“So, uh, straight porn, huh?” Jackson says, startling me into nearly dropping my phone.
The expression on Jackson’s face doesn’t give anything away and my heart starts to pound. He wouldn’t dump me over this, would he?
“Yeah, before I got the job at Ballsy. I only filmed a couple of videos and I was underwhelmed with the payout, to say the least. I heard whispers that gay porn paid a hell of a lot better, especially if you’re willing to bottom. So, I started looking into the studios in town. Ballsy had by far the best reputation, so I applied,” I explain. “I probably should’ve told Bear about doing straight porn, but I was afraid he wouldn’t hire me if he knew I wasn’t gay. It’s not like I was some sort of star in straight porn, I was nobody. I figured no one who mattered would ever see these videos.”
“That makes sense,” he says, face still carefully blank.
“Are you mad?”
Jackson hangs his head and shakes it a little.
“Honestly? I feel pretty blindsided. I don’t understand why you didn’t tell me about this.”
“I should have,” I agree. “I’m sorry.” Standing up, I step into his arms and press my face into his firm chest. His body is stiff, which is the only sign he’s giving that he’s not thrilled with me right now. “When I got hired at Ballsy, I lied to Bear about it. He asked if I had any experience in porn and I told him no. Now, every time I think about it I feel sick to my stomach, worrying that Bear will find out and fire me. So, I try not to think about it.”
“You already know I don’t care about how you make money. I understand you do what you have to do. But I don’t want to be lied to or kept in the dark. I may not be a relationship expert, but I know that’s not how they work.”
“I know,” I assure him. “I promise, there aren’t any other secrets.”
The tension in his body eases and he finally hugs me properly, brushing his lips against the top of my head.
“No more secrets.”
I nod against his chest in agreement. “Is Katie pissed?”
“A little, but she says it’s fixable,” Jackson assures me. “She says you may have to do a magazine interview to explain things.”
“Whatever you need me to do,” I assure him. “But first, I have to head down to Ballsy and explain things to Bear. If he fires me, I have no clue what I’m going to do.”
“It’ll be fine.” He kisses the top of my head and squeezes me tight in his arms. “No matter what happens, it’ll all be fine.”
The words I love you are on the tip of my tongue again, but I bite them back just in time. This isn’t the time for that, not when my porn career has once again put his acting career in jeopardy for the second time in two weeks.
“I’ll be back in a few hours. You can tell Katie I’ll do whatever she thinks is best to minimize the backlash on you.”
After a slow lingering kiss, I leave Jackson and go to face Bear.
“Come in,” Bear calls when I tap at his office door. “I thought I might be seeing you today,” he says when I open the door.
“Yeah, well…” I give him a wry smile, closing the door behind me as I step inside and take a seat. “I take it you’ve seen the video?”
“I have,” he confirms. I can’t tell from his tone how he feels about the whole situation, and he doesn’t give me any more to work with, simply waiting for me to say what I came here to say.
“I should’ve been upfront with you about doing straight porn before you hired me,” I say and then launch into the explanation of how I came to do porn in the first place and what lead me to Ballsy Boys. When I’m finished, it feels like there’s a huge weight off. All that’s left is for the axe to fall.
“I understand,” he responds when I stop talking. “And you can go ahead and breathe because I’m not firing you.”
“Oh, thank fuck,” I let out a relieved breath along with a laugh.
“I don’t give a good goddamn if you’re gay, straight, bi, or whatever else. You do your job and you get along with everyone here, that’s what matters,” he assures me. “However, Rebel is concerned that some of our viewers may want an explanation, so he had the idea of filming a round-table-type video where you sit down with the rest of the guys and explain the situation to them, then he’ll post that for our subscribers.”
“Okay, I can do that,” I agree. “When?”
“I should be able to get everyone in here tomorrow, if that works for you?”
“Sure, might as well get it over with.”
I leave Ballsy studios feeling a hell of a lot better than I’ve felt in ages. Every single one of my secrets is finally out in the open. Now it’s only a matter of absorbing whatever reactions everyone has now that my last card is on the table.
I’m about done with nervously awaiting reactions from people. I’m glad my final secret is out in the open and this will be the last time I have to deal with it. Obviously, the rest of the guys don’t have the power to fire me like Bear did, but in some ways their reactions feel more important. We’re supposed to be friends and I can only imagine how betrayed they felt finding out I was keeping this from them.
With a deep breath, I push through the door and step into the studio. The main set looks like a living room today and for a second I enjoy the comforting feeling of my body assuming we’re going to film a scene with group sex on the couch, rather than sitting in a circle and sharing our feelings.
All the guys are there, chatting and smiling while they wait for me. As soon as they realize I’ve arrived, conversation grinds to a halt and all eyes are on me.
“Hey guys,” I say awkwardly.
“Hey, come sit down.” Pixie pats the open spot on the couch while Rebel jumps up to mess with the camera pointed at the set.
“Nothing to stress about, this is just a chance to clear the air and answer questions our subscribers may be having,” Rebel assures me. “We can keep this casual and light, and if we need to cut at any point, let me know.”
He presses some buttons and then returns to his own seat.
“I want to start by apologizing. I felt horrible keeping this secret from you, but after I lied to Bear in the interview, I was afraid if I admitted the truth I would lose my job. I thought if he knew I wasn’t gay, he wouldn’t want me working here,” I explain.
“You thought he’d fire you for being bi?” Brewer asks.
“Actually, at the time I thought I was straight,” I confess.
The guys share skeptical looks with each other. “But you are bi?” Heart checks.
“Yeah. I’ve only recently figured that out.”
“Because you fell in love with Jackson?” Pixie supplies, even though he already knows more about this than the rest of the guys.
“Yeah, and a really smart guy yelled at me about bi erasure,” I joke, shooting him a wink. “I think I didn’t fully understand what it meant to be bisexual, which was why I didn’t realize that I was until Jackson came along and kind of messed up my world.”
“In a good way, right?” Heart checks.
“In the best way.”
“But, I don’t understand, if you thought you were straight, why do gay porn?” Tank asks.
“It pays more. Women can make good money in hetero porn, but men don’t make much at all, unless they’re big stars,” I answer with a shrug. “My mom is sick and I needed all the money I could get, and Ballsy Boys is the best paying studio in the city, gay or straight.”
A murmur of understanding goes through the group.
“Is your mom going to be okay?” Pixie asks.
“She’s…well, she’s better than she would be if I was making minimum wage.”
Pixie wraps his arms around me and squeezes tight and it’s not long before the rest of the guys join in, all surrounding me in a giant group hug.
“Thanks for understanding, guys. I’m so sorry I lied for so long. I didn’t know what to do and I was carrying so much guilt over it. I thought the lies made it easier to keep Cam
py separate from my real life, but I think it was really just tearing me apart.”
“No more lies,” Pixie concludes.
“Oh yeah? So what’s going on with you and Bear?” Heart asks with a cheeky grin in Pixie’s direction.
“I meant no more secrets from Campy,” Pixie answers, sticking his tongue out at Heart. “And I have no idea what you’re referring to.”
“Riiiight.”
A laugh goes through the group and any lingering tension seems to fade. After Brewer and Tank’s recent confessions about their relationship and going to school, and now with my own shit out in the open, it feels like we’re all closer than ever.
“You know what would be fun?” I say, looking at Rebel. “We should film a giant orgy. You could even come out of retirement for just one day for it.”
As the idea sinks in, everyone starts to talk animatedly about the possible positions and combinations of it and Rebel suggests into the camera that viewers should weigh in on what they think of this idea, adding a wink before getting up to shut off the camera.
“Thanks again for understanding, guys.”
“You’re not the only one who has struggled with reconciling these two parts of your life. We’re all good. And if there’s anything we can do to help with your mom, let us know,” Rebel says.
“You don’t have to do anything,” I wave the suggestion off.
“You know, Bear’s always looking for charities for Ballsy Boys to donate to. Remember, we went to the breast cancer one in honor of my mom?”
“Yeah? You think he’d donate to MS too?”
“I’m sure he would. Pick out a foundation you want to donate to and I’ll get the whole thing set up. We can do an event or just donate, every little bit helps.”
“Thanks, Reb, it means a lot.”
“Anytime.”
After filming the sit-down with the guys and having it posted all over our social media, Katie had it edited so the part about the orgy was cut out and sent that to all the mainstream media outlets as well as attaching a “statement” from me about the whole thing, which seems to be smoothing everything over.
With all of my secrets finally out in the open, it feels like the wall between Cameron and Campy is crumbling. And, to my surprise, it feels a lot better than I expected it to. Maybe because it was never two separate people, it was me tearing myself in two to keep everyone I cared about in the dark. I’m whole again and it feels fantastic.
35
Jackson
When my agent calls me and says we need to talk, my first thought is that I’m about to get fired from the show. Color me stupid, but I can’t think of any other reason why she would call me in for a meeting. And not just any meeting, but a meeting that has to be scheduled with some urgency.
Please, no more surprises, is all I can think. Cameron and I finally have that whole horror of his porn career and that video leaking behind us. We’re in a good place, and I want to keep it that way. How many more bad news days can there be?
Well, my parents still aren’t talking to me. My mom does text me every day, God bless her. I’m sure my dad doesn’t know. She’s just telling me to be patient, that it’s gonna take time. I know that, and I haven’t lost hope, but it still hurts. Luckily, Brax is on me like white on rice, texting me every day and keeping my spirits high that everything will be all right. All I can do is hope that whatever news my agent has, it’s not gonna make things worse.
When I show up at her office, I’m more than a little nervous. In hindsight, I should've asked her what the meeting was about, but I didn't. I'm not sure if it was because at the time she called I was too scared or what, but I never even thought to ask. I just assumed it was bad news. Turns out, I’m wrong.
"So, Jackson," Marsha says, leaning forward in her chair. "I've heard some really interesting rumors.”
My stomach drops. Rumors. That can’t be good news, can it? What has she heard about me?
"No need to look so worried," she says, sending me an assuring smile. "It was a good rumor. A very, very good rumor."
I can't prevent a sigh of relief escaping, but then the meaning of her words registers. What could she have possibly heard that is that good? Luckily, she doesn't make me wait long.
"I heard from a reputable source that the network has agreed to a second season of the show,” Marsha says, her face beaming.
It takes a few seconds before it sinks in, but then I let out a loud whoop of joy. "You're kidding me!"
Her face mirrors the joy that has to be visible on mine. "I assure you, I’d never be so cruel as to joke about something this important. The network was overjoyed with the ratings for the first season so far, and to keep the fans engaged, they've decided to renew for another season and announce this as soon as possible. And they want you on the show for the second season."
Oh. My. Goodness. My head dazzles with the implications. "What does this mean for me? Will it be the same contract?"
Marsha shakes her head. "Don't you remember when we discussed your contract that we put in a clause that if there was a second season, you will get a substantial raise? This is why we did that. Now, it's not official yet, and we’ll have to wait until the network formally contacts you, but when they do, we can negotiate a rewarding contract for you based on the provisions in the existing one. You're a viewer favorite, Jackson, and we'll capitalize on that."
My mouth is suddenly very dry, and I have to swallow before I can speak. "I am?"
"Didn't you see the breakdown of the ratings I sent you?"
To be fair, I did look at her email, but all I saw was that I was doing well with viewers, particularly with women. I never bothered to look at the numbers of the others on the show, figuring I only needed to focus on my own performance.
"You're the highest-rating star on the show, especially in the core demographic, which is women between twenty-five and fifty. They used terms like hot, sexy, and attractive to describe you, and nearly ninety-five percent said you were a major reason for them to watch the show.”
My mouth drops open a little. “Really?”
Marsha chuckles. “Kid, there were many demands for more sex scenes for you. My guess is you’ll be spending a ton of time without your shirt on next season.”
I consider if I should feel even slightly offended at that, then decide I don’t care. “Thank you. That’s amazing news.”
Marsha nods. “It is, and the fact that you’re so popular is why you'll be able to basically set your own terms for your contract renewal. I'm not saying you should buy a mansion in Beverly Hills just yet or go shopping on Rodeo Drive, but you won't have to worry about your credit card bills anytime soon."
I close my eyes, the feeling so overwhelming that it's hard to even breathe. This is everything I have ever dreamed of, and it's right here, right now. I can't believe my luck. I can't wait to tell Cameron about this. He'll be so happy for me.
And then it hits me.
"Marsha, not to sound too greedy, but can you give me a ballpark of what I can expect in terms of a salary increase?"
She nods briskly. "Sure. I've already made some calculations based on various scenarios. It all depends on whether you prefer to lock yourself in for multiple seasons or not. Usually, when you are willing to negotiate on a season-by-season basis, you're able to get a better deal. The higher payment offsets the lack of job stability, obviously. Here," she says, pushing a sheet of paper toward me.
“Here are three likely scenarios for what you can expect, based on a season-by-season negotiation, a contract for two seasons, and a contract for three."
I have to take a deep breath before I dare to look, but when I do, the numbers in front of me are so staggering, I'm short of breath anyway. It's overwhelming and impossible and inconceivable that they would pay me this much money to do something I love so much.
I’ve done it. I’ve followed my dream and made it come true. This money is the proof that I did it, that my gamble paid off.
Bu
t more than anything, this money represents my future with Cameron. With what I will make, it will be enough for him to stop working for Ballsy Boys and go to veterinary school. Call me sappy, but that means more to me than any Porsche or house I could buy. I don’t need a mansion or expensive clothes. All I need is for him to be happy, for us to be together.
I can't wait to go home and tell him.
Campy
Jackson bursts through the door like a kid at Christmas, practically glowing as he crosses the living room in two strides and lifts me off the couch, surprising a decidedly unmanly squeak from me. Clutching at his broad shoulders to keep from falling, I laugh as he spins me around until I’m dizzy.
“Oh my god, I’m going to puke if you keep this up,” I warn, and he stumbles to a stop, dropping me onto the couch and then leaning down for a kiss just as enthusiastic as his entrance. “Someone’s in a good mood today,” I say once the kiss ends.
“I got some incredible news,” he explains.
“Oh yeah? Tell me.” I scoot over a few inches and pat the cushion beside me. Collapsing onto the couch, he tugs me onto his lap, still smiling like a maniac. “Come on, the suspense is killing me.”
“The show’s gettin’ renewed,” he finally reveals.
“That’s great. I knew it would, I’m so proud of you.”
“That’s not even the best part.”
“It’s not?”
“Well, it is, but there’s more than that,” he says. “Apparently I’m a fan favorite and my agent thinks we can ask for more money. A lot more money.”
“Holy shit, seriously?” His excitement is infectious. “How much?”
“More than enough,” Jackson huffs out a laugh. “Plenty to buy a ranch like you wanted, and move your mom out there with us, and pay for round the clock caretakers for her, and pretty much anything else she could possibly want or need. Enough to send you back to school and let you quit doin’ porn.”
My smile slips as he lists off all the things he wants to do with his newfound wealth, my stomach twisting and my heart thundering.
Campy (Ballsy Boys Book 4) Page 24
