by Amy Lillard
She could hear the fire crackling back toward the banquet room as it chewed through tables and chairs and walls trying to reach the rest of the building. He wouldn’t have been in the kitchen. That left the office or the bathrooms.
The door to the office was warm to the touch. She grabbed up her skirt in her right hand and used it as insulation between her skin and the doorknob.
Lord, please let him be in here. Please.
She thought about the stories she had heard from some of the men who worked at the fire department, stories about backdrafts and things. She didn’t understand all of it, but she knew that she was risking a lot opening the door. Yet if she didn’t open it, she would never find him.
Lord, please let that be warm because it’s so close to the banquet room.
She squeezed her eyes shut and opened the door, exhaling with relief as nothing happened. Nothing blew up, nothing came rolling out. Just an open door now.
She rushed into the office. There were two places to sit—behind the desk and on the cluttered couch. He was in neither place. What if he’d gone to the storeroom? He was so quiet and well behaved that no one would’ve noticed if he had gone around the side of the building and up the stairs.
No, she thought, he had to be in the bathrooms.
Lord, please let him be in the bathroom. I’ll do anything. I’ll do anything. Please. Her frantic mind went around in circles. I know I’ve been confused lately, maybe even defiant. But that all ends now. Lord, help me find my brother, and I’ll do what I’m supposed to do. I’ll marry Chris. I’ll stay here. And I will not leave my faith. Just help me find him, please.
She rushed from the office to the bathrooms across the hall. She checked the women’s first, thinking perhaps he had gone in there out of habit. He was so young the girls in his family usually made him go into the girls’ restroom with them when they went. Poor boy, having to grow up with so many sisters. But he wasn’t in any of the stalls. She checked all three of them twice, then ran out and toward the men’s room. She pushed her way inside, frantically searching, but she couldn’t see him anywhere. She could hear the fire crackling around her and smell the smoke coming through the ceiling tiles. It was overhead. She needed to find him and get out before the roof caved in. Her heart beat even faster in her chest.
Lord, please. I promise. Help me find him, please.
Somehow amidst the crackle and snap she could hear all around her, she heard a small sob. She looked through the stalls, making sure that he wasn’t standing on the toilet for some reason. But they were still empty on the second trip around. She had to find him, and she had to find him now. She came out of the last stall and allowed her gaze to wander through the room. She took a deep breath, sucking in as much smoke as she did air. She had to get out of there, and she had to get out soon. Before they both perished.
She dropped to her knees. That was when she saw him, huddled behind the trash can, half-hidden with his head ducked between his knees. “Daniel?”
He didn’t move. He was so small. Had he been breathing in smoke this whole time?
“Daniel!” she said, louder this time.
He jumped, raising his head and looking at her. “Sadie?”
“Yes! Yes, I’m here, Daniel.”
He started crying openly now. “I didn’t know what to do, Sadie. At school they made us do drills. I couldn’t remember what to do. I put my head between my knees. I don’t think that was what I was supposed to do, but I couldn’t remember.”
Sadie shushed him, rubbing a hand over his silky hair as her tears started to fall. “It’s okay. You did fine, Daniel. Just fine.”
He’d done the best he could. The adults around him had failed him. And she had made a promise. She would see them through.
Lord, please get us out of here alive. Please, please, and I promise I’ll marry Chris. I’ll stay in Wells Landing. I’ll do everything I’m supposed to do. I’ll live within Your guidelines and what You set forth for me to do. Amen.
“Hold on to me,” she said, still on her hands and knees. “Get on my back, and I’ll get us out of here.” She said the words with as much confidence as she could muster, but the roar of the fire was getting louder and louder. In the distance, she could hear the wail of the sirens, but she had no idea how close the trucks were. It didn’t matter. She had Daniel, and she had to get them out alive. It was all up to her now.
* * *
After Sadie left, Ezra sat in the parking lot at the library, trying to decide what to do. He couldn’t make up his mind on anything. Should he drive home? Get something to eat? He sat there. Nothing was right; everything was wrong. So he remained in place. Like a statue. Or a man half-dead inside. He wanted to go to her, follow her to the restaurant and confess his love again. Tell her that they would figure something out. Somehow, there was a solution, a compromise between the two faiths. There had to be.
Why did things have to be so complicated? Why did God give him this desire to be with her, only to take her away? Were they so different after all?
The sound of sirens stirred him from his stupor. They sounded close and were getting nearer and nearer. Something was wrong. He looked up to see smoke rising into the sky, close to where the Kauffmans’ restaurant was. Surely not, he thought. But he put his truck in gear and pulled out to the street.
It was only three blocks to Main Street. But he couldn’t go all the way through. He parked his truck on the side of the street, breathing in the acrid air and knowing, somehow knowing, that Sadie was in trouble.
There were three fire trucks on the scene, which was probably the whole entire volunteer fire department crew. He could see the smoke coming out of the back of the restaurant, and his heart sank.
He looked around for the face he most needed to see. Tourists and Englischers and Amish people alike milled around. But he couldn’t see Sadie. He couldn’t see anybody that he knew or anyone in her family. Where were they all?
An Amish girl brushed past him and he grabbed her arm, not even knowing who she was. “Have you seen the Kauffmans?”
The young girl shook her head, then pulled out of his grasp. He realized he was acting strangely. But he had to find them, he had to find the Kauffmans. He had to find Sadie.
He pushed his way to the front of the crowd. Cora Ann was standing over to one side sobbing softly. Next to her stood Maddie Kauffman with one arm around her as they stared toward the front of the restaurant. Firemen dressed in fireproof clothing had their hoses turned toward the restaurant, dousing it with water in hopes of putting out the flames before too much damage had been wrought.
Down the street another fire truck was hosing off the roof that connected Esther’s bakery with the restaurant. He was certain to keep the fire from reaching the entire building.
He rushed to Cora Ann. “Where is she? Where’s Sadie?”
Cora Ann continued to sob and shook her head. He looked to Maddie Kauffman. Her frown was deeper than ever. Was she worried about the restaurant, worried about Sadie, or upset that he wanted to know?
Her eyes filled with tears. “She went inside to get Daniel.”
“What?” He started toward the doors of the restaurant. He had to find them. He rushed past a fireman waiting outside.
What were firemen doing out here when somebody inside needed rescuing?
He got halfway to the door before somebody grabbed his arm and jerked backward.
“You can’t go in there.” He turned around and faced a big man with mossy green eyes. He looked vaguely familiar, and Ezra wondered if he’d ever seen him before. But the thought was quickly replaced with worry for Sadie.
“Sadie’s in there. I’ve got to go get her.”
“Jonah and Chris have already gone in. They’ll find them if they’re there.”
If they were there? Where else would they be?
Ezra pulled against his captor’s grasp and broke free as two firemen came through the doors of the restaurant. One carried Daniel cradled in his arms,
and the other had his arm wrapped around Sadie as he helped her toward the waiting ambulance. She was limping, her dress smoldering, or maybe it was just smoke from being in the building.
The firemen held up one of her arms, and Sadie looked as if she was about to pass out from the pain. The burn looked bad.
Ezra wanted to rush to her, talk to her, hold her, tell her everything was going to be okay. But something secured his feet to the ground beneath them. Maybe it was the possessive way the firemen held her. Didn’t the other guy say that Chris had gone in? Was that Chris, her one-time almost-fiancé, best friend who was going off to Europe? The way he was holding Sadie, Ezra had a feeling that man wasn’t going anywhere.
He somehow managed to unstick his feet and started toward Sadie, but she was swamped by other people and he couldn’t get through. Cora Ann and Maddie surrounded her, while the medic worked on her arm. Someone else put an oxygen mask over Daniel’s face and then hers.
Ezra wanted to let her know that he was there, that he cared, that he loved her, but the words wouldn’t come.
They loaded her into the back of the ambulance, and before he knew it, she was gone.
* * *
Without the restaurant open, Ezra had no way of getting in contact with Sadie. He waited two days for her to get settled before he decided to take a trip to her house. It was forward, but he had to see her. He had to make sure she was okay. He had to talk to her. That wasn’t so much to ask, was it?
He pulled his truck into her driveway and turned off the engine. Sitting there for a moment with his hand still on the steering wheel, he collected his thoughts. He had practiced what he was going to say on the trip from Taylor Creek to Wells Landing, but now that he was there those words had flown the coop. He sighed and got out of the truck. As he did so, the front door opened and Cora Ann stepped out onto the porch.
“Ezra? Is that you?” Cora Ann flew down the steps and rushed him like a football player. She wrapped him in a warm hug, rocking him back and forth as if she’d never thought she would see him again.
Reluctantly he put his arms around her and hugged her back. It might not have been the most appropriate thing to do, but he had fallen in love with Sadie’s little sister. It was a different sort of love, but he would’ve done anything in the world for her.
“I’m glad you’re okay, Cora Ann.”
She released him, but kept a hold on his arm, tugging on his sleeve as she dragged him toward the house. “Come in, come in. You have to see Sadie.”
Before he could say another word she had hustled into the front door.
“Is your Mamm home?”
Cora Ann shook her head. “She’s gone to town to meet with the insurance people.”
Ezra had driven by the restaurant on his way there. It wasn’t a complete loss. The building hadn’t burnt to the ground, but there was enough smoke and water damage that it was going to be a long time before the restaurant opened again. He wasn’t sure about the adjacent bakery.
The movement from the corner of his eye caught his attention and he turned. Sadie stood, her arm wrapped in plain white gauze.
“You’re okay,” he breathed, wanting to rush toward her and wrap her in his arms. Instead, he trekked slowly over.
“You shouldn’t be here.” She said the words as if she were reciting from today’s specials.
“You expected me not to come?”
Sadie shook her head, then turned toward Cora Ann. “I need to talk to Ezra alone.”
Cora Ann narrowed her gaze in what looked an awful lot like distrust.
Sadie shook her head. “Let’s go for a walk.” She nodded toward the door, but Ezra didn’t want to leave. What was so important that she needed to talk to him alone? If she was going to agree to marry him, then wouldn’t she say so in front of her sister?
He pushed that negative thought away. It could be anything. She might want to announce it to her mother first before letting her sister know. Especially if she was leaving the Amish and joining him in Taylor Creek. Yeah, that had to be it.
He followed her out onto the porch, thankful that the weather had started to turn warm. It was early March. But in Oklahoma that could mean seventy-degree-plus weather. But the warm weather wouldn’t get really steady until April hit, if then.
“Do you want to go for a drive?”
Sadie shook her head. “Let’s walk.”
“If you’re sure you’re up to it.”
She nodded.
As far as Amish properties went, the Kauffmans’ house was not typical. There was a small patch of ground to the south side of the house that would probably be used for a vegetable garden if one of the girls took a mind. But Ezra knew it took a lot of time, effort, and energy to run the restaurant, and things like vegetable gardens weren’t as important to the Kauffmans as they were to the average Amish family.
The barn appeared almost empty. He was sure that it only served as a stable for the horses they used to pull their carriages. There was a tractor, but no other farm equipment, and the grain silo was overrun with ivy vines. They walked over to the fenced-in pasture and stood staring out at the crop of trees about a hundred yards away. Almost nothing stood between them and those trees but a few budding weeds and a couple of batches of tall brown grass.
“I can’t marry you.”
“I beg your pardon?” Those words were the very last thing he had expected to hear from her. Surely he had heard wrong. Surely she didn’t just tell him . . .
“I can’t marry you.”
He studied her profile as she continued to stare toward those faraway trees. The oaks were starting to lose their dried brown leaves, the pines and cedars the only green among the bare branches of the shedding oaks.
His stomach clenched. “I don’t understand.” He started to reach out and touch her, but she moved away.
“What’s to understand? I can’t marry you because I’m marrying Chris.”
“Chris?” Ezra said stupidly. He couldn’t get his mind wrapped around the words she was saying to him. “But you love me, and I love you. How can you marry Chris?”
Sadie shook her head, finally turning to look at him. Her hazel eyes were dull, her mouth turned down at a resolute angle. “It’s been hard since my dad died. I thought I wanted adventure, but I was wrong. And I should’ve never said those things to you.”
“But . . .” Ezra started again, but he could find no argument. “Is this about the church? We’ll figure something out, Sadie. You can’t walk away from trouble in hard times. You have to figure it out. You have to work through it.”
“I know all about hard times, Ezra. And I know all about working through it. I dragged my brother from a burning building two days ago. You don’t need to be telling me about adjusting and adapting. I made a mistake. And I’m sorry. But I don’t want to marry you.”
* * *
Sadie turned on her heel, batting back the tears rising in her eyes. She’d managed to hold it together this long. Just a few more minutes and surely he would leave. Then and only then could she release the building sobs inside her. Surely one day soon she would stop crying, and her heart would heal. The most important thing was she had Daniel. He was safe.
She had asked God for help. She had told Him what she would do. Now it was time to uphold her end of the agreement. That meant staying in Wells Landing. Marrying Chris. And remaining Amish.
She remained calm and steady as she put one foot in front of the other, methodically walking back toward the house.
Please, let it go now, please.
She heard him say something behind her, but she couldn’t make it out. Only his tone, which sounded angry and hurt. Her heart fell a few inches in her chest.
She might have saved her brother, but she had broken both of their hearts.
She continued on toward the house, praying the whole while that he would not follow her. He wouldn’t demand more of an answer, and he wouldn’t see the tears she was trying so desperately to hide.
/> She was reaching for the doorknob when she heard him get into his truck. The engine started, and dust flew as he backed out and left.
Unable to take a step farther, Sadie crumpled into the rocking chair sitting by the front door and wept.
* * *
Three days later Johnny Flaud came home from the hospital. Sadie packed a bag with cookies and bread, two jars of last year’s blackberry pie filling, and a music player she found at the secondhand store in town. She had bought it with Chris in mind, thinking she might give it to him for his trip. She had downloaded the Bible from the library and had it ready to go. But now that Chris was staying and Johnny was hurt, she felt Johnny could benefit more from God’s word than his brother.
“I’m going now.”
Cora Ann was in the kitchen experimenting with a new recipe. This time she had chosen chicken, though Sadie had a feeling that since most everything in the restaurant had been destroyed, her sister would soon be wanting more bison meat.
Well, as soon as they settled with the insurance and started to rebuild. Most everything would have to be gutted, new tables and chairs purchased, stoves and ovens replaced, bathrooms redone, the works. But their father had insured the place well, and there would be no problems.
The last she heard, the fire marshal had said faulty wiring in the banquet room caused the blaze. What accounted for the malfunction of the sprinkler system, they might not ever know. Still, the lot would be replaced. And thankfully, aside from a little water damage, Esther’s bakery and back room apartment had all been spared.
“Okay.” Mamm peeked out of the downstairs bathroom, rubber gloves on her hands as she scrubbed. Sadie had never seen the woman clean so much in all her life. But without the restaurant to run and keep her mind off other matters, Mamm had taken to scrubbing the house top to bottom. Of course, it didn’t hurt that church was at their house in another three months. The Amish took a long time to clean their houses in preparation for their church service, and Maddie was no exception.
Sadie let herself out, lightly touching the elephant necklace where it lay against her skin, under her dress where no one could see it. Despite what she had told Ezra, she couldn’t take off his necklace. It was a gift from the heart and something she always needed to remember. Once upon a time a Mennonite boy had loved her, and she had loved him back. But things weren’t meant to be. She had made her deal with God and now she had to see it through.
