by Rena Marks
“Nurses?” His mate asked.
“Yes! We love the little outfits they wear, those short skirts and sexy cleavage pushing up out of the buttoned up white blouses,” the buttercup sister said.
“Virginia, what outfits were you looking at? Surely not those sexy Halloween outfits on the video?”
“Yes,” she murmured excitedly. “Those were the ones.”
“Real nurse outfits don’t look like that,” Anita said.
“Well, mine will. Commander Lennard proclaimed us free. Therefore we can wear our clothing as we desire, can we not?”
Marcie sighed. “You can.”
“We have a few rules, though,” Molli continued, as if she wasn’t interrupted. “I don’t like needles, and Joy doesn’t like blood. Tris doesn’t like to wipe up any body fluids. But Virginia will bathe the sick.”
“You sound like a very caring lot,” Tristan said, quite generously Bajoc thought.
Bajoc turned when little Hanneka tugged his arm. “Hi, baby Lily,” she cooed, kissing the outstretched palm that aimed for her purple curls. “Titi wants me to tell you something,” she whispered loudly.
Bajoc bent his ear to the child. “What is it?”
“She says their elevator doesn’t go to the top floor.”
He sighed. “Tell her I already know.”
“Okay,” she said happily, and skipped off.
“But we wouldn’t be opposed to attracting men, either,” Virginia said.
“Shhh,” Molli hushed her. “We’re being valuable to the community, remember?”
“I know. I just want to let everyone know in advance.”
“Of course, we really like clothing, too,” Tris said. “We wouldn’t mind being fashion designers.”
“There’s not really a call for that on this planet,” Lara said.
“Well, darn a bumblebee,” she said, snapping her fingers.
His mate looked confused. Though, to be honest, he had no idea what that meant either.
A loud wail and a thump had them looking behind at the chest of clothes Titi had dragged over. Tomlak and Trince pulled the two smaller kids apart, even though Titi and Reese yakked back and forth in a language only they could understand, leaving the others scratching their heads. The squabbling Reese and Titi were brought to them.
“Reese, what is wrong, son?” Bajoc asked.
“She is an olive short of a martini,” Reese accused.
From Tristan’s arms, Titi snorted. “Hiss belt doesn’t go through all the loops,” she assured her father.
“What belt?” Tristan blinked.
Chapter Fifteen
“Hold still.” Marcie laughed at his uncomfortable squirming.
“It hurts.” Bajoc removed his fingers from his necktie. It was a strange tradition, this wedding of the century. “I don’t understand why we have to wear these things.”
“Because it’s wedding finery.”
“When will it be over?”
“Soon. You’ll hear the wedding march, and Pariah will waltz down the aisle. Then she and the Commander will say their vows and when they kiss, the ceremony’s over. Next we’ll congratulate them, throw the rice, and ta-da! Party-time.”
“Is that when they go on their sugarmoon, and we get back to normal?” He winced and shuddered.
His mate giggled. He knew it was the wrong word, but sometimes he just liked when his sweet Marcie was happy. Lately, her pherahormones had settled, and she was back to her old self.
“Honeymoon, silly. Hopefully, nine months later we won’t have a baby Kriekjan.”
He winced, and this one was real. “Please tell me they won’t consider it. I can’t imagine what it’ll look like. Hairy and bald, at the same time, I’m sure.”
“You know Kriekjan wants children. He’s completely smitten with the idea.”
“He knows nothing about rearing offspring. He’ll spoil the kid, and not only will it have a bad personality, it’ll be ugly. It will have the genes of Kriekjan and Pariah combined. Marcie”—he gripped her shoulder—“it will be a monster. The dropling will be born with teeth.”
She removed his hand from her shoulder and clasped her fingers through his. “It will live on another planet, remember? We won’t have to see it, much.”
“What if they want us to babysit? You know Titi has grown enamored with me. I fear I cannot keep young ones away. His will love me, too.” He hated the pathetic moan in his voice, but he just couldn’t help it.
“Well, we just won’t have to worry about it for a long, long while. The Quaker anatomy seems a lot like humans, so we’re looking at, at least, nine months away.”
He smiled and leaned in to kiss her lips. “You are right.” He suddenly felt better. Nine months was practically a year. Surely the Supreme Commander and his Madonna would be far, far away by then. “I will get Lily. Would you like to get Reese?”
“Mmm,” his mate said, against his lips. The place where he wanted her most.
But his sweet love pulled away. “We’re going to be late. Let’s go.”
He sighed, but obediently went to Lily’s room. He changed her diaper and put the dress on her that Marcie had picked out. There wasn’t much they could do for her fuzzy hair other than tie it up on her head, clasp a bow in it, and call it good.
Lily kicked her scrawny legs as he tried to tie the footlings onto her feet. They had pretty pink bows to match the one in her hair.
“Hold still, you squirmy worm,” he growled, capturing a kicking foot. The bibble giggled. Finally, she was dressed and ready. He grabbed the stitched bag with extra diapers to sling over his shoulder and carefully picked up Lily. Her tiny hand curled into his hair as she gurgled. Her aim was getting better.
Marcie and Reese were waiting on the front porch. Reese looked so handsome with his tiny suit and tie. He was allowed to be the escort of Titi, who would walk the aisle first and scatter flower petals upon the ground. He wasn’t sure why she would be throwing away flowers instead of making soap with them, but the wedding preparations were a bit bizarre.
Before long, they were all seated in rows of chairs, split up with an aisle where the droplings would walk when the ceremony began. The Puritan females giggled annoyingly, all because there were a lot more Freijians present than normal. It seemed everyone at headquarters wanted to attend what Pariah had deemed the wedding of the century. The phrase had taken root and everyone referred to it as that.
Of course, Bajoc remembered that not long ago, Pariah had called the ball their party of the century. Thanks to Wilma, it had been that.
“Titi, I don’t think you should,” Reese whispered loudly from behind the rows.
He was immediately hushed by that one.
The music began to play, and Titi waltzed down the aisle. Solemnly, Reese accompanied her with her arm crooked into his, and a small basket of petals dangling from their entwined arms.
He pushed her with his shoulder, and she pushed back. Marcie clucked at them.
“Ta—da,” Titi sang, throwing handfuls of flowers out. He heard Lara hiss.
“Gently! And stop singing to the music.”
But gentle was beyond Titi’s fat fists, and she continued to pitch flowers at the guests.
Next to him, Tristan murmured proudly. “I believe we should start a softball team, like one the mates have described. My child will be a winner.”
Bajoc grunted because he was actually right.
Pariah’s mother—the shrew from hell—opened her mouth to snap at Titi, and a flower landed right in the kisser. Bajoc high-fived Tristan, and received a glare from Lara.
The crowd behind Titi gasped, averting their eyes. Something was up, but Bajoc wasn’t sure what. There was a horrible mewling sound, and from inside the basket of flowers, Titi’s pet retsli reared its ugly face. Reese patted it, and the thing curled back down into the flowers.
Oh, oh. He remembered Lara saying a wedding was no place for a pet when Titi had suggested bringing it. Lara had distinctly refused. That on
e would surely get in trouble for this indiscretion.
Finally, Titi reached the front of the room where she and Reese were supposed to separate and stand at opposite sides. The mates thought this would keep the droplings quiet. Instead, Reese stood next to her when she refused to go to her side of the platform. Her back end faced them.
Lara gasped loudly.
Titi had a long tail that tied underneath the dress of her waist and lifted the dress in back, exposing her bright yellow underwear yet again. There was a small murmuring of voices as the guests began to whisper amongst themselves.
Bajoc didn’t see what the big deal was. At least she was wearing underwear this time.
He peered closer and felt the back of his neck heat. Drat. That dropling was using the tail he’d made her for the days of her monkee studying. There was no way he’d be able to deny this predicament.
“Tristan,” Lara hissed. “Where’d she get that? She can’t stand up there exposed the entire time. It’s too distracting. Do something!”
With a sigh, Tristan tiptoed out of the aisle, bumping across him and Marcie, and made his way up front. Bajoc tried to hold back his laughter. Tristan’s bulky form was not built for being inconspicuous. He hunkered down behind Titi, who tried her best to ignore him, then swatted him the way one would a fly. He did something beneath her skirt and then slunk back. Titi was left fuming, her tail tied down in a wrap around one leg and ending at the ankle. Her dress was down in back, covering the ridiculous smiling face undies.
“Thanks, honey,” Lara whispered, as he burrowed his way through the row to get back into their seats.
Marcie grunted. Her whole arm shot out in a wide arc and smacked the back of Tristan’s head. “My boob!”
“Sorry,” he muttered.
“My boooob,” Titi echoed from the platform.
“Shhh,” the crowd up front hushed. Titi giggled and Kriekjan winked at her.
Pariah came marching down the aisle, straight knees, each leg extended to jut out from her gown.
“Is that a military march?” Lara whispered in a horrified voice.
“Yes,” Tristan whispered back. His voice sounded rather proud. “We taught her.”
Neither mate looked impressed.
“The wedding march is different from a military march,” Lara hissed.
“It is?” Tristan asked.
Bajoc snorted. Tristan may be his captain, but he was clueless.
Marcie looked worried as she looked over at him. “You got the human preacher, right?”
Bajoc squirmed. “Kind of.”
“Kind of?” His mate’s voice rose dangerously high.
“Hey, is that Blearsh?” Lara asked. Marcie’s attention cut to the front.
“He owed me,” Bajoc said, his hands spread. “Why pay a human preacher when Blearsh can do it for free?”
Marcie groaned. “Anyone but him. You know how many phrases he screws up? Did you even listen to the lyrics the children sing? I hope he gets the vows right.”
Tristan whispered to Lara. “I knew Bajoc’d screw up the preacher. We should have ordered him ourselves.”
“The bride’s march looks extremely odd,” Bajoc whispered pointedly. “Did you wrap her knees too tightly?”
It set Lara off again. “Tristan, I told you not to improvise on the march. You asked what you could do to help…I gave you one thing…one simple thing—“
Tristan glared at him, and Bajoc snickered. But it was the wrong thing to do, he realized when Marcie elbowed him stiffly in the ribs.
“Sorry, my stellina. Would you like me to take Lily for a bit?”
“Sure,” she said, handing the layers of frothy-gowned nutling over. Lily’s stick-like legs stuck out of the incongruous gown.
“I know what you mean,” he whispered in her little ear, inserting one finger into his necktie to loosen the damn thing.
“Dearly beloved,” droned Blearsh. “Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted.”
“Huh?” Marcie looked over at Lara, who shrugged.
But Blearsh continued on. “We are gathered here to commit these two to the solidity of the ground. No more trips to space to fly, no more stars to admire. No, instead it is ashes to ashes, dust to dust, in the sure and certain hope of the resurrection to eternal life…”
“How much longer?” Bajoc asked Marcie.
“I’m not sure,” his mate said, looking confused. “I’m not sure where he got the vows. Or the entire ceremony, actually.”
“Eee-arth internet,” Tristan said helpfully. “We looked them up.”
“At the end of every day, as Commander Lennard Kriekjan rests from his labors, he, like every man asks himself, ‘Have I made my spouse and children proud? Did I make their worlds at least a little bit better?’ Ever a caring husband and father, this is the way that Commander Lennard Kriekjan lives his life.”
Blearsh raised one arm up to the skies. A few of the warriors in the audience looked confused, but then followed and raised their arms also, so everyone else slowly followed as if it was a type of ritual no one understood.
From the row in front of them, Anita turned around. “This is a weird wedding,” she said.
Bajoc nodded.
“I met Kriekjan many years ago when a colleague of his hired me to work at the zoo on Planet Frakazar. I was a bright-eyed, ambitious kid right of the academy who thought he had all the answers. I’ll never forget how Kriekjan helped and guided me over the years, generously sharing his time and experience. On one occasion, when I was working with a particularly demanding client, he called me into his office to give me some ideas. Of course, his professional advice was right on the money. Soon, I realized that a few hours had gone by and I said, ‘Lennard, I don’t want to waste your whole day with this.’ To which he smiled and said, ‘Listen, Blearsh. Working together is always worth the time because it makes us stronger as a group. That’s why we call it a zoo.’ That kind of humor and wisdom characterizes the great man I had the privilege to work with and call my friend.
“Years later, it was a very difficult time in my life. Business couldn’t have been better with raising the animals, but it had been six months since people visited the planet. When Lennard sat down in my office, I thought I knew why. We had some very important things going on at the zoo, but I just couldn’t seem to stay focused. The strain in my voice and behind my eyes must have been evident to anyone who spoke with me. But Lennard wasn’t there to reprimand me. He said, ‘Blearsh, I know you’re going through some hard things right now. I want to know what you’re doing for yourself and for the planet.’
“I was a little stunned by his question. ‘Well,’ I replied, ‘I’m studying new species all the time. Enquiring as to what else I can obtain and other ways to make money.’
‘That’s good,’ he said, nodding, ‘But do you think that’s enough?’
‘My life hasn’t gotten any better,” I said, ‘I’m stressed out during the day, and I hardly sleep at night. So, I suppose not.’
“Lennard looked straight at me and said, ‘What would you say if I told you I knew of something that would help you with the stress, give you a good night’s sleep, and maybe even help with your life’s recovery?’
“Desperate as I was, there was nothing I wouldn’t try. ‘Listen,’ I said, ‘If we’re talking about some little blue miracle pill…’
“Lennard smiled and said, pointing toward the ceiling, ‘No, Blearsh, the medicine that you need doesn’t come in any pill, and I’m afraid there’s only one pharmacist who carries it. The Lord our Savior.’ That’s when I knew he had the exquisite Pariah in his sights, for those were her words, no more…no less!
“So, after talking it over with my partner, Cluxcli, I decided to take Lennard up on his offer and agreed to venture with black market sales. Imagine my surprise when our first purchase equaled the adorable purple peoples! It took a bit of money to purchase them, but one day, Cluxcli asked if they were worth it. ‘Yes,’ I replie
d, ‘I’ve never seen such well-behaved kids in my life!’
‘Perhaps they are trainable,’ he said.
“That was when we learned they could sing. And dance. And perform! In that one day before Helian Six showed to gather them, they made us more money than any other venue we could imagine.
“The Lordeth works in mysterious ways.” Blearsh paused, lowering his head to his chest and closing his eyes in reverence. Several of the guests followed suit. “Our zoo planet is now safe from bankruptcy. Hallelujah!”
“Lennard will be sorely missed—both by his family and by his many friends, like me, whom he helped and inspired. But as he rests from his life’s long labor, this great husband, father figure, and friend should know that he has made his family proud. The galaxy is most definitely a better place because of Lennard Kriekjan.
“So, with that in mind, I have one thing to ask you, Commander.”
“Yes?” Kriekjan asked, stepping forward as if nervous.
“Do you wish to take this woman’s name as your own, and promise to love her and honor her in sickness and health, and in poverty and wealth?”
“Yes.”
“Let me finish.” Blearsh held out his palms as if he had the weight of the world in them. “Please.”
Kriekjan cleared his throat. “Sorry.”
“Do you promise to fornicate her?”
“I do.” His voice rang proudly.
“And do you, Pariah Pritchard, promise to honor and obey, and birth his young—“
“I knew it!” Bajoc suddenly yelled, and was hushed by Marcie.
Pariah’s head swiveled to glare at him. “I do,” she said succinctly, still glowering at Bajoc. He squirmed under the uncomfortable stare.
“Then I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride.”
Kriekjan bent over to kiss Pariah, and Titi swatted out with her hand. “Eww.”
“Shh.” She was hushed.
“Ladies and warriors, I now present Commander Lennard Pritchard and his delicate new wife, Pariah Pritchard. May he forever rest in peace.”
“No!” Titi howled. “Unkel Krieck…Krickel…Kricket. Unkel Kricket!”
“Titi,” Tristan said from next to him. “His name is Commander Pritchard from now on.”
