbed into the truck to set out for Masaya, Brent shot a probing stare his way. “Okay, I’m waiting.”
“Man, you get right to it, don’t you?”
“Yeah. I figure you’ve got a captive audience, so why not go for it?” His expression softened a bit. “Seriously, Chris. You just tell me whatever you’re comfortable sharing, nothing more.”
I don’t know how comfortable I am sharing anything with a total stranger.
Chris began, tentatively at first, then increasing in both courage and emotion. He told Brent every sordid detail of his relationship with Adrianne, all the way back to the beginning. He shared the part of losing touch and, more importantly, the part about finding her again.
And Lorelei. He shared, with a smile on his face, no less, the story of discovering the daughter he never knew existed. Brent didn’t interrupt, but Chris could see the look of surprise on his face as he voiced his story. Looks like maybe I’ve stumped him after all. This isn’t your run-of-the-mill missionary story, after all.
After hearing everything Chris had to say, Brent slowed down and pulled the car off the road. Then he turned to give Chris an inquisitive look.
“What is your heart telling you?”
Chris rubbed at his temples, unable to voice the words on his heart. “I don’t know,” he whispered. “I just know that I can’t imagine living without them. Every time I think about it. . .” A lump the size of the San Cristobal volcano grew in his throat. “Every time I think of going one more day without them, I feel sick inside. Everything feels wrong.”
“But?”
“But the obvious. My work. I’m called to this organization. I’m called to work with these children, here in Nicaragua.”
Brent nodded, and drew in a deep breath. Then he looked at Chris. “I want to remind you of something,” he said finally. “Something I know you already know, but probably just need to hear.”
Chris looked up, not even trying to hide the moisture in his eyes.
“We are all called to preach the gospel,” Brent said. “All believers. The Great Commission isn’t just for people with special degrees, or men and women who’ve applied to particular missions organizations. ‘Go into all the world’ means just that. And maybe, just maybe, the ‘world’ you’re supposed to go into is different than what you thought.”
Chris felt his heart drop. “I—I can’t believe God would call me away from Central America. I love it so much. I love these kids so much. I just wish I could. . .” He fought for words, but none would come.
“Have your cake and eat it, too?” He looked at his new friend with a sigh.
“Yeah. That’s it. I want Adrianne and Lorelei, but I want this, too.”
“So, why not do both?”
“Oh, I can’t bring them here. It’s out of the question.”
He dove into a lengthy explanation, which Brent quickly squelched.
“I’m not saying you should bring them here. I’m just asking you to consider the possibility that your work here could change somewhat to accommodate a new plan, a plan that includes a wife and daughter.”
“I don’t know what you mean.” Chris stared Brent down.
With a great deal of excitement, Brent began a detailed explanation of just how he felt this whole thing could actually work. Chris listened intently, especially when his new friend asked him to open the Bible and turn to James, the first chapter, verses five and six.
“Read it out loud,” Brent encouraged him.
Chris turned the pages to the passage and glanced down at the familiar words, understanding their significance in a new way. “ ‘If any of you lacks wisdom,’ ” he read aloud, “ ‘let him ask of God, who gives to all liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him.’ ” Chris glanced over at Brent with a smile. “Sounds so easy.”
“Keep reading.”
“ ‘But let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea driven and tossed by the wind.’ ” With a sigh, Chris looked up. “That’s what I’ve been feeling like, a wave tossed around by the wind.”
“That’s why I love verse five so much,” Brent said with a smile. “God has a specific formula for stilling the waves of doubt. Whenever I’m in a position where I don’t know what to do, which way to go, I ask the Lord to give me supernatural wisdom. I know He will, because the verse says that God gives generously to all without finding fault.”
“Wow.” Chris allowed those words to sink in. “Without finding fault.”
“Do you think it’s possible”—Brent gave him a pensive look—“that you’ve been afraid to ask God for the very thing you want the most because you feel in some way you don’t deserve it?”
Man, this guy was good. “Well, I—”
“Because we serve a God who longs to give us the desires of our heart.”
“As long as they’re not selfish desires,” Chris threw in.
Brent shook his head. “I don’t believe for a moment your desires are selfish. You long to have a family, and you long to minister. Those are two bona-fide desires. And they’re godly desires, too.” He dove into a lengthy dissertation about God’s views on family and ministry, sharing more of his thoughts on Chris’s specific situation. When he finished, Chris suddenly felt the issue set
tled in his spirit.
“I know you’re right. God has forgiven me for the things of the past, and He loves me. And I know He has all of this figured out.”
“Then let’s pray for wisdom.” Brent prayed aloud as they drove, asking the Lord to reveal His perfect will. Afterward, the two men once again began to talk about the particulars of combining family and ministry. Before long, a full-fledged plan emerged, one clearly sent from On High.
Within ten minutes, Chris couldn’t stop the smile from creeping across his face. Within twenty minutes, he drummed his fingertips on the door of the vehicle, and bounced ideas off of his new friend. Within thirty minutes, he was ready to catch the next flight to Philadelphia.
NINETEEN
“Pastor Jake, could I talk to you and Katelyn for a minute after service today?” Adrianne hoped he didn’t notice the trembling in her hands as she spoke.
“Sure, Adrianne.” Jake flashed a smile. “Want to meet in my office? You know how crazy it gets in the sanctuary after service. Everyone hangs around for ages.”
“Sure. That’d be great.”
He turned toward the podium and took a few steps, then turned back again with a concerned look on his face. “Is everything okay?”
She nodded slowly, then shrugged. “I just need someone to talk to,” she said. “And I know you two will give me great advice.”
“Okay. We’ll see you there.”
Adrianne somehow made it through Jake’s sermon, although his “Love Conquers All” theme only added to her dilemma.
So many thoughts rolled around in her head. She reflected on them all—the look on Chris’s face the night she’d told him about Lorelei, the pain in her heart when he’d left days later, and the confusion over James’s unwelcome attentions, both at the fundraiser dinner and aboard his yacht yesterday.
“Lord, I need your wisdom. I’m so confused, and yet. . .”
In her heart, she knew the one thing that made sense in the middle of all of this. Sitting in church last week, with Chris’s hand in her own, watching their daughter onstage, singing her heart out. . .
Now, that felt right.
The service came to a close, and Adrianne sent Lorelei off with her parents so that she could meet with Jake and Katelyn. She beat them into his office but was too nervous to sit. He finally arrived, his wife at his side. Jake settled down in the chair behind his desk, and Katelyn and Adrianne sat in the wing-backed chairs across from him.
“All I have to do is look at your face to see that something is up,” Katelyn said. “So what’s on your heart, Adrianne?”
Adrianne drew in a deep breath before starting. She wanted to do the best possible job, presenting this story, not deliberately swaying her friends one way or the other.
“It’s kind of a long story,” she said. “And it starts eight years ago.”
She told them, no words minced, about her relationship with Chris back in college. Katelyn eyes grew large, but she didn’t say anything, not at first, anyway. Adrianne told the story in detail.
“I’ve struggled with feelings of guilt for years,” she acknowledged, “but I know the Lord has forgiven me. He’s done an amazing work in my life.”
“And in Lorelei’s life, too,” Jake added. “She’s pretty awesome.”
“Yes. She’s an angel, that girl.” Katelyn offered a reassuring nod.
“I know. But thank you for saying it. I often wonder what I ever did to deserve her.” Adrianne dove back into her story, telling her friends about the many times she had tried to reach Chris. When she got to the part of the story where he had “coincidentally” shown up at the museum, Katelyn’s eyes widened again.
“Oh, my. Looks like God set that one up.”
“Yes. That’s what my dad said, too.” Adrianne then shared all that had transpired since Chris’s arrival in Philadelphia, how she had told him about Lorelei, and how he had responded. She closed out the story with tears in her eyes as she shared the part where he’d left town, heading back to Nicaragua. “I don’t know when I’ll see him again,” she whispered.
Katelyn looked into her eyes, love pouring forth as she spoke. “Adrianne, I want to tell you something. Last week, when we met Chris for the first time, I just had this, this sense that he was more than a friend. I’m not sure how I knew, but I did.”
“Really?” Adrianne shook her head, amazed.
“There was something about the way he looked at you.” Katelyn’s lips curled up in a smile. “And, to be honest, your face was lit with joy every time you looked at him, too.”
“W–was it? I didn’t mean to. . .”
“No,” Katelyn said, “this wasn’t something you did consciously. This was a genuine caring look, like a wife would give her husband.”
Adrianne felt her cheeks flush, but resisted saying anything.
“The two of you are very natural together,” Jake agreed. “I definitely saw the friendship side of things, but wondered if there might be more.”
“But what can we do?” Adrianne asked. “I mean, really? Is there a solution? We can’t take Lorelei to the mission field.”
“You already have.” Jake looked intently into her eyes.
“What?”
“Every time we do an outreach, every time we bring inner-city kids into the church to see a play, every Christmas when we take gifts to children in the projects, she’s on the mission field.”
“But you know what I mean,” Adrianne implored. “Nicaragua?”
Jake shook his head. “I don’t think you’ll be taking Lorelei to Nicaragua, at least not for good. But I do think she will see much of the world, once you and Chris are married. So will you, in fact.”
“W–what?”
Jake smiled. “Look. Katelyn and I have been talking about this for days, ever since we met Chris. We really like him a lot. And I think he’d be a great addition to our staff here. We could stand to have a missions pastor, especially one who’s acquainted with Central America. And from everything he shared last week, I think he would do well, taking charge of all of our local inner-city missions projects, too.”
“Are you serious? You had already planned to contact him?”
Katelyn nodded. “We were going to run this idea by you today, in fact. He could work here much of the time—in Philadelphia—and take teams to Central America three or four times a year.”
Adrianne shook her head. “I—I don’t know. His heart is in Nicaragua. He loves the children there. He could never leave them.”
Now Jake shook his head. “I think you’re wrong about that. A man with a true heart after God puts the Lord first, his family second”—he glanced at Katelyn—“and his ministry third. I honestly believe that Chris will come to the same conclusion, especially once he’s had some time to think about it.”
“But how could I expect that of him? He’s not my husband. He’s just—”
“The man you love,” Katelyn whispered. “And the man who loves you. I have no doubt about that, especially now that you’ve shared your story. I can see the three of you—you, Chris, and Lorelei—ministering together all over the place.”
“Even with a story like ours?”
“Of course.” Jake stood, and began to pace the room. “No one is immune from a sinful past. No one. ‘For all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.’ That’s what the scripture says.”
She nodded. “Right.”
“I’ll bet you didn’t know that I was away from God while I was in my teens.”
“What?”
“Yes. I was on drugs for three years. In fact, Katelyn wouldn’t date me during that time—and rightfully so. She knew we were unequally yoked.”
Adrianne looked over, amazed as Katelyn nodded. “I steered clear of him, to be honest. And it was hard. I loved him, even then. Prayed for him every day.”
“The Lord got a hold of me when I was nineteen,” Jake added. “I got cleaned up. Sobered up. And, man”—a look of joy filled his eyes—“I still rem
ember the day I felt the Spirit of the Lord leading me to go into the ministry.” He looked at Katelyn with a smile. “Do you remember that?”
“I do.” She looked at Adrianne. “At first, I doubted he was really genuine about laying down the drugs and following the Lord, but thankfully I was wrong.”
“Thank God,” Adrianne whispered.
“Don’t you see?” Jake reached over and put a hand on her shoulder. “That’s why I feel so at home in this part of the city. That’s why I want so desperately to reach out to those kids on the streets. I can relate to them, especially the ones who are struggling. And I’d be willing to bet Chris, once he really hears from God on the matter, will be the same. It might take some time for the two of you to see yourselves as useable, but don’t wait forever. You said it yourself, Adrianne. God has washed away all of your sins. Right?”
“Right.”
“And you love this man, right?” Katelyn asked.
“R–right,” she whispered.
“Then prepare yourself,” Katelyn said with a wink. “Because I have a feeling the Lord has already set the wheels in motion. Just pray, Adrianne. And we’ll pray with you.”
Jake and Katelyn took the time, right then and there, to pray. With great passion in his voice, Jake prayed that Chris would hear the voice of the Lord as never before. Katelyn prayed that Adrianne would have the faith, and the courage, to be still and allow God to be God.
And Adrianne prayed, too—that God would give her the right words to say to Lorelei, for the time was drawing near.
❧
“Are you ready, Chris?”
“Hmm?” Chris turned to face Brent, his heart beating wildly.
“You’ve been holding that phone for nearly fifteen minutes. Are you going to call her, or what?”
“Oh, I. . .” He stared down at the phone.
“Listen.” Brent approached him and took the phone from his hand. “Let’s talk this through. What are you going to say when you reach her?”
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