“Well, that could have ended in disaster,” John muttered.
“We can’t judge them on the past. We’ll see who they are as they settle in,” Katalina murmured. “Now, where are you going to sleep, little man?” Katalina asked Mathew. “You look like you’re planning on staying right there.”
“He has a spare room,” Bass said, grinning.
“I’m not sure Eva and John need a child adding into the mix just yet,” Katalina replied, saving John from having a heart attack. He’d only just found his future mate; he wasn’t sure adding Mathew would help in his efforts to get Eva to accept the mating bond.
“Okay, looks like they’re ready,” Jackson said. “I’ll ring you later, Kat.” His gaze met Bass’s, and he nodded his respect before walking away to greet the group, lifting Tilly into his arms and tickling her as he did.
Mathew’s tummy rumbled loudly, causing John to laugh. “Someone needs feeding, I think. I’ll take him back to mine until you find a family for him, Bass.”
“Okay.”
Walking home, John didn’t miss the slight tightening of the little boy’s hands as he’d mentioned finding him a family. His heart hurt for the blue-eyed boy, and as he opened his door and stepped into his home, Mathew struggled out of his arms and raced off to explore the house, leaping on and off the sofa as he went. John wondered how he was getting out of this situation without it ending in Mathew’s tears because it sure seemed like he’d decided he was staying.
The last thing John wanted was to hurt Mathew more than he’d been hurt in his life already, and the truth was, since the moment Mathew's hand clung to his leg, some part of John had felt an instant connection to the little boy. As if there had always been a small barnacle-sized hole in his heart, waiting to be filled.
Chapter 29
Eva
Eva entered the cabin to the sound of splashing water and John’s laughter. She was tired, but in a good way, her brain full of information Oliver had thrown at her. It was like attending a lecture. Only if she made a mistake, lives would be at risk. Walking home, she’d had three things on her mind—John, comfort food, and bed.
“John?”
“In here,” he called from the bathroom.
As Eva approached, she heard a giggle, which was definitely not from John, and more splashing. Frowning, Eva opened the bathroom door wider to find a picture that both stalled her heart and filled her with such love it was impossible to breathe.
“Look at me, Matty. There’s more water on me than you,” John said in a stern voice, which had no effect, because a grin split his face, and his eyes were alight with amusement.
“What’s going on here then?” Eva managed to croak as she took a step.
She was hurtling forward at full speed. As if she’d somehow stumbled into a room and skipped five or more years of her life. Eight years hadn’t seemed like much between them, but it was like an eternity as she watched him interact lovingly with a child. Eva was only starting out in life. Half of the time she completely messed up being an adult. But John… it took only one look at him with Mathew, and Eva knew he wanted things she wasn’t even ready to think about.
Yet her body was moving on its own accord, bending at the knees beside John and smiling warmly at the little blue-eyed, dark-haired boy kicking his legs and arms franticly in the bath. She’d be lying if the sight of John with Mathew wasn’t causing her to imagine a life she was too young for. The fact it sent a rush of warmth through her was as terrifying as being responsible for a helpless mini wolf.
It was too fast. Everything was flying at full speed, and she couldn’t catch up. John had given her back her air, yet he stole it on his next breath.
“You’re freaking out,” John murmured as he lifted Mathew from the bath and wrapped him into a towel.
Staring wide-eyed, Eva stood as he did, her gaze flickering from Mathew’s to John’s.
I need air.
Big blue eyes found hers, and then chubby little arms were reaching for her. Eva robotically took him into her arms, wrapped the towel tighter around his little body. He was so light and far too small and fragile to have no parents. She’d lost one, and the pain of it was crippling. She couldn’t imagine what it must have been like to be orphaned at such a young age. At an age where grasping the concept of death was impossible.
Steel fingers dug into her heart as she took Mathew in. He must have simply woken one day to find his parents gone. Did he still wait for them to come back to him?
“Do you have clothes for him?” Eva asked, her voice sounding far away as the three of them left the bathroom.
“Evaline?” John whispered, his hand finding hers.
The squeeze of his hand called her back to him, but her body acted on instinct, and her mind had detached and was floating somewhere above her, confused and afraid to come back.
“Clothes, John?” she answered a little firmer. “He needs clothes.”
He met her eyes before shaking his head in a very canine way. “Oh, erm… clothes. I didn’t think about that, just how grubby he was.”
“You were a little scruffy, huh,” she said, her voice singsong even as anxiety expanded into every crevice of her heart.
Mathew laughed, then clapped. His smile was bright, so much brighter than she’d seen only a few hours earlier. Already John was breathing life back into this boy, all while he took it from her.
What am I doing?
“I’ll get him one of my T-shirts,” John suggested, stepping away.
“It’ll drown him, John. Grab one of mine. They’re in the second drawer down.”
Hitching Mathew on her hip, Eva walked over to the sofa and sat down. Rubbing the towel over his head to dry his hair, she stilled when Mathew did, and he suddenly shifted. Freezing, her hands midair, Eva watched in wonder as the little boy morphed into a small bundle of white and gray fur.
A tear rolled down her face as silver-gray eyes watched her intently, before reaching up and licking the tear from her face. Laughing and crying, Eva tentatively ran a hand through his fur, her breath catching.
“Guess we don’t need the T-shirt,” John said, smiling down at her. “Are you all right?”
Looking from the wolf cub, who was curling up on her knee, and then back to John, Eva couldn’t find the words to describe what she was. She simply shook her head in answer.
John came around to her right and sat on the sofa beside her, wrapping an arm around her shoulder. “This is just temporary, you know. Bass is going to find a couple willing to take him in,” he murmured quietly.
Staring at Mathew, Eva couldn’t stop running her fingers through his fur. It was soft and thick underneath yet coarse on the outside. It was surreal and magical, and her heart had no idea what to do with the experience. It had floated off somewhere with her mind.
“Eva, look at me.” John tipped her head toward him with a finger. “You’re scaring me. I can’t decide if you want to run far, far away or not.”
She smiled as another tear escaped her eye. “He might not be staying, but you want this, John. Kids… a family.”
“Yeah, I do.” He caressed her face. “But we can have kids when you’re ready. I’m in no rush.”
She sucked in a breath, his words hitting her right in the gut. “We.” Tipping her head back, Eva blew out of her mouth as she blinked back the moisture in her eyes. “We, John. We’ve only just met…. I… I don’t know what to do with any of this.” She kept her voice low, aware of the now sleeping cub on her lap even as a storm began to build inside her. “It’s all just… a lot. This is all just a lot.”
“Evaline, you’re it for me. There will be no one else, and I know that’s hard to understand for you…. I’m trying to hold back, to not overwhelm you with everything I am.”
“I’ve got to finish my degree, John.”
“I know,” he whispered.
“I don’t know how that life fits in with this life.” Giving in to the tears desperate for freedom, Eva leaned
her head on John’s shoulder. “But what terrifies me is I want to make them fit.”
Pulling her closer, John placed his hand over hers, which rested gently on Mathew’s furry body. “We’ll figure it out. I promise, Eva. Just don’t run from me.”
She laughed despite feeling lost. “There’s not much point in running. You’d soon catch me.”
His lips smiled against her forehead before he pressed a kiss there. “I’d hunt you to the ends of the earth.”
They sat in silence, their joined hands covering Mathew’s sleeping form. Eva snuggled into John’s side, his arm holding her as close as she could get, and despite being utterly overwhelmed with the mass of confliction swirling through her head, Eva had never felt more right than she did then.
Time was a fluid thing. It sped up and slowed down, dragging out your pain, or fast-forwarding your joy. It was a thing Eva had often felt slipping through her fingers, especially on the days she’d watched as her mother faded away before her eyes.
She understood how precious time was and would never again take it for granted. It was why, no matter how scared her feelings for John made her, she’d never run. Because it was better to love terrified than not love at all.
***
After Mathew woke, he shifted back, and John put her too-big T-Shirt over his head and knotted it at his thighs to keep him from tripping. They’d had an extravagant meal of peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, followed by cut-up apple and banana. All of which, Mathew gobbled down as if he hadn’t been fed in a while, and for all Eva knew, he maybe hadn’t.
Eva then found Mathew some pots and a wooden spoon, which he was currently happily bashing away on, filling the cabin with not-so-pleasant music. John watched him with a longing that Eva had to ignore if she was going to get through handing him over to the mated pair who were coming to collect him in a few minutes.
“Will they have proper clothes for him, John?” she asked as they watched him play.
He shrugged. “I’m sure someone has clothes that will fit him.”
“He’s so small.”
“Josie said he’d just turned two.”
“And he really hasn’t spoken since… not even baby talk?”
She’d heard him laugh, seen him express his emotions through his huge eyes, which seemed to take up his entire face, but not once murmur a word. Eva was trying to ignore the niggling worry eating away at her.
You don’t need to worry about him. He’s not yours to worry about. Chill, Eva.
“So I’m told. He screamed when I tried to take him off my neck and put him in the car to come here, but it was sound, not words. I’m going to get Oliver to check him over tomorrow. Double-check he’s okay.”
“I’m not an expert, but he looks physically fine to me, maybe a bit underweight. It’s his mental health I’m concerned about.”
John glanced at her and smiled. “He just needs love, Eva.”
Love. The magic emotion with the ability to lift you to greatest heights and cause you unimaginable sorrow.
John’s head snapped up, and a moment later, Eva heard a knock at the door. Mathew jumped to his feet and hurtled over to them faster than Eva could have imagined. He clung to John’s leg.
“It’s all right, buddy.” John ruffled his freshly washed hair. It was a rich chocolate brown, which curled up into tiny ringlets at the ends. “Just some of my friends who’ve come to visit.”
“I’ll get the door,” Eva offered when Mathew didn’t appear to be letting John go anytime soon. “Hey,” she said, finding Bass and a couple she’d seen a few times in passing outside. “Matty’s in here.” Stepping back, Eva let them in, then closed the door.
Mathew hadn’t unattached himself from John’s leg, and the couple hovered nervously a few paces in. Bass walked further into the room and held up a bag.
“Josie said these were his things.”
One bag. Eva took a few steps back and positioned herself behind the kitchen counter, as if the wooden cabinets would somehow provide a shield from the pain that was about to come. She could feel it. They could all feel it. Mathew was traumatized by his parents’ deaths, and he’d attached himself to John, quite literally. Tearing him away wasn’t going to happen without tears.
He’ll be okay. He’ll still see John. Eva couldn’t shake the feeling this was happening all because of her. Because she wasn’t ready for all John could give her. For his love. For a ready-made family and the highs and lows of everything that came with that.
“Drinks?” Eva asked into the silence.
“Oh yes, tea, please,” the woman replied.
“Coffee, black for me,” the man added.
“I’m all good, thanks, Eva,” Bass said. “Sorry, I’ve just realized you’ve probably never met Melody and Joe before.”
“Hi.” She did a half-wave, then wanted to kick herself for it. “Nice to meet you.”
“You too,” Melody answered. “Is that your top he’s wearing?”
Eva smiled. “Yeah, John bathed him before thinking about clothes.”
“And a diaper?” Melody laughed.
“Oh. Erm.” Eva glanced at John. She felt suddenly small and far too young to be in the room full of adults, which was stupid considering the alpha of Dark Shadow was a year younger than her.
“We didn’t have one of those either.” John smirked. “No puddles on the floor so far.”
Turning away, Eva picked up the kettle and filled it with water before lighting the stove. Being in the room with them all reminded her how out of place she was in John’s world. Constantly fumbling for the right thing to say and get a grasp of a situation. It was all too much. All adding to the massive pile she was avoiding in the back of her mind. John was happy to treat her as if they were any other couple, just the same as Bass and Katalina or any other mated pair she’d met, but those women had an understanding in their gazes, one Eva couldn’t even begin to grasp. An understanding she secretly longed for. To love someone so much you were connected on a level beyond human concept. It was the stuff of fairy tales, and most days, Eva felt like she’d stumbled into one, albeit a darker, more dangerous fairy tale than those she’d read as a kid.
“I’m sure we can find some until the store opens in the morning,” Melody said. Crouching down, she smiled at Mathew across from her. “Are you going to come out and say hello, Mathew?”
“He doesn’t speak,” Eva found herself saying.
“Oh.” Melody caught her gaze, then went back to Mathew. “Well, come show me your cute face, huh?”
What am I doing?
John was staring at her strangely. Eva avoided his gaze and turned her back on the room, spending far longer than needed staring into the cupboard for tea and coffee.
I’m jealous. Why am I jealous?
It was like someone had hijacked her body. She kept picturing Mathew in wolf form—a sweet little ball of fluff, licking her tears from her face and making her laugh. And now Mathew would be going with Melody and licking her tears from her face, and the thought made her want to scream.
Busying herself with the drinks, the others in the room ventured to the seating area, Mathew in John’s lap, his gaze fearful as he watched everyone else in the room. It was awkward and awful, and Eva couldn’t wait for it to be over. Mathew wasn’t stupid. He knew what was coming, even as John kept whispering it was going to be okay.
“Well, maybe we should see if he has clothes in here,” Bass said after a while, dragging the bag toward him. “It’s getting late.” He rifled through the contents and pulled out a few garments of clothing that looked as filthy as Mathew had when he’d arrived.
“He can’t wear those,” Eva and Melody said at the same time.
“We’ll borrow some after we’ve got you settled in.” Melody beamed. “Are you ready to see your new home, Mathew?”
He shrunk back, shook his head, and Eva’s heart lurched.
“It’s going to be okay, Matty. You’ll be close by. I’ll come see you in the m
orning,” John assured.
Bass got to his feet after stuffing the dirty clothes back inside the bag. “Might as well hand him over, John. No amount of time is going to make this easier.”
Melody held out her arms as Mathew’s high-pitched wail cut through the air. Eva watched in dazed horror as John’s face crumpled with pain, and he pulled the screaming, struggling toddler from around his neck and into Melody’s arms.
“He’ll be all right, John.” Owen patted him on the shoulder. “Kids cry sometimes.”
They all moved to the door, but Eva was routed to the spot. Mathew’s cries of pain cutt right to her heart.
“We’ll bring you your T-shirt back.” Melody laughed nervously as Mathew wiggled and kicked in her arms.
“Come on now, bud. It’s all right,” Owen soothed.
“I’ll come visit tomorrow,” John promised.
Bass was opening the door; he gave her a strange half-smile she couldn’t quite make out as if maybe he knew this was her fault too. That she was a chicken who wasn’t ready for what life had thrown at her feet.
She hadn’t been ready for her mother to die too, or to leave college and pick up the pieces of her broken family or lock her brother in a cage, and every minute since she’d been trying to catch up.
“John,” Mathew wailed, the sound rough and full of pain only someone who’d lost a parent could understand.
Bass met her gaze knowingly as everything inside of her stilled. “Stop!” she shouted. “Stop!”
Every pair of eyes in the room zeroed in on her. Even Mathew’s wails quietened to whimpers.
“What?” Melody gasped.
Rushing forward, Eva reached out her arms for Mathew, who returned the act, and more or less ripped him from Melody’s grip.
“But—” Melody began, reaching for the little boy.
Eva turned him away, cradling her arms around him as she looked back. “He can stay,” she said, glancing at them all. “He can stay.”
Walking away, Eva dashed into John’s room and kicked the door closed behind her, sinking onto the bed as she rocked Mathew backward and forward, shushing him as she did. Her heart pounded in her head, her body trembling as it tried and failed to understand what she’d done.
Wolf Queen (A New Dawn Novel Book 6) Page 17
