When Leslie told the Jack Lukeman camp that Alexandra had been found, he offered to sing at her funeral. The family was blown away by his kind gesture, and so he sang Breda Walsh’s favorite hymns for the girl who had died on the way to pick up tickets for his show. Tom got up and spoke about his wife—how they had met, how they had fallen in love, the reasons he had loved her, the reasons he would always love her. He spoke about their plans and dreams and disappointments. He spoke about her sense of humor, and he ended it reading from the last note Alexandra ever wrote to him.
“Alexandra always had the last word in our house, so I think it’s only right that she gets the last word today.
“Tom,
“When you are shopping can you pick up the following:
Bread
Milk x 2
Water x 4
Spaghetti
Mince (Lean! Make sure it’s lean and not the stuff they call lean and charge half price, because it’s not lean. I want lean cut right in front of you and I don’t care how much it costs.)”
The crowd laughed a little, and Tom read on.
“Tin of tomatoes
Basil
A clove of garlic
Wine, if you don’t still have a case or two in the office, and make sure it’s not Shiraz. I’m really sick of Shiraz.
“If you want dessert pick something up.
“I’m meeting Sherri for a quick drink at 5. She has the Jack Lukeman tickets so I took money from the kitty to pay for them. I’m taking a ticket for you so if you don’t want to go, text me. I’ll be home around 6:30. Your aunt called. She’s thinking about coming to Dublin next weekend. Try and talk her out of it. I’m exhausted and can’t handle running around after her for 48 hours straight. Your aunt is on cocaine. I’m not messing. An intervention is needed.”
Again the crowd laughed a little and smiled at the words from a girl who couldn’t be boring even writing a shopping list.
“Oh, and dishwashing liquid. And will you please call someone to get the dishwasher fixed?
“OK see you later.
“Love you,
“Alexandra
“P.S. When somebody close to you dies, move seats.
God, I love Jimmy Carr.”
The crowd laughed and then they clapped, and Tom looked down to where Jane was sitting beside Leslie, and she nodded and smiled because he’d done her old friend proud.
Tom led the mourners to the graveside, and Jim held Leslie and Jane held on to Elle, who had been allowed out of the hospital to say her own good-bye. Rose stood to the side with Kurt and Irene. Alexandra’s family bowed their heads in grief and gratitude that the worst of their suffering was over. Whatever the police investigation might uncover, Alexandra was safe now. The priest anointed the coffin and said his prayers; Jack sang as they lowered her into the ground. When everyone had gone, Tom was left alone staring at the mound of fresh flowers covering his wife, who had been dead well over a year. Jane let the others go to the car and joined him. She slipped her hand in his, and he squeezed it.
“The inquest will take at least a year,” he said. “I don’t even know if I can bear to hear the details.”
“She’s at peace now,” she said. “That’s what matters.”
“I hope so,” he said. “I’m going to go on that trip.”
“Good.”
“You’re sure you won’t come?” He turned to look at her.
“This is something you have to do on your own.”
“Too soon.”
“Too soon.”
And together they walked away from Alexandra’s grave and to the waiting cars. Tom stopped and turned to look at the grave one last time.
‘If somebody close to you dies, move seats,’ you said. So that’s what I’ll do. I love you.
March 15, 2009
Dear Tom,
As you know, the postmortem revealed that Alexandra died of asphyxiation. What it didn’t reveal was that she was a fighter, but you already knew that. Our forensics team found skin cells under her nails, and although this DNA is not currently in our database we believe that it is only a matter of time before we find the person responsible for her death, and when we do, Alexandra will help us put that individual away.
On a personal note, I just want to say that I’m so sorry for your loss. I’ve never said that out loud and I wanted to. Although I didn’t ever meet your wife, through you I came to know and care for her. Trust that no matter how long it takes, we will keep looking and we will get justice for you, for her, and for her family.
Now remember what I said—live your life, you’ve lost enough.
Sincerest regards,
Trish Lowe
Patricia Lowe
Family Liaison Officer
Clontarf Garda Station
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: You’re not going to believe what I’m doing
Aug. 20 (3 days ago)
Tom,
It’s only been 8 months and it feels like a lifetime has passed since I drove you to the airport. It’s been fantastic to keep up with all your adventures through the blog that Leslie set up. Good old Leslie. As you know, she and Jim are engaged, but did you know that she’s opting for a breast reconstruction? Probably not. I only heard it through Elle, and she wasn’t supposed to say anything. Anyway, I’m delighted for her. How’s India? The last time you blogged you had the trots. I hope the situation has resolved itself and you are no longer a slave to your bottom half. Anyway, I’m writing to tell you that I applied to study Medicine as a mature student and I got in!!!!! I know it sounds insane, but the gallery isn’t doing a lot of business at the moment and, let’s face it, the way things are going we’ll probably have to shut our doors in a few months. Elle isn’t ready to paint yet, and when she does I think it’s healthier for her to work with someone else. I’ve told her and she agrees. I have money saved, and, besides, I know I’d love doing Medicine. I’m so excited. I’m going to be starting in the College of Surgeons in October, which I’m very relieved about, because Kurt would have had a fit if I joined him at Trinity.
Elle is well. She’s taking some time off and she’s reading a lot about her condition. She’s looking at alternative therapies and Christ knows what else. I swear if she read that painting your ass red and dancing the conga helped she’d do it, but so far so good. She’s working with her doctors and she seems happy. I don’t really know anymore. I just have to trust that she’ll be okay. Maybe when I’m a doctor I can find a cure. I’d put in one of those smiley faces in that people do to suggest they are joking, but I’ve forgotten how to.
Anyway, I just wanted to tell you my news.
I miss you.
Jane X
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: You’re not going to believe what I’ve just done
Aug. 21 (2 days ago)
Jane,
I am so proud of you. I think it’s amazing and brave and I know that you can do it because you have proved you are capable of so much. I also know that you will make a fantastic doctor because you’re kind and caring, and even when those around you are driving you up the wall (how is Rose, by the way?) you have the patience of a saint. I wish you all the luck in the world, but I know you don’t need it.
I left India yesterday. My head and my ass had an argument, and my ass won. I wished I could have stayed on, but honestly the water was killing me. I’m en route to Kenya and I can’t wait. I have an old pal living there. He’s part of a construction team building houses, so I’m thinking about sticking around there for a while and working with him. It will be good to get my hands dirty again. I hear the Neil Mellon Township Trust is looking for volunteers to build homes in South Africa in March, so I’m going to head that way and give them a hand although I think I have to get sponsorship. Tell you what—if you come out, I’ll sponsor you and you can sponsor me. Think about it, ten
days can change not just their lives but yours too.
I really miss you too and look forward to the day I see you again.
Tom X
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: I don’t believe you!
Aug. 22 (1 day ago)
Jane,
I just got an e-mail from Tom congratulating me on getting new tits!!!!! I can’t believe you told him.
Mortified!
Leslie
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: I don’t believe you!
10:20 P.M. (3 hours ago)
See Leslie’s mail. I think I just landed you in it!!!! Sorry.
Jane
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
cc: [email protected]
Subject: I don’t believe you!
1:20 P.M. (1 hour ago)
No problem. These days I blame everything on the medication.
Elle
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: I don’t believe you!
1:21 P.M.
Elle,
You just cc’d me, so now I know your dirty little tricks!
Leslie
To: [email protected]
From: [email protected]
Subject: I don’t believe you!
1:21 P.M.
L,
You see, I would never have done that if I wasn’t on medication!
xE
READING GROUP GUIDE
Alexandra, Gone
Anna McPartlin
SUMMARY
When Alexandra Kavanagh disappears one afternoon, it changes everything—not just for her husband and family, but for long-lost friends and complete strangers as well. In a strange twist of fate, her husband, Tom; former best friend, Jane; Jane’s sister, Elle; and the terse stranger, Leslie, are trapped together in an elevator at a concert. They form an unlikely bond, culminating in a pact to do everything they can to find Alexandra. The three women, however, have problems of their own, which are thrown into sharp relief by their efforts to help Tom Kavanagh find his wife.
Jane is the rock of her family, constantly caring for her teenage son, Kurt; artistic and unstable sister, Elle; and alcoholic mother, Rose. But as she invests more and more in the search for her friend Alexandra, Jane thinks back on her teenage years and begins to wonder what happened to her dreams. Elle, abandoned by her lover and beginning to doubt her artistic talent, struggles in the search for Alexandra and in her unlikely new friendship with the reserved Leslie as her unstable emotional state escalates. Leslie, terrified that she will develop the cancer that has ravaged her family, tries to find her way in the world again after years of self-imposed isolation.
As the search for Alexandra progresses, each person unearths truths—some less welcome than others—that they must face, lest they become lost themselves.
QUESTIONS FOR DISCUSSION
1. At the beginning of the novel, who did you believe was to blame for Alexandra’s disappearance? Do you agree that Alexandra is not “the type” to abandon her family and husband? Did you ever suspect Tom?
2. Every New Year’s Eve, Elle writes a letter to herself with a list of things she wants to accomplish in the coming year, and digs up the previous year’s letter to compare her resolutions with her accomplishments. Do you have your own New Year’s ritual? How often do you keep your resolutions?
3. After her sister Imelda’s death, Leslie is overwhelmed by her family history. She withdraws from the world until her chance meeting with Tom, Elle, and Jane pulls her back. What would you have done in her place? Is it better to know the possibilities, even if the knowledge leads to fear, or do you agree with her niece that it’s better not to know and to just live instead?
4. When did you first realize that there was more to Elle’s behavior than simple whimsy or selfishness? How often does creative talent disguise or excuse deeper emotional and/or behavioral problems in our society?
5. Dominic chooses college and a career over a shotgun wedding with Jane in high school. Do you agree with his choice? Were those truly his only options, or was there a third choice he didn’t consider?
6. Irene’s mother, Martha, accuses Jane of being overly permissive with Kurt and Irene (allowing them to drink, sleep together, etc.), while Jane believes that Martha is the worse parent because of her extended absences and strained relationship with her daughter. Whom do you agree with? Is it better to have potentially dangerous behavior going on in a safe environment, or should Jane have tried harder to prevent these behaviors?
7. Is Tom’s relationship with Jeanette truly “cheating,” or is it an understandable error on his part? Is Jane’s violent reaction based on true indignation on behalf of the absent Alexandra, or on her growing emotional attachment to Tom?
8. Breda’s faith keeps her going in the early months of Alexandra’s disappearance, but eventually it wears thin. She tries to make a bargain with God, takes to her bed, and develops a terminal illness, all within a short time span. Are these three things related? If yes, in what ways? Does Breda’s faith help her through her time of need, or does it actually make it harder for her to let go?
9. What is the driving force behind Elle and Dominic’s affair—her mental illness, the forbidden nature of the entanglement, or something else altogether?
10. When Elle learns that her father committed suicide and that she shares his “temperament,” she begins to have visions of joining him, and eventually tries to kill herself. Is her attempt prompted by her discovery about her father? Could Jane have handled this revelation of family history differently, in a way that perhaps would have led to a different outcome?
11. Leslie, in order to move on with her life free of the fears that have plagued her, elects to have extreme surgery—a hysterectomy and double mastectomy. Would you have done the same? What are your feelings about elective surgeries like these? Are there cases in which they shouldn’t be allowed, or should it be entirely up to the patient?
12. At the end of Alexandra, Gone, Tom and Jane both get second starts in life—Tom as a traveler and philanthropist, and Jane as a doctor. Would they have had these second chances without the traumatic experiences they went through? Is it easier to change direction after a trauma?
13. Each chapter begins with a verse from one of Jack Lukeman’s songs. How did these lyrics influence and enhance your reading of the subsequent chapter?
A CONVERSATION WITH ANNA MCPARTLIN
In your introduction, you mention that Jack Lukeman and his fans were a source of inspiration for this novel, in particular the relationship that the fans develop with Jack and the band without ever knowing them personally. What do you think it is about music that lends itself to creating those kinds of relationships? Do you believe the same thing is possible for authors and readers?
I think people respond to others’ talents. I don’t think an author can possibly have the same relationship with the reader as a performer—whether it’s a good singer, actor, or comedian—has with his or her audience. I’ve been at gigs that Jack has played and you literally could hear a pin drop, the audience was so enthralled. It was fascinating to witness.
Alexandra, Gone was originally released in Ireland under the title So What If I’m Broken. What led to the title change? Were there other things changed to adapt the book for a U.S. audience? Does the title shift change the book for you, personally?
I hated the title So What If I’m Broken, but my publishers in Ireland really liked it, as did the buyers and retailers, so I didn’t get much of a choice. I’m much happier with Alexandra, Gone. The title was changed to suit the market, so it gets a little confusing. I find it difficult to keep up, never mind my poor readers!
What led you to choose a missing person as the pivot point of the novel? Have you experienced a disappearance in your own li
fe?
When Maddie McCann went missing while her parents were on holiday in Portugal, like everyone else I was completely horrified, and as time went on I started dreaming of this poor child. Her face was everywhere, and I remember watching out for her and doing a double take whenever I saw a little girl who matched her description. Alexandra came from the feelings Maddie stirred in me.
Art and music are an integral part of Alexandra, Gone, and are clearly topics close to your heart. How do these interests inform your writing process? Do you listen to certain musicians, or surround yourself with certain artists’ work?
Music informs everything I write. Every book I’ve written has its own soundtrack. When I get the idea for a novel, I upload between five to ten CDs onto my computer and I listen to them, and only them, until the book is finished. The music is my way in and out of the world I’ve created.
You start each chapter with a verse from one of Jack Lukeman’s songs. Describe the process of putting together the lyrics and the novel.
I listened to all of Jack’s albums for six months solid before I even typed one word. Elle came to me during one of his shows. He was performing a capella; it was a heartbreaking song and the audience was still and silent; then he burst into this huge up-tempo big-band song, and the audience started to dance and sing …and in my mind Elle was born. The rest of the characters all came from particular songs. Tom comes from “Lost in Limbo,” Jane was born with “Keep Dancing,” and Leslie comes from “I’ve Been Raining.”
Alexandra, Gone highlights many complicated issues—mental illness, addiction, cancer, missing persons, and teen pregnancy, to name a few. Which did you plan to address, and which cropped up during the course of your writing? What kind of research was involved to get all the small, essential details?
I never plan to address any subject or issue. I dream up characters and the story comes from them. I knew the moment I dreamed up Elle that she was bipolar although I never actually diagnose her in the book. I knew that Leslie had lost her entire family to cancer and I knew that Jane was living a kind of half life and that Tom was experiencing a living hell. After that, the story told itself.
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