by Shayla Black
Since her dismissal, the ER had been blissfully peaceful. Even Marcella had been nicer. And instead of Heavenly being worried about placating Kathryn in order to get a decent recommendation after graduating from nursing school, Nurse Lewis had all but assured her that she had a job if she wanted one.
It was a relief.
Too bad graduation wasn’t coming anytime soon.
With a sigh, she stepped off the bus, avoiding a twitching man who looked wild-eyed and picked at his pockmarked face as she dashed toward the pharmacy. Thankfully, the first official day of spring was tomorrow and she had a bit more sunshine to walk with every day. The trek to this discount location was necessary…but had been a little scary during the dark winter months.
Heavenly waved at the camera, and they buzzed her through the barred door without incident as she clutched her purse. It held exactly three hundred twelve dollars. Once she left here, she’d have eleven dollars and some change to feed her and her father for the week, but he would have his life-saving meds. Nothing else mattered. At least not for nine days. That’s how long she’d have to come up with the rest of the rent. It was a tall order, but she’d learned to flirt better at Bazookas. Tips were slowly improving. It would be all right.
There was a line at the pharmacy, and the wait took longer than expected. Finally, she reached the counter and smiled at the tech, who nodded and reached into the bin for her father’s meds.
He glanced at the invoice stapled to the cluster of bags. “That will be eight hundred four dollars and seven cents.”
She froze. “There must be a mistake. It’s always three hundred dollars and twelve cents.”
It couldn’t be more than that or she’d have to dip into her already depleted rent stash to afford it. And then where would the money to put a roof over their heads come from?
The fifty-something man shrugged and pointed. “This one isn’t covered by your insurance anymore. And this one had a price increase as of March first.”
He handed her the invoice. She looked down at the numbers. The bold black digits swam in her eyes. But the damning facts blared at her in black and white.
The cost of her living had just increased by twenty-five percent without warning, and she had no way to pay for it.
She tried not to cry. Where would she come up with another five hundred a month? Would she have to resort to stripping? Prostitution? She was already eating as little as possible and had whittled their living expenses down to nothing. It was impossible to find a cheaper apartment. She’d looked, especially after Mr. Sanchez had hit on her.
Heavenly swallowed. Panic encroached. The man behind the counter was staring. She didn’t know what to do.
Blinking, she forced herself to look at the numbers again. “I-I’ll take these two today and come back for the others tomorrow.”
“Sure.” He rang them up and took her money as if he wasn’t completely terrifying her. As if he wasn’t forcing her into an awful position.
She hadn’t even managed to wrest control of her trembling hands and get her change into her wallet before the tech was leaning around her and helping the elderly gentleman just behind.
After picking up the meds, Heavenly stumbled out into the last of the March sun. She gulped in brisk air, trying to find calm, doing her best not to crumble and fall.
Why the hell was she so alone in the world? Because she had no siblings to share the responsibility. No aunts or uncles or cousins to help her carry the load. Because her own mother hadn’t loved either of them enough to stay and bear the responsibility.
It had taught her a valuable lesson.
Beck and Seth care, maybe even love you. They vanquished Kathryn for you…
She bit back a sob. Yes, she could just picture going to them and begging for forgiveness one minute…and money the next. She’d look disingenuous, gold-digging, and heartless. They might have contempt. They might even hate her.
There had to be a different way. She’d figure it out, get creative. There were other opportunities to make money, right? Maybe she could talk to Nurse Lewis about cutting back her hours at the hospital for a few months…but she couldn’t until May. Her nursing school gave her class credits for volunteering thirty hours a week. She’d graduate faster and spend less money on tuition by getting this valuable experience now.
The world is a hard place, and I’m not staying when it’s only going to get harder. Take care, kid…
Heavenly pressed a hand to her chest and shoved back the final words her mother had uttered to her before waving good-bye and driving off for good.
Letting out a shaky breath, she reviewed her options as she made her way to the bus and slid into an empty seat on numb legs. She stared sightlessly out the window as she reviewed the facts. One, she had enough money for everything except the rent. Two, if she didn’t have her father to worry about, she would go homeless until she could scrape together more funds, but she couldn’t have a man as sick as him on the streets, and she wasn’t naive enough to think she could show up at the VA hospital, sob story in hand, and convince them to admit her father until she found someplace else to live. Three, Mr. Sanchez had given her a way to pay the rent.
She just had to be brave enough to give him what he wanted.
Heavenly closed her eyes. Was she really going to have sex with her landlord?
Wasn’t it a small price to pay to keep her father safe, warm, comfortable, and happy?
Yes.
But she’d be damned if she’d sacrifice her dignity and her virginity to that man. He would not be her first sexual partner. She had so little control over anything in her life, but by damned, she could control this. Beck and Seth had shown her it could be good. She didn’t want her first memory of intimacy to be so bad.
Gosh, she’d give anything to choose one—or both—of them to be her first. At the thought, she laughed out loud. Several people on the bus stared at her as if they worried she’d come unhinged. Obviously, she had. What a lovely, ridiculous fantasy.
What a waste of energy to ache for something that couldn’t possibly happen. She loved them too much to give them hope, only to walk away again.
So…she would have to think of someone not hideous to break her hymen. Someone she would be safe with. Someone who would be kind. Someone who would do his best to make it all right. Someone who didn’t care why she was having sex with him and wouldn’t ask too many questions. Her choices were limited.
Dr. Manning had given her a very wide berth since Beck had stepped in on her behalf, thank goodness. She barely knew anyone else at the hospital. She’d had a few friendly conversations with one of the new interns who was both gay and newly married. Sure, she could pick a random customer at Bazookas. At least one hit on her every shift. But she’d be a piece of ass to them. It would still feel cheap. If she was going to do something that meaningless, why not just sleep with Sanchez?
The only other people she knew in LA, she’d met through Raine. As soon as that realization streaked through her brain, the choice became obvious: River. He was still looking for a job. He had time on his hands. He liked women—a lot, from what she’d heard. He wouldn’t mind doing her a favor, right?
Gosh, she hoped not. She didn’t have many options, but she’d visit him tomorrow and find out.
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
Thursday, March 30 (again)
Seth stood on the back deck at Hammer, Liam, and Raine’s house, sipping beer. A few friends from Shadows lurked nearby, laughing. He didn’t feel like joining in. He glanced at his phone. Heavenly still wasn’t here. She would come to her own birthday party, right? She wouldn’t let Raine down simply to avoid him and Beck.
He hoped not.
Suddenly, the doctor strolled up beside him. “Anything new?”
Seth shook his head. “Nothing beyond what I’ve told you.”
His search hadn’t netted much information. He’d been able to uncover Heavenly’s birth certificate, some high school records, and previous addre
sses in Wisconsin. None of that told him jack shit. After narrowing his focus to the LA area, he’d found even less. It was like tracking a ghost. She had no California driver’s license, bank account, credit cards, not even a fucking address anywhere on record.
He’d know more about her if he could follow her bus in LA traffic, but that had proven to be a bitch. Sure, he knew the route, just not where Heavenly got off. If he knew the city better, he’d wait at different stops on different days. In New York, he’d have already discerned hers and gotten a feel for her neighborhood. LA didn’t work the same. Still, what kind of PI couldn’t follow one woman home?
“Any luck with Nurse Lewis?”
“No.” Beck sighed. “I’ve tried three times, this last time with chocolate and charm.”
Seth slanted a glance his way. “You’re not charming.”
“Obviously not, since she won’t let me see that file.”
“Damn it. Is Heavenly talking to you at all?”
“Nope. I’m still taking her lunch, but she’s not saying anything more than ‘thank you.’”
“I’m getting the polite routine, too.” He hesitated. “Is she eating?”
“I’m not sure,” Beck admitted. “I’m busying myself with post-op visits and office appointments after I take her tray. The last place I want to sit by myself is the cafeteria. But if I had to guess, not much.”
“She’s lost weight.” It was obvious. “There’s something more going on with her. I can tell. I can feel it. The last week or so, she’s been…”
“Pale. Withdrawn. Jumpy. I’ve noticed.”
“And sad.” Seth shook his head. “No, more than that. She’s growing more fucking despondent every day.”
Hell, she wasn’t even giving him a muted smile anymore. Just one unguarded moment, a stare that reminded him of their instant, jolting connection. Then she’d bow her head and look away. It fucking shredded his heart. How could she visually cling to him, then simply blink and disengage?
Beck nodded. “Exactly. I don’t know why. It’s not Kathryn. It’s not even the rest of the slut squad. After their ringleader got canned, I hear they’ve been on their best behavior.”
“This feels like way more than petty work shit. Do you think whatever’s troubling Heavenly is the reason she suddenly left us?”
Liam had warned them over a month ago to “peel her open fast.” They hadn’t succeeded, hadn’t even come close. He had a bad feeling that the looming darkness shrouding her with trouble had already come.
“I don’t have a fucking clue and I wish I did.” Beck sipped his beer, too. “Any idea what you’re going to say to her tonight? This might be our last chance, you know?”
Oh, Seth was well aware of that. She was like sand slipping through his grasp, and no matter how tightly he tried to hold on, she kept falling right between the cracks of his fingers.
“I’ve already tried so many tactics. Small talk gets me nowhere, and she doesn’t respond to confrontation. She just shuts down. What about you?”
“Same.” He raked a frustrated hand through his hair. “She trusts me. I think she trusts you, too. But only to a point. She’s closed off.”
“Yep. And I have to wonder…” Seth sighed. “If whatever caused her to put up barriers is the reason she thinks she can’t have a future with either of us, despite her obvious feelings.”
“I don’t know. But we can’t let this party end before we figure it out.”
“Amen. First, we have to find her.”
A flash of golden hair caught Seth’s eye through the kitchen window. He leaned left for a better view, eyes narrowing. There was Heavenly. Finally.
She and River were deep in conversation. It didn’t look like party chatter. In fact, she looked decidedly uncomfortable as she sipped her wine. River pressed closer, got in her face.
What the hell?
“Are you seeing this?” Seth elbowed Beck, then pointed to the window.
The doctor turned his head and froze. Silently, they watched Heavenly’s brow wrinkle as she tried to back away. River wasn’t having it.
“Enough to know I’m ending that fucking conversation.” Beck made a beeline for the patio door.
“Damn straight.” Seth was right beside him as they filed into the kitchen, shoulder-to-shoulder.
“Sweetheart, you don’t know squat about satisfaction,” River began. “Here’s what I think happened. You haven’t so much as flirted with another man. You don’t understand why ‘lovely’ sex is bad because you’ve never had it. In fact, not only did you not have sex with this mysterious ‘stud,’ you haven’t offered the virginity you asked me to take to anyone else.”
A visceral, hot rage pinged through Seth. Heavenly had asked River Kendall to take her virginity? When? And fucking why? Seth was more than willing. Beck, too.
Beside him, the doctor stiffened. “What. The fuck. Did you say?”
“Get out,” Seth snapped at River. It didn’t matter that Raine’s brother obviously hadn’t followed through on Heavenly’s offer. He still wanted to strangle the bastard for not bothering to mention a word of this to either him or Beck. He and River would be having a conversation later that wouldn’t require words. “Now. While you can still walk.”
River held up his hands in surrender. “Hey, just so you know, I turned her down because I like my balls where they are.”
At least River had been that smart.
“That’s the only reason you’re getting to keep them,” Beck insisted. “Seth told you to get the fuck out.”
Raine’s brother didn’t need to be told twice. After wishing Heavenly good luck, he beat a hasty retreat.
As soon as he’d gone, the silence in the kitchen turned deafening. He and Beck both leveled pointed glances at Heavenly. They wanted answers. She stepped back like she was trying to shrink into herself. Her expression held a motherlode of guilt.
That expression fucking gutted him.
Finally, Heavenly drew in a shaky breath and pasted on a too-bright smile. “Hi, guys. Can I get you a drink?”
A drink? Was she kidding? Oh, she had guts. He’d give her that, but her piss-poor attempt at redirection only made him want to light up her ass, demand answers…then fuck her senseless.
He stood, arms crossed over his chest, eyes narrowed, fury pinging. Beside him, Beck adopted a similar stance. But she was too innocent to understand the hard, uncompromising Dom in their demeanors.
“I don’t want a fucking drink,” Beck growled. “I want to spank your ass until I get some answers.”
Seth snorted. “I was just thinking the same thing.”
“What the… Why in the holy, ever-loving hell did you…” Beck sputtered, obviously too stunned—or too pissed off—to string a sentence together.
“Offer River fucking Kendall your virginity?” Seth couldn’t keep the snarl out of his voice.
“What he said.” Beck tossed a thumb his way, giving Heavenly the brunt of his displeasure.
She glanced down at her drink, the vino trembling against the glass as her hand shook. “You shouldn’t care if I’m a virgin anymore.”
Seth froze.
Beck grabbed her wine and slammed it on the island, then he lifted her chin and pressed his thumb in, forcing her gaze to his. “Are you saying you’re not? If you didn’t give it to River, who fucking took it?”
Heavenly dodged his question. Beck verbally thrust back, and they slung volleys back and forth. Every one of her evasions frustrated the hell out of Seth, but he gave Heavenly credit for moxie. She didn’t turn tail and run. She simply jerked from Beck’s grasp, lifted her chin, and took their fury in stride.
As much as he itched to mete out discipline that would make sure she never lied to him again, he couldn’t deny that he found her breath-stealingly gorgeous.
But he’d heard enough bullshit.
“Well, as the other guy who’s had his fingers—and his tongue—inside you, I think I’m entitled to know who supposedly popped your
cherry.”
She tried more dodging and ducking. He played along for a minute to see if she’d cough up information. But admitting his first sexual encounter had been in the men’s room of a White Castle at fourteen hadn’t persuaded her to be equally forthcoming. His patience was running on fumes.
Apparently, so was Beck’s.
“Who did you fuck?” the doctor demanded. “We’re waiting for an answer.”
“No one you, um…know.”
When she tried to break free from them again, Beck grabbed both wrists and anchored himself in her face, inches from her flushing cheeks. Seth struggled not to devour her where she stood. The trembling of her lower lip and the way she swiped her tongue across it had him seething and starving for her. Didn’t she understand how fucking badly he needed her?
“Let’s try the truth.”
As Beck barked, Seth looped behind Heavenly so they surrounded her—so she couldn’t escape—and grabbed her hair in his fist. He tugged until he had her attention, then bent to her ear. “If you lie again, we’ll find a quiet corner and prove our threats to spank you weren’t empty.”
He glanced at the doctor. Yeah, he might be giving away too much, but a glance told him Beck was totally on board.
Heavenly’s pale cheeks flared rosier. The pulse at her neck jerked faster. And when Beck cupped her face, she gasped. Fuck, Seth could see how wide her eyes had gone, how dilated her pupils. No missing the poke of her nipples under that thin red T-shirt she wore. Then the musk of her arousal hit his nose, and he was fucking ready to tear down the house—hell, the world—to get her into his bed. To get her back into his life.
“Spank me? I’m not a misbehaving child.” Her voice sounded nervous and breathy.
“You’re not, but that won’t stop us from firing up your ass. Because let me tell you, little girl, no other man better be the one to make you a woman.”
“That’s for one of us,” Seth cut in.
