‘Watch it, you moron,’ yelped the princeling. ‘That sword is worth more money than you'll ever see in your pathetic lifetime.’
The Cracker rounded on the princeling.
‘A dead sword o’ light ain't worth all that much,’ said the Cracker, flexing his gloved hand threateningly. ‘And you'd better watch your mouth or I'll shut it for you.’
‘The sword is not dead,’ said the princeling. ‘It just needs …’
His voice trailed off.
‘Fine,’ said the Cracker. ‘Then I'll be takin’ it to the Fat Man and getting all that coinage.’ He turned back to Tark and Zyra. ‘But first, I needs to be getting rid of these two.’
The Cracker punched the air in front of him and a bolt of energy sizzled towards Zyra. She jumped, rolled and sprang back to her feet with the ease of someone sitting down to tea. Meanwhile, Tark dashed for the nearest door and hid behind it.
‘Stands still my pretty bint,’ said the Cracker, all his attention focused on Zyra.
In response, Zyra flung two of her throwing stars at him.
As she did so, Tark slipped out from behind the door and raced to the next, working his way around to the Cracker.
The Cracker held up his gloved hand, palm out. The stars disintegrated in a crackle of energy.
‘Nice try,’ he said. ‘My turn.’
He pulled back his gloved fist, ready to punch another energy bolt at Zyra. Zyra cartwheeled across the whiteness, a spinning streak of red, and flung herself behind one of the doors.
The Cracker threw another energy bolt. It exploded on the door Zyra was hiding behind, but with no visible effect.
Princeling Galbrath watched as Tark slipped out from behind his current door and edged towards the former mage's robes and wand. The princeling dug in his pocket and pulled out the toad.
‘You may yet be of use to me,’ he whispered.
‘Croak,’ answered the toad.
The Cracker was about to shoot off another bolt at Zyra, when he noticed movement from the corner of his eye. He whirled around and hurled a bolt at Tark instead.
Tark dived for the wand and the energy sizzled past him. He grabbed the wand and staggered to his feet as the Cracker took aim again.
The princeling also took aim and threw the toad. The former mage landed on the Cracker's head with a wet plop, distracting him from Tark. As the toad slapped a webbed foot into the Cracker's eye, the Cracker grabbed him and held him aloft, ready to dash him against the nearest door.
But Tark now had the wand, and although he had no idea how to use it, he raised it high and flicked it in the direction of the Cracker. Sparks shot from the wand and hit the toad. With a croak and a puff of purple smoke, the toad turned back into the mage and flattened the surprised Cracker.
As the smoke cleared, Tark, Zyra and Princeling Galbrath approached. The Cracker lay unconscious in a crumpled heap, the naked mage, also unconscious, beside him.
‘Now there's a sight I hope I never have the misfortune to see again,’ said the princeling. ‘For the sake of the Designers, someone cover him up!’
Zyra shuddered her agreement.
Tark scooped up the mage's purple robes and threw them down over the former toad.
‘Me thanks to ya,’ said Tark to the princeling. ‘But the sword's still mine.’
The princeling eyed Tark and then sprinted for the sword. Tark flicked the wand again. It fizzled, but did little else. He dropped it and gave chase.
The princeling dived for the discarded sword o’ light. His hand closed around the hilt as Tark landed on top of him, bringing his elbow down hard on the princeling's arm. The princeling shrieked and let go of the sword. But he also bucked and threw Tark from his back. Scrambling to his feet, the princeling made for the sword again. It was almost in his grasp, when a sizzling bolt of energy burst right next to him. He looked up to see Zyra, wearing the Cracker's energy glove and a self-satisfied grin.
‘Gives it up, snotling! The only reason ya ain't dead already is ’cause yar toad-flinging saved Tark.’
Princeling Galbrath snarled, then hung his head in defeat.
‘Rights,’ said Tark, elbowing the princeling in the back of the head as he strode past. ‘Times to enter Paradise.’
Boom!
The noise reverberated through the whiteness. Tark and Zyra froze.
Boom!
The door that Tark and Zyra had entered through shook violently.
‘Ya don'ts suppose?’ asked Zyra.
‘Nah!’ said Tark.
‘What?’ asked the princeling.
Boom!
A large dent appeared in the door.
‘Quick,’ ordered Zyra. ‘Hides the stash.’
Tark hastily concealed the shopping cart behind another door.
Boom!
The metal door buckled and twisted, then flew off its hinges. Vera stood framed in the doorway, the sewage tunnel visible behind her.
‘Run!’ hissed Zyra, and the three of them dashed for cover behind the doors.
Vera stepped into the whiteness, trailing sludge and spitting a rat tail from her mouth. She was covered in wounds and dripping blood, her pearls gone, her make-up smeared, her clothes stained and tattered. Two of the monks’ crossbow bolts still protruded from her broad back.
‘Come out, come out, wherever you are,’ she shrieked, an odd quaver to her voice.
‘Doesn't nuthin’ stops that woman?’ said Tark.
‘It ain't no ordinary woman,’ replied Zyra.
‘Who is she?’ asked the princeling, eyes boggling. ‘What is she?’
Tark and Zyra ignored him.
‘Wots are we gonna do?’ asked Tark.
‘We needs the sword o’ light,’ said Zyra, turning on the princeling. ‘How do we recharge it?’
‘I'm not about to tell you that,’ said the princeling, crossing his arms. ‘I'll never get it back.’
‘If ya don't tells us, we is all done for,’ hissed Tark.
The princeling turned his back on them.
‘Why, ya little –’ Zyra raised her gloved fist.
‘The glove!’ said Tark, excitedly. ‘That might slow her down.’
‘A whole temple full of armed monks couldn't stop her. Do ya thinks this glove's gonna do much?’
‘It's all we's got.’
‘Well, I thinks we just hides,’ said Zyra.
‘Peek-a-boo!’ screamed Vera, looking around the side of the door at them.
They nearly jumped out of their skins, but regained their senses and ran. Vera lumbered around the door.
‘I've got plenty of time,’ shouted Vera, toying with them. ‘I might even destroy the access console!’
‘Wot's that?’ asked Tark.
‘The pedestal that gives you entry to Designers Paradise,’ said the princeling. ‘Don't you know anything?’
‘Well, I guess we has gotta fight,’ said Zyra, stepping out in plain view.
Tark nodded and followed her.
‘Speak for yourselves,’ said the princeling, crouching lower.
‘All rights,’ shouted Zyra. ‘Ya wanna fight? Well heres we are.’
Vera stalked towards them.
Zyra took aim with the glove and fired three bolts of energy in quick succession. They hit Vera square in the face. The first stopped her in her tracks, the second made her stagger back, and the third knocked her off her feet.
Zyra and Tark looked at the fallen dragon's wife, then at each other.
‘Didn't expect that to work,’ said Zyra with surprise.
Princeling Galbrath joined them as they approached Vera. The flesh on her face was charred and hanging in tatters, revealing a face-shaped metal casing.
‘Wot in Designer's Paradise are ya?’ whispered Tark.
‘Vera 919,’ answered Vera, without moving her metal lips. The voice was distorted, with an electronic twang. ‘Cyborg. Wife model. Inbuilt retrieval prerogative. Special order for Edgar. Constructed by Fat Man Inc.’
‘The Fat Man
has got a finger in every pie,’ said Princeling Galbrath knowingly.
‘Complete retrieval,’ said Vera.
Her hand shot up and grabbed Zyra's arm. She sat bolt upright, then stood shakily as Zyra attempted to break free.
Tark jumped back and drew the sword o’ light.
‘Tells me how to recharge it,’ he yelled at the princeling. ‘Or we is all dead.’
Vera lifted Zyra off her feet, tore the glove from her hand and enveloped her in a slow, crushing bear hug. Zyra kicked and punched and thrashed about, but Vera's arms slowly constricted, crushing the air from her lungs.
‘Not a chance,’ said the princeling, attempting to make a dash for the nearest door.
Tark grabbed him and dragged him towards Vera and Zyra.
‘Let me go,’ demanded the princeling. ‘What are you doing?’
‘This ’ere is our employer,’ said Tark to Vera. ‘We has only been doin’ wot we has been told.’
The princeling started to protest, but Tark gave him a sharp punch to the mouth.
‘The snotling gaves us the sword o’ light,’ continued Tark. ‘He tolds us to do in Edgar and takes his gold.’
Vera dropped Zyra, who fell to her hands and knees, gasping for breath.
Tark shoved the princeling towards Vera.
‘It's not true,’ yelped the princeling, as Vera wrapped her crushing arms around his podgy body.
‘Tells us,’ demanded Tark, ‘or ya dies first.’
‘The hilt,’ gasped the princeling. ‘Panel … open … button.’
Tark fumbled with the sword hilt, pressing at it with his fingers, until a small section clicked inwards and slid aside, revealing a red button.
‘Ya means – that's all?’ said Tark.
The princeling nodded, gasped and lost consciousness.
Tark pressed the button.
The sword flared into brilliant life. Tark tried to shield his eyes as it sprang from his hands, streaked through the air and embedded itself deep within Vera's side, missing Princeling Galbrath by a hair's breadth.
Vera immediately dropped the princeling, threw back her head and released the most inhuman howl either Tark or Zyra had ever heard. Light spilled from her eyes, nose and mouth. Her flesh and her clothing burst into flame, turning to ash in seconds. Her metal skeleton glowed white-hot, then disintegrated.
The sword clattered to the ground, spent and lightless. Tark sheathed it absently, his eyes fixed on the smouldering metal fragments scattered about the room.
Zyra staggered to her feet and shook Tark from his reverie. ‘Comes on,’ she said.
They made their way past the unconscious princeling to where Tark had left the cart. They slowly wheeled it over to the pedestal. Zyra fished their keys from a pocket and placed them on the pedestal. Then they put their hands, palms down, beside the keys.
‘Access granted,’ said the same disembodied androgynous voice as the Oracle's.
Tark withdrew his hand. On impulse, Zyra pocketed the keys.
And then everything around them melted away.
13: Into Paradise
Static! Grey, crackly, fuzzy, all-encompassing static. It was like being within electronic interference made tangible.
Tark and Zyra were surrounded, encased, in drab, sizzling nothing – suspended in the anticipation of things to come. They could almost feel themselves disappearing, ready to be reformed into something better.
‘Payment calculated,’ said the voice. ‘Access to Designers Paradise granted for sixty-three hours, seventeen minutes, three sec … seconds.’
There was pause. Tark and Zyra waited.
‘Avatars?’ asked the voice.
Tark and Zyra smiled at each other. But before either could speak, the voice announced:
‘Avatars. Avatars not necessary. Entry parameters altered. Game Master assigned.’
‘Game Master?’ asked Tark and Zyra, together.
‘Yes,’ wheezed a voice. ‘That would be me.’
The Fat Man coalesced in the static.
‘Ya can'ts do this,’ protested Tark.
‘Yeah,’ agreed Zyra. ‘We's paid for our time in Designers Paradise. We's paid for our choice.’
‘I have enough money to do anything I want,’ said the Fat Man. ‘You see, if you have enough money, the rules are different. If you have enough money, you can even make your own rules. If you have enough money, you can control those who do not have enough money.’
‘The Oracle,’ whispered Zyra.
‘Oh yes,’ said the Fat Man. ‘That was me and my money. No one ever gets assigned a path through the rat-mage's domain, unless I pay for it. Actually, I'm surprised you made it through. No one else has. You're more resourceful than you look.’
‘Never minds that,’ said Tark. ‘Wots about the Cracker? And the dragon's wife? And the princeling?’
‘Yes,’ agreed the Fat Man. ‘The Cracker is in my employ. As for Vera – well, she was another project altogether. She was just responding to programming. I had her made for the dragon. He was very lonely, you know. He was old and would have died soon enough of natural causes. Vera would have inherited his body, which she would have brought to me. Elixir made from the juices squeezed from a dragon's spleen has the potential to extend one's lifespan, you know. But then you had to go and kill him, didn't you. Burnt up his body, didn't you.’ The Fat Man took a long wheezy breath before continuing. ‘As for the pathetic Princeling Galbrath – my only association with him was arranging to purchase his sword o’ light for pitifully less than it is actually worth. But then you stole the sword.’
The Fat Man's face grew redder as he spoke. His breath became more raspy and laboured.
‘And to top it all off, you steal from me.’ He clenched and unclenched his fists. ‘I do not like to lose. Especially not to gutter-trash like you.’ He took another deep, long, wheezy breath. ‘But luckily, I never lose. I take circumstances and I mould them and I shape them into something of my own design. I turn it into a game. And I do so like games. Games of cat and mouse. Games of chase and capture … and eventual, creatively inspired, demise.’
‘We ain't playin’ no games,’ said Zyra.
‘Oh, but you already are. And I have another game for you now, here in Designers Paradise. After all, that's what you came here for – to play games.’
‘No,’ protested Tark. ‘We don't comes for games. We comes here to escape. To gets into a betta world.’
‘But it's not a better world,’ explained the Fat Man, as if he were talking to an idiot. ‘It's not real. It's a game. Just like our world.’
‘Wots do ya mean?’ asked Zyra.
‘Enough talk,’ said the Fat Man with a swish of his arm. ‘Time to play.’
The static blurred into blackness dotted with pinpricks of light. Then their surroundings solidified. Tark and Zyra found themselves in a room with a door, two chairs, a control panel and a large, curved window. Through the window they could see a vast unending starscape.
‘Wot's this?’ asked Tark, looking around in confusion.
‘Dunno,’ answered Zyra, equally mystified.
‘Look!’ Tark pointed to the window.
A compact, dangerous looking spaceship flew into view. They saw someone waving from its forward portal.
‘Ready for combat?’ said the Fat Man's voice through the speaker on the control panel. ‘We are both in identical starfighters. Of course, I've flown one before, dozens of times, in fact. Whereas you? Well, you'll just have to figure it out. Now, the object of this game is to destroy your opponent, preferably in a creative manner.’
Tark and Zyra stared at each other, fear and confusion etched on their faces.
‘I can't flies a spaceship,’ said Zyra.
‘I'm willing to be sporting about this,’ said the Fat Man's voice. ‘I'll let you have the first shot.’
‘First shot?’ queried Tark, looking around desperately for a crossbow or a gun or something – anything.
The Fat Ma
n's laughter echoed through the speaker. ‘There's a big red button on the control panel in front of the seats. It fires your weapons.’
‘Wot weapons?’ shouted Tark, searching frantically.
More laughter. ‘Your starfighter is equipped with particle-beam weaponry, you silly boy.’
Tark looked at Zyra and shrugged.
‘Exit game!’ commanded Zyra.
Nothing happened.
Her face fell. ‘We is trapped!’ She slumped into a chair.
‘I'm getting a little impatient,’ said the Fat Man's voice. ‘Last chance! Fire your weapons now or I'll launch mine.’
Zyra leapt forward and slammed her hand down on the button. A streak of light extended from their starfighter to the Fat Man's. It scorched the tip of his fighter's wing.
‘My turn.’ The Fat Man laughed.
As Tark and Zyra watched, the Fat Man's starfighter zoomed out of view. A few seconds later it reappeared, further away, facing directly toward them.
Zyra didn't wait for the Fat Man to shoot at them. She reached forward and hit the red button again, repeatedly. The deadly light streaked forward but was way off target.
‘How does ya aim this thing?’ mumbled Zyra, her hands hovering over the controls.
‘Nice try!’ came the Fat Man's voice.
Light pulsed from the Fat Man's starfighter. Tark and Zyra raised their arms to shield their faces. They were thrown to one side as an explosion rocked their ship. The lights dimmed and went red.
‘Well, I'd say that your shields have now been destroyed. Next shot should actually do some damage to your ship.’
The Fat Man's starfighter streaked off again. Tark and Zyra watched it through the window, not knowing what else to do. It zoomed way off into the distance, did a loop-the-loop and streaked back towards them.
‘He's showin’ off,’ said Zyra. ‘Before ’e finishes us off.’
‘Do somethin’,’ yelled Tark.
Zyra randomly started hitting controls on the panel in front of her. With a lurch, their starfighter started to move. They lost sight of the Fat Man's fighter for a few seconds, but then he was back in view, still heading for them.
Zyra repeatedly hit the red button but the deadly bombardment went nowhere near its target.
Light streaked from the Fat Man's starfighter. Tark and Zyra were thrown to the floor and showered with sparks as instruments exploded on the control panel.
Gamers' Quest Page 6
