by Mike Ryan
“Some people just don’t get it,” Recker whispered. “Give them all the chances in the world and they just don’t get it.”
Recker then put his gun away and went back to his car. He peeled out of the garage and made his way to the highway to trek back to Philadelphia. He sent a text message to Jones to let him know his work was done and how he’d meet him back in the office when they arrived back in town. With Jones getting a head start on him, he was already moving some of the boxes into the office by the time Recker got there nine hours later. Jones didn’t bother asking him any questions about how things turned out with Golden. He knew what had been done. They finished unpacking and moving all their equipment back into the office, getting finished around midnight. Considering neither had bothered to get a new apartment yet, they each wound up taking separate couches to sleep for the night.
When they awoke in the morning, Jones wasted no time in getting his computers up and running. He had hooked everything up the night before, but running his programs and getting them to coordinate the way he wanted, took some time. As he did it, Recker restocked his gun cabinet with the weapons he’d just stashed in the corner before going to bed.
“How long you gonna take?” Recker asked.
“Not too much longer. Everything should be ready to go in an hour or so,” Jones said. “It will take a little longer until we start getting cases again. The program will have to start over again and go through mountains of data before it starts spitting things out.”
“Oh.”
“Itching to get back to work already?”
“Just wondering what I’ll do until then.”
“Why don’t you get out, see the city. I’ll let you know when it’s time.”
“Maybe I will.”
“Maybe let Mia and Tyrell know we’ve returned. Maybe look for a new apartment.”
“That reminds me, what are you gonna do for a new place?” Recker asked.
“I hadn’t really given it much thought. The place in Detroit seemed to work well so I thought I may just stay here.”
“But there’s no extra room here.”
“No, but I don’t really need much,” Jones said. “I can sleep on the couch. We’ve got a bathroom, a TV, I don’t really require much else. Besides, there’s nobody else coming in here except you and me so I don’t have to worry about any unwelcome visitors.”
“You want me to just stay here too?”
“No, of course not. Don’t be foolish. Go get a new place, enjoy your apparent newfound freedom. You don’t appear to have to hide from the CIA any longer, so you shouldn’t stay cooped up in here. But don’t forget, one of us is still a government fugitive, so staying in here will be fine for me. I have no complaints,” Jones said, forging a smile.
“OK, well, let me know when everything’s ready.
“You’ll be the first to know.”
Recker thought about his living arrangements and figured his last apartment worked fine for him. It was in a nice area and relatively close to everything. When he went back to see if anything was still available, his old apartment had been rented out, but there was another unit almost identical to his, the difference being this one had a small balcony off the living room. When he left for Detroit, he left most of his furniture behind. The only thing he took with him was the TV. He signed the papers for the apartment, but the unit wouldn’t be ready to the following day, which gave him some time to order some furniture so he wouldn’t be sitting on the floor for too long.
With his living situation taken care of, Recker started driving around the city again. Though he wasn’t going anywhere in particular, and didn’t have a specific destination in mind, he somehow found himself at the hospital where Mia worked. Outside of Jones, she was his closest friend, so maybe it was just instinctual when he wound up there. Once he parked, Recker sat in his car for a few minutes, wondering if he really wanted to go in. Not that he didn’t want to see her, but it had been three months since they’d talked. He wasn’t sure what type of reception he’d get. He never wound up telling Mia where he was going and she was the last one to try to communicate. She left a text message along with a voicemail Recker just never bothered returning. He wanted to, but something kept nagging at him to just let her go. For her own sake. He figured if he was gone, unlikely to ever return, she’d have been better off putting him out of her memory. And she couldn’t if they continued talking. Part of him wondered if he would be better off driving away, not even telling her he was back. But he knew, somehow, someway, she’d find out he’d returned, and it’d probably be worse if she found out than if he told her himself.
After ten more minutes, and a lot of thought and reflection, Recker decided to go in. He asked at the front desk whether Mia was working, and once it was confirmed, he went over to the cafeteria, their usual meeting spot. Though he didn’t know her exact schedule, going from memory, when she worked day shift, he figured he had an hour or two to wait until she came down for lunch. It gave him more time to reflect on their relationship. It was additional time to think he really didn’t need as he was already beating himself up over how he handled things with her. He sat at the back table and fiddled around with his fingers as he stared at his hands, wondering what he was going to say to her when he saw her. This was probably the most nervous he’d ever been.
And he was right. It was a long wait. Two hours that felt like it was two days. Mia walked into the cafeteria and got some food, not initially seeing her visitor. She didn’t see him until she was looking for a seat in the crowded room. Recker was still fumbling with his hands and looking down at the table and never even saw her come in. When Mia’s eyes finally did locate him, she couldn’t believe what she was seeing at first. She looked away, hoping it was just a vision that would somehow go away. Maybe she’d been working too hard. It was no vision, though, no mind trick. She locked eyes on him once again, and instead of being happy he was there, anger started flowing through her veins. For the last three months, she tried to get him out of her system. Without hearing a word from him, she could only assume the worst, he was dead. On the nights when she convinced herself he was still alive, she could only assume he just didn’t want anything to do with her anymore.
As she stood there, holding her tray, she struggled with whether she wanted to go sit with him and see what he wanted. She debated whether she’d be better off sitting by herself and pretending he wasn’t even there. He didn’t appear to be paying much attention anyway, she could quickly eat and be gone before he knew she was there. But she quickly dismissed the idea since Recker knew where she lived. He could always show up at her door. Or he could just come back another day. Even if she wanted to avoid him, she knew she couldn’t do it for long. She eventually figured it would be better to see what he was doing there and walked over to his table. Recker was so fixated on his hands and his own thoughts he never even noticed someone standing across from him. It wasn’t until Mia forcefully slammed her tray down on the table that he took his eyes of his hands. He looked up at her, licked his lips to remove the dryness, and gave a nervous looking smile.
“What are you doing here?” Mia asked, still standing.
“You uhh, gonna sit and eat?”
“I don’t know if I’m gonna be here long enough.”
Recker put his hand out, imploring her to sit. “Please.”
Mia let out a sigh, thinking she shouldn’t comply with his request, but reluctantly agreed and sat at the table.
“Thank you,” Recker said.
Mia wasn’t feeling too hospitable though. “So, what is it you want?” she asked bluntly, devoid of almost any feeling.
“David and I are back in town.”
“For good?”
“Yeah. Umm, I had another encounter with the CIA last week and they informed me I’m clear now. They’re not looking for me anymore.”
“Oh. So, what does that mean exactly?” Mia asked, several months of anger showing in her voice. “You just come back here s
ix months after you left like nothing happened?”
“I know I didn’t umm...”
“Mike, I haven’t heard from you in three months. I didn’t know where you were, I didn’t know what happened to you, I didn’t even know if you were alive or dead.”
“I know. I’m sorry.”
“For the last three months, not one word from you. I just assumed you were dead. And now, suddenly, out of the blue, you’re sitting here at my work for some reason.”
“You have every right to be angry.”
“You’re damn right I’m angry. How else would you expect me to feel?”
Recker shrugged. “Nothing else.”
“So why are you here? Just to say you’re back? Injured? Have a gunshot wound you need me to look at?”
“No. I guess I deserve that though. To be honest, I really don’t know what I’m doing here. I was just out driving around and suddenly I found myself here.”
“When’d you get back?”
“Late last night.”
“So where were you all this time?”
“We went to Detroit.”
“Why? What was there?”
“People who needed help.
“I just don’t understand what you want from me. You tell me you’re leaving, you show up at my door shot again, then you’re gone. You leave for six months, I don’t hear from you for the last three of them then you just appear and say you’re back.”
“I dunno. I guess I just came here to say hi,” Recker said, struggling to find something that would soothe her. “I missed you.”
“You missed me?”
“Yeah. I don’t know what else you want me to say.”
“You know, there was a time when you could’ve said anything to me and I would’ve believed it,” Mia said. “I would’ve followed you anywhere, done anything. But not now. Not anymore.”
Recker nodded his head, feeling a sense of sadness, realizing he may have made a mistake in coming. “Are you still with uhh, whatshisname?”
“Josh. And yes, we’re still together,” Mia said, a little perturbed that he still wouldn’t say her boyfriend’s name.
“Happy? He treating you well and all?”
“Yeah, basically. Sorry, there’s nothing for you to beat him up over or kill him or anything.”
Recker forced a smile, not taking offense at her harsh words, realizing her feelings had been hurt.
“Are you going to try and explain why you basically ignored me for the last three months?”
“I would but I don’t know if anything I say will be good enough to satisfy you. Or satisfy me either.”
“You can try.”
“The only thing I can really say is I thought you’d be better off without me in your life. I wasn’t sure if I was ever coming back. You found someone new, it seemed like you were moving on,” Recker said. “I thought by continuing to talk to me, you would still be living in the past, instead of the future.”
“And what do you think coming here now is doing?” Mia asked, still not cooling off.
Recker could see, no matter what he said, it wasn’t going to make a difference. She had her mind made up. She was going to be angry and there was no changing that. But he still couldn’t blame her for it. She’d had three months to build up to this point. Three long months of hostility and she wasn’t letting up. Right then, he figured maybe the best thing he could do was leave. He could see he wasn’t doing anybody any good by being there.
“Well, I guess I’ve taken up enough of your time. Enjoy the rest of your lunch,” Recker said.
“I still don’t understand what it is you really want. You pull me in, then push me away, draw me close, then say we can’t be together, then we kiss, then you leave, then you want to be friends, then you move away, then we’re friends, then we don’t talk, then you show up. You constantly tell me one thing, then do another. Over and over again.”
“I guess I can’t really dispute it, can I?”
“You could. You’d be wrong if you tried though. You just confuse me and I can’t take it anymore. I won’t. I deserve better.”
“You’re right. You do deserve better,” Recker said, standing up.
“Leaving again? It seems it’s what you do best. Push people away, run off, leave people behind. You only get involved with anybody if it suits whatever angle you’re working at the time.”
Recker still didn’t take offense to anything she said. He seemed like a defeated man. Quite unlike himself. “I’ve never worked an angle with you. You take care of yourself.”
He started to walk away but was stopped by Mia, who grabbed his forearm. She looked up at him, not wanting to end their conversation by being mad at each other, even if she was really the only one who seemed indignant.
“Mike, eventually you have to figure out what it is you really want. You have to admit to yourself that it’s OK to let go of whatever it is that holds you back. But until you do, you’ll never be at peace with yourself.”
Recker gave her one last smile before walking away, thinking it might be the last time he ever saw her. He would have hoped their last meeting would be a more pleasant one, but he knew she had every right to bitch him out the way she did. Mia turned around to catch a final glimpse of him before he left, seeing him just in time to exit the cafeteria. She turned back toward her food and used her fork to play around with it, still steaming from their conversation. She shook her head, a flood of emotions overtaking her.
Recker left the hospital and had returned to his truck. He sat there for a few minutes, reflecting on his conversation with Mia. After getting her out of his mind, his phone rang just as he turned on the engine.
“I hope you have someone for me to shoot,” Recker said, indicating his mood.
“Uhh, no,” Jones said. “But I did want to let you know everything is up and running.”
“Great. Let me know when have something. Preferably dangerous. And with people armed. The more dangerous the better.”
Jones didn’t quite know how to respond. “Umm, are you encountering some problems out there?”
“No, why would you think that?”
“Oh, no reason. What have you been doing?”
“I dunno. Just thought I’d try and fix a mistake.”
“What kind of mistake?”
“It’s nothing.”
“I guess it didn’t go so well.”
“No, it didn’t.”
“Well, the good thing about mistakes is they can sometimes be erased,” Jones said, offering some hope.
“Yeah, I don’t know about this one. I think this might be one mistake that can’t be fixed.”
4
“Nice to see you return in one piece,” Jones said.
“Huh?” Recker said.
Recker had just gotten back to the office after his outing at the hospital and he wasn’t sure if he’d missed something. Maybe he was in a battle he wasn’t aware of. He noticed Jones had set the Keurig up and went over to the counter to get a cup of coffee.
“Well there’s no holes in me,” Recker said, patting his chest and legs. “Did you have doubts about me coming back in one piece?”
“Well after our conversation earlier it sounded as if you’d just escaped from a confrontation.”
“I did. Not of the physical variety though. Still, it was lethal nonetheless.”
“Am I to assume you had a little chat with Mia?” Jones asked.
“Chat’s not quite the word for it. Chat indicates a level of respect and calmness between the two parties. There wasn’t much of that going on.”
“I take it she wasn’t pleased to see you.”
“No, not at all. It was more like she chewed me up, spit me out, then stomped on whatever was on the ground.”
“You certainly are a glutton for punishment,” Jones said. “Our first day back and you’re already the worse for wear.”
“I don’t know what I was doing there. Trying to make things right I guess.”
“You really do know how to put your foot in it, don’t you? Well you can’t say you don’t deserve whatever tongue lashing she dished out. You’ve put Mia through the ringer.”
Recker sighed, not wanting to hear about his shortcomings all over again. “Listen David, getting verbally ripped apart once a day is enough, OK? I don’t really need it coming from you too.”
“You’re right. I’m sorry, I wasn’t trying to pile it on.”
“I know. Let’s just not talk about Mia, OK?”
“As you wish.”
“Anything on the horizon yet?” Recker asked, hoping for a case to take his mind off things.
“Sadly, no. Don’t you have something else to keep you busy?”
“Well, I already got my apartment back. Well not back. Different unit, same building.”
“I guess everything’s not so glum then.”
“Easy for you to say. Maybe I’ll check with Tyrell to see if anything’s been brewing while we’ve been gone.”
“Excellent idea.”
Jones mostly just wanted to get Recker out of the office. Since they didn’t have any cases at the moment, he worried in case Mia’s verbal assault would have an adverse effect on Recker. Jones knew whenever Recker had personal problems, which wasn’t often since they didn’t have many friends, and they usually revolved around Mia, he usually stewed over it for most of the day. Jones didn’t really want to play psychiatrist the first day they were back in town, no matter how much he cared for the both of them. He just had too much to do to get the systems back up and running properly.
While Recker was bothered by the events at the hospital, he didn’t think she was wrong, and he didn’t want to dwell on it either. Her feelings were what they were and he wasn’t going to be able to change it. The best thing he figured he could do was to get a beat on what was happening around town. Tyrell was usually the best person to get that information out of, so Recker pulled out his phone and gave him a call.
