I decided to take the path of no resistance and drove the rest of the way to Ben’s without responding. Jake simmered with fury while both girls sat in the back seat and wailed. Their distress fed on itself until it reached epic proportions. He got madder, they cried louder, and I hunched over the steering wheel and drove. I pulled into the driveway ready to scream.
Ian’s black car was parked in the drive.
I’d never been so glad to see anything in my life.
My desperation melted away at the sight of him getting out of his car, leaving in its place a quiet sense of rightness. He looked like a fallen angel, dressed all in black. A sexy-as-hell smile tilted up the corners of his mouth.
I parked next to Ian. Jake slammed out of the car and threw his backpack down on the driveway. Maryann gathered her things, tears pouring down her cheeks. I took Amy out of her car seat, set her on her feet, and reached in to get the stuffed Benjamin Bunny that had fallen to the floor. Jake stormed up and snatched Benjamin, the car keys, and Amy’s hand. “Come on, Amy. I’ll take you inside.”
Maryann slumped behind them, dragging her sweater on the ground. I stood alone with Ian in the drive feeling as if I’d just been mauled by a pack of hyenas.
He opened his arms to me and I slid my hands around his hard middle under his open leather jacket.
“Having a bad day?” Ian tightened his arms around me.
“I don’t know what happened,” I whined. “They all just exploded at once.”
“Ahhh,” he said, as if that explained everything.
“God, you smell so good.” I pressed my face into his shoulder. “I’ve missed you so much.”
“Mmmm.” He laid his cheek against the top of my head. “I’ve missed you, too. When can I take you away from here?”
“Tomorrow sometime. Depends on what flight Ben can get. I wish he’d get the knack of planning ahead.”
Wisely, Ian didn’t respond to my whining complaint. “Call me when you get home.” Ian tipped my chin up with a finger and kissed me, a long, lingering kiss that reminded me exactly what I was missing. “Save the rest of your weekend for me?”
“Mmmm.” I kissed him, letting him know that I’d follow him home now, if I could. “I can hardly wait.”
“Aunt Casey!” Maryann stood at the front door. “The computer’s not doing right. I turned it on, but the screen won’t do anything.”
“I’ll be there in a minute.” I held Ian close one more time, inhaling one more infusion of his comfort and strength before heading inside.
“Do you need my help?” Ian offered.
I was on the verge of saying yes when Amy bolted onto the front porch, wrestling with the snap front of her jeans. “Casey! I have to potty! Hurry!”
Ian held his hands up in surrender, clearly deciding this kind of trouble was out of his league. He chuckled and turned me toward the front door, giving my behind a pat to get me going. “Have fun.”
CHAPTER THIRTEEN
I woke Saturday morning with Amy’s arms and legs flung over me like a starfish on a rock. Sun shone through the bedroom window even though a steady rainfall pattered on the roof. The rich, chocolatey aroma of coffee called out to me. Easing myself out from under Amy, I padded into the kitchen. Ben stood at the counter, pouring coffee into a mug. Gilded by the rain-diffused light coming through the window over the sink, he belonged in a Maxfield Parrish painting.
After all these years, he still looked like the man I’d once fallen in love with.
It was I who had changed, and I wondered how much.
Lizzie sat at Ben’s feet, her expectant gaze turned toward him. She pawed at his jeans-clad leg.
“Yeah, yeah, dog. I see you.” He tore a chunk off the bagel he was eating and handed it to her.
I waited for the familiar feeling of guilty, reluctant attraction to grab me, but it didn’t. Instead, and maybe even more disturbing, my heart felt like it had been filled with warm honey. I realized, with a flash of intuition, how Melody must have felt every time Ben came home from a business trip.
As if she somehow stood here, inside my body, showing me what I could have if I wanted, I felt my heart expand with the comfort and security of a deep, abiding love that had endured years of changes and come back stronger with each one. “Ben, you’re back. When—”
“I got a late flight.” His voice was gravelly from lack of sleep. “Got back around three in the morning. Slept on the couch.”
Lizzie looked around at me and I scowled at her, stalling for time while I tried to absorb my strange shift in emotion. “Some watch dog you are.”
She grinned at me briefly, then waggled her little stub tail and returned her attention to Ben. I love you, but he has bagels.
Too bad life isn’t as simple for people.
Ben patted Lizzie on the head and gave her the last bite of his bagel. “She knows her people, don’t you, girl?” He glanced over at me, looking almost the same as he’d looked when we were in high school. Taller, more muscular, but with the same handsome face I’d once loved. I could easily see how it might have been if I’d taken the other path, if I’d made the choice to stay in Angel Falls with Ben.
I knew, without a doubt, that I could pick up the thread I’d dropped and move on as if the missing chunk in the middle had never happened. Was that what I wanted? I didn’t think so, not anymore. But Melody’s voice whispered in my ear—this was a sure thing, while my infatuation with Ian could still go either way. As could his infatuation with me.
“Here’s your coffee.” Ben handed me a cup already doctored with milk and sugar, exactly the way I liked it. “Do you want a bagel?”
I shook my head and took a sip of coffee, still stuck in a weird déjà vu twilight zone in which suddenly I had changed places with my doppelganger and begun living the life I’d left behind at that last, major crossroads.
Was my doppelganger now in New York, rehearsing for the next performance?
Ben sat at the kitchen table, unfolded the newspaper and shook it open to the front page. “How did things go?”
I pulled myself from the strange fantasy playing itself out in my head. “Interesting.”
“Oh?” He turned down the edge of the paper to look at me, and raised one eyebrow in that way that hinted at a bit of devil hidden behind his angel face. His blue eyes sparkled in the watery light that poured through the window. “Tell me.”
“Everything was fine, really.” I moved to sit across from him. I felt comfortable with him, as if we’d been living together for the last twelve years. I took another sip of coffee, and looked out the kitchen window at the now-vacant bird feeder Melody had hung on the dogwood tree. Something real to anchor me in the here and now.
Ben shot an inquiring look over the top of the newspaper. “And?”
“Amy was wonderful, as always. Maryann has been wonderful, too. She’s been helping out with the housework and the laundry, and getting Amy ready for preschool in the mornings.” I paused, when I should have kept going. “Jake...”
“Was not wonderful,” Ben supplied.
I regretted that pause. “He’s having a hard time.”
Ben made a sound of agreement. “Tell me about it.”
“We had an incident you’ll need to discuss with him.”
“What did he do?” Ben and I knew each other so well, I read all the unsaid things into those four words: I know he’s a handful, I’m sorry you had to deal with him, I’ll punish him and make him apologize.
“No, it’s nothing like that.” I hurried to correct Ben’s impression. “He had a wet dream. He thought he’d wet the bed. I had to explain—sort of, anyway—that it was normal for boys his age.” I waved my hand to close the subject. “You’ll have to really explain it to him. I don’t think I did so well.”
Ben laughed, reaching out to cover my hand with his. “Poor thing.”
“Yes, he was mortified.”
“No. I meant poor you, having to deal with that.”
“
It was okay.” It seemed that Ben and I had slipped right back into our old souls-bared way of speaking about anything without embarrassment.
Ben laughed. “Thank God it was you instead of Lois with the kids last night. I don’t even want to think about how she’d have handled the situation.”
Again, warm honey trickled into my heart. I guess I would always love Ben, one way or another. I shrugged. “We did okay.”
“I can’t thank you enough. But I could at least take you to dinner tonight. I’m sure Lois would keep the kids.”
“Oh, Ben. That’s sweet, but I can’t.”
“You can’t?” Ben folded the paper down and peered at me. It must have been something in my voice. “What’s up?”
“I, um... I have a date.”
“Oh.” He was clearly surprised I had a date. “We’ll go Sunday, then.”
“A weekend date,” I clarified.
Ben’s mouth dropped open. “You... have...” he enunciated slowly, “a weekend date. As in all weekend long, nights included. You’re kidding.”
I sat up, bristling. “Now why would you think no one would ask me on a weekend date?”
“That’s not it.” He put a hand on my shoulder. “I mean, it’s just not like you, that’s all. I didn’t even know you were dating anyone, unless—”
“Well, I guess I am. You remember that time you were late and—”
Ben dropped all pretense of reading the paper. He folded it and put it back on the table, curiosity and... something.... in his eyes. “Not... Not Ian Buchanan.”
My face heated, ramping up slowly but getting steadily hotter, until it was all I could do not to pick up one of the vinyl placemats and start fanning myself. I felt like a wife announcing her plans to commit adultery. “Yes. Ian Buchanan.”
“You’re joking.” Ben laughed, looked away, then looked back again. When I couldn’t stop blushing, his smile morphed into a look of amazement. Amazement, and something else. Jealousy?
“You’re not joking. Casey, Melody told me you hated him. What was it you called him? The Newspaper Nazi?”
Had Melody told Ben absolutely everything? What other secrets had she told him about me? “I was wrong about Ian.” I sniffed. “I didn’t know him then.”
“And you do know him now.” A hard note crept into Ben’s voice. “Just how well do you know him, Casey?”
“It’s none of your business, Ben,” I snapped. “Drink your coffee. Read your paper. I’m going home.” I flounced out of the kitchen, but the effect of my exit was ruined because I still wore my chenille robe and fuzzy slippers, and because I’d have to get dressed and pack my bag before I could actually leave.
*
The serenity of my clean, quiet home welcomed me. I checked phone messages then took a long, soothing bath. With both phones muted so I wouldn’t be disturbed by weekend telemarketers, I spread a towel over my pillow and indulged in a naked nap while my hair dried. I couldn’t wait to see Ian, but wanted to be rested and refreshed when I did. I didn’t want to look like the desperate woman he’d seen yesterday afternoon in the driveway.
A while later, dressed in clean jeans, with my teeth and hair brushed, I went to call Ian, only to find that he’d left a message while I was napping. My shoulders slumped when I heard his deep voice. “Lass, I’m so sorry, but I have to cancel our plans. Something’s come up. I’ll talk to you later. Bye.”
I looked out the window at soggy gray skies that promised more rain. After a couple of hours of slumping around the house, I called my mom.
No answer.
I called Meredith Sutton, the ballet mom I’d visited with briefly at Ben’s after the funeral.
“’Lo?” Her husband answered, in that soothing voice of his that was deep as the ocean but soft as a sigh.
“It’s Casey. Is Meredith there?”
“She’s at work.”
“Oh.” I’d thought she was a stay-at-home mom.
“She’s working part-time at Murphy Realty while she studies for her realtor’s license. Do you want that number?”
“That’s okay. Just tell her I called. Bye.” I felt like everyone in the world was out doing something except me and Ben. I dialed his number.
He answered on the second ring. Ben and I were, in fact, the only two people on the face of the earth at home on a rainy Saturday afternoon.
“Hey, Ben.” I tried to sound nonchalant though I knew there was a forlorn note in my voice. “My weekend plans fell through. Could we still go out for dinner tonight?”
“Sure.” Ben sounded pitifully eager, didn’t even ask why I was suddenly available. I knew I’d latched onto a kindred spirit, another lonely soul who didn’t want to be left alone with his thoughts. “Let me call Lois and see if she can babysit.”
“You don’t have to do that. We could take the kids somewhere. The park and then McDonald’s, maybe. They’d like that.”
“Oh, please.” The grimace was plain in Ben’s voice. “Please don’t make me do that. I’ll call Lois and then call you right back.”
“Okay.” I hung up and watched out the window as the skies started spitting rain. Again.
Now I’d be going out to dinner with Ben. Why didn’t that make me feel better?
I slouched in the quilted reading chair, taking comfort from Chester’s fat feline form in my lap. His nasal purr started up the moment I started petting him, and his ecstasy-inspired drool dripped onto my leg, darkening the denim. “You are a totally worthless cat.”
Chester blinked his crossed blue eyes and purred even louder.
The phone rang. Expecting Ben to call, I picked up the receiver, still petting Chester’s back with long, smooth strokes. “Hey, Ben.”
Silence on the other end, followed by a low, throat-clearing sound. “It’s not Ben.”
Well, shit. It was Ian, clearly not happy that I was expecting a call from Ben.
“Um,” I faltered. My gut felt like it was shrinking, curling up like a snail that had just been dosed with salt. “I wasn’t—”
“Expecting me to call?” Ian finished my sentence smoothly, with a light tone that didn’t fool me, not even a little.
“Well, no, I wasn’t.” My gut kept shriveling, but the rest of me decided to fight back. A smidgen of huffiness crept into my tone. I’d have been with Ian right now if he hadn’t broken our date. “Not since I got the message you left earlier.”
“As I said, something came up. I’m very sorry—”
“So I heard,” I interrupted. I took a breath. My gut was recovering from the shock of hearing Ian when I’d expected Ben, and the rest of me had begun to calm down as well. “I’m sorry, too. I’ve been looking forward to seeing you all week.”
Ian was silent for a second. So was I, and I had time to wonder why we were so stiff, so angry, so adversarial. Neither of us had done anything wrong.
“So,” I tried to infuse warm nonchalance into my tone. “Is the something that came up over now, or still ongoing?”
Just for a heartbeat, I could have sworn I heard a woman’s voice in the background, and my whole being went on high-alert. I almost decided I had let my imagination take over. Or at least, part of me did. The rest of me was busy imagining scenarios that didn’t include me.
“It’s still ongoing,” Ian responded. “It looks like I’ll be... unavailable... until late tomorrow afternoon.”
“Okay,” I said brightly, like he’d just offered to buy me a new car. “I’ll see you tomorrow evening, then.”
“Great. I’ll call you.”
Did that mean I’ll call you, as in I’ll-call-you-don’t-call-me? What, exactly, was going on? “Okay, fine.” My voice sounded unbearably chirpy. “I’ll talk to you later. When you call me.”
“Lass...” his voice was tentative, as if he wondered why I wasn’t sounding like coconut-covered meringue on a sweet pecan pie. “Is everything all right?”
“Everything is super-fine.” And fuck-you-very-much-for-taking-the-time-to-call. “By
e.”
“Goodbye.” His voice was quiet, resigned, as if he’d meant more than an ending to a phone conversation.
I put the receiver back in its cradle, and spread a hand over my belly, trying to soothe the ache. My gut had shriveled again, knotted-up over an innocuous little phone call, in which very little was even said.
The stuff that wasn’t said sat at the bottom of my stomach, a heap of empty snail shells. The phone rang again, and Chester leapt down from my lap with an indignant sniff but didn’t slay my thighs. Was Ian calling back to apologize and confess whatever he’d been holding back? Hope and despair battled over my vocal cords. I made myself answer, and came out with a wimpy, raspy, “Hello?”
“Hey, Angel,” Ben said. “Are you all dressed-up?”
Did Ben think I’d been prettifying myself since he hung up, just in case we had a date? Did men think our lives revolved around them? I tugged at the ragged collar of my sweatshirt, peered at the bags under my eyes that I could see from a distance in my reflection in the living room window. “Hells, yeah. I’m looking like a million dollars right about now. Can’t wait for you to see me.”
“Good. I can’t wait to see you, either. I’ve made a reservation at The Plantation.”
The Plantation was an intimate, expensive restaurant on the far side of the neighboring town. “That sounds great, Ben.”
“I’ll pick you up in ten minutes.”
“Make it fifteen, and I’ll be ready.”
I exchanged my slumming clothes for the velvet sheath dress I’d worn on my date with Ian, brushed my almost-dry hair, and put on mascara and lipstick so it would look like I’d tried. Wondering why I didn’t just stay home by myself, I fed Lizzie, made sure Chester still had plenty of food, and topped up the communal water dispenser.
I could stay home by myself. I probably should stay home by myself. I was more-than-likely whipping myself into a frenzy over nothing, but couldn’t stop obsessing long enough to rein myself in. Ian breaking our date just didn’t feel right. There was something going on that he didn’t want to confess. Maybe it was nothing, but if it was nothing, why didn’t he just explain?
Angel Falls (Angel Falls Series, #1) Page 15
