by Blue Saffire
Once we’re all seated for dinner, Jemma talks lovingly of her superstar boys throughout the meal. No one else stands much of a chance to get a word in. At some point, I realize that’s Jemma’s intention.
Whenever someone does try to get a word in or direct a question towards Caleb, she would start in, rolling right over that person’s conversation. By the end of dinner, I find it to be annoying and condescending.
Caleb can hold a conversation if he wants to. She’s just not even allowing him to interact. I try not to boil over in anger. I can see Uncle Rusty, Aunt Jemma, as well as, Mr. Perry, all wearing the same annoyed expression.
Thankfully, after dinner, everyone spills out into the large backyard. Caleb finds a seat in front of the fire pit and pulls me into his lap. To everyone else, he might seem like he’s aloof.
I know better. Something is bothering him. He’s brooding more than anything right now.
“What’s wrong,” I whisper into his ear, for only him to hear.
He shakes his head and looks around us. We’re sitting far enough from others not to be heard. Cameron is nursing a beer in a seat across from us. Kay is with Dakota, talking to Uncle Rusty over by the pool.
Mr. Perry is telling a story to some of the other guests over by the outdoor bar. I reach under Caleb’s hair and start to massage his neck. I move my hand into his hair and twist a strand around my finger.
“Come on, Babe. You can talk to me. It’s just me and you,” I whisper.
His eyes lock on my lips, with a heavy sigh he opens up. “I get tired of being treated like I’m not here. She always does this. I’m not stupid. I can speak for myself. I let them all baby me, all my life and I hate it now,” Caleb frowns.
More words gush forward as his face fill with irritation. “This is why Cameron followed me to school. You do know that I have a 4.0 GPA. I don’t need help in my studies. I would have figured the rest out. So, what if people find out the truth. I fucking hate the way they make me feel.
“Daddy,” he shakes his head. “He tries to listen to me, but Mama, she just wants what she wants. That was embarrassing for me. You’re my girlfriend. I wanted to show you that I could sit at a dinner and be a fucking person.
“She just took that all from me. I just want to go home. I don’t want to be here,” Caleb turns back to the fire pit to watch its flames.
“Look at me,” I say softly.
He turns his head to me slowly. His eyes searching my face. I cup his cheek and press a soft kiss to his lips.
“I know that you’re a person. I watch you with Cameron and Dakota all the time. You’ve been hanging out with my friends, as crazy as they are. You’ve been hanging with the guys from the team more.
“Caleb, you are so amazing in my eyes. Never doubt that. I don’t think your mother does it out if malice. I think in her eyes you’re her baby. She wants to protect you. Now, whether or not she’s going about it the right way is another thing,” I give a small giggle.
Caleb just stares at me for a beat. I see when the light goes off in his head, but I’m not sure on which part of my words it shines for. From the way, he cups the back of my neck and kisses me deeply, I have a feeling that they all resonate with him.
“You’re everything thing to me,” Caleb breathes against my lips when he breaks the kiss.
I feel the lump form in my throat. The raw emotion in his voice pulls me under completely. If I didn’t know before that I was falling in love with him, I know it now without a doubt.
I open my mouth to tell him just that, but we both turn as the air shifts. Mrs. Perry is standing right over us, with a glare directed at me. She quickly paints a smile on her lips, no doubt so that Caleb doesn’t have time to read her.
“Nicole, I wanted to show you those pictures, Honey,” she says as sweet as pie. “Do you mind coming inside with me?”
“Um, sure,” I say.
I know she has something she wants to say to me. I might as well let her get it off her chest. However, I do want to make something clear to her. I turn and cup Caleb’s face and press my lips to his.
Caleb threads his fingers in my hair and takes over the kiss. He kisses me as if this will be our last. When I pull back the fear and anxiety I see in his eyes tears me apart.
I lean into his ear. “You’re everything to me, too,” I whisper.
~B~
Caleb
It takes everything in me not to stop Nicole from going with my Mama. I feel like I’m going to be sick. I just know this is not going to end well.
I’ll never forgive my Mama if she takes Nicole from me. I think of when I wanted to enter a national science fair in the sixth grade. I was so excited about my project. Uncle Rusty and I worked so hard on it.
Mama went to the school and made a big deal, bringing up my IEP and what my limitation were. My teacher stood up for me, but in the end the principal let my Mama have her way.
I was crushed. For the first time, the kids at school thought I was cool. My project had earned me new friends. I was so sure that I would be able to make it in the contest. She crushed that dream without even blinking.
It wasn’t about me. It was more about me embarrassing her in front of everyone, if I melted down from losing or the crowds that would be at the contest. Uncle Rusty had considered all of that. We were working on me handling it, but she didn’t care about that.
I won’t let her take Nicole the same way. As I come out of my memories from my childhood, I stand and go to find my woman and my Mama. I just hope I find them in time.
I move into the house like a bull on a mission, ignoring the few people that try to get in my way. These people are more than used to me not answering them. Even if they weren’t, I wouldn’t give a shit right now.
I stop in my tracks as I hear voices inside my father’s study. Or should I say, I hear my Mama’s voice. I move to the cracked doors and listen. I freeze, I’m glued to my spot, when I hear Nicole answer back.
“What exactly are you trying to say?” Nicole voice comes out hard.
My brows furrow. I’ve heard Nicole sound like this once before. I go to flip through my memory for when, but my Mama’s words give me pause.
“What do you want with my son,” Mama demands the way she does when she wants Daddy to give her, her way.
“I’m in a relationship with your son,” Nicole replies.
“Why? I know you know about him. Judy told me you know everything.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? Caleb is an amazing man. I enjoy being with him,” Nicole says.
My mother scoffs. “Listen here, Honey. I will not let anyone make a meal ticket out of my son. He may not be able to see you for who you are, but I see you.”
“Excuse me,” Nicole barks. “Please, understand this. I now, nor will I ever need Caleb to pay my way. Don’t let the brown skin fool you. I come from money and have my own.”
“Then I don’t get. What do you want with my son? You’re a pretty girl. Boys must be lining up to court you. Why my Caleb?
“Don’t you get it? This can’t go anywhere. He will never be able to be a husband. He will never be a father. He can’t give you a future. So why play with his heart,” My Mama asks. If I’m not mistaken, I think I hear tears in her voice.
“Why would you say such things? Caleb is not a little boy. Trust me, he is more than capable of all those things and more,” Nicole bites out.
“He may have the physical capabilities, but he won’t meet your expectation mentally. Do you understand that? Do you understand what Autism is?” Mama huffs.
“More than you do,” Nicole growls. I see Nicole turn to leave the room, but she stops and turns back to Mama. “He’s brilliant. He’s kind. He’s just…he’s everything we’ll never be. That’s why…in the last two months Caleb has inspired me to come out of my shell. That’s why. Not that I need to explain us to anyone.”
With that Nicole turns and storms towards me. My heart swells to the point of bursting. When she exits the r
oom, she looks up at me.
“Let’s go home,” she says in a small voice.
chapter Thirteen
Reality Bites
Nicole
I’m exhausted, but I can’t sleep. When I walked out of that study to see Caleb standing there, my heart broke even more than it had listening to his mother. She’s labeled Caleb without giving him a chance.
He’s so much more than some assessment tests or evaluation says. He isn’t defined by some title on some spectrum. If he were, he’d make it a lie. Caleb continues to smash every stereotype, every misconception about who he is or who he should be.
I think I was more pissed off at her lack of knowledge of the awesome man her son is, than the fact that she initially tried to peg me as a trifling gold digger. I can’t believe the gall of her. Why wouldn’t a mother want to see her son happy.
I toss and tug at the covers around me again. I hadn’t planned on spending the night here tonight, but I couldn’t leave Caleb after seeing his face. We didn’t even bother to wait for Cameron. Caleb got us a car and we disappeared without a word.
Mr. Perry had called a few times, but Caleb wouldn’t answer. Eventually, Cameron called my phone to make sure we were okay. After that Caleb spent the rest of the evening with his head in my lap and his arms wrapped around me.
When Cameron and Kay did arrive at the apartment, Caleb got up and went into his bedroom for the rest of the night. Now here we lay. Caleb is snoring, which is a first. Me, I’m trying to stop stewing, so I can go to sleep.
I feel myself on my way to drifting off to sleep, when Caleb’s big body starts to shake hard. I sit up quickly reaching to turn on the light. When I turn back to him I see he is convulsing hard.
“Oh, my God,” I gasp and move quickly to my knees. “Cameron, Cameron, help!”
The walls in this apartment are so thin, I know he has to hear me. I flail my arms not sure what to do. Caleb is such a large guy. I don’t want to do anything that will hurt him or will get me hurt.
Cameron bursts through the door, the look on his face says this was what he expected to find. “Fuck,” he grunts and rushes in to his brother’s side.
“What can I do? Should I call 911,” I says frantically.
“No, it will pass. I knew this shit was going to happen,” Cameron grumbles.
“Does he have them often?”
“No, he usually only has seizures when he is under a lot of stress,” Cameron presses his lips.
I bite my lip and watch as the shaking starts to subside. I feel the tears on my cheeks, but I’m too stunned to wipe them away. I feel my fear literally grip and paralyze me.
“Where’s Nicole,” is the first thing Caleb rumbles, groggily.
Cameron had rolled him onto his side away from me while he was still seizing. When Caleb tries to lift, and turn, Cameron places a hand on his shoulder to hold him still. I reach a shaky hand out to rub over his hair.
“I’m right here, Babe,” I say softly.
“What’s wrong,” Caleb says to Cameron, a little disoriented. “Why are you in my room?” He turns his head toward me. “Are you okay?”
“I’m fine.”
“You had a seizure, Man. Nicole called for me,” Cameron says gently.
Caleb swallows and gives a small nod of understanding. This time when he tries to move Cameron helps him to sit up slowly. Caleb’s eyes fall to his lap and he blinks a few times. It’s clear he is still recovering and finding his bearings.
I swipe at my tears quickly, as I keep my eyes on him. Cameron sits on the edge of the bed next to Caleb and ducks his head to look up into his brothers face. I watch as something silently passes between them.
Cameron runs a hand through the front of Caleb’s hair and kisses his baby brother’s sweaty forehead. It is the sweetest thing ever. I can see how much Cameron loves his brother.
“You’ll be fine. Don’t let Mama get to you with her shit, Man. You know we’re all here for you. Nicole’s right here,” Cameron chuckles. “If she can spend time with Mama and not run, she’s a keeper.”
Caleb turns his head to me and lifts his eyes. I smile at him through the tears I’m holding back. Caleb reaches for me, pulling me to him. I straddle his lap and he wraps his arms around me, burying his cheek against my breasts.
“I’ve got it from here,” I say softly to Cameron. “Unless we should take him to the hospital or something.”
“I’m fine,” Caleb murmurs, as his hold on me tightens.
Cameron stands, placing a hand on my shoulder. He gives a gentle squeeze and winks at me. I give him a wobbly smile. Truth is, I’m still shaken. That scared the shit out of me.
“He should be fine, but I’m keeping my door open in case. Just holler for me if you need me,” Cameron says, as if trying to soothe a child.
I nod and Cameron leaves the room. I run my fingers through Caleb’s hair. He seems to relax after a few passes of my hand.
“If you don’t think you can handle being with me, I understand,” Caleb says quietly.
I reach to cup his face and lift it. I look into his eyes, but he tries to dodge mine. I follow them until he locks eyes with me.
“No one is perfect, Caleb. We all have our flaws. What’s important is that we’re with the one we care for, and care enough to see their flaws as perfection,” I say, as my thumb caresses his bearded cheek.
“The things my Mama said. She was—,” he starts, but I cut him off.
“She was wrong. Babe, you can have whatever you want in life,” I shrug. “I’ve watched you struggle from time to time, but you push your way through. You’re stubborn and determined as fuck, when you want something. I don’t see that ever changing.”
“Baby, I want you,” he breathes.
“I want you too, Caleb. If that’s what has you worried, you can stop it right here,” I say, then kiss his lips.
chapter fourteen
Playing with Fire
Nicole
“Caleb, we need to work on this calendar, will you focus please,” I giggle as I try to wiggle free of his arms.
It’s been a few weeks since his birthday. Things have settled and he talks to his mom a lot more on the phone now. Well, she has started to call every day. I don’t let it bother me. Caleb and I are happy.
Although I would be a lot happier if we could get this calendar done. We’ve brainstormed ideas a few times, but we haven’t locked anything down. I know we still have time, but I want to get this right.
“I missed you so much. I’ve been gone for four days, don’t you miss me, Darlin’,” he croons in my ear.
“Babe, yes, I’ve missed you, but we’ve put this off long enough. Caleb,” I squeal, swatting at his hand squeezing my ass.
“What,” he asks innocently.
“Hands,” I say, pointing my finger at him.
“Could you two take that shit in his room,” Cameron grumbles, but the smile on his lips takes the sting out his words.
“Absolutely not, nothing gets done in there. Being in there alone with him…well, you don’t need to know that, but no. We’re staying right here and Caleb you’re going to keep your paws to yourself,” I fuss with my hand on my hip to show I mean business.
“Fine,” Caleb heaves, releasing me and walking over to flop onto the couch next to Cameron. “But for the record, you can’t wear shit like that and not expect my hands all over you.”
My mouth gapes open, as I look down at my black leggings and one of Caleb team t-shirt. He has given me a ton of them in my size. I look back at him, wondering if he really spoke or if that had been Cameron.
In the three months, that we’ve been dating, Cameron’s words have come out of Caleb more times than I can count. The fact that Cameron is sitting there now, trying to hold onto his laughter, goes to show he knows his brother has just pulled one of his stunts. I shake my head at the two of them.
“Caleb, if I wanted to date Cameron, I would’ve beat Kay up and took him,” I tease. “I’
m with you, so I would appreciate it if my sweet boyfriend would talk like he has sense,” I hiss.
“Hey, the man has a point,” Cameron says, wiggling his brows.
“Really,” I say, snatching up a pillow from the armchair and throwing it at the both of them. I stomp my foot in impatience. “Seriously Caleb, the mock up for the calendar is due in two weeks. You’re the one that had me sign up for this. We have to turn something in.”
Caleb stands back up. Walking over to me, he pulls me into his arms and kisses the top of my head. “Fine, I liked the idea you had of me taking pictures with other people with Autism. I think it would be cool to show people, we look just like them,” Caleb shrugs.
“Wait a minute,” Cameron lifts his head from his phone. “What do you mean show people we look just like them? You’re not coming out in a school charity calendar.”
“Didn’t know I was gay,” Caleb says with just the right amount of sarcasm. I double over in laughter. He has been nailing humor lately.
“Yeah, he is just the regular funny guy nowadays. Daddy isn’t going to like this idea one bit. Think of something else,” Cameron snarls.
Caleb sighs. I know he is about to relent, but I can tell he’s disappointed. Caleb loves being himself with me. I have accepted him for who he is, quirks and all. The more we talk, I can tell he wishes he could be himself with others. That was one of the reasons I made the suggestion for this idea. If we could educate others, then they would be able to understand Caleb is just another person.
Seeing the disappointment in his eyes, I think to myself, what would be the difference if we waited one more day. I wrap my arms around his waist and bury my face in his chest breathing him in. Like always he smells so good. I peek up at him through my lashes.
“Okay, big boy, take me to eat. I’m starving,” I say to my big teddy bear of a man.
“We’re stopping at your dorm for you to change,” he grumbles.
“Oh, God, you with the jealousy, there is nothing wrong with what I’m wearing,” I fuss, stepping back from him.
