by Amy Lillard
What was wrong with everybody? Couldn’t they see how happy Lorie was now that she had gone Englisch? Did it really matter? Did it make her less of a devout person? Did it make her less of a Christian? Sure, the temptations of the world were great, but Lorie had to find out who she was now, not who her dad had turned her into by hiding her among the Amish to protect her.
“Of course I don’t mind, Hannah. She is my sister, after all.”
“And a much better bowler,” Melanie added with a laugh.
“We’ll see about that.” Sadie got out her ball. She had gotten it back from Ezra after their second date and wondered if she’d ever get to use it again. It felt good to be back at the bowling alley, having a normal Thursday night surrounded by all her friends. That was just where she thought she needed to be.
* * *
Just before the ninth frame, Melanie sidled up and sat down on the bench next to her. “So how was last night?”
“It was fine, thanks for asking. And thanks for working for me too.”
“So how’s Ezra?”
“He’s good, I—” Sadie half answered the question before she realized it was a trick. “That wasn’t nice, Melanie Treger.”
Melanie shrugged. “I’m your sister, I don’t always have to be nice.”
“I think you got that backward. You’re my sister, so you should always be nice to me.”
“All joking aside, Sadie, what are you doing?”
“I’m sitting here.”
“I said all joking aside,” Melanie repeated. “Why are you seeing him?”
“Ezra?” She had been about to say something about Chris, but thought better of it. She had a feeling she had pushed all her sister’s buttons enough for one night.
“Yes, Ezra.” Melanie looked around, then back to her sister. “There’s so many nice guys here in Wells Landing. Guys that share your same beliefs. Why would you want to go out with a Mennonite when you can go out with Chris?”
Sadie shook her head. “There’s so much more to the situation than you know.”
“Then tell me,” Melanie said.
“I can’t. It’s not mine to tell.”
“Fine then. But do me this favor.” She waited to continue until after Sadie had nodded her agreement. “Give Chris a chance. Whatever it was that happened between you before, I think he really likes you. And you wouldn’t have to worry about all the rest—shunning, moving, and making Mamm cry.”
A shunning. It was the one thing Sadie hadn’t thought about. She had joined the church. Lorie hadn’t. Lorie wasn’t shunned. She could come and go in Wells Landing as she pleased. The only consequence she had was the fact that Mamm didn’t want her to go Englisch. But once Mamm had gotten used to the idea, she had forgiven Lorie quickly and allowed her back into the family fold. But with Sadie, it was different. She had joined the church, and if she left to do something like marry Ezra, then she would surely be shunned. Most people didn’t realize that a shunning was to bring someone back into the fold. But once she married Ezra, there would be no coming back. She would be shunned for life. There was no recovery from that. She would never be able to sit at the same table with her family and eat again. She could never take money from them or even ride in the same car with them. The thought broke her heart, especially when she thought about Daniel.
Sweet, sweet Daniel. He had such a hard time when Lorie left that he surely wouldn’t understand why he couldn’t spend time with Sadie.
“Think about it, okay?” Melanie asked.
What was there to think about? That she couldn’t marry Ezra if she wanted to remain a member of the Kauffman family in good standing, or that she could date Chris for the next couple of months, and come June he was on a plane to Europe?
It wasn’t much of a choice either way, now was it?
* * *
After spending the evening with Chris, Sadie was more confused than ever. Even prayer hadn’t brought her any solace. All she wanted was a sign, for God to help her.
Ezra hadn’t mentioned marriage, but she couldn’t believe that both of them were going against their family and friends just to date. It had to be going somewhere.
She loved the sizzle she felt whenever she was near him. It was that spark she had read about in Englisch romance books during her rumspringa. Romance writers talked about that one special someone that made a heart sing. Sadie thought Ezra could be that person to her. But after Valentine’s Day night, she wasn’t so sure anymore.
And then Chris. She had known him all of her life. They had been through so much together. She loved him, but not with the same kind of love as she felt for Ezra. So it didn’t have that zap and tingle, but it was steady and true, wholesome and solid as a rock. She would never have to worry about Chris. Well, she wouldn’t after he got back from Europe. What was a girl to do? Wait on Ezra to propose and decide then? Put him off until Chris returned, if he returned? What would she do if she had both of them wanting to marry her at the same time?
The thought was silly. Two men wanting to marry her at the same time? She was just plain Sadie. And that was all she would ever be.
* * *
It was Friday afternoon and Daniel was due off the bus any minute. Sadie was staring out the window at nothing. The sun shone brightly with the promise of spring. It wouldn’t be long before the crocuses started to come out, and the tulips that she had planted around one of the outbuildings. But staring out at nonexistent flowers was not helping her one bit.
She heard the roar of an engine and went out to meet Daniel’s bus. But instead of Daniel, it was Ezra.
She stopped in her tracks as he pulled on the driveway, put the truck into park, and climbed out.
“Hi,” she said. It was all she could manage to get through her numb lips.
“I’ve come to apologize,” Ezra said. “Arguing with you and fighting with you on Valentine’s Day was surely not part of my plan.”
Anticipation rose inside her. Was this the sign she needed? Of all the days for her to be waiting at home for Daniel to come off the bus, and then have Ezra show up full of apology. She had asked God for a sign. Was this it?
“Does that mean you forgive me?”
Hope flashed in his brown eyes. “Of course.” He took her hands into his and squeezed her fingers lightly. The touch was gentle but reassuring. “I know everything’s not going to be perfect all the time. We’re going to have a lot of adjustments, but I want you to know that I love you, Sadie Kauffman. As strange as it may seem, you’re the best thing that’s ever happened in my life.”
She could hardly believe her ears. Ezra Hein loved her? “I don’t know what to say.”
He frowned. “I think if you don’t know what to say, then that means you don’t return my feelings.” He nodded, but looked down as if he couldn’t bear to meet her gaze again.
“That’s not what I meant at all. I . . . I’m just so happy.” Tears rose into her eyes. Yes, she was happy, but so very, very confused. She was hoping he would take her into his arms, maybe kiss her one more time and show her the love that he confessed. But another engine sounded, and this one most likely belonged to Daniel’s bus.
They pulled apart as the bus stopped to let Daniel out. Sadie went onto the road to help him cross, then took his hand and headed back down the driveway. Ezra had climbed back into the truck cab.
“You’re not staying?”
He shook his head. “I need to be getting back.”
“I understand.” She waited a heartbeat and then another. He had come to apologize. But he wasn’t going to ask to see her again? Why was love so confusing?
“When is your next day off?” he asked.
“Tuesday.” Mamm had changed it. She had the day completely off, and Thursday night off so she could bowl with her team.
“So Tuesday I can come by?”
“I-I . . .” she stuttered, then tried again. “I don’t think coming by here is a good idea.”
He nodded. “Right.” Then he looke
d down at Daniel.
Sadie knelt down next to her young brother. “Daniel, why don’t you run on in the house? I’ll be there in a minute to get you some cookies, okay?”
He looked from her to Ezra, giving them both a big grin. “Okay, but I wanted to talk to Ezra.”
“You can do that next time, buddy,” Ezra said.
He nodded, then ran for the front door, his backpack slapping against his tiny back all the way there.
Yet for all the promises that Ezra had made, how was he going to talk to Daniel next time? The two of them couldn’t even eat dinner together without everybody causing a big fuss. And if it came to pass that the two of them did get married, they would be shunned. How was that supposed to work out for him to spend time with Daniel? How was that supposed to work out where she could spend time with Daniel? There were too many questions and not enough answers.
“Pick you up at the library?”
“Are you going to tell me where we are going?”
“That’s a surprise.” He smiled, a dazzling flash that she wondered might perhaps be that sign from God she’d been asking for. One thing was for certain: Tuesday couldn’t get there quick enough.
* * *
Sunday morning dawned, perhaps the prettiest day they’d had all year. Though the winds still held a chill, the sun shone brightly, holding promises of what it would be like come June.
Sadie loved the summertime so much more than winter, and she could hardly wait for the summer to get there. When she said that, she had to remember that Chris was leaving in June. Could she trust that he would come back, or was he going to be gone forever?
Sadie was helping put away the last of the benches after the church meal when Melanie came up beside her. “A bunch of us are going over to Millers’ Pond. You want to go?”
“It’s too cold to swim.”
“Who said anything about swimming? We want to go have a good time. Sit around and talk.”
“Who’s all going?”
Melanie shrugged. “Me and Noah, Ruthie and Mark, Will and Hannah. You know. The group.”
“And I’m going to be the only single girl there.” It wasn’t really a question. But Sadie had the feeling that Melanie had something going on that she wasn’t telling her about.
“Well . . . Chris is supposed to come.” There it was.
“Melanie, I don’t think this is a good idea.”
“Why not? You and Chris used to be quite a thing.”
“Well, that was before . . .” She really couldn’t say. Chris hadn’t told anybody about his trip to Europe, and she was walking around having to keep his secret from all her family. It really wasn’t fair. “We’re not a couple, you know.”
“About that . . .”
Sadie shook her head. “There are things you don’t know, Melanie. Things that I can’t tell you.”
“But I’m your sister.”
Sadie shook her head. “It has nothing to do with that. It isn’t mine to tell. Just know that Chris and I are not a couple and we are not getting married.”
“If you say so. But will you come to Millers’ Pond with us?”
How could she refuse?
* * *
In addition to the group of young people that Melanie had mentioned, Jonah Miller also joined them, along with Sarah Yoder. Sadie supposed it was only natural, considering the pond was on his parents’ property. But the fact that he was with Sarah Yoder was something of a surprise to Sadie.
Not too long ago, Jonah and her sister, Lorie, had been quite a thing, though their relationship was on again-off again. Lorie and Jonah argued a lot and did not see things the same way more often than not. Then Lorie met Zach Calhoun and everything changed.
Everyone had brought quilts and blankets and spread them out on the banks of the pond. Sadie could hardly wait until it was warm enough to swim again. She loved coming out here on her days off. Sometimes it was girls only and sometimes her and Chris and other couples. Though now Chris would be leaving, and Ezra wouldn’t be welcome. Who knew when the next time would be that she would be able to come out here and enjoy herself like she had in the past?
Melanie plopped down next to her. “Why don’t you look like you’re having a good time?”
“I’m having a great time.” She hoped God didn’t strike her down for the lie. But Melanie was so happy these days, loving life and being married to Noah. And here was Sadie, wanting everything her sister had and not able to have it. She added that transgression to her mental prayer list. “Who is that?” She nodded toward the quilt on the opposite side of the pond from where she and Melanie sat.
“That’s Abbie King. You remember her, right?”
Sadie searched through her memory, trying to pull up what she knew about Abbie King. “It was her brother that was killed in the car wreck.”
Melanie nodded. “That’s her.”
“We haven’t seen much of her lately.”
“Noah said that she had a hard time after Alvin died, so they sent her to some family in Missouri to stay for a while. She’s only been back in town a couple of weeks.”
Suddenly Sadie didn’t feel quite so sorry for herself. Sure, she had lost Lorie to the Englisch. But she hadn’t lost her completely—she could still visit, but Abbie King had lost her brother forever.
“I’m glad she’s back,” Sadie murmured.
“And did you see Mandy Yoder is here?” Melanie leaned a bit closer to deliver that piece of gossip.
“Sarah’s cousin?”
Melanie nodded. “I guess it’s Mandy Burkholder now.”
“She married Levi Burkholder, didn’t she?”
Melanie nodded again. “Right after Titus Lambert went to prison.”
It was funny how her own problems had her forgetting the trials of others. A few years back Titus Lambert had been involved in a car accident that killed Alvin King and another boy, an Englisch boy. Because of that, Titus had been sent to prison; his girlfriend, Mandy, had married another; and Abbie had gone away to deal with her grief. It was so sad really.
Sadie shook her head. “We really shouldn’t be gossiping about this.”
“Then let’s gossip about you.” Melanie’s smile was infectious.
“There’s nothing to gossip about.”
“Really?” Melanie nodded off to one side.
Sadie looked up to see Chris headed their way.
Melanie pushed to her feet. “Okay then. I’ll catch you later.” And with that, she disappeared.
Sadie waited for Chris to come closer.
“Mind if I sit down?”
Sadie shook her head without looking at him. She really didn’t know what to say, but she couldn’t turn him away.
“I miss you, you know.” His words were so quietly spoken she almost didn’t hear them.
She swung her gaze in his direction, searching for any evidence that he was telling her the truth. There was nothing but sincerity written on his face.
“I miss you too.” And it was the truth. She missed Chris, her friend, her steady, her rock. He had been the one thing she could depend on all these years. And she hated that they had a falling-out.
“Does that mean you’ll go bowling with me again on Thursday night?”
It was on the tip of her tongue to tell him no. She didn’t want him to get the wrong idea. Chris knew her true feelings, and she knew his. Sure, if they were to get married they would make a great couple. Not in a completely Englisch romance kind of way, but look at how some of those turned out.
Maybe her argument with Ezra was getting the better of her. They were on their way to reconciliation. But everything around her was so confusing these days. Chris wanted to make up, she and Ezra had argued. It was almost too much.
But what was the harm in spending time with her best friend?
She nodded. “I would like that very much.”
Chapter Seventeen
Sadie tried not to let her confusion get the better of her on Monday. She’d had a ni
ce afternoon with Chris sitting by Millers’ Pond, talking and visiting with the other members of their youth group and buddy bunch.
But she was waiting for her special date surprise on Tuesday with Ezra. Then she would have a day off in between to collect herself before she and Chris went bowling on Thursday night.
That was the hardest part of it all. She loved spending time with Chris and the other people she had known practically her entire life—Ruthie and Hannah, even Abbie King and Mandy Burkholder. Unfortunately she couldn’t do things like that with Ezra.
Yet spending time alone with Ezra, just the two of them without the pulls of community and family, was special in itself as well.
But she couldn’t figure out where she belonged in all of that.
* * *
“So where are we going?” Sadie asked for what had to have been the eighth time since Ezra had picked her up that morning. As best she could tell, they were headed into Tulsa, but Ezra had gotten off the highway. Now they were driving on unfamiliar streets. She tried to see if there were any road signs announcing the sights coming up from the exit they had taken. She thought she’d seen Mohawk Park, but she couldn’t tell if it was this exit that led to the park or the next one.
“Be patient.” Ezra smiled. “We’ll be there in a minute.” Two more miles and she figured out where they were headed.
“The zoo?”
Ezra nodded. “I thought it might be fun.”
Sadie couldn’t stop the grin spreading across her face. She hadn’t been to the zoo in years. Since before she was even Cora Ann’s age. “I think it’ll be great fun too.”
Ezra parked the truck and the two of them made their way to the zoo’s entrance. He bought the tickets and led them through the turnstile and into the main area of the zoo. “What do you want to see first?” he asked.
Sadie shook her head. “I want to see everything.”
“Everything it is.” He hooked her arm through his and led her toward the right. First up were the monkeys and the rest of the primates.
The weather was good for February. Being a Tuesday, there weren’t many people milling around the zoo. Sadie felt as if the animals were giving a show just for them.
