“I knew what I had done to her was beyond wrong. I did the one thing I promised myself I would never do…I hurt her. I couldn’t stand the thought of her glaring at me with so much hate. It was easier to stay away.”
Her head slowly moved from side to side as she took a few steps closer. “Easier for who, Steed?”
Turning away again, my mother paced the hallway for a good three minutes. She shook her head and wrapped her arms around her waist. “If I had known, I would have never thrown you together like that. Paxton deserved a warning … especially with Chloe.” She covered her mouth as horror filled her eyes. It was then she realized how it probably had affected Paxton to find out like that.
I nodded. “I’m sorry I never told you and Dad. I knew you would have been angry with me.”
Her hands dropped to her sides. When she looked me in the eyes, I held my breath. “Not angry, Steed. A child is never something to be angry about. But your actions and the way you handled it, I’m deeply disappointed in you. We didn’t raise you to be a coward.”
Wincing, I took a step back. The words hurt more than I imagined they would.
She headed back down the hall. I couldn’t move. My legs felt like lead as I watched my mother walk away from me.
I deserved her disappointment and so much more.
I walked down the hall and out the door. I soon found myself sitting on the bleachers, staring out over the football field. All those years I had avoided coming home for fear of hurting Paxton again and facing what I had done to her. I hadn’t even been here for a day and already I had hurt the two women I loved more than my own life.
When I glanced at my watch, I jumped down and headed back into the school. The halls were emptying as families headed out. I stepped into Paxton’s classroom only to find her alone, staring out the window.
She didn’t turn, but somehow she knew I was there. “They made a mistake on the spelling of her last name. It said Park.”
I stood there motionless, the idea of Paxton being caught so off guard shattered me. “I’m so sorry, Paxton,” I said barely above a whisper.
“Chloe’s a sweet girl.”
My chest ached. “Thank you.”
Her voice cracked as she wrapped her arms around her body. “She has your eyes.”
I nodded and tried like hell to keep my feet where they were. All I wanted to do was go to her. Pull her in my arms and tell her how much I loved her. How sorry I was for hurting her. But I didn’t move. “I’m so sorry, Paxton.”
Her shoulders lifted, but when she faced me, all I saw was the same angry eyes that had stared into mine ten years ago.
“Your family is waiting for you. You should go. They left a good fifteen minutes ago.”
With a small nod, I took a few steps back. “Paxton, I—”
Holding up her hand, she shook her head. “Just go, Steed.” Her voice sounded tired and defeated so I did what she asked.
I left.
Because I was so goddamn good at doing that.
After Steed walked out of the room, I counted to thirty before I covered my face and let myself cry.
He’s back.
Steed is home.
He has a daughter.
The small knock on the door made me jump. I dropped my hands and saw my best friend from college, Corina, standing with a stunned expression on her face. We had been short on teachers this year and I had begged her to move from Austin to Oak Springs and teach first grade.
“What in the world? Why are you crying?” She rushed into the room, shutting the door as she walked in.
I practically threw myself at her. “He’s back. Oh, God, Corina. He’s back and he has a family!”
She pushed me away and stared into my eyes. “Steed?”
I nodded.
“Holy crackers. Okay. This is an emergency. I’ve got this. I’m in control of the situation.”
My legs felt weak. I couldn’t get the look in his eyes out of my head. The second I saw him, I was overcome with happiness. Then everything that had happened came rushing back. When he smiled, I lost control, and let the anger win.
Corina rushed around my desk, grabbed my purse, shut off all the lights, and pulled me by the arm out the door.
“Where are we going?” I asked numbly.
“We’re going out for ice cream.”
The cool night air felt good on my face as I walked aimlessly around town. Most everyone I passed said hello. Oak Springs was a small town and everyone pretty much knew everyone else. The more people moved outside of San Antonio and Austin, the more our little town grew, though. Especially with the new growth in our little town square. Business after business popped up, bringing our historical downtown back to life.
I stopped and turned. The pull to go inside the new bar was strong, but what if he was in there? The chances of that were pretty good. Then again, he was probably home with his wife and daughter.
A younger couple approached and said, “Excuse us.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry about that!” I said as I stepped out of the way for them to enter. Country music blared from inside, and I strained to look in. The man held the door open for me.
“You coming in?”
“Oh. Um. No.” I took a step back.
He shrugged and let the door close. Glancing up, I stared at the neon sign.
I took in a deep breath and walked in. I was risking a lot by going into the bar Cord owned. After all, he was Steed’s younger brother. Even though it was a small town, I had done everything in my power to avoid the Parker family. Including Cord, who had been a good friend after Steed left town. But even being around him proved to be too painful.
I couldn’t believe my eyes. Cord had really made this place into something amazing. I hadn’t been in here since he first opened it. The bar was beautiful. Wood covered the walls and a giant sign hung over the bar that read, Hey Y’all. Liquor bottles lined the wall behind the long bar. My eyes swung around and I noticed that a second floor had been added. People sat upstairs at tables that overlooked the massive wood dance floor. A large number of couples were dancing to a George Straight song.
“Paxton?”
Spinning around, I grinned when I saw him. “Hey, Cord.”
He seemed happy to see me as he pulled me in for a hug then pushed me back at arm’s length. “Fancy seeing you here.”
“He’s back. I didn’t know about her.” I said while peering into Cord’s blue eyes.
He nodded and placed his hand on my lower back, leading me to the hall that probably led to his office. The place had been remodeled and everything looked different. When we walked in, he shut the door to his office and the music was muffled.
Cord leaned on the edge of his desk while I took a seat in a large oversized leather chair. “You okay?” he softly asked.
My lips pressed together as I tried to keep my chin from trembling. Cord was the only other person who knew what had truly happened between Steed and me.
“No,” I answered honestly.
His brows furrowed. “There were so many times I wanted to tell you, but it wasn’t my place. I knew he had to be the one to tell you. Plus, any time I did see you, Paxton, you walked off in the other direction.”
I let out a slight chuckle. “I avoided you and the family, too afraid to find out anything about him moving on with his life. It was pretty stupid to block y’all out of my life, looking back now.”
Cord blew out a breath. “He didn’t tell any of us he was coming back to Texas. Only my parents and that was only a week ago.”
I shook my head in disbelief. How could I have been so stupid to think I could live in this town and keep pretending the Parker family and Steed didn’t exist?
“He was a mess at dinner,” Cord said.
My eyes swung over to him. “Dinner?”
“Yeah, our parents planned a welcome home dinner for him and Chloe. Steed was an emotional basket case, but was trying to keep things light for Chloe’s sake. He told me wha
t happened. He feels awful. No one told him either, Paxton. He had no idea you would be Chloe’s teacher. I honestly figured my mother would have told you and Steed. But she didn’t say a word.”
“Yeah, he looked shocked to see me. Almost as shocked as I was to see him.”
Cord sighed. “I guess he laid into Mom about springing this on the both of you. He, um, he also told her the truth.”
I gasped and covered my mouth. What would Melanie think of me?
“She hasn’t said anything to anyone else, don’t worry. But Steed said she kept going on and on about the two you getting back together, and how you were meant to be. Steed kind of lost it and blurted out about the baby and what happened.”
I fell back in the chair, my heart racing. “Your mother’s going to think I’m a whore for getting pregnant in high school.”
Cord chuckled. “Hardly. But she isn’t talking to Steed.”
I sat up. “W-why?”
“She’s pissed. Disappointed. Angry. Sad. Guilty for not being there for you.”
My arms wrapped around my queasy stomach. I hadn’t thought about what it might be like for our parents to find out they had lost a grandchild. Swallowing hard, I closed my eyes. “When I saw him, I was so happy for about thirty seconds. Then every ounce of anger came rushing back. All I wanted to do was kick him in the balls. Then his little girl came running up and my heart broke all over again. I felt so angry that he had a child.”
Peeking up at Cord, a small sob slipped from my mouth. “How could I be angry about an innocent child? But I was, and in that moment I wanted to tell him how unfair it was for him to have a baby with another woman when he didn’t want ours.”
Cord’s eyes seemed sad. “Paxton, he was eighteen and scared shitless. It was a kneejerk reaction and he came to his senses.”
“You didn’t see the relief in his eyes. He was glad I lost the baby.”
“And there wasn't a small part of you that didn’t feel the same way?”
Tears made their way down both cheeks. “No. I had a part of Steed inside of me and even though I knew it was going to change everything, that baby was a part of us. A part of our love. I was scared, yes, but to say I was relieved, no. It was the opposite.”
I glanced away and let out a soft chuckle. “Or at least I thought he loved me.”
“He did. He does, Paxton.”
“Ha!” I said. “He left town and never came back, Cord. He left me to deal with the loss of our child all alone. I almost failed out of my first semester of college because I was an emotional wreck. Not only did I lose a baby, I lost the love of my life.”
Cord inspected the floor with a somber expression before glancing back up. “You did threaten to cut off his dick if he ever came back.”
A small smile tugged at the corner of my mouth. “He could have called or written. Asked how I was. He did nothing.”
“I’m sure he has a reason, Paxton. Maybe y’all should talk.”
Cold swept across my body. All those feelings I had worked so hard to bury were rushing to the surface. “Why? He’s moved on and has a family of his own now.”
Cord looked like he wanted to say something, but he held back.
I fought internally over whether or not to ask the next question. My curiosity quickly won out. “What’s his wife like?”
Cord roared with laughter. “Steed ain’t married to that nutcase anymore.”
Sucking in a breath of air, I tried not to let that bit of news show on my face too much. “What happened?”
Cord raked his hand through his hair. “You sure you want me to tell you? Maybe it ought to be Steed.”
“Well, considering you never told me he was married or had a daughter, I think you owe it to me.”
His face fell. “Damn it, Paxton. You’ve avoided me like the plague. Hell, you’ve avoided the whole family and you even admitted it. Besides, like I said before, it needs to be Steed telling you.”
“I’m sorry. It was just so hard. You’re all a reminder to me. Especially Mitchell. It hurt too much to see the family.”
Cord nodded. “I know. I’m sorry I let you push me away. I’m no better than Steed to have let you deal with things alone.”
I shrugged. “S’okay. And you were there after he left.”
He nodded. I knew he felt terrible about what had happened. He was even younger than me and Steed, so for me to expect him to have been there would be crazy.
“What happened with Steed’s wife?”
He took in a deep breath and pushed it out. “Steed hadn’t dated anyone else until Kim. They met seven years ago and from what I could tell, it was only casual. Then her parents died, she threatened to do some serious shit, and Steed panicked. He didn’t know what to do so he asked her to marry him. By the time he realized he had fucked up, about a month after they got married, he told Kim he wanted a divorce. She told him she was pregnant. Well, as much as he didn’t want in the marriage, the guilt of what happened with you hit him and he stayed. After she had the baby she turned into a different person. She thought Steed was going to come into money. He tried a few times to file for divorce and she told him she would take Chloe and he would never find them. It got to the point where my parents had to meet Steed and Chloe in secret so Kim didn’t find out.”
“Why did they have to keep the visits a secret?” I asked.
Cord pushed his hand through his hair. “It was a mess, Paxton. Kim was money-hungry and had it in her head Steed was going to inherit the ranch. Even though he had kept her away from Texas, he still helped Dad with some of the financial stuff with the ranch. Investments and shit like that. Kim had stumbled upon information and all she could see was dollar signs. They eventually came up with a plan to pretend to disown Steed to get Kim out of his life. When Kim realized she wasn’t getting anything out of her life with Steed except a loveless marriage and a daughter she didn’t want, she filed for divorce and signed over her rights to Chloe. The first thing Steed did was move here.”
By the time Cord finished, I felt numb. A small part of me was glad to see that Steed had been through hell and back with this woman, but the other part of me felt pain for him and especially for Chloe.
“So the mom signed over her daughter without a second thought?” I asked stunned.
Cord nodded.
Worry moved across his face. “What? What is it?” I asked.
“Steed talked to me tonight about the emotional abuse his ex put Chloe through. She was hateful towards Steed and basically ignored Chloe. He tried to shield Chloe from it as much as he could, but some of Kim’s screaming about how much she hated her life reached the poor little thing’s ears.”
My heart broke. “That poor child. There is a special place in hell for a woman like that.”
Cord agreed. “Yeah, I hope she never tries to set foot in Texas. I’m actually afraid of what Steed might do to her.”
Chewing on my lip, I stood. “I’d better leave. It’s getting late.”
Cord walked over to me. “I’m glad you came in, Paxton. It was nice seeing you. Please don’t stay away. The family misses you.”
His warm smile got one out of me in return. “Will you tell everyone I said hello and I miss them? I spoke with Amelia for a bit earlier at Back to School night. I can’t believe how beautiful and grown up she is. I remember her as a little girl in pigtails running around.”
Rolling his eyes, Cord groaned. “Yeah, I’ve gotten into a few fights because of that sister of mine.”
I hid a chuckle. Amelia must be taking after her older sister Waylynn in the rebel department. “Thank you for everything, Cord.”
He wrapped me in his arms. “You’re still a part of our family, Paxton. You’re always welcome here.”
The door to Cord’s office opened, and I knew he was there before I even had to see him.
Cord dropped his arms as I turned around. Steed’s eyes bounced between the two of us, confusion quickly turning to anger. Trevor clapped his hands and wal
ked into the room.
“Paxton! My girl! Where in the hell have you been?”
He hugged me and spun me around. I laughed as he put me down. I guess with me being in Cord’s office and his arms wrapped around me, that was a sign for Trevor to do the same. “I’d say you sure have grown up, Trev.”
His grin widened. “What are you doing here with Cord?”
I glanced over at Steed. He was staring at Cord like he wanted to rip his head off. I knew how it looked when they walked in and saw us in an embrace. What he didn’t know was I hadn’t talked Cord in a few years. “I was walking by and thought I’d stop in. I hadn’t been in since Cord opened the bar.”
“We were catching up,” Cord added with a wink.
My body trembled as I felt the intensity of Steed’s eyes on me.
Trevor laughed. “Well hell, you still want to rip Steed’s balls off, Paxton?”
Our eyes met. The way he stared into my soul had me feeling unsteady. My heart was telling me to run to him, but my head was guarding my heart. I’d promised to never let another man destroy me like Steed did.
A small smirk formed. “It was his dick. And I was going to cut it off and shove it down his throat.”
Trevor lost it laughing and Cord chuckled. Steed’s eyes turned darker as he smiled. A warmth spread through my lower stomach, and I tried like hell to ignore it. When I finally couldn’t take the intensity of his gaze or the way his sexy smile made me feel, I turned back to Cord.
“Thank you for listening. I’ll see you around.”
He nodded. “Anytime, Paxton.”
Trevor hugged me again. “Dance with me before you leave.”
I laughed and pushed back at his broad chest. I’d forgotten how built these boys were. Trevor seemed to be following in his older brother’s footsteps. The Parker boys were not only drop dead gorgeous, but they had hot as hell bodies.
“Rain check?” I asked with a smile. Trevor nodded and took off his cowboy hat to give me a kiss on the check.
Taking a deep breath, I headed through the door where Steed still stood. He was in a cowboy hat and it took everything out of me not to lick my lips. I stopped in front of him. He opened his mouth to say something, then quickly snapped it shut.
Lost Love Page 3
