by Katie Tsang
‘Oh hi, Sam! Did your finger get stuck to the doorbell?’ Bernard’s dad grinned. ‘I didn’t think I’d see you till tomorrow morning when we pick you up to go camping. I bet you’re excited – I know I am. It’s going to be great for you kiddos. Getting out into the great outdoors, breathing in all that fresh air, camping under the stars, exploring the wilderness. All that good stuff.’
‘Hi, Mr Wilson,’ I said, ignoring everything he’d just said. ‘Is Bernard home? It’s VERY IMPORTANT.’
‘Is everything all right?’
‘It will be,’ I said seriously.
‘Well, okay then. Come on in.’
I squeezed past Bernard’s dad, ran up the stairs to Bernard’s room and flung open his door. Bernard was reading on his bed.
‘We have got to get out of camping,’ I said breathlessly.
Ten minutes later, I’d explained to Bernard that, actually, he was right, and that camping was a terrible idea.
‘Remember the bears, Bernard? And the poison ivy? And what about wolves? It’s going to be too risky. We’ve got to stop it. We’re the only ones brave enough.’
Bernard frowned. ‘Brave enough to stop the camping trip?’
‘Exactly! Brave enough to SAVE everyone from certain disaster. Like getting lost in the dark woods and eaten by bears. OR WORSE.’
‘Or worse?’
I lowered my voice. ‘Bernard, do you know how dark it is in the woods? VERY DARK. Darker than this.’ I covered Bernard’s eyes with my hands.
‘Ow! You poked me in the eye!’
I’d done that by accident, but it actually helped to prove my point.
‘Imagine if my finger had been a SHARP THORN that you’d walked into! Or a RAMPAGING BAT!!’10
‘Sam,’ said Bernard, pushing my hands away from his face. ‘You said camping would be fun. And that you would go with me if you could. Well, now you can!’
‘And I WOULD. But this isn’t about you and me, Bernard. It is bigger than us!’ That’s something Spaceman Jack always says when he’s trying to convince Captain Jane to do something.
‘What do you mean?’ Bernard asked.
I grabbed Bernard by the shoulders and shook him. I’d seen Spaceman Jack do that too. ‘THINK OF THE SHIP, BERNARD!’ I opened my eyes as wide as I could to really get my point across.
‘Sam, is this a SPACE BLASTERS thing again? You’re acting weird.’
‘I’m only trying to save you, Bernard. It’s what friends do.’
‘I think you just don’t want to go camping,’ said Bernard.
I looked at the bed and saw the cover of the book he’d been reading. It was called Mountain Man: How to Survive a Bear Encounter. I held up the book. ‘Books won’t save you from bears, Bernard.’
‘They might! I’ve learned lots of stuff in that one. Such as if you see a bear, you should either (a) try to scare it by making yourself bigger or (b) play dead.’
‘THOSE ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS, BERNARD! I CAN’T MAKE MYSELF BIGGER AND PLAY DEAD AT THE SAME TIME. I DON’T EVEN THINK I CAN MAKE MYSELF BIGGER.’
I was pretty sure I could play dead though. The live mice we feed my pet snake Fang do it all the time.
‘Listen, Sam, my dad has gone camping loads of times. He gave me this book! And this one!’ Bernard held up another book with the title Camping: Be One With Nature. ‘And you know how big my dad is. He won’t even have to try to make himself bigger if we do see a bear.’
He had a point.
‘And I’ve done the maths,’ Bernard added.11 ‘Statistically, at least seventy-five per cent of us will survive. With you and Stanley coming, that increases our odds!’
‘But my chances of surviving would be one-hundred per cent if I didn’t go,’ I said, proud of myself for also knowing how to do maths. ‘And it isn’t just about the bears, Bernard.’ I lowered my voice. ‘It’s the dark. Anything could be out there.’
‘We’ll bring flashlights,’ said Bernard firmly. Then he looked very seriously at me. ‘And you know that there’s no getting out of it if our parents want us to go. So we might as well prepare as much as we can.’
He was right.
Our fate was sealed.
We were going camping.
Packing for camping was hard. How do you pack for certain disaster?
It was even harder because Stanley kept unpacking everything I put in my backpack.
‘You don’t need your SPACE BLASTERS Cards,’ he said, laughing. ‘You need wellies.’
‘I was just about to pack those,’ I said, jamming my wellies in my backpack.
Then I had no space left for anything else.
Stanley laughed again. ‘You attach them to the outside of your backpack, like this.’ He held up his bag to show me.
Stanley had finished packing hours ago. And now he was just criticizing my every move.
He looked at the pile of stuff on my bed again. ‘You don’t need a bag of rice, either.’
‘What if I get hungry?’
‘Bernard’s dad will have food,’ he said. Then he puffed out his chest a bit. ‘Or I’ll catch us a fish! I’m an expert at fishing.’
‘Hmmm,’ I said, doubtful.
‘And is this your mum’s hairspray?’ Stanley asked.
‘It’s POISON MIST,’ I said, snatching it back. ‘And it’s going to come in very handy.’
Stanley just laughed again. And then he ruffled my hair like he was a grown-up and not just two years older than me. ‘We’re going to have the best time!’
At least one of us was excited.
The next morning came way too soon.
Not only had I had no sleep thanks to Stanley’s snoring, Bernard and his dad arrived early, so I didn’t even have time to finish my breakfast.
And everybody knows you should never go into battle on an empty stomach.
Stanley of course had been up since dawn because of his stupid ‘jet lag’, so he’d already had three bowls of congee.
‘Let’s hit the open road!’ Bernard’s dad yelled from the car as he honked on his horn.
My mum cringed.
‘Have fun, Sam,’ she said. ‘And BE GOOD. No SPACE BLASTERS nonsense or ghosts or any of it, okay? Just listen to Bernard’s dad. And be nice to Stanley.’
‘Okay, okay,’ I said, letting Mum hug me.
‘You’re going to have the best time!’ my dad declared.
‘If camping’s so much fun, how come you aren’t coming?’ I asked.
My dad scratched the back of his head. ‘Oh, you know. Someone’s got to stay at home and look after things. You have a great time. We’ll see you when you get back. And, as your mum said, be nice to Stanley, all right? Don’t let me down.’
‘Okay, okay,’ I grumbled. My dad ruffled my hair.
I turned and hugged Lucy, who was still in her pyjamas. ‘Farewell, Lucy,’ I said dramatically. ‘Take care of Butterbutt and Fang. And say bye to Na-Na for me.’ Na-Na was still asleep, and waking her up is even more dangerous than going camping.
Lucy squirmed out of my hug. ‘You’re only going away for two nights!’ she said.
I shook my head. ‘You’re just too young to understand.’ That’s what Spaceman Jack says whenever he doesn’t want to tell an alien that their entire planet is about to be wiped out by bad guys.
Lucy rolled her eyes. ‘I understand everything.’ Then she stepped up on to her tiptoes and whispered in my ear, ‘You’ll be okay!’ With a grin, she tapped my backpack. ‘I snuck something in your bag.’
‘It isn’t Butterbutt, right?’ I quickly looked around the kitchen just to make sure. A worse thought occurred to me. ‘Or Fang?’
Lucy laughed. ‘No, no, silly.’ Then she whispered again, ‘It’s my night light. Just in case you need it.’
‘Oh, I won’t,’ I said breezily. ‘I’m
afraid of the dark. But I’ll take it anyway, you know, just in case anyone else needs it.’
The drive to the campsite took FOREVER. Bernard’s d
ad let Stanley sit in the front because ‘he’s the guest’ and Bernard and I were squished in the back with all the camping gear.
We had a LOT of gear. It almost made me feel as if we were going on a space expedition instead of camping. Which I liked a lot.
There aren’t bears in space.12
Bernard’s dad made us listen to weird old people music for a whole hour. I thought that was bad, but then all we had to listen to was Stanley talk about how much he loves camping and how he goes camping ALL the time in Hong Kong and how he’s a camping expert.
But I would have stayed in the car forever if it meant never having to go into the woods.
We finally parked and got out of the car and then it was time to head in.
To the dark woods.
The dark, dark woods.
And it was still daytime! I couldn’t understand how it was so dark when the sun was out. Who knew trees could be so good at making shade?
As we headed through the woods to the campsite, I was sure that my backpack was WAY heavier than when I left this morning. It felt like I had a million rocks on my back. I didn’t think we were ever going to make it to the campsite.
‘Come on, Sammy!’ shouted Stanley from ahead of me. He was skipping alongside a stream that led to the campsite like he was in zero gravity.
‘Don’t call me Sammy!’ I shouted back. Or at least I tried to shout. I was too out of breath.
‘I’ll help you!’ he called and skipped back to me.
‘I’ve got it!’ I said, hanging on to my backpack straps for dear life.
‘I . . . can . . . help!’ Stanley said, pulling on the back of my bag.
‘Hey, guys,’ said Bernard.
‘I said, I’VE GOT IT. I CAN CARRY MY OWN BACKPACK. A SPACEMAN ALWAYS CARRIES HIS OWN PACK.’
‘We aren’t in space,’ Stanley said, pulling harder. ‘Let me help. We’ll go faster.’
‘Guys!’ said Bernard.
‘EVERYTHING IS IN SPACE!’ I shouted and I flung myself forwards with all my might, just as Stanley let go of my backpack.
I toppled into the stream.
I shouted.
‘Don’t worry, Sam!’ cried Bernard, jumping in next to me. ‘I’ll save you!’
‘I’LL SAVE THE BAG!’ yelled Stanley, grabbing the backpack off my back.
I suddenly realized that I was on my hands and knees, and not sinking.
Bernard also realized this, as the water only came up to his ankles. Still he helped me up.
My knees were covered in cuts from the rocks in the stream. It hurt, a lot, but I took a deep breath and remembered to be brave.
‘What’s going on back here?’ cried Bernard’s dad, who had gone on ahead to set up our camp. ‘You kids are taking forever!’
Then he saw the state of us.
‘What happened?’
The three of us exchanged rapid looks. It would have been easy for me and Bernard to turn on Stanley. Two against one. Mr Wilson would have had no choice but to believe us.
But I heard Captain Jane in my head.
‘A crew always works together, even if they don’t always get along.’
‘I tripped and fell,’ I said. ‘Stanley saved my bag from getting wet and Bernard helped me up.’
Bernard’s dad looked at us suspiciously. ‘Hmmm, well, be careful, all right? And stay on the path. That’s the most important thing about hiking in the woods. Staying on the path.’ He frowned at my scraped knees. ‘Let’s get those knees cleaned up.’
I took another deep, extremely brave breath. My knees were stinging and so were my eyes. ‘I’ll be okay,’ I said.
Bernard’s dad chuckled. ‘I know you will, you’re a tough kid, but it’s still a good idea to clean up those scrapes.’
I beamed. He was right.
I was tough.
Spaceman Jack would have been proud.
Camping was hard work.
When we arrived at the campsite, Bernard’s dad made us put up our own tent.
‘It’s a great skill to have! Something you can’t learn in your books, Bernard. You’ve got to get some real-life skills,’ he said.
‘I have plenty of real-life skills,’ Bernard grumbled. ‘I know how to swim now and everything!’ Bernard had recently learned to swim, and I’d call it more ‘not-drowning’ than swimming, but now didn’t seem the time to point that out.
‘And now you’ll know how to put up a tent,’ his dad said.
‘I know how to put up a tent,’ said Stanley.
Of course he did.
‘Big surprise,’ I muttered to myself.
‘But I’ll let you guys try first,’ Stanley said, smiling at us. I tried to figure out if it was a tricky smile. Like he was TRYING to set us up for failure. But no, it was his normal smile. ‘Bernard’s dad is right. It’s good to know how to set up a tent.’
‘Great!’ said Bernard’s dad. ‘I’ll go and get the rest of the supplies from the car. Bernard and Sam, you guys get that tent set up. Stanley, you supervise.’
Before I could protest that I did NOT need Stanley to supervise me doing anything, Bernard’s dad disappeared into the woods.
If Stanley could set up a tent, surely I could too. As I said, he’s only two years older than me – no matter how much he tries to pretend he’s so mature.
‘We can do this, Bernard,’ I said, eyeing the pile of sticks and fabric on the ground that would apparently turn into a tent. Maybe it was like a magic trick.
But doing magic tricks is not one of my strengths. I found this out the hard way, during show-and-tell at school, when I tried to pull a rabbit out of a hat. Apparently, you need to have a rabbit in the first place if you are going to pull one out of a hat. Who knew?
‘Okay!’ said Bernard, clapping his hands. ‘You start.’
‘Hmmm,’ I said, circling the ‘tent’. It sure didn’t look like a tent. It looked like a deflated hot-air balloon. ‘Bernard! You should get inside and hold it up.’
He did as I asked.
Ah-ha! Now it looked like a tent.
‘Like this?’ asked Bernard, his voice muffled beneath the fabric.
‘Perfect! Just . . . stay like that.’
I was pretty impressed with our tent-making skills so far.
‘Can I move yet?’ said Bernard.
I had no idea what to do next.
I decided the best thing to do would be to find something else to focus on. We could deal with the tent later.
‘We should actually survey the area before we set up our tent,’ I said with as much authority as I could muster. ‘That’s what Spaceman Jack and Captain Jane do when they land on a new planet. Just to make sure there aren’t any enemies hiding nearby.’
Stanley frowned. ‘But Bernard’s dad said we should camp here.’
‘Well, we should check the area just in case,’ I said.
‘In case of what?’ said Stanley, still frowning.
shouted Bernard from inside the tent.
I added.
yelled Bernard.
‘There could be anything, really,’ I said. ‘Best to take a good look around to see what we’re dealing with.’
‘I don’t know,’ said Stanley. ‘I told Bernard’s dad I’d supervise setting up the tent.’
‘And we WILL set up the tent! We’re already halfway there.’ I gestured at Bernard holding up the tent and I leaned towards Stanley. ‘Think how much more impressed Bernard’s dad will be when we can declare this a safe area to camp.’
‘I guess,’ said Stanley, sounding unsure.
‘Great!’ I said. ‘Well, let’s start looking around.’
‘What about me?’ called Bernard from the tent. ‘Do I have to stay in here?’
‘You’re coming with us,’ I said. ‘We’ll deal with this tent situation when we get back.’
What I meant was, Stanley could deal with it. After all, I was going to be a spaceman someday – and you don’t need to know how to put up a tent in space.
‘So what exactly are we looking for?’ asked Stanley as we went into the woods.
‘Stanley, let us lead the expedition,’ I said. ‘We’re experienced in this kind of thing.’
‘Yeah!’ said Bernard.
‘Okay, but I still don’t know what I’m looking for.’
For someone who said he was a camping expert, Stanley had no idea how to make sure the area was secure. Which I was pretty sure was the first step in camping.
‘Well,’ I said. ‘First of all, we have to use all our senses.’
‘Maybe not all of them,’ said Bernard. ‘Probably not taste.’
I sighed. ‘Okay, fine. We have to use most of our senses. Do you hear anything?’ I cupped my hand behind my ear.
Bernard and Stanley did the same.
I heard the stream going by, and birds chirping, and something else. Something rustling in the bushes. Something BIG.
‘Do you hear that?’ I said, whipping my head around.
I saw Stanley hopping from one foot to the other, making the bushes rustle.
‘Stanley! You’re being too loud!’ I said.
‘Sorry! I thought I saw a bee. I hate bees.’ He shuddered.
Interesting. The first thing that Stanley didn’t like about camping. I pocketed this knowledge for later.
‘Bernard, do we have the binoculars?’ I asked.
‘In my bag. Back at the campsite.’
‘Well, I guess for now, just look as hard as you can with your eyes.’ We all stared into the dark woods.
