by Aliyah Burke
And things were different now. She’d lost her fiancé and her best friend. Survivor’s guilt, the therapist called it. A therapist she no longer saw.
“Kami?”
“Huh?”
“Lost you there for a moment. I asked you if it was that big of a deal if they knew?”
Such incredible blue eyes he had. Made her want to immerse herself in them. Finishing up the last fry, she made a production of pulling out and opening the other container. Carrot cake.
“Kami.”
“Best of friends, Caleb. They’re the best of friends. What am I going to say if our thing here ruins that? I…I…can’t risk that.”
His jaw set. “So you’re willing to ignore what’s between us based on the possibility of what may happen to our parents’ friendship.”
He made it a statement.
“Did it ever occur to you, Kami, it might actually work between us?”
Evan’s face flashed through her mind. “I…Evan…it…” She couldn’t get the words out.
He scowled at her. “Evan is gone, Kami. And he wasn’t the one for you.”
Anger flared, and she jerked from her seat, hands slamming on the tabletop. “Don’t you dare!” she shouted. “He was perfect.”
“Of course he was,” Caleb drawled calmly, which was a huge contradiction to the frustration in his gaze. “Just not for you.”
“You’re a real bastard, Caleb Moser. I was engaged to him. I happened to think he was just perfect for me.”
“Then you need to stop lying to yourself.”
She didn’t want to hear it. Didn’t want to acknowledge it. “Why are you doing this?”
He pushed to his feet, kicked the chair aside, and planted his fists on the table. “Because you need to face it and move on.”
“What, are you a therapist now?”
“No, but I do know what survivor’s guilt looks like. Do you really think they want you to live a half-life?”
“You didn’t know them! You don’t—”
“Bullshit, Kami!”
“What?”
“You’re spouting bullshit. Missy was your best friend. Yes. She loved you. Yes. You wear the necklace she gave you and never take it off. She wouldn’t want you to spend your days hiding from life.”
Her hand automatically touched the necklace. There was no sympathy in his gaze. She saw anger and it confused her. What could he possibly have to be angry about?
“You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Really?”
Her breaths came sharp and fast. “You’re just mad I said no to you but yes to Evan.”
His eyes flashed dangerously. “I’m mad you won’t let go and move on.”
“He was murdered!” she screamed. “Taken from me.” Tears blurred her vision.
Strong hands gripped her arms. “Yes, Kamden. Missy is dead. Evan is dead. But you’re not.”
Pain tore through her. “And you think I will just come to you next? Evan was amazing, kind and loving.”
His face was right in hers. “And yet, your heart, body, and soul still cried out for me.”
Caleb’s words were blunt, straightforward and damn it all, too true. She hated herself for it. Their deaths were her fault.
“You’re such a fucking ass, Caleb,” she said, ripping from his grip and smacking at him when he reached for her again.
“I know.” He walked away and left her alone in the kitchen.
Sagging into the chair, she cried. Didn’t try to stop it. Didn’t try to reason it. Just did it. Her throat was sore when she managed to drag her head up from the tabletop.
The house was silent, and she noticed Caleb had cleaned up her dinner trash. She’d not even been aware he came back in. The house felt stifling and suffocating. Trying to control her breathing, she went to the room Caleb where put their bags and grabbed hers.
Writing a note, she swore and crumpled it. Then tried again. Bag in hand, she went to her car and left him there in the house. Tears threatened again and she blinked them away. She had to get away.
From everything.
αβ
Caleb returned from his run, finally having gotten his emotions under control. He wanted to seek out his bed and crash. It had been a long and emotional day. The thought of curling up against Kami’s warm body made his own tighten with eager anticipation.
Yes, he’d been an ass saying what he had about Evan. He felt bad but, damn it, he hated how she seemed so blasted determined to put her life on hold because of what happened.
Sliding open the door, he called out for her. “Kami?” No answer. “Kami?”
He went down the hall and paused by the bathroom door. It sat open and he frowned at the unease that filled him. Surely, she wouldn’t. Surely she didn’t.
Even as he entered the bedroom, he knew she’d done just that. Jesus, Kami. Why do you keep running?
Not that it mattered. He’d let her go before and had almost lost her. The hell he’d be doing it again.
He showered and dressed before grabbing his cell. Caleb scrolled through the contact list for the number he wanted and pressed the call button.
“Dr. Strong.”
He grinned at her response. She’d not checked caller ID.
“Running is never the answer, Kami. I’m disappointed. Didn’t figure you to be a pussy.”
“I seem to spend my life disappointing people, Caleb. Why should you be any different?”
“Because you love me.”
Click. She hung up on him. He went to the couch and sat, propping his feet up on the coffee table. Then redialed.
“What?” Her answer was crisp.
So she did use caller ID. “I asked you to marry me and you ran. I know you love me.”
“Arrogant much?”
“Kami, come back and talk to me.”
“Why?” she snapped. “According to you, I’m hung up on Evan and yet even though I had agreed to marry him, I still want you. What more is there to say? You have told me all how it is.”
Click.
Okay, so this wasn’t as amusing the second time. Gritting his teeth, he called her back.
“Not in the mood, Caleb.”
“You’re going to make me force a face to face, Kami.”
She snorted. “What can you do?”
He took a deep breath. “Tell our parents.”
A charged silence before she spoke again. “You wouldn’t. Besides, they probably already know.”
“Coming back to talk to me?”
“Fuck you, Caleb Moser. Fuck. You.”
He ignored the words. “All I want is to talk.”
“So you’re blackmailing me.”
“I’m pressing what little advantage I have.”
She huffed. “Won’t do you any good. They won’t be together for a while.”
“Don’t bet on it.” He scratched his arm and stared at his left hand. It was full of scrapes and scars. Not pretty.
“Why? Planning on calling them and saying get together?”
She had such fire. Such passion. If only she would…He let it go.
“Don’t have to. Serenity’s birthday is in a month. Did you forget?”
Her hitched breath and muttered cursing gave him his answer. “You have until then to talk to me in private. After that…the gloves come off, Kami.”
“Damn you, Caleb.”
“Call me.” He hung up and blew out a breath. This could very well backfire on him, sending her further away. He was ninety-five percent sure it wouldn’t, betting on the fact—or was it hope—her feelings for him were strong enough to keep her from hightailing it out of his life forever.
There was no call from her over the weeks leading up to the birthday party. He did his best not to think about her, yet it never failed that her name was on his lips when he woke in the morning. Finally, the day came for him to leave and as he disembarked from the plane and reached in behind the seat of the small bush plane for his rucksack, his h
eart thundered in anticipation.
“Caleb!” a familiar masculine voice called to him.
Waving to the pilot who saluted back, he shouldered his bag and turned. Brandt, Serenity’s husband, leaned against an older model charcoal gray Dodge 1500.
“Good to see you!” Brandt met him partway and embraced him.
“You, too,” he replied. “Am I the last one in?”
“No. Kam hasn’t arrived yet, either. Let’s go, they’re holding dinner.”
His heart sank. She wasn’t here. Tossing his bag in the back, he opened the door then climbed in. He gazed around as Brandt drove. Alaska was a very beautiful place. They held an easy conversation during the drive, and he sat a bit straighter when the octagonal home came into view.
“Caleb!” Laila was the first one down the steps aside from the German shepherds. She jumped at him, hugging him tightly. “I was wondering if you were coming at all.”
“Just a bit delayed.”
Hugs continued until only his father was left. “Hello, Dad.”
Derek Moser stared at him. “Son.” They embraced. “Good to see you. We need to talk after dinner.”
He had a feeling he knew what about. “Yessir.”
After the meal, he accompanied his father out onto the porch and leaned against the railing. He stared out at the beauty offered.
“Are you planning on telling your mother?”
He sat on the rail so he could see his papa. “Tell her what?”
“About you and Kam. If she doesn’t already know.”
“With all due respect, sir, that’s between the two of us.”
His dad laughed. “Really? The daughter of one of your mom’s best friends? And you think she’s not going to get involved?”
He blew out an exasperated breath. “She’s making me insane. She refuses to talk to me. She’d not been sleeping and came to California to see me.”
“I know. Laila said.”
He really needed to have a conversation with his baby sister about keeping secrets. “What do I do?”
“There’s no easy answer. Kamden’s a spirted, passionate woman. Some of that was lost after Taiwan. But you bring it out in her.”
“She has survivor’s guilt.”
“Her time in Taiwan was traumatizing, son. She needs to come to terms with it.”
“I know it was, Dad. I found her in that cave. But she’s not dealing. She’s shutting out life.” His voice had an edge to it.
“She came to you, Caleb. She trusts you.”
“So long as no one knows about us,” he spat.
“You’re the one who turned her away years ago, Caleb. She was engaged to be married to another.”
Those words cut deep. Wait, how’d he know about the refusal? “You knew?”
A hand clamped him on the shoulder. “We both knew, Caleb.” Lane stood there, before handing them each a beer.
Shit. Both fathers. Although Lane’s wasn’t full of anger, more love and concern for his child.
“Son, let me tell you what your grandfather Jacob did. He moved your mother away because he wanted her to have more. A chance to experience life without me in it. It wasn’t an easy road to get her, but I will tell you this. It was so worth it. I don’t regret any of the sweat I expelled chasing after her.”
“Same with me and Kenya. These women are good with excuses. I’ve always admired you, Caleb, and think you would be a perfect man for my daughter.”
He flushed at praise and took a drink. It wasn’t often a man said that about anyone after his daughter. “How did you get Kenya to agree to marry you?” Caleb knew the story of his parents.
Lane’s mouth lifted in a contented smile. “I’d asked her to dinner at my parents. She’d been so swamped with school and I wanted it to be special.”
Caleb listened avidly as a man he respected and admired greatly told him of how he proposed to his wife.
“I told Kami we had to talk or I’d tell everyone here we—” he slammed his mouth shut.
“About your relationship?” Lane asked, one eyebrow raised.
“Exactly.” Damn, I almost told him I’d been sleeping with his daughter. No matter how much he likes me that would not be appreciated. “Where is she?”
“Surgery. She had to help cover another shift. The doc scheduled was in an accident. She’ll be here tomorrow. Plane comes in early.”
He shifted his weight as an idea came to him. “Who’s picking her up?”
Chapter 12
Kami took her time disembarking from the plane. It was early here, and she’d told her father to not bother coming at this time to get her. She’d take a taxi. Stifling a yawn, she stood and reached for her carryon to depart. Inside the Alaskan airport, she paused at one of the large windows to stare out at the stunning view.
No wonder Serenity and Brandt live out here. It’s gorgeous. Hopefully this would give her a slight bit of rejuvenation. Continuing on, she headed for baggage claim. She took her time listening to her mp3 player as she wove amongst the few people there.
There were few people by the carousels, so she placed her bag on the chair beside her and waited for the flashing light to come on, warning her the belt would begin moving. A few more matriculated near as the light flashed. She shouldered her bag and strode to an open spot just as the first bag fell.
Hefting her bag from the belt, she set it by her feet. She crouched and ensured the lock was still closed and intact. The music in her ear reached a crescendo, and she stood before glancing over her shoulder.
Her breath left her in a rush and her traitorous heart kicked into high gear. Damn, damn, and double damn. Standing with one shoulder braced against a support pole was a man with café au lait skin, short black hair, a few inches over six feet, and the most incredible kingfisher blue eyes she’d ever seen. He wore well-worn faded, midrise boot cut jeans and a pullover, which was nicely detailed with zippered pockets. More importantly, it showcased his broad shoulders.
Caleb.
She should have known. She really should have, but honestly, when her departure got pushed back she’d not given it any thought. Her goal was to make it on time for the celebration.
Her legs became a bit weak when she finished her perusal of him and met his eyes. The answering flare of heat she’d witnessed faded and his expression morphed into a blank slate.
He pushed away and approached. “Hi, Kami,” he said, reaching down and claiming her bag. “Ready?”
She stood there speechless. What the hell? She expected a hug, kiss, something. Anything more than she’d gotten. You’re the one who continually runs from him, her brain chimed in.
“Sure,” she muttered, readjusting the strap on her shoulder and removing her earbuds.
He spun around, lifting her bag with ease. She bit the inside of her cheek at the view of his ass walking away. Blowing out a harsh breath, she set off after him and did her best not to ogle him. Not an easy feat.
She worried she may have run one to many times. Shouldn’t he try to convince her to marry him again? At least show some interest?
“Your dad said you had some emergency. Did it turn out okay?” He waited for her by the door.
She wanted to be wrapped up by his iron-infused arms, feel the warm touch of his lips upon hers. With a frustrated groan, she dug her nails into her palms to keep from reaching for him. “Yes, thanks for asking. I just need a bit more sleep and I’ll be good to go.”
Christ. They were acting like strangers. She hated it. He nodded and gestured for her to precede him. She blocked another yawn as she went. Caleb was close but never physically touched her as he directed her to the vehicle. She smiled at the sight. The large truck was one of Serenity’s. It was older but ran like a champion. Bags tossed in the backseat of the quad cab, she climbed in.
Caleb got them on the road after flirting with the lady who was at the booth. Normally that sort of flirting wouldn’t bother her, but this time it did. A lot.
Because he’s tr
eating you like y’all didn’t share what you did or that he asked you to marry him? It was her subconscious this time who contributed the unnecessary and definitely unwanted commentary.
“Can we grab a coffee?” she asked.
“Sure.”
Soon they stood in line at the shop. His large presence behind her, both comforting and distracting. For being so early, the shop was fairly busy.
She placed her order then glanced at him over her shoulder. “Want anything?”
“Just plain coffee for me.”
She added his to her bill and paid for them both, ignoring his protest. “It’s not like a cup of coffee will break me, Caleb,” she said as they waited.
“Thank you.”
That was all he said. She would swear he watched her, but anytime she looked at him, he wasn’t paying her any mind. She exhaled and shifted her weight.
“You okay?”
His gaze waited for her and she forced a smile. “Just a bit tired is all. Plane ride wasn’t enough to catch up on what I’ve missed. Just need my caffeine.”
He grabbed their drinks. “I know how that feels.”
Of course he did. Sometimes she forgot he wasn’t just Caleb, the man she loved, but also Caleb Force Recon Marine.
Her stomach flipped as their fingers brushed along one another. If only she wasn’t so…nope! Not going there. She brought her caffeinated beverage to her lips and took a sip, welcoming the burn.
“Let’s go.” Caleb gestured to the door.
She deliberately brushed against him on her way. He stiffened for barely a second, but it was something. The ride back was mostly silent, broken up by a few neutral questions. The rest of the ride, she stared out at the beautiful Alaskan scenery.
When they turned into the drive, she gasped with pleasure.
“Kami?”
“I’m fine. I’ve just always loved this house. Always. To see this every morning, instead of a city…” She sighed and unbuckled her belt as the truck came to a halt.
