by Janet Woods
Forgive me.
Adele
Adele sealed the note with wax and handed it to Sarah. ‘Make sure the earl gets it, but not until tomorrow.’
‘He reads his communications over breakfast. They will mostly be acceptances for the social supper dance. We’re all invited. I’m so looking forward to it. Mr Ashburn has asked me to put him down for the first dance.’ Sarah kissed her. ‘The aunts have gone to the market in Blandford and I’ll be going to Madigan House soon. You won’t mind being on your own, will you? Don’t worry about the earl, I’m sure he will forgive you.’
‘What I said to him was unforgivable, especially after his tolerance of my past actions towards him. I don’t want to discuss it, Sarah, but I’d be obliged if you’d just put it on his message tray, along with my refusal to attend his social evening.’
Sarah stared at her in disbelieve. ‘You’re not going? But you must, it would be the height of rudeness to snub him in such a manner. He will want to know why you’re not there.’
‘If he does you must tell him I have a previous engagement.’
‘He might ask what it is.’
‘He won’t. He’ll accept the reason at face value and will not question it.’
‘Lord Madigan is not that forgiving. If you push him too hard he might drop his pursuit of you altogether and find another woman to love.’
‘Has it not occurred to you that it might be my intention?’
‘What would you do if he fell in love with me?’
‘Enough now, Sarah, you’re being ridiculous. Stop meddling in my personal affairs.’
Frowning a little, Sarah picked up a white gown and held it against her. ‘Why do you consider it ridiculous?’
‘Because he’s a grown man and you are still a child.’ Adele gave Sarah a sharp look. ‘Surely you don’t harbour inappropriate feelings towards the earl.’
‘Why would they be inappropriate? It’s not as if his affections are claimed by another.’
Adele had to know. ‘You don’t entertain any tender thoughts towards the earl, do you?’
Sarah sighed. ‘He’s so handsome, manly and strong – and so impossibly wealthy. His eyes are so blue and dark, like the evening sky.’
‘You must not allow your thoughts to dwell on such things. It’s impossible. You can’t marry Ryder, I forbid it. If he makes advances towards you …’ It occurred her that Sarah was teasing her and she said rather sheepishly, ‘Well, I think I might kill him.’
A giggle ripped from Sarah. ‘For someone who declares herself not to be in love you’re a dog in a manger where the earl’s concerned. You say you don’t want him yourself, but you don’t want anyone else to have him either.’
‘Because he’s my friend from childhood, and I … well, I do have his welfare at heart.’
‘You had mine at heart a few moments ago. Why are you in such a flap, Adele? Honestly, are you scared that I’ll snatch the earl from under your nose when it’s obvious he only has eyes for you?’
Reluctantly, Adele laughed. ‘All right, so you’ve made a fool out of me. Shall we drop the subject now? I wore that white gown to my first ball. What don’t you like about it?’
‘The neckline is too low and it draws the eye. I feel embarrassed when men gaze at me there, especially older men.’
‘It’s because you’re becoming a woman. I don’t think you realize how lovely you are, Sarah. You’ll have to learn to cope with it.’ She picked up a corsage of silk flowers. ‘I wore that white gown when I was your age. It’s a tradition for young girls to wear white gowns. If you want to be modest, wear this across the neckline. We can sew it to the gown.’
The girl’s smile returned. ‘I can’t make up my mind which of my two best gowns to wear.’
‘You can wear any gown in my wardrobe.’
Sarah’s eyes began to shine. ‘Does that offer include the blue and white silk gown with the muslin overskirt and pearl drops on the bodice? It’s exquisite.’
Tears pricked at Adele’s eyes. ‘I intended to wear that when Ryder and I were wed. It seems a long time ago now.’ She would never wear it now. She’d been like any eager young bride and the dressmaker had fussed over her and presented her best work because she was to wed the earl and would become someone of importance in the district. How things had changed.
‘You may have the gown.’
Sarah’s smile faded and the girl gave her a fierce hug. ‘I’d rather wear sackcloth than use your wedding gown. You only offered it because you’re feeling sorry for yourself. All you’ll achieve is to encourage everyone around you to feel guilty. You’re plotting something, aren’t you?’
Adele gave in to a moment of sharpness because she’d had enough of being the villain for one day. ‘My goodness, you’re becoming such a little busybody. Why should I be plotting anything? Truthfully, I’m tired of being the local pariah, and the subject of constant rumour. I just want some peace and quiet. Now, you’d better get yourself off to Madigan House.’
Sarah’s eyes narrowed. ‘I still think you’re plotting something.’
‘When you think of what it might be, do let me know. I need another plot in my life like parliament needs another Guy Fawkes.’
‘Sarcasm doesn’t suit you, Adele.’
‘Nevertheless, it’s very satisfying.’ She laughed. ‘Do you realize we’re having our first argument?’
‘And it’s over the same man.’
Her heart wrenched. She hadn’t thought that leaving behind those she loved would be quite so hard – and she hadn’t even gone yet. Not only that, she didn’t even know where she was going.
As soon as she had the house to herself Adele packed a bag. She pulled on her walking boots, donned her pelisse and bonnet, and set off for Poole.
She could hear Gypsy kicking up a fuss as she strode away. She had locked him in the laundry room so he couldn’t follow her.
It wasn’t long before she began to tire and the bag in her hand grew heavy. She struggled on for another mile then stopped to rest in her favourite place by the willow tree. The grass had been cropped and a new wooden seat placed there. Across the pond a small bridge arched.
It was the sort of surprise Ryder used to devise to please her with. As she drew closer she noticed something carved into the back of the seat. It was a heart pierced by an arrow, and under it, some words. Constant Heart. Ryder had made this little setting for her.
Pushing her bag under the seat with her foot she seated herself and ran her forefinger gently over the carving, thinking of Ryder, and of the portion of the childhood they’d spent together. It was peaceful; the air was a moist, but sultry breath against her face, as if the breeze skimmed the surface from the stream and turned it into whispers. Yet there was a bite to the air. She sat amongst leaves that roared in the tree canopy as they bent before the breeze like silver raindrops. Summer had come early and the earth was alive. Soon the land would be offering up a yield of hay, followed by the corn crops. Not at Madigan Estate though. There, the earth was being coaxed into production after its long rest.
Running away was a silly notion. She had no friends she could go to and it would serve only to worry the people she loved most. Ryder wouldn’t appreciate it if she caused any more trouble. Using her crooked arm as a cushion she placed her face against the carved heart and closed her eyes, imagining it was beating. Gradually the world faded.
Something woke her. The air was still with a tense quiet that came before a storm. Between the trees glimpses of grey cloud piled one on top on the other. Cold began to invade her. Thunder rumbled in the distance and something in the copse on the other side of the path snapped.
Her eyelids flew open as she remembered that this was the place where she’d been shot at. A thin, clinging mist pressed in on her. She hoped her aunts had reached home before the storm hit.
Another snap!
Disorientated, she rose and panic set in. She grabbed her bag and began to run, the blood pounding in her ears.
It was a while before she stopped, brought up short by the whinny of a horse as it stood on its hind legs and pawed at the air.
She yelped and fell backwards into a patch of stinging nettles. A light sweep of the nettle over her hand and wrist brought the skin up in angry lumps and it began to itch. She scrambled to her feet, hugging her arm.
It was Ryder who voiced the curse when he was almost unseated. Succinct and to the point, it was followed by, ‘Easy, Henry, we’re not at war now. At least I’m not. I can’t vouch for the lady’s temper though, so you’d better watch out.’
Henry snorted disdainfully, as if on cue.
Adele wanted to laugh, and chided him with, ‘Your language should have been left in the army, where it belongs.’
‘It was a slip of the tongue, and besides, you’re a woman and shouldn’t be aware of its meaning.’
‘Well … I am aware. Apologize.’
‘Be damned if I will,’ then he laughed. ‘I’m sorry, my Del.’
‘Why were you so vexed?’
‘I’ve been looking for you and you’ve led me on a merry dance.’
Her hands went to her hips. ‘That’s not my fault. Why were you looking for me?’
‘I couldn’t find you at home and your aunts were worried about the approaching storm. Also I’d just returned from Poole, where I met James Pelham, so at least I could reassure them that you didn’t get on a coach.’ He’d never know how close she’d come and there was always tomorrow.
‘Why should I have got on the coach?’
‘You have your travelling bag with you. Where were you going?’
She discovered a dock plant nearby and applied one of its leaves to the flaming nettled skin while she thought of an excuse. After a few minutes the sting went out of her arm. She looked up at him, smiling, and decided on the truth. ‘I was on my way into Poole to see if I could confront James Pelham before he left. I came across the little arbour you’d made and I sat down. I began to think about our childhood, when things were not so complicated, and I fell asleep.’
‘You were running when I saw you?’
‘I was trying to beat the storm.’
The darkness was deepening and she wondered how long she’d been asleep. For some time, she suspected.
A handful of rain hit them. ‘Too late, I think,’ he observed.
‘I was touched by your message on the seat.’
‘I should change it.’
‘To what?’
‘Something more appropriate. “Broken Heart” would fit the situation.’ He reached down, his voice gruff. ‘Pass up the bag, and then put a foot in the stirrup and take my hand.’
She folded her arms over her chest. ‘I can walk.’
‘If I hear one more squeak of rebellion, so help me, I’ll beat the bounce out of you.’
‘You wouldn’t.’
His eyes lightened. ‘You’re much too sure of yourself … of me. Enough of these games now else I’ll leave you here to find your own way home.’
She remembered what had caused her panic and took his hand. She didn’t want to be alone here in the dark. Swung up in front of him she found herself seated sideways across his lap, as comfortably as such a position afforded them.
Henry tossed his head and grunted.
They looked at each other, and Ryder’s eyes were bluer than blue when he smiled and placed her bag between them.
‘Thank you, Ryder,’ she cooed. ‘You’re so sweet, even when you’re angry.’
‘You can stop the toad-eating right now. I’m on to you.’
‘What did James Pelham have to say?’
‘I’ll tell you when we find shelter.’
His smile became a grimace when several fat raindrops spattered over them. ‘We haven’t been this close since I found you on the heath. You were more dead than alive then, and certainly less trouble. I feared for your life.’
She sensed danger in his words since she was unaware of how physically close they had been on that day. She’d been unconscious and anything could have happened to her in that state. ‘I’d better go home, else the aunts might worry.’
‘It’s too late for that,’ he said and he choked out a laugh. ‘Are you frightened you might lose your newly discovered virtue if you stay with me?’
A blush spread under her skin and she turned her face into his coat.
‘Aw … Del, my sweet, look at me so I can see you blush. We’re only human, and so are your aunts.’
‘I’m not blushing. My face is inflamed where the nettles stung.’
‘You were stung on the arm. Allow me to kiss you better.’
‘The juice from the dock leaf is adequate.’
‘But not so exciting, surely.’
‘No, not half as exciting.’ Waiting a few seconds for her blush to subside she turned her face up to his. He deserved a reward, and so did she. He kissed her, his mouth a tease against hers, and then his tongue curled. Like a cat he delicately took a lick, as if she was made of melting butter.
Her mouth joined with his and she purred with pleasure, almost experiencing her ears flattening against her head and her whiskers twitching. When she withdrew she saw a little dimple appear to dent his cheek. She planted a chaste kiss on the spot when he smiled. It was a small caress, mainly because she needed to touch him and that was the safest place in daylight … or what passed for it at the moment. The light seemed to be fading in the vanguard of the storm. A shiver ran through her. What a delight it was to be with Ryder – to be this close in mind and body, and to love him.
Henry’s stomach rattled.
‘Does this horse go anywhere, or does it just stand still and grumble?’ she asked.
His laughter was lost in a prolonged rumble of thunder that vibrated all around them. She jumped when fat drops of rain spattered down through the trees. Lightning snicked and spat, like the wick of a candle drowning in molten wax. Ryder pulled Henry’s head around. ‘We can hide in the hay barn until the storm is over, the one that belonged to your family. Remember it?’
The place of their initial act of loving, oh so casually, dropped into the conversation.
‘Of course I do.’ How could she forget the place where she’d surrendered her innocence to him.
A dart of desire buried its barb into her soft, warm centre. It was insidious, like Adam and Eve’s snake. Her internal muscles clenched around the bittersweet barb, savouring the feeling. No good playing the innocent here with Ryder, when the place held so many memories.
How tedious being a spinster was with its sudden urges, the outcome of which were usually fulfilled only in the imagination.
She had a moment of regret when she thought of her father and his disappointment in her. He’d been so willing to think the worst of her – to abandon her. That had hurt. She couldn’t put matters right with him now.
But perhaps she could let Ryder know how much she loved him. Her travel bag kept them effectively apart, so she gently nipped his ear lobe.
A warm and tender kiss touched against her cheek and slid across to her ear. ‘See that you do remember it,’ he whispered, and it was as if he’d picked up her thoughts.
Fifteen
Henry was left in the company of two farm horses that moved their muscular rumps aside at the feeding trough, allowing him to share their hay.
Making their way through the flickering lightning flashes Adele and Ryder carefully mounted the ladder into the loft, and made a cosy hideaway between the bales. Even so Adele began to shiver from the sudden drop in temperature.
After a while the wind began to howl like a banshee and the barn door rattled and creaked. The horses shifted uneasily and then seemed to get used to the din and settled.
Ryder gazed at his drenched and bedraggled companion in the grey twilight. ‘Do you have something dry to wear in your bag?’
She nodded.
‘Then you’d better change into it, because it looks as though we’ll be here overnight. I’ll go down and rel
ieve Henry of his saddle. I spotted a lantern we can use, as long as I can find a flint to light it with.’
‘Be careful you don’t set fire to the barn.’
‘Credit me with some sense, my love.’ He dropped a kiss on her mouth and descended into the gloom. After more complaints from Henry, Ryder got his saddle off and draped a blanket over him for warmth.
He found the lantern and flint, along with some candles in a cupboard.
There was a dish to spark the initial fire alight, deep enough to stop it from igniting any debris that might spark up and get out of hand. He sighed with relief when he put the flame to the spill, and the spill to candle wick. It flared up briefly, and then the candle flickered and settled to a soft glow, protected by the glass surrounds of the lantern. Grabbing another horse blanket he nimbly scaled the ladder again, and hanging the lantern on a hook he turned to her. ‘You haven’t changed.’
‘I’ve found myself a skirt and bodice. I haven’t had time for anything else. Besides, I can’t reach the back buttons. You’ll have to undo them for me.’
He laughed. ‘I didn’t realize you were going to subject me to torture?’
‘Pretend you’re a lady’s maid for a few seconds.’
A lady’s maid he wasn’t. He was a full-blooded man lusting for affection, if one could use the gentlemanly word for what type of affection he had in mind. But having it in mind didn’t mean he was going to act on it – or that she’d even allow him to, come to that.
He fumbled on her buttons. They were tiny things, slippery like pearls dug from the glutinous depths of an oyster. The top of her back was a graceful curve and his fingers began to walk down the ladder of her spine.
She made a little noise in her throat and trembled when he kissed the junction where her shoulder joined her neck. He recalled several of the sensitive and sensual places on her body, like this one, just behind her ear. He nipped the lobe and she leaned back and murmured, ‘Stop it?’
‘You want me to stop when we’ve only just started?’
‘No … I was just seeing if you would. I want you to love me.’
A ridge in her flesh against his fingertips stopped his exploration. ‘What made this mark?’
